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Snitch
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16,148 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".


Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!"


The woman continues, "and look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police.... "


MORAL OF THE STORY:

Women are clever, evil bitches. Don't mess with them!
 

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Team WTAworld, Senior Member
Joined
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15,168 Posts
Yeah, well men are self-centered, egotistical dogs (takes one to know one ;))
 

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Premium Member
Joined
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181,854 Posts
this one's been recycled ;)
its the one about the Rabbi and the Priest :eek:
 

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Premium Member
Joined
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181,854 Posts
here's another one :eek:



Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the

> monarch of a

> neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed

> him, but was moved by

> Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him

> freedom, as long as he

> could answer a very difficult question. Arthur

> would have a year to

> figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still

> had no answer, he

> would be killed.

>

> The question was: What do women really want?

>

> Such a question would perplex even the most

> knowledgeable man, and, to

> young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. Well,

> since it was better

> than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to

> have an answer by

> year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began

> to poll everybody:

> the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise

> men, the court

> jester.

>

> In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give

> him a satisfactory

> answer. What most people did tell him was to consult

> the old witch, as

> only she would know the answer. The price would be

> high, since the

> witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the

> exhorbitant prices she

> charged. The last day of the year arrived and

> Arthur had no alternative

> but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his

> question, but he'd

> have to accept her

> price first:

>

> The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble

> of the Knights of

> the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young

> Arthur was

> horrified: she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous,

> had only one tooth,

> smelled like sewage water, often made obscene

> noises...

>

> He had never run across such a repugnant creature.

> He refused to force

> his friend to marry her and have to endure such a

> burden.

>

> Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with

> Arthur. He told him

> that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to

> Arthur's life and

> the preservation of the Round Table.

>

> Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch

> answered Arthur's

> question:

>

> What a woman really wants is to be able to be in

> charge of her own life.

>

> Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a

> great truth and

> that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it went.

> The neighboring

> monarch spared Arthur's life and granted him total

> freedom.

>

> What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was

> torn between relief

> and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle

> and courteous. The

> old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate

> with her hands,

> belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable.

>

> The wedding night approached: Gawain, steeling

> himself for a horrific

> night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited!

> The most beautiful

> woman he'd ever seen lay before him! Gawain was

> astounded and asked

> what had happened.

>

> The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to

> her (when she'd

> been a witch), half the time she would be her

> horrible, deformed self,

> and the other half, she would be her beautiful

> maiden self.

>

> Which would he want her to be during the day and

> which during the night?

>

> What a cruel question? Gawain began to think of his

> predicament: During

> the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friend,

> but at night, in

> the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or

> would he prefer having

> by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful

> woman to enjoy many

> intimate moments?

>

> What would you do?

>

> What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read

> until you've made your

> own choice.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose

> for herself.

>

> Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be

> beautiful all the

> time, because he had respected her and had let her

> be in charge of her

> own life.

>

>

>

> What is the moral of this story?

>

> THE MORAL IS THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOUR WOMAN IS

> PRETTY OR UGLY,

> SMART OR DUMB. UNDERNEATH IT ALL, SHE'S STILL A

> WITCH!!
 
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·
Beware Of The Dog, Bitch.
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21,902 Posts
:haha:

I knew where it was going when the wine was mentioned, but that is really funny.
 

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Registered
Joined
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913 Posts
Enjoy!

It was Postman Pat 's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying
the post through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the
whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his
way w/a gift cheque for $500.

At the second house they presented him fine Cuban cigars in an 18-carat gold box. The folks at the third house handed him a case of 30-year old scotch whiskey.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a blonde in her lingerie.
She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she
blew his mind with the most passionate love making he had ever experienced.
When he had enough they went downstairs, where the blonde fixed him a giant
breakfast: eggs, tomatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and
freshly-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a
cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a $5 note sticking
out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the five dollars for?"

" Well," said the blonde," last night, I told my husband that today
would be your last day, and that we should so something special for you. I
asked him what to give you".

He said, "Fuck him. Give him five bucks. "She smiled prettily. "The breakfast was my idea."
 
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Beware Of The Dog, Bitch.
Joined
·
21,902 Posts
roarke said:
Enjoy!

It was Postman Pat 's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying
the post through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the
whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his
way w/a gift cheque for $500.

