Tennis Forum banner

1 - 20 of 52 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,293 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I think I'm an overly self-conscious person.. I mean wherever and whenever I am, I always care about how others see me and that causes me to be way more nervous than necessary. I have been trying to overcome this problem for years but nothing has seemed to have worked. I'm fine when I'm with my close friends and can just be myself.. The worst time is when I have to stand up and give a speech or something in front of many people. I get extremely nervous and can't do anything the way I have planned beforehand. It's not just with many people. Even when I speak with someone I don't know well, I tend to get nervous and can kinda feel I'm acting like someone who I'm not. I mean.. I know I look weird for them with the facial expressions and moves I make. I know it's all to do with my excessive self-consciousness.. I just can't be natural in most circumstances.. I think it's part of the reason why I spend so much time on the internet..but that's not what I love to be doing (I love wtaworld regardless).. I just wanna get over this problem for the sake of my future..
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,950 Posts
i think it comes with life experience. or some people i know have just got bored of worrying so they've just stopped.

don't really know how to help you but i think most people have the same problem but they either hide it well (act like someone they're not) or they have gotten over it.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,293 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
Thanks Gowza. Guess your second suggestion which is getting just bored of worrying sounds good to me... I mean as long as i worry about stuff like this, no way can I enjoy my life as much as I could otherwise. I mean...I tend to make too big a deal outa something unimportant.. Anways, thanks.
 

·
Chionophile
Joined
·
40,073 Posts
Firstly, maybe it'll help to tell us how old you are.

Secondly, you're getting a few concepts mixed up here. 'Self-consciousness' means to be continuously conscious of what you're doing and be thinking that others are judging you. That is not the same as 'stage fright' you get when you do a speech. The most confident of politicians or actors could get 'stage fright'. I see myself as a confident speaker and I get that too, sometimes.

Self-consciousness is a bit of an obsession. I used to have that when I was in my teens. Not anymore, I'm now in my 20's. I think it comes with life experience. Most of the time when I go out now or around a lot of people, I have too many things on my mind to be thinking of what others are thinking of me. Do you know what I mean?

All in all, I don't think there is anything wrong with been 'self-conscious' in your teens, I think most teens are. But if you're in your 30's, 40's and older, it's probably not normal and you should stop caring what others think of you and just live your life.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,293 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
Sam L
I'm 22 now and know it was time I got over with this thing. I'm jus scared when thinking about how much longer it lasts and the older I get, the bigger problem it will become. It really affects me in job performance and etc. I know it comes with life experience but I don't have the kind of experience I need and...sometimes the older I become the worse it gets, I feel like...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
28,582 Posts
I can relate. I'm 21 now, but when I was in my teens I had a LOT of problems with this. I never really FIT in anywhere - I had a number of really good friends, but didnt' have a group that was ME. That was very hard... top that off with the fact that I wasnt' very good looking until I passed the "awkward" stage (read: 18), and it made for some uncomfortable days...

When I was in grade ten, I was so sick of my stage fright (I couldn't even give a presentation without wanting to cry before hand!) that I just said "fuck it", and signed up for Drama class. My most hated class in highschool EVER, but the one that I walked away with the most valuable lessons from. I remember sitting in the middle of practices for that class crying because I couldn't stand the thought of performing infront of 20 other people. My teacher had to go through the performance with me, and help rewrite my lines so that they would be easier to say (I have a lisp, and it used to really bother me). Anyhow, that class was a life saver. It forced me to do something that I hated infront of a crowd of people that I didn't like (;)) who I KNEW were judging me. I've been miles better since then..and you know, now that I get talking about this, I'm really tempted to go back and thank that teacher. I didn't like him at the time, but shit... I've come a long way.

Look, sorry to ramble on about myself. But it helps sometimes to know how other people did it, and that was the first step for me.

The second was realising, and most importantly - accepting, that there are a ton of things that have happened in my life that I have no control over, and that I certainly have no fault in. Once I was able to realise all of this, I was able to start focussing on myself, what I wanted, what was good about me, etc.

It's a daily battle for me, it didnt' just go away. Everyday I have to go through this, but you know what? It's worth the fight, because it makes you REALLY appreciate everything that you have done for yourself, and in the end, I believe that it will bring whatever it is that I'm looking for.

I hope some of that helps... good luck :)
 

·
Chionophile
Joined
·
40,073 Posts
Oh you'll be fine, 22 is still heaps young! If you stop caring, you'll just feel how much freer you are to act the way you want. Plus it's crucial that you are less self-conscious in a work environment . You need to speak up and make your voice be heard, otherwise you'll just disappear in the background.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,635 Posts
maybe you should ask a doctor so that it will not get worse and turn in a social phobia!
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,293 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
Rebecca said:
I can relate. I'm 21 now, but when I was in my teens I had a LOT of problems with this. I never really FIT in anywhere - I had a number of really good friends, but didnt' have a group that was ME. That was very hard... top that off with the fact that I wasnt' very good looking until I passed the "awkward" stage (read: 18), and it made for some uncomfortable days...

When I was in grade ten, I was so sick of my stage fright (I couldn't even give a presentation without wanting to cry before hand!) that I just said "fuck it", and signed up for Drama class. My most hated class in highschool EVER, but the one that I walked away with the most valuable lessons from. I remember sitting in the middle of practices for that class crying because I couldn't stand the thought of performing infront of 20 other people. My teacher had to go through the performance with me, and help rewrite my lines so that they would be easier to say (I have a lisp, and it used to really bother me). Anyhow, that class was a life saver. It forced me to do something that I hated infront of a crowd of people that I didn't like (;)) who I KNEW were judging me. I've been miles better since then..and you know, now that I get talking about this, I'm really tempted to go back and thank that teacher. I didn't like him at the time, but shit... I've come a long way.

