[Internet Lover]

Hey guys. My gay club had a meeting today I was kinda upset because I asked a question and I got what I thought was kinda like 'just sayin it to be nice' kinda answer if you know what I mean. I didn't show it but I felt like they were just sayin that I was nice lookin to spare my feelings. So I wanna ask you that by lookin at my pic that I posted here would you even look twice at me in a gay bar? I totally won't be hurt if you say no because I know I'm not a hotty or anything. So if you could change stuff about me besides losin weight because I know that already what would you change? Oh I know I wrote cute gay guys and don't even like be modest about it because there's nothin wrong with knowin you're cute. Thanks for your honesty because it's totally what I need to help me more than like praise that's kinda fake even if they're just tryin to be nice.

 

[ASV_FAN]

I think this is a bit of an unfair question to ask people cuz few apart from me will wanna answer. Personally I wouldn't luk @ u twice cuz ur jst like sooooo not my type but that isn't passing judgement on your looks.

The world is full of different people and if we all liked the same things it would be a v. boring place. The thing is most people aren't cute, I'm not and I know I'm not but I have a lot of self-confidence because having lots of self-confidence makes you stand out more and makes you seem more attractive than you really are .

 

[MartianJoeyWinson]

Is that a pic of you Jon?!

Anyway... the thing is not to get too down. You don't NEED a relationship, you may crave for one, but you don't NEED one. I've had horrendous luck with lasses (hold on, why am I in a gay thread?), I used to spend ages feeling all insecure about it and get myself really worked up. In the end I thought "bollocks. I am what I am, I'm shorter than most guys, I'm thin, I ain't no Tom Cruise or Fabio Cannovaro, I'm me". You don't need good looks to "survive", you just gotta feel good about yourself. So people will knock you now and then, bollocks to em!

I know this doesnt help when u feel like this though, I can only offer advice but at the end of the day you gotta do it naturally your own way. A way I can think of you going is not to be too conscious about what other people are thinking. That's the first step to security within yourself.

(This post is assisted by beer but at the time it seems like good advice)

 

[MartianJoeyWinson]

Oh, just a quickie, Jon, did I message u last week about 2am... last saturday I think it was? I have a very very blurry memory of that night, but if I did, the result was I almost got thrown over a balcony.

 

[Philbo]

Amen to what ASV_FAN said..


Im not going to answer your queston about whether Id 'go' for you in a bar, because its a silly question.

You know what I find really, really unattractive??? My biggest turn off is a lack of confidence...


So, without even looking at your pic, I know I wouldnt go for someone who has such low self esteem.

Im not attacking you Internet Lover, I jsut want to make you realise that the most unattractive quality about you, is your belief that YOU are unattractive!!!!

I know it SUCH a cliche, a HUGE one, but it really is true that you have to love yourself, before anyone can love you.....

If you found a BF atm, you would kill the relationship with your insecurity, you'd constantly ask him "why do you like me?" etc, and that would probably get really boring very quickly.

My advice to you isto have a good think about what GREAT qualities you have that you can offer someone else, and focus on that..Not how much you weigh etc...

YOu really need to see yourself as 'lovable' before anyone else will be able to love you.

 

[maccardel]

You shouldn't let other people's opinions effect your outlook or mor important, how you feel about yourself. If anyone don't like you then there's nothing you can do about it...but it'll do more damage if you let them know it bothers you and it shouldn't. We all wish we could look like someone else and they wish they could look us all......we will never be satisfied until we realize that we can't do much about it but accept it.

Someone's throwaway is someone else's treasure....so be it..find someone who like you and worship the ground you walk on.

Attached is my pic and you can see not everyone will be falling dead to grace my presence....I've accepted that and don't really care as there are enough that make me feel like I am the hottest thing around...Just do you and you will be done...aight son?

one.

 

[Celeste]

Johnny's right, if you act like you're not attractive, it affects how people perceive you. I act like I look like a supermodel. Of course, I don't, but it does help your image and coming off confident does affect how people view you.

