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This is really long and if you didn't read "Toronto & Free Stuff" then half of it might not make sense so you might want to skip it.

If you're stuck in the middle of an apocalyptic blackout you will not be able to withdraw cash but the systems for taking your money will be fine.

I'm not allowed to tell you the make-up of our party but there were no kids, so we hit the booze tent...

SUAREZ d. ZVONAREVA in 3 sets:

Can't tell you much about this match you haven't already heard: skinny girl + 2 drinks + hot sun = bad tennis analysis.

Here's my imitation of a Russian girl who's just screwed up: SMASH the ball against the fence, double over and, real fiery-like, scream "NYET!!!" (see Zvona, Kras and Pet)

H-H d. BOVINA

H-H does everything better than Bovina, except being tall.

Bovina is good, just not as good. Her attitude seemed good though (compared to others), even triple match point down she was trying.

H-H hit a couple great passing shots and then Bovina responded with a great pass of her own. She did an adorable smile, hop and twirl combination and you sensed a momentum change. Didn't happen.

Bovina's a bit high-maintenance with the crew during changeovers because she drinks from a glass so there's a lot of empty bottle disposing.

H-H sticks her nose and mouth in her towel during changeovers. Why?

Mr Hardenne was there chewing on his fingernails when wifey was losing; no sign of Rodriguez.

After the first set everybody got to move down closer, like, say, right behind coaches. We were MASSIVELY spying on Bovina's coach all week but all he does is sit and take notes -- pages and pages of notes (and he prints small). The coach was sitting with a guy we thought was either his son or Bov's bro (more on him later).

KRASNOROUTSKAYA d. SREBOTNIK in 3 sets:

Sreb isn't as skinny as I thought when I saw her on Wednesday; in fact, I'd say she is in perfect condition for a slim build.

Kras and Sreb are not big draws, the stadium got sparsely populated; there was one still photographer (eight for Dokic and Sharpie matches).

Sreb was break point down in the 2nd: she went to serve and a toddler let out a real piercing cry. She stopped. Started again. Toddler wailed. She stopped again. The Mom was embarrassed, trying to pick up the kid and hustle it out. Everyone waited, the players watched her. She turned to the players and, charmingly, waved and said "Hi." Everyone laughed, including Sreb...

Sreb got broken.

Afterwards Kras was interviewed and asked about some good lobs she hit, "I think it was mainly luck." Very sweet.

We actually skipped out on the middle of this match, to escape the microwave sun conditions. I'm lobstered in little places, like where your shorts hitch up, etc.

IF YOU WANT TO SMOKE A JOINT AT ROGERS:

Leave the grounds and come back -- it's a good system and doesn't take long, the university fields are empty. DO NOT try to hide under the bleachers of Court Two, Aunt Mary is watching.

PETROVA/PIERCE d. BLACK/LIKHOVTSEVA in 3 sets:

Pierce has tape on her lower abdomen.

Pierce briefly sucked and got mildly upset with herself but mainly Pierce and Pet were laughing together.

We were getting kind of paranoid that maybe coaches had busted us for eavesdropping on them. The young guy with Bov's coach looked right at one of my friends when he was walking alone. Later he looked right at me -- I was getting blamed for "internet gossip bullshit."

So...we totally chickened out in the next match (except for one friend who, bravely inebriated, got kind of close, but got no good stuff).

HUBER/MALEEVA d. HANTUCHOVA/HUSAROVA

The Dani-show, yet again.

Maleeva is kind of boring.

Husarova was average. At one point she put down her racquet and gently hopped on the strings. Loosening?

L. Huber seemed big and sweet -- at one point she hit a smash that bounced into Husarova and Huber squeaked "Sorry! Sorry!" really emphatically.

Okay, here's the Dani stuff:

She's way too thin but not as thin as some photos make her look; she doesn't look like she's going to die. She's maybe a touch meatier than at say, the French Open.

She was doing the I suck-despair thing again but not as frequently and not with the same intensity we saw earlier. She looks at her coach after mistakes and that might not be wise because he is Mr Granite Face.

It's not just that Dani is weak -- right now she is the queen of choke and awkward errors.

Her serves were slow, 130k or less.

HOW TO BEAT DANI RIGHT NOW:

Lob her ridiculously easy overheads that she should be able to smash off the court -- preferably she should be standing quite close to the net and you should be off the court, having given up. Her form will look perfect but the ball will not obey...

Examples:

1)Unbelievable miss on set point in Craybas match.

2)Lob she let get too low: ball barely clipped racquet frame, nearly hit her and she almost fell over backwards.

3)She hit it just long on set point down to lose close first set. Granite Face's cheeks puffed out and he slowly exhaled.

4)She hit one smash that bounced in the court, then almost bounced again before hitting the back wall.

At this point everyone in the stadium was thinking, "Oh no, not again" if Dani was set up for an easy smash put-away...

5)This is true:

She had to hit FIVE smashes to win a point.

The four smashes were so weak that either or Huber or Maleeva directed them back EASILY, seemingly surprised by the slow pace. The fifth smash MAYBE clipped the back of the baseline but was called in.

Dani doubled over in relief, smiling and laughing with the crowd.

Granite Face looked unimpressed.

I don't think players stress out over doubles because at 5-0 down in the second the Slovaks were smiling and laughing during the changeover.

When the players exited Dani actually walked out with Huber, chatting and laughing. Huber and Dani are listed at around the same height...um, no. I didn't know women could grow at 19-20.

A friend pointed out that if she's doing what she should be doing (lifting heavy weights) then her arms would be weak.

Barbara Schett was there again, talking with Dani-mom. Dani-mom looks more like she should be Babsi-mom.

The guys were paranoid about getting caught spying on coaches and were ticked at me over "internet gossip" so I promised to stop...

TIPS FOR SPYING ON COACHES AND ENTOURAGES:

-Sit directly behind them, 2-4 rows back; don't get too close or they might get shy.

-Better to be behind than in front because there's a lot of body language and for some reason it's easier to hear people when you look at them.

-If the bleachers run along one side of the court the coach will sit at one of the extreme ends, therefore you have a 50% chance of being in position before the coach arrives, which seems more innocent.

OTHER RANDOM STUFF I'M KIND OF RECALLING:

SREBOTNIK d. LOIT in 3 sets:

Sreb was happy, tossed towel over her shoulder to fans.

Loit: maybe Serena was right; she didn't shake ref's hand.

I love Europeans, so don't be insulted (there is a sweet gentleman from Germany who keeps suckering me into wasting time on here) but this week, for some bizarre reason, if someone was acting creepy, providing even-more-annoying-than-usual fan commentary or getting escorted off the grounds by the cops, they were from Europe. One guy patted my ass.

Pet's mom was reading the novel "Memoirs of Cleopatra", which amused me because I know they lived in Egypt.

Babsi seems like a VERY nice woman who is not a genius.
 
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