[Kitty Alexander]

He keeps me here under lock and key and wont let me go, and since Ive got the internet Ive seen other things darlings. Before I got this my life was just a movie channel. But I want to get out and see things, like my dog Lucia does. What I would give to walk around the block as she does twice dialy im lucky to do it Bi-moduly (is that the right word?).

Anyway where should I need to look for any further source of inspiration but Hollywood. Last night I was watching that talented doll, Jennifer Lopez (love the face, darlings, love the face) in a film called Enough. This hit home with me, cos I know what its liked to have an obssesive husband, and although he would never lay a fingure on me (cos I would beat him even harder), Im thinking the only way I will be able to escape his cluthces it to run away ( the Pontiac Trans-Am has a full tank of gas, but hasent been used since 1985...its worth a shot) and hire myself a personal trainer, beef myself up, and then come back and kill Max...what do you think.

It would make a great story, dont you think, and maybe give me a slight career revival, I can see a cameo in Scary Movie 4.

 

[Helen Lawson]

Forget the shit about working out, just get a gun and plug him. Hon, you're no J-Lo. Hire a hot-shot lawyer and claim you both reached for the gun at the same time, the trial will be a three-ring circus, but I'm sure your lawyer will razzle dazzle them, and then when you get off, you and Lana Turner's daughter can do a road show/musical where you tote guns, butcher knives and sing about moving on.

 

[Darop.]

Darlings, should I leave my ex husband...

If hes ur ex husband, it means u have already left him.

 

[Helen Lawson]

Darlings, should I leave my ex husband...QUOTE]


If hes ur ex husband, it means u have already left him.

Not in Hollywood, dear. Human relationships and marriages are far more complex in the land of celluloid.

 

[Darop.]

Not in Hollywood, dear. Human relationships and marriages are far more complex in the land of celluloid.

Shut the fuck up will you

 

[Helen Lawson]

I'm sure Kitty will explain it all, from the beginning.

 

[Kitty Alexander]

Helen thats a fantastic idea, but I feel in one of those shows, the supporting actress is the one who will win the oscar in the end, and outshine the lead...Im just scared of that happening to me, Ive never had that happen before, the Girl From Peking WAS MINE...

 

[Helen Lawson]

Helen thats a fantastic idea, but I feel in one of those shows, the supporting actress is the one who will win the oscar in the end, and outshine the lead...Im just scared of that happening to me, Ive never had that happen before, the Girl From Peking WAS MINE...

I see your point, but if you're good enough, they'll give you an Oscar the next year to make up for it.

Maybe you could get him drunk, and when he passes out in bed, pour some gasoline over the bed and light it on fire, then put some mashed potatoes in your hair, take off all your make-up and claim he beat you and you had no choice.

 

[Neely OHara]

Shut the fuck up will you

Excuse me?! You don’t speak to an Oscar winner like that! How dare you! Fresh!!

Now, Kitty dear, that J. Lo pic was a rip-off of Julia’s Sleeping With The Enemy so don’t give the Latina that much credit. And don’t listen to Barbar, I mean, Helen because she’ll send you to the gas chamber. You’re living in the lap of luxury so just pick up the phone and have someone “take care” of your ex.

 

[Kitty Alexander]

I'm sure Kitty will explain it all, from the beginning.

Yes you see after the whole Oscar presentation fiasco I decided to leave the Hollywood lifestyle behind, I might as well go out on top, rather then watch myself grow old, and get offered less and less roles.

My husband turned out to be a bit strange, but as the president of my fan club it was vital we stayed together, and also because he was entitles to half of what I had...this was the 60's darling before pre-nups etc...so I decided to keep living with him, where he became strangly obsessive with me, so I decided to capatalize on this, with the whole fan club buissness. I never gave out my autographs much and they can reach quite a price on trade (ebay these days, does the job) so thats how I made a few pennys here and there. But since my stalker kept writing me those strange laters hes become obsessive.

 

[Kitty Alexander]

Now, Kitty dear, that J. Lo pic was a rip-off of Julia’s Sleeping With The Enemy so don’t give the Latina that much credit. And don’t listen to Barbar, I mean, Helen because she’ll send you to the gas chamber. You’re living in the lap of luxury so just pick up the phone and have someone “take care” of your ex.

Yes Im thinking a bad ski-ing accident, then I do a Cher at the funeral and cry my eyes out giving a heart rendering speach.

 

[Darop.]

Excuse me?! You don’t speak to an Oscar winner like that! How dare you! Fresh!!

Oh shut the fuck up will you

 

[Helen Lawson]

Yes Im thinking a bad ski-ing accident, then I do a Cher at the funeral and cry my eyes out giving a heart rendering speach.

You'll need to bad-mouth him for 20-years before you can pull of that at the funeral and have it be believable.

Kitty, is it possible for you to transplant your husband's obsessions, maybe to a much younger man? There are plenty of young "boys" in Hollywood that would love to come work with a legend like you, and then maybe you can push Max onto him and you can buy them a bungalo at Fire Island and be free.

 

[Neely OHara]

Yes Im thinking a bad ski-ing accident, then I do a Cher at the funeral and cry my eyes out giving a heart rendering speach.

Very good, Kitty! Make sure you collapse over the casket at the wake. Good luck, dear!

 

[Helen Lawson]

Oh shut the fuck up will you

Be careful with Neely, she's killed for a lot less than that!

 

[DavideLaBeau]

Helen I hope you dont work your way out of our marriage like that

 

[Kitty Alexander]

You'll need to bad-mouth him for 20-years before you can pull of that at the funeral and have it be believable.

Kitty, is it possible for you to transplant your husband's obsessions, maybe to a much younger man? There are plenty of young "boys" in Hollywood that would love to come work with a legend like you, and then maybe you can push Max onto him and you can buy them a bungalo at Fire Island and be free.

The problem is darling that he would have to be a willing man, who was also a hollywood star...and what if he gets bored with him and comes back after me.

 

[Kitty Alexander]

Oh shut the fuck up will you

Are you Max...I see in your signature you have an obsession with locking women in cubes.

 

[Helen Lawson]

The problem is darling that he would have to be a willing man, who was also a hollywood star...and what if he gets bored with him and comes back after me.

Hum, we need a hunky, gay, male, Hollywood star, who's desperate for dough.

That's not easy. Track down those guys who were shacked up with Rock Hudson and Liberace, their dough is probably running out and they probably have kept themselves in shape and are pseudo-celebrities.

 

[Kitty Alexander]

Yes I know its not easy, Im thinking about killing Max, Im that desperate.