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RUSSINA PRINCESS RETURNS TO FANTASY SEASON!



Russian beauty, and former #1 player, Elena Bovina poses for the cameras in an important press conference.

MODERATOR: Matt Boyle

Q: Yay! Elena, you're coming back to the tour! Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you sooooo much! I'm sorry for making you leave! Thank you Thank you!

LENA: Relax Spanky, I'm not playing again.

Q: What??? :mad: That's just great! All the top players want to retire and leave FS. I don't know why I bother anymore. I should just quit since everyone hates this game, and I put in so much effort. Write articles! Why are you quitting? Please tell me what's wrong with the game!!

LENA: Don't give me your guilt trip... because you should know by now that I have no conscience.

I'm not playing anymore because I don't want to. I was #1. I won Roland Garros, Champions Cup, and in my hometown city of Moscow. I know I could have kept up my fine results, but I just don't want to put the effort in it anymore. I want to do other things. I want to be an actress. I want to be a model. I want to slut around with cute Russian boys.


Q: But... but... FS misses you, and we need you Elena! You're one of a kind.

LENA: You could have fooled me... with how everyone tries to act like me.

Q: Elena, COME BACK!!! PLLLLEEEEAAAASSSSEEE!!

LENA: Geez... will you shut up? I'm not doing this interview for my health, you know. I'm here for a reason.

Since I know everyone on this tour loves me, and wants to see me again... I accepted an offer to run all Tier II tournaments from now on... plus Mixed Doubles at Grand Slams. I don't care about these loser tourneys, but I want to keep my adoring fans happy, since I am such a sweetheart. Aren't I?


Q: You sure are, Elena! Great to have you back!!!

LENA: K. I'll see you chumps again at Wimbledon, and make sure to pick cute partners for Mixed Doubles. Thanks.

Q: Thank you, Elena!!!!!

LENA: K. Thanks. Bye.
 

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Tennis sensation Anna Kournikova, in response to Elena Bovina's "return" to the game: "she was ranked #1? I must have blinked.
 

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Monica Seles responds to Anna Kournikova's comments: "Elena retired as the world number one. Anna got really lucky that Elena retired or she would most probably have never been anywhere near the #1 ranking again. But, how convenient of Anna to forget."
 

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Anna Kournikova in response to the obese players who should never open their mouths anyway: "The fact that I've changed points...NEVER EVER and still kick your asses is pathetic. An unrakned player and an amazingly low ranked player for someone who's been here so long have no room to talk. And becoming #1 was an inevitability after the French Open, no matter what Bovine did. Bye."
 
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