Look, sorry to ramble on about myself. But it helps sometimes to know how other people did it, and that was the first step for me.

The second was realising, and most importantly - accepting, that there are a ton of things that have happened in my life that I have no control over, and that I certainly have no fault in. Once I was able to realise all of this, I was able to start focussing on myself, what I wanted, what was good about me, etc.

It's a daily battle for me, it didnt' just go away. Everyday I have to go through this, but you know what? It's worth the fight, because it makes you REALLY appreciate everything that you have done for yourself, and in the end, I believe that it will bring whatever it is that I'm looking for.

I hope some of that helps... good luck :)
Becca.. I really can't thank you for this post enough... I sure does give me tons of help.. One of my problesm is I'm lamenting over a lot of things that are toally out of my control..
How did you over come "stage fright"? I mean what was going on in your mind? How did it come about in more details?? I think at the end of the day what I'm worrid about is no big deal and that's something I will have to realize. In my head what I'm thinking isn't exactly true but can't have strong enough belief in it.. I mean.. some people are just surprised to hear me worry about what I worry about.. well... I know I have been spoiled..not that I'm blaming my parents or anyone.. I just can't believe how weak a guy I am.. especially inside.. I ve tried many things to become stronger.. but seems all the stuff I tried out worked rather against me... they all made me stronger in one way but weaker or more complicated in another way.. I can't name one as I tried so many things to get it over with. At the end of the day, i gotta reach the stage where I can accept who I am and what I do..
Anyways, in my case self-consciousness is the first thing I have to deal with because because of it, I can hardly act the way I normally do..or.... I'm sick and tired of caring about how others see me... I just wanna be myself n dont wanna give a crap about others..i mean how others feel about me. I know I have something good about me and oh well...I really fail to show them when I'm nervous which is the case most of the time.. I'm amazingly confident amongst my friends and family... but when it comes to doing something with or for people I don't know about or can't trust, I get nervous and act like a total loser and coward... I'm teaching at a private school part time and the students there are mostly delinquent and so hardly behave.. and this is the first school i have ever taught at and... as long as this fear sticks with me, I'm afraid my future career will be ruined soon.. I don't get along with the students at all... I mean I know I'm scared everytime I stand and talk in front of them.. I just worry that they are judging me... n some of them actually pointed out that I'm acting weird and I think that's true cuz I can feel it... I may be shaking and my voice may be showing the nervousness.. heck...
sorry about talking too much personal crap... I jus need some help and I really appreciate all the help from you guys.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,293 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
Rebecca said:
gogomaggie, where are you from?
I'm from Japan.
I'm an English teacher here... a part time one at the moment and trying to get a perment position..
I'm Japanese and have grown up here pre much so I know in general how people here feel and think...that makes it worse...
I feel more confident and comfortable overseas cuz I feel like I'm appreciated better for some reason....
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,293 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
anton said:
next time you get self-con., think of everybody nude (but don't get too worked up) and even if they have great bodies, it will still be funny and just say "oh, there's my spare tire" or "are you happy to see me" or whatever
OK I will try!! :)
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
7,804 Posts
i forgot to say you can take "public speaking" class at college if you are college age.

if not then just use index cards to give a speech. they work. also just believe in yourself and think you have a billion dollars in the bank (or you are on the cover of Cosmo or [or Lawn Tennis Magazine :) ] or whatever) even if you dont.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,293 Posts
Discussion Starter #15
One thing I wanna add here is that I'm really scare of losing self-esteem... I'm not exactly a confident person..but am always afraid of getting embarrassed... always... I really don't wanna lose my face.... n that always backfires and as a result I get screwed up miserably...
I wish I were more relaxed and optimistc about everything.. I think too much before doing anything...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,635 Posts
"I feel more confident and comfortable overseas cuz I feel like I'm appreciated better for some reason...."

when I was younger I always wanted to fly abroad so that I could start all over and let this fucking life behind me, but then somebody said that would not work because you take your problems with you everywhere you go so it's only a fly. I have to say there was some truth in that.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,293 Posts
Discussion Starter #18
anton said:
i forgot to say you can take "public speaking" class at college if you are college age.

if not then just use index cards to give a speech. they work. also just believe in yourself and think you have a billion dollars in the bank (or you are on the cover of Cosmo or [or Lawn Tennis Magazine :) ] or whatever) even if you dont.

Hey anton. I did take a public speaking class when I was overseas and that did help me more or less...but Now I'm back in my country where its cultural norms are so much different, I really don't think the confidence I gained from the class is applicable here....
It's a cultural thing...I feel more comfortable overseas.. funny ehy?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
7,804 Posts
gogomaggie said:
One thing I wanna add here is that I'm really scare of losing self-esteem... I'm not exactly a confident person..but am always afraid of getting embarrassed... always... I really don't wanna lose my face.... n that always backfires and as a result I get screwed up miserably...
I wish I were more relaxed and optimistc about everything.. I think too much before doing anything...
if you do something that is "embarrassing" then make a joke or smile or whatever and move on. dont worry about it.

also you have to love yourself before you can love anybody else :wavey:
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,293 Posts
Discussion Starter #20
Another thing is I'm always afraid of being disliked by anyone.. I try to be extra nice and get tried in the end... I mean.. I don't wanna be liked by everyone... I know it's impossible...
What I wanna be is..a more relaxed, well-rounded person... I'm freaky weird IMHO... I have always been...
 
1 - 20 of 52 Posts
Top