At the second house they presented him fine Cuban cigars in an 18-carat gold box. The folks at the third house handed him a case of 30-year old scotch whiskey.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a blonde in her lingerie.
She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she
blew his mind with the most passionate love making he had ever experienced.
When he had enough they went downstairs, where the blonde fixed him a giant
breakfast: eggs, tomatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and
freshly-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a
cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a $5 note sticking
out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the five dollars for?"

" Well," said the blonde," last night, I told my husband that today
would be your last day, and that we should so something special for you. I
asked him what to give you".

He said, "Fuck him. Give him five bucks. "She smiled prettily. "The breakfast was my idea."
:haha: That was good 2.
 

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Enjoying married life.
Joined
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19,641 Posts
roarke said:
Enjoy!

It was Postman Pat 's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying
the post through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the
whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his
way w/a gift cheque for $500.

At the second house they presented him fine Cuban cigars in an 18-carat gold box. The folks at the third house handed him a case of 30-year old scotch whiskey.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a blonde in her lingerie.
She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she
blew his mind with the most passionate love making he had ever experienced.
When he had enough they went downstairs, where the blonde fixed him a giant
breakfast: eggs, tomatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and
freshly-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a
cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a $5 note sticking
out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the five dollars for?"

" Well," said the blonde," last night, I told my husband that today
would be your last day, and that we should so something special for you. I
asked him what to give you".

He said, "Fuck him. Give him five bucks. "She smiled prettily. "The breakfast was my idea."

:tape: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :tape:
 

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Registered
Joined
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913 Posts
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The
frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3
wishes."

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to
mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"
The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted
to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You
do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome
man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman
replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful
woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog
said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he
will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said,"That will be okay because what is mine is his and what
is his is mine." So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a
mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever people.
Don't mess with them.
 

·
Kart & I against the WtaWorld!
Joined
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35,894 Posts
roarke said:
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The
frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3
wishes."

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to
mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"
The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted
to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You
do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome
man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman
replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful
woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog
said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he
will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said,"That will be okay because what is mine is his and what
is his is mine." So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a
mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever people.
Don't mess with them.
:lol: That's just wrong...:lol:
 

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Registered
Joined
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6,753 Posts
roarke said:
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The
frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3
wishes."

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to
mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"
The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted
to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You
do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome
man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman
replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful
woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog
said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he
will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said,"That will be okay because what is mine is his and what
is his is mine." So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a
mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever people.
Don't mess with them.
:lol:
 

·
Banned
Joined
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11,012 Posts
roarke said:
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The
frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3
wishes."

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to
mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"
The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted
to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You
do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome
man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman
replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful
woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog
said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he
will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said,"That will be okay because what is mine is his and what
is his is mine." So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a
mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever people.
Don't mess with them.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :worship:
 

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Registered
Joined
·
3,567 Posts
roarke said:
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The
frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3
wishes."

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to
mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"
The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted
to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You
do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome
man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman
replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful
woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog
said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he
will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said,"That will be okay because what is mine is his and what
is his is mine." So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a
mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever people.
Don't mess with them.
:haha: :haha: :haha:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,567 Posts
roarke said:
Enjoy!

It was Postman Pat 's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying
the post through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the
whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his
way w/a gift cheque for $500.

At the second house they presented him fine Cuban cigars in an 18-carat gold box. The folks at the third house handed him a case of 30-year old scotch whiskey.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a blonde in her lingerie.
She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she
blew his mind with the most passionate love making he had ever experienced.
When he had enough they went downstairs, where the blonde fixed him a giant
breakfast: eggs, tomatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and
freshly-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a
cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a $5 note sticking
out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the five dollars for?"

" Well," said the blonde," last night, I told my husband that today
would be your last day, and that we should so something special for you. I
asked him what to give you".

He said, "Fuck him. Give him five bucks. "She smiled prettily. "The breakfast was my idea."
:haha: brilliant :haha:
 

·
Beware Of The Dog, Bitch.
Joined
·
21,902 Posts
roarke said:
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The
frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3
wishes."

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to
mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"
The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted
to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You
do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome
man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman
replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful
woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog
said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he
will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said,"That will be okay because what is mine is his and what
is his is mine." So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a
mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever people.
Don't mess with them.
ROTF :lol:

OMG, :haha: :haha: :haha:
 
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