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O-K I was wondering if anybody had any funny/humorous/interesting sexual yarns?

Out clubbing one night I noticed a girl smiling at me from across the bar.
So I bought her a drink and ended up taking her outside for a quick knee trembler. I was pounding away, with her spreadeagled over a parked mini, when all of a sudden the banjo string under my helmet snapped, and blood went everywhere, bringing a sudden end to the evenings entertainment. Sadly, 5 days later I was running out of excuses as to why I didn't want to have sex with my regular girlfriend , so I decided to balme her. With the lights off and teeth clenched, I slammed into her and my knob nearly snapped in half. Blood gushed out, but amazingly she asked if I was alright, cleaned me up, and after a month of gulity cups of tea, and NO sex, I'm back on the job again.
 
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