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Discussion Starter #1
Getting Old

What a drag it is getting old...

When I went to the bar tonight, I noticed this old boy about 75-80 years sitting all alone in the corner and he was crying over his cocktail.

I stopped and asked him what was wrong.

He said: "I have a 22 year old lover at home. I met him a month or so ago, right here in this very bar!" He continued; "He makes love to me every morning and then he makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground, brewed coffee."

I said: "Well, then why are you crying?"

He said: "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then he makes love to me half the afternoon."

I said: "Well, so why are you crying?"

He said: "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then he makes love to me until 2:00 am."

I said: "Well, for goodness sakes! Why in the world would you be CRYING!"

And he said: "I CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE I LIVE!"
 

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Discussion Starter #2
Uncle Frank

Bob and Joe are baby sitting Joe's kid for his ex-wife and it's Saturday mid-morning. Bob is just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell Joe that his ex-wife had called while Joe was out doing some yard work, and that her new boyfriend was coming around at noon to pick up the kid. Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.

"Hello?" says a little girl's voice.

"Hi, honey, is Daddy near the phone?"

"No, he's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank, Mommy's new boyfriend."

After a brief pause, Bob says, "But Mommy's new boyfriend isn't called Uncle Frank, honey!"

"Well, he is so called Uncle Frank, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Daddy!"

Bob was jealous, not so much because Joe was cheating on him, but because the boyfriend was an absolute hunk and Bob had fantasised about him. 'I'll get even with Joe for this,' he thought.

"Okay, then, we'll call him Uncle Frank. Here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door and shout to Daddy and Uncle Frank that your Mommey's car just pulled up outside the house."

"Okay!"

A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said."

"And what happened?"

"Well, Daddy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around in a panic. He then tripped over the rug and fell down the front steps, and he's just lying there. I think he's dead."

"Oh, my God! And what about Uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared, and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. He must not have known that Daddy took out all the water this morning to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool. He's just lying there not moving. He may be dead, too."

There was a long pause, then Bob said, "Swimming pool? Is this 854-7039?"
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Two Gay Wood Peckers

A Gay Mississippi woodpecker and a Gay Texas woodpecker were in Mississippi arguing about which state had the toughest trees to peck. The Mississippi woodpecker said that they had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.

The Texas woodpecker challenged him and was able to peck a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mississippi woodpecker was in awe.

The Texas woodpecker then challenged the Mississippi woodpecker to peck a tree in Texas that no woodpecker had been able to peck successfully.

The Mississippi woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge. After flying to Texas, the Mississippi woodpecker successfully pecked the tree with no problem.

The two woodpeckers were now confused.

How is it that the Texas woodpecker was able to peck the Mississippi tree and the Mississippi woodpecker was able to peck the Texas tree when neither one was able to peck the tree in their own state? After thinking for some time they both came to the same conclusion:

Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Gay Translations

Haven't I seen you before?
Nice ass.

I'm a Romantic.
I'm poor.

I need you.
My hand is tired.

I want a commitment.
I'm sick of masturbation.

You're the only man I've ever cared about.
You are the only man who hasn't rejected me.

I really want to get to know you better.
So I can tell my friends about it.

It's just orange juice, try it.
3 more shots, and he'll have his legs around my head.

He's kinda cute.
I want to have sex with him till my dick turns blue!

He's not my type.
He won't sleep with me.

I miss you so much
I am so horny that my dog is starting to look good.

I had a wonderful time last night.
Who the hell are you?

Do you love me?
I've done something stupid and you might find out.

Do you 'really' love me?
I've done something stupid and you're going to find out.

I'll give you a call.
I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again.

I've been thinking a lot.
You're not as attractive as when I was drunk.

I think we should just be friends.
You're ugly.

I've learned a lot from you.
Next!!!!
 

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Adrian said:
Uncle Frank

Bob and Joe are baby sitting Joe's kid for his ex-wife and it's Saturday mid-morning. Bob is just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell Joe that his ex-wife had called while Joe was out doing some yard work, and that her new boyfriend was coming around at noon to pick up the kid. Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.

"Hello?" says a little girl's voice.

"Hi, honey, is Daddy near the phone?"

"No, he's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank, Mommy's new boyfriend."

After a brief pause, Bob says, "But Mommy's new boyfriend isn't called Uncle Frank, honey!"

"Well, he is so called Uncle Frank, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Daddy!"

Bob was jealous, not so much because Joe was cheating on him, but because the boyfriend was an absolute hunk and Bob had fantasised about him. 'I'll get even with Joe for this,' he thought.

"Okay, then, we'll call him Uncle Frank. Here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door and shout to Daddy and Uncle Frank that your Mommey's car just pulled up outside the house."

"Okay!"

A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said."

"And what happened?"

"Well, Daddy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around in a panic. He then tripped over the rug and fell down the front steps, and he's just lying there. I think he's dead."

"Oh, my God! And what about Uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared, and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. He must not have known that Daddy took out all the water this morning to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool. He's just lying there not moving. He may be dead, too."

There was a long pause, then Bob said, "Swimming pool? Is this 854-7039?"



ROFLMAO!!!!!!!
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Revenge

A man came home just in time to find his lover in bed with another man.

In a total rage, he dragged his lover down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise.

He then secured it tightly and removed the handle.

Next he picked up a hacksaw.

The lover terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?"

The man, with a gleam of revenge in his eye, said, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Blowing Smoke

Three guys are arrested in an adult book store and appear before the judge. He asks the first guy to stand:

"What is your name?" he asked.

"John," the guy answered.

"And why were you arrested?" the judge asked.

"I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered.

The judge didn't see anything wrong with that, so he dismissed the guy and called up the next one.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"John," the guy answered.

"Why were you arrested?" the Judge asked.

"I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered.

Again, the judge saw nothing offensive, 'This so-called adult store is begining to sound more like a smoking club!' he thought. So he dismissed the charge and called up the next guy.

"What's your name?? No wait, let me guess; John." he said.

"No," said the guy, "My name is Smoke
 
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