Joined
·
6,762 Posts
Okay, I coudn't help myself and had to much free time 
Announcer: Hello everyone and welcome to the first all tennis celebrity edition of THE WEAKEST LINK! Here's your hostess you all love to hate, Ann!
Ann: Welcome everyone. Let us get on with it and introduce this weeks celebrity contestants. Please, introduce yourselves and the charity you each are playing for.
Serena: Hi Ann! I'm Serena Williams and today I'm playing for the United Inner City Tennis Fund of America.
Martina: Hello, I am Martina the "Queen of Tennis"Hingis, like Michael Jackson, he is the "King of Pop", so I am the Queen of Tennis. Charity, what is this chairity word mean?
Lindsay: Hey there Ann, I'm Lindsay Davenport...
Anna: Davey! Did you know they call you davey on the internet! I know, I saw, I am now on-line all the time.
Lindsay: Hey I believe it was my turn to intro...
Martina: No wonder I never see her in tournaments anymore.
Anna: I had an injury!
Lindsay: Hey I believe it...
Martina: Carpal tunnel is not a tennis injury.
Anna: Puffy!
Lindsay: Hey I believe...
Martina: Why is she calling me a rap star?
Venus: Omigod people, get it together, will you?
Lindsay: Thanks Venus. Now I be...
Martina: Hmph, I am the Queen of Tennis not a rap...
Jennifer: Like, you know, can you just let like Davey introduce herself already, like sheesh! I'm like the comeback story of the year and like I have interviews to do and, you know, people to talk to.
Lindsay: Who are you calling Davey? And I thought you hated the media?
Jennifer: What? Like I only hate them, you know, like when they talk about me, you know?
Lindsay: No, I don't know. The media never talks about me. Never. It's like I don't even exist in the tennis scheme of things. Like I'm in some freaking vacuum...
Serena: Whoa you guys got Lindsay fired up.
Martina: Thats good, yes? Usually she is like a walking corpse on the court.
Anna: Lurch!
Lindsay: It's always Venus this or Capriati that! I still play the game here people! I do have three grandslams! Is it too much to ask to get an interview or an endorsement deal thrown my way? I am the number one player in the world right now!
Martina: Wait, since when I was number one in the world, I really wasn't the number one in the world, so does that mean I am now the true number one because I am no longer number one?
Venus: Guys do really want to get into that "number one" crap?
Jennifer: Like, you know, just shut up miss forty million dollar contract.
Serena: Hey she never brought that up, the media did and besides her endorsement is good for all of tennis!
Venus: Thanks Serena.
Serena: No problem, V.
Martina: Good for me? How is this good for me? Where is my cut? She is not good for me because I am no longer the number one player in the world, am I?
Anna: No, you are the player formerly known as the number one tennis player in the world! Ha!
Jennifer: Like you can talk, you know? Haven't, like, you married that hockey team yet?
Anna: No, no that is so yesterdays news. I am now dating the cast of Oz. I will be on tv next season.
Venus: Okay, thats one endorsement I definitely don't want.
Serena: I hear you, V.
Lindsay: Can I at least get a cameo appearance?
Anna: Yes, you can be the prison matron.
Martina: Just threaten to smack her, Lindsay. She shuts up because a hard smack might dislodge her boob job.
Venus: Did she just say boob?
Serena: Yeah, she just said boob.
Anna: You are all just insanely jealous because I am the most beautiful player in tennis and all the fans love me!
Lindsay: Yeah well if im ever loved that much by thirty five year old men who take my magazine covers into the bathroom with them, then just shoot me, okay?
Serena: Ewww.
Venus: Gross.
Jennifer: Whoa, you know, like after that, you know, like I don't even want any magazine covers or interviews anymore. I hate the media.
Martina: Jennifer never makes sense. I mean you always on ESPN saying you "hate the media". If you hate the media then stop talking to them so much, yes?
Jennifer: Like, anway, I'm jennifer capriati and, you know, like I'm playing for the Teen Drug and Alcohol Kleptomaniac Juvenile Delinquency fund.
Anna: Oh, like that is a surprise. She forgot to add the "for former Burnt-out Tennis Primadonnas on Steroids" part.
Lindsay: Ouch.
Venus: Low blow.
Serena: Yeah, Definitely below the belt.
Anna: Belt? Are you talking about my belt? You Williams sisters and your fashion school are always talking about people! You sisters are not ladies! I am a true lady.
Serena: Anna you're not a lady, you're a blow up doll.
Venus: Oh, Serena you shouldn't sink to her level.
Serena: You're right V.
Venus: But that was a good one!
Serena: Thanks!
Martina: You Williams sisters double team everyone. I mean you always take each others side. I think it must be a black thing, yes?
Venus: Everyone is entitled to their opinion.
Serena: Unfortunately.
Martina: See, they didn't deny...
Lindsay: Um, Martina they are sisters after all. Buy a clue already.
Anna: We can buy clues on this game? I would like to buy a clue because I am rich and beautiful.
Venus: I think thats a different game, right Anne?
Serena: Anne?
Lindsay: Anne?
Anna: Where did she go? I did not even introduce myself, even though I need no introduction. I am playing for the Anna Kornikova Tennis Scholarship.
Venus: Anna, the hostess is gone. There is no game anymore.
Martina: That is too bad because her game could have made use of that scholarship. Maybe she could have bought a new coach, yes?
Serena: I am so playing with the guys next time.
Venus: I'm with you on that sis.
Anna: You sisters and always saying you can beat the men. You can not because I have all the men and they will play me not you.
Venus: Sigh.
