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Discussion Starter #1
Hello everyone! I feel like I have made a lot of friends here lately, especially a lot of gay ones, so I trust I can get some good advice from many of you (not just the gay ones!)

I have been dating my boyfriend for right at 9 months now. We moved in together about 2 months ago and things have been going really well. He is the first boyfriend I've ever lived with.

My boyfriend works for State Farm Insurance and that company moves a lot of its employees around when it promotes them. It is something you just get with the job. I know this and my boyfriend and I discussed this when we got together because he wanted me to know that at some point he may need/want to move. The catch though was that he assured me it would probably be 2-3 years before the need ever came up AND he could put it off for longer if I wasnt able to move or wanted to finish up school first.

Well today he calls me and mentions there is a job opening and the first thing I ask is where would he need to move to. He says that this is a different type of position from the one we discussed and he wouldn't need to move but he just would only be home about 100 days of the year. So basically, he would travel across the US.

I told him point blank that we had not been together long enough at this point for me to sit at home all by myself for nearly 1/4 of the year. I am still in college and am very young and I don't feel it is fair to ask me to be alone like that.

I do love him, but I also love myself and want to be happy. Basically, I just want some advice. Am I totally an asshole for feeling this way? I know it would better his career, and he has to do what he has to do, but do I have to go along for the ride? What would you do?
 

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Well, if things don't work out with me & Andy, you can date me. I'll allow it. Afterall, you are 'Backup #1', right?

No, seriously... Don't do anything final until the job has been finalized. If you really love him I think you owe it to him, and more importantly yourself, to at least *try* to make it work.
 

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...the distance is only as far as you make it. I've been apart from someone like 4300+ miles and it was ok. I mean, obviously no physical contact, but intellectually we were still right on. It's tough, but you need to do what's best for you, bottom line.

:kiss:
 

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bigbo...ask yourself these questions first.

1. do i know without a shadow of a doubt that he loves me?
2. do i love him?
3. what is most important to me? my education or his career?
4. do i see myself with him 5 years down the line?
5. if i decided that i was okay with the travel, do i even have a hint of later regretting it?

it's difficult because it seems that your boyfriend is in that time of his life where building one's career and climbing the corporate ladder are vital to his success and happiness. you're not there yet...but you'd like to work at getting there. you have to weigh your options. get out a legal pad and weigh the pro's and con's of this whole situation. i hope this helps. in the end...go with your gut. :wavey:
 

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Well, you should not feel bad or guilty about your feelings, you are not an "asshole." Your feelings are your feelings, right or wrong. And your feelings are just wanting to be with the person you love. How is that wrong?

But this does not solve the problem. Are you willing to be Anne Welles? That is the prime question. Anne, I think like you, shacked up too early into a relationship without knowing all the pitfalls, or ignoring them. For Anne, she shacked up with Lyon Burke with no engagement ring and no real commitment because she was "in love." As a result, Lyon never married her and she sat in Malibu, alone a lot, while Lyon was off working. Anne kept complaining about a commitment, but eventually, Lyon grew weary of her "harping" and dumped her for Neely. See, Anne was complaining all the time because she was really mad at herself for making a premature choice and did not like the consequences. After Lyon dumped her, she gave up her Gillian Girl gig and moved back to Lawrenceville, New York, into her family's country home, which she had inherited when her mother died. Lyon later realized he really loved Anne, and went to Lawrenceville to get her to marry him. But, you see, it was too late. Anne told him as much as she had wanted to hear those words from him for years, now she felt nothing. She then left him in the house and went for a walk in the snow with a stick.

I think you are Anne Welles, to a certain extent. Maybe you shacked up with this guy too early and ignored the pitfalls, i.e. he might get transfered. It is not really his fault, or yours, just like it was not Lyon's fault for accepting Anne's love. You have a diffucult decision. You can remain Anne Welles and put up with the long-distance thing, though it seems you will not be ultimately happy. Anne certainty was not. Or, you can chuck it all and move back to Lawrenceville (i.e. move into your own place) and start fresh. You have every right to be angry, like Anne was, but really, it is the facts of life. It sounds like you are young enough to not get totally cold and hardened like Anne did (she also had a problem with the green ones) and maybe you can find another love.
 

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bigbo, another thing...sit down him and ask him first what he thinks of the new job description. then listen to all he has to say. you can tell if he desires it a lot or of it's just an "oh, btw" type thing...you might be getting stressed over something that in the end he could take or leave.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Helen, you confuse the shit out of me with your posts. I dont understand who all these people are? Do you have multiple personality disorder?

I guess the reason I cringe at a long distance relationship is because my first boyfriend was long distance and he was only 3 hours away and yet it didn't work at all. I hated being alone and wanted someone with me so I ended up cheating on him and the whole relationship was ended very soon. This would be any even greater distance I am sure. Perhaps I don't trust myself.
 

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I think when you're truly in love with somebody, every moment you can spend with them feels like a gift, and you can't imagine yourself without them. If you find yourself asking "should I or shouldn't I" then you shouldn't... (imo)

When it is intense love between two people they dont allow for the possibility that the relationship will end... since it's obviously a possibility in this case it must not be very intense and there is still a guy out there that you could fall hard enough for that this would never have been a question that entered your mind. I think you should go find him instead.
 

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Poe said:
I think when you're truly in love with somebody, every moment you can spend with them feels like a gift, and you can't imagine yourself without them. If you find yourself asking "should I or shouldn't I" then you shouldn't... (imo)

When it is intense love between two people they dont allow for the possibility that the relationship will end... since it's obviously a possibility in this case it must not be very intense and there is still a guy out there that you could fall hard enough for that this would never have been a question that entered your mind. I think you should go find him instead.
bigbo...the above post just put it all into perspective.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Well thanks for the advice everyone.

I sat down and really thought about it. When my boyfriend came home I told him that I really loved him and that if this is something he really wanted then I would be here for him and be happy for him. I suppose this IS better than him having an offer to just flat out move. It might be hard but I do love him, and in the end, that answers all my questions.. I suppose it also helps that he will get a $20,000 per year raise..lol
 

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Ahh... I'm so jealous of happy for you, backup #1. :)

I truly truly believe that everthing works out for a reason. You 2 will be just fine - your love will survive, etc etc.
 

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Keep us posted about Mr.BigB Boyfriend and the jobbie job. (I'm accepting positions for 'backup' incase Andy is married.) lol
 

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BigB08822 said:
Well thanks for the advice everyone.

I sat down and really thought about it. When my boyfriend came home I told him that I really loved him and that if this is something he really wanted then I would be here for him and be happy for him. I suppose this IS better than him having an offer to just flat out move. It might be hard but I do love him, and in the end, that answers all my questions.. I suppose it also helps that he will get a $20,000 per year raise..lol
ha! a 20k raise certainly does put a different angle to it, bigbo... ;)
 

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Seles said:
Ahh... I'm so jealous of happy for you, backup #1. :)

I truly truly believe that everthing works out for a reason. You 2 will be just fine - your love will survive, etc etc.
seles...could you get any more sincere? :D
 
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