[Brian Stewart]

With the Australian Open right around the corner, and the increased tennis coverage that a grand slam event brings, it might be helpful to define some of the terms we'll be hearing/reading over the next few weeks, for the sake of clarity. Here are just a couple to get it started:

good net player: a player who turns a profit on the tennis season.

two-handed backhand: insulting a player's gameplay AND her clothes.

dangerous floater: a turd in a swimming pool

"refreshingly honest": a player who says negative things about someone the writer/speaker doesn't like either.

Any more?

 

[gmt]

<b>match</b> - the fastest way to set fire to the WTAworld web board.
<b>racket</b> - a shady traffic in which millions of dollars are involved.
<b>seed</b> - more often than not, grows into a monstrous tree standing on the way of some talented unseeded player.
<b>upset</b> - the last set played by a seed.
<b>Venus</b> - meeting that mercurial player marrs most players (that one has to be a candidate for the worst pun of the year).
<b>Brian Steward</b> - only found on the best airlines, serves travelers with nothing but the freshest food for thought.

 

[-Sonic-]

"Solid Player" = Seed always beaten in round 3 by qualifier.

 

[brickhousesupporter]

"refreshingly honest": a player who says negative things about someone the writer/speaker doesn't like either.

Any more?

lol this one is so true.

 

[Rollo]

break point -the moment a player just loses it and goes berserk, breaking a racquet.

double break point -same as break point, except the player also breaks the net or the umpires head.

triple break point -too terrible to describe, don't ask!

 

[veryborednow]

Decimals - units by which we measure Monica Seles' grunting

 

[Brian Stewart]

dark horse: status conferred by the tennis media on any male player with a 10% chance of reaching the quarterfinals, or any female player who has reached the final multiple times.

contender: status conferred by the tennis media on any male player with a 20% chance of reaching the quarterfinals, or any female player who has won the title multiple times.

tennis journalism: an oxymoron, like:
jumbo shrimp
military intelligence
government assistance
postal service
Microsoft Works

nationalistic coverage: coverage that focuses almost exclusively on the players from that country... in the men's draw (with a glance at their top women if time permits).

quality TV coverage: error- definition not found

 

[Jessica02]

Bullshit: - The language used by British tennis commentators

 

[HAIL-VENUS]

double fault - when one Williams sister pulls out, both take
the blame.

lucky loser - player who pulls out of a previous match because she's due to meet a Williams sister in the next round.

 

[Bright Red]

finesse player - someone who has no power whatsoever

base line game - the resulting style of play when opposite one of the Power Babes.

Deuce - First name of Mr. Bigalow, Male Gigalo.

compliment - all of the nice things the winner says about the loser of the match.

an incredible shot - a very lucky shot that even the maker of the shot had no idea would go in.

long volley - the special moment during a match when both players are either not brave enough or are equally indecisive about how to finish the point.

 

[HAIL-VENUS]

baseline rally - two players staying back so that they won't get hit

ball kid - some poor peasant child who must support family of 13.

new balls please - linespersons getting tired of fuzz from old balls getting in their mouths.

 

[Brian Stewart]

Slice: unit in which pizza is sold at sporting events.

Volley: term used by clueless sportcasters on general sports highlights shows to refer to any rally during a match.

Lob: What the players do with insults.

Balanced draw: a draw in which all of the tough players are in the opposite half from your fave.

 

[destructo_girl]

unforced error: when one serves to the Hingis backhand.

 

[Brian Stewart]

Mixed doubles: what they serve in the players lounge

Line judge: the good-looking person you're trying to pick up at a bar

Topspin: when something bad happens, and a high-ranking tennis executive tries to make it sound like something good.

Let: an interruption of a point, called by the chair umpire, necessitating a replay. As in "Let me see how many times I can get away with this before they get pissed off."

"Great shot!": a compliment to a miraculous winner from your opponent. Short for "Great shot! Now try it with your eyes open."

 

[disposablehero]

Ad Court The area between the actual tennis court and the stands, usually covered with Chrales Schwab and Citibank logos.

Unorthodox Game Someone who doesn't know how to play but scrapes by on talent.

Cyclops What the male streakers at Wimbledon show.


Sportsmanlike Talks a lot without really saying much of anything.

Mixed Doubles The source of many of Damir Dokic's problems

 

[Brian Stewart]

Sidelines: extracurricular business ventures to generate additional offcourt revenue

String Tension: when a player keeps playing with the strings between points

 

[BCP]

two-handed backhand: insulting a player's gameplay AND her clothes

Too too funny......

 

[Brian Stewart]

Exhibition match: A match between two players wearing very skimpy clothing. Or, a match between two players old enough to be museum exhibits.

 

[veryborednow]

mmmmmmmm*cough*OVA - Any Russian/ex-Eastern Bloc player being commentated on

 

[Ntosake]

Funny thread! Good idea to resurrect it!

rain delay: happens during match when losing player's mom sneaks into locker room, bangs on drum and chants

injury time-out: used when losing player needs coded coaching tips via the trainer

Johnnie Mac: a combination of a small portable toilet and a hot "ladies man"