Serena: Lets get out of here, V before they turn cannibal.
Announcer: Hello everyone and welcome to the first all tennis celebrity edition of THE WEAKEST LINK! Here's your hostess you all love to hate, Ann!
Ann: Welcome everyone. Let us get on with it and introduce this weeks celebrity contestants. Please, introduce yourselves and the charity you each are playing for.
Serena: Hi Ann! I'm Serena Williams and today I'm playing for the United Inner City Tennis Fund of America.
Martina: Hello, I am Martina the "Queen of Tennis"Hingis, like Michael Jackson, he is the "King of Pop", so I am the Queen of Tennis. Charity, what is this chairity word mean?
Lindsay: Hey there Ann, I'm Lindsay Davenport...
Anna: Davey! Did you know they call you davey on the internet! I know, I saw, I am now on-line all the time.
Lindsay: Hey I believe it was my turn to intro...
Martina: No wonder I never see her in tournaments anymore.
Anna: I had an injury!
Lindsay: Hey I believe it...
Martina: Carpal tunnel is not a tennis injury.
Anna: Puffy!
Lindsay: Hey I believe...
Martina: Why is she calling me a rap star?
Venus: Omigod people, get it together, will you?
Lindsay: Thanks Venus. Now I be...
Martina: Hmph, I am the Queen of Tennis not a rap...
Jennifer: Like, you know, can you just let like Davey introduce herself already, like sheesh! I'm like the comeback story of the year and like I have interviews to do and, you know, people to talk to.
Lindsay: Who are you calling Davey? And I thought you hated the media?
Jennifer: What? Like I only hate them, you know, like when they talk about me, you know?
Lindsay: No, I don't know. The media never talks about me. Never. It's like I don't even exist in the tennis scheme of things. Like I'm in some freaking vacuum...
Serena: Whoa you guys got Lindsay fired up.
Martina: Thats good, yes? Usually she is like a walking corpse on the court.
Anna: Lurch!
Lindsay: It's always Venus this or Capriati that! I still play the game here people! I do have three grandslams! Is it too much to ask to get an interview or an endorsement deal thrown my way? I am the number one player in the world right now!
Martina: Wait, since when I was number one in the world, I really wasn't the number one in the world, so does that mean I am now the true number one because I am no longer number one?
Venus: Guys do really want to get into that "number one" crap?
Jennifer: Like, you know, just shut up miss forty million dollar contract.
Serena: Hey she never brought that up, the media did and besides her endorsement is good for all of tennis!
Venus: Thanks Serena.
Serena: No problem, V.
Martina: Good for me? How is this good for me? Where is my cut? She is not good for me because I am no longer the number one player in the world, am I?
Anna: No, you are the player formerly known as the number one tennis player in the world! Ha!
Jennifer: Like you can talk, you know? Haven't, like, you married that hockey team yet?
Anna: No, no that is so yesterdays news. I am now dating the cast of Oz. I will be on tv next season.
Venus: Okay, thats one endorsement I definitely don't want.
Serena: I hear you, V.
Lindsay: Can I at least get a cameo appearance?
Anna: Yes, you can be the prison matron.
Martina: Just threaten to smack her, Lindsay. She shuts up because a hard smack might dislodge her boob job.
Venus: Did she just say boob?
Serena: Yeah, she just said boob.
Anna: You are all just insanely jealous because I am the most beautiful player in tennis and all the fans love me!
Lindsay: Yeah well if im ever loved that much by thirty five year old men who take my magazine covers into the bathroom with them, then just shoot me, okay?
Serena: Ewww.
Venus: Gross.
Jennifer: Whoa, you know, like after that, you know, like I don't even want any magazine covers or interviews anymore. I hate the media.
Martina: Jennifer never makes sense. I mean you always on ESPN saying you "hate the media". If you hate the media then stop talking to them so much, yes?
Jennifer: Like, anway, I'm jennifer capriati and, you know, like I'm playing for the Teen Drug and Alcohol Kleptomaniac Juvenile Delinquency fund.
Anna: Oh, like that is a surprise. She forgot to add the "for former Burnt-out Tennis Primadonnas on Steroids" part.
Lindsay: Ouch.
Venus: Low blow.
Serena: Yeah, Definitely below the belt.
Anna: Belt? Are you talking about my belt? You Williams sisters and your fashion school are always talking about people! You sisters are not ladies! I am a true lady.
Serena: Anna you're not a lady, you're a blow up doll.
Venus: Oh, Serena you shouldn't sink to her level.
Serena: You're right V.
Venus: But that was a good one!
Serena: Thanks!
Martina: You Williams sisters double team everyone. I mean you always take each others side. I think it must be a black thing, yes?
Venus: Everyone is entitled to their opinion.
Serena: Unfortunately.
Martina: See, they didn't deny...
Lindsay: Um, Martina they are sisters after all. Buy a clue already.
Anna: We can buy clues on this game? I would like to buy a clue because I am rich and beautiful.
Venus: I think thats a different game, right Anne?
Serena: Anne?
Lindsay: Anne?
Anna: Where did she go? I did not even introduce myself, even though I need no introduction. I am playing for the Anna Kornikova Tennis Scholarship.
Venus: Anna, the hostess is gone. There is no game anymore.
Martina: That is too bad because her game could have made use of that scholarship. Maybe she could have bought a new coach, yes?
Serena: I am so playing with the guys next time.
Venus: I'm with you on that sis.
Anna: You sisters and always saying you can beat the men. You can not because I have all the men and they will play me not you.
Venus: Sigh.
Serena: Lets get out of here, V before they turn cannibal.
