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Okay, I figured that since most of the people on this board are gay that this is a good a place as any to ask a question.

A few months ago I came out to my friends and most of them were really supportive. In fact my social life NOW is much more busy than it was a few months ago, and I contribute that 100% to being openly gay.

But being "out" doesn't mean being "out" to everyone. I still haven't told my parents. They are about 50 and although not hateful people, they make quips about minorities, especially gays, sometimes (not out of dislike but usually a joke). I'm still trying to figure out if it is their business to know. And sometimes they see things as stereotypes: I can see them saying initially "you're going to get AIDS" (even though I tested negative just last week).

I'm especially nervous since they are paying my college tuition. I've read that when a child reveals their homosexuality that the symptoms of withdraw, guilt, denial, etc. are the same as if there was a death in the family. So should I wait until August when I've moved out of the house before I say anything? Or should I tell them in the very near future? :confused:
 

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Well, this is a little off-topic...but my mom found out my sister has a bunch of tattoos today and told her to get out of the house. She equates tattoos with nasty white trailer-trash, and wouldn't have a kid like that.

But later tonight when my sister promised to clean up her act and go back to school, mom forgave her and said she could stay home. The moral of the story is, your parents may overreact when they initially hear the news. But they love you, and will eventually accept you for what you are.
 

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It's not their business to know, and you don't need to tell them until you're secure enough (emotionally and otherwise) to handle any repercussions. And if any problems result of your coming out to them, they're not your problems.

I'm not out to my parents in any meaningful sense of the word (though the situation is more complicated than that)... I just limit the amount of time I spend with them, and everything trundles along fine. It'll all come out at some point, and the onus will be on them to be fine with it, because I am.
 

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I agree, dont come out until you are independent. My family pays all my bills right now as well and I am waiting to come out until I dont have anything to lose. Losing their support right now would mean me leaving school and school is too important.
 

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That's pretty fucking pathetic that your parents will cut you off just for being gay. It's not like you're a criminal or a dead-beat.
 

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Well I dont think we know our parents will cut us off, but its a risk I dont think is wise to take.

My dad talks horribly about gays, just horribly..
 

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Well, I live with only my mom, and I haven't old her...but I'm pretty obvious about it (without even trying!) So I think she knows...but I'm not really close to my mom, so it's not something I'd even feel comfortable talking about....I'll just not talk about it and she won't talk about it :angel:
The rest of my family doesn't really know though....whenever I see them their always like "So you have a girlfriend yet? huh? huh?" Not helped by the fact that one of my brothers is practically engaged and been in a relationship for like 7 years.... pffff...anyway! Don't tell them until your bills are paid sweety! Simple rule ;)
Anyway I don't have anything more to say so I think I'll just say anyway a couple more time....
anyway....whatever
anyway........stuff stuff stuff stuff!
Ohh ohh BTW my other brother is going out with an Icy bitch =)
And my other brother has never had a girlfriend and has been in prison a couple years (he's out now) so I don't even wanna guess at his sexuality *cough*

all right I'm done now...
 

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Wait until you move out to tell them. It doesn't matter if it's immediately after or at some later date, even if it's a year from now but they do deserve to know. How they handle it from there is not your problem. if they aren't receptive or at least not accepting of the news, that's still their problem, not yours. I wish you well. By the way: Those gays and lesbians that have an easy time of it coming out to family members are definitely in the minority.
 

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I did clever in other way to tell them. I did ask a question for my mother (only lives with me not father) and asked if she have any gay friends. She told me that she have a few gay friends in her work and they're great. She asked me why I ask that question and I told her that I just curious. In few months later, I told her and she accepted it. I did the same thing with my friends!
 

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AlexSydney said:
I did clever in other way to tell them. I did ask a question for my mother (only lives with me not father) and asked if she have any gay friends. She told me that she have a few gay friends in her work and they're great. She asked me why I ask that question and I told her that I just curious. In few months later, I told her and she accepted it. I did the same thing with my friends!
Alex, i didn't know you are gay before.
 

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well yeah.. i was thinking of coming out to my parents in 2 years time when i'd be just about to start college... but i thought about it again that it wouldn't be a wise choice because then my parents would get all upset and possibly be so confused and everything... so maybe i've decided to only tell them when i graduate and find work.... i think yeah, hold it first....
 

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ferrero said:
Alex, i didn't know you are gay before.
What point for need to know about myself, huh? This is fucking internet! :p
 

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I used to think the same about my dad.

One time he said, "I would rather die than have a fucking faggott for a son."

When I told him, he said he was so sorry for ever saying that and that he loved me no matter what.

Happy :sad: it was a nice moment.
 

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sartrista7 said:
It's not their business to know, and you don't need to tell them until you're secure enough (emotionally and otherwise) to handle any repercussions. And if any problems result of your coming out to them, they're not your problems.

I'm not out to my parents in any meaningful sense of the word (though the situation is more complicated than that)... I just limit the amount of time I spend with them, and everything trundles along fine. It'll all come out at some point, and the onus will be on them to be fine with it, because I am.
I've been thinking about this whole 'business' thing. Like i never asked my parents 'so have you ever had any gay relationships before?' Hey, they could have! My parents had some quite wild years when they were younger so it could be a possibility.

But you won't see me asking them that and they don't ask me about my sexuality either. But seeing i've never taken any girl home etc. and if they have some common sense, they should know.

But the denial part is still huge as i can hear my mother speaking of my 'future wife and children' but sometimes i wonder if it's not a way to start talking about the subject.

I'm sure you have to be comfortable with your sexuality first to tell them cos it's important. I passed that stage but i still have a huge trouble to come out to them. I did that easily with my close friends and got no problems, but my friends are not my family, in a way my friends are not affected whereas my parents have to deal with having a gay son blah.

And it should be very easy for me seeing i don't live with them anymore and never will again. So even if the reaction was bad, i don't risk anything except being totally upset cos my parents's opinion of me matters so much.

Ah well, i'm seeing them next month for a week, we'll see how things go, cos it's very difficult to hide now. Before it was all in my head so it was different, now i find it hard to hide who i really am to them.

Anyway, good luck OoooO (what a name!)
 

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People always want to tell the truth so they can live the life they want.

The truth is though that you don't know how people are going to react, and if you don't know that you're better off waiting until you're ready/independant/whatever.

You only get one chance to tell them and once you do you can't go back on it so if you have any concerns, address them first.
 
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