Anyway, onto business. Trish (who helps me manage my place) and I forwarded your picture (I hope you don't mind) to an old friend of ours whom we've known for years, Gary. Gary is gay and "experienced." He worked on the streets with us a long, long time ago, and actually did a lot of escorting and was "kept" for a few years. Now he owns a porno shop and has been with the same guy for a long time. Anyway, Gary called us. He says you're not bad looking, but the weight thing is a real issue. He says if you slimmed down and got in shape, you'd get picked up in gay bars and the like. He liked your face. Gary's shallow and into looks, if he says it's just your weight, then it's just your weight. If he thought your were rank, he would have told us. He didn't. He says is you can't lose the weight, don't want to, or won't lose it, some gay men are into "bears" or men who are heavy set, dark-haired, and very "tough" and masculine looking, even though you're a little young to be a "bear." Anyway, he says most traditional gay bars (I didn't know there was such a thing, lol) are not real "bear" hang-outs. You need to find one that is. He says you'd get picked up there, no problem. Guys would be really into you because he's says you're basically cute.

He also suggests you consider paying for it a few times to build your confidence up. A ton of porn stars escort and make "house calls" at least in L.A. and are not expensive. Once you get over the stigma of having to pay for it, you will have slept with some pretty hot guys and that will increase your confidence, well, at least that's what he says.

That's all the help I can give!

 

[BCP]

Internet lover, call me a hippie, but I really believe it is the energy that you put out to the universe that makes you attractive or not attractive.

People are drawn to positive, energetic, and confident people, not matter what their external appearance. It's hard because you are so young. I think that you get more confident and belief in yourself with age.

All I can say is hang in there, and it'll come. In the meantime, occupy your time with things that you enjoy, and make you feel good about yourself. Trust me, the more positive vibes you put out there the more people are drawn to you.

Of course, don't overdo it, and become one of those VERY SCARY people who are cheerful all the time, so much so that it seems forced, and is really grating!

BTW, I am not implying that you are ugly.

 

[BCP]

BTW, I know that I am going to get flamed for this, but if you are brusting to get laid, and you won't be happy until you do, then go out and get laid. It'll be a load off (so to speak ), you'll be relrieved to find that it's not that big a deal, and with the monkey off your back, you can concentrate on other things, instead of obssessing about your looks and getting laid.......

 

[BCP]

BTW Celeste, I LOVE you. I mean that sincerely. You are a real hoot, and you have a great outlook on life ie you are a very practical girl!!!

 

[Celeste]

Thanks! I am in the business of being loved after all! (or at least I was). Of course, women have an advantage, I may not be Cindy Crawford in the face, but 38DD's showcased properly make up for a lot of other flaws. A guy who packs 10 or more inches, you can't really showcase that! Anyway, Celeste aims to please!

Trish and I have taken the liberty of forwarding Johnny's picture to Gary for another evaluation. He'll probably want his phone number!

 

[Philbo]

LOL @ Celeste, you go girl!!

Celeste's idea about paying for it to increase your confidence has some merit..


But Internet Lover, There have been 3 or 4 times in my life, where Ive slept with a guy, who physically, I would NOT approach in a bar etc..

But once you get to know someone, occasionally someones personality will offer me something that I find attractive, and its enoogh for me to want to sleep with them...

My first serious boyfriend wasnt as 'hot' as some other guys I could have slept with, but he had the most beautiful, kind, sincere full-of-integrity nature that made him damm sexy!!!

So its not all about looks.

 

[BCP]

Celeste, you could knock a man out cold with those!

Celest, Czechfan, that's what I meant in my post. Internet Lover, if you are preoccupied 24/7 about getting laid, then just go out and do it. As you are young, you probably can't afford to pay for it, but I amd sure that there are sex venues or beats around where you live. JUST BE CAREFUL!


.....I await the cries of protest from other posters.......

 

[Tammy]

hm i would like to give my imput although i am not gay and i am a female..anyhow i have dated guys who dont look the best ... and i put that very lightly.. although they didn't have the best body or the greatest features they cared about me for who i was and treated me like i was the best thing.. and i am not i am nothing good to look at myself.. but i was still attracted to their personality's .. and its all in having self confidence.. it seems that you have a really low self-esteem and if you would only think better of yourself more and more people would find you attractive because personally low self esteem is a major turn off.. you have nothing to be "ashamed" or feel bad about because ur a normal guy.. and so what if u have a few extra pounds you're still a great person and a very sincere one at that.. you should do what makes you happy if you're happy as you are now then don't change yourself for anyone be proud of who you are sweety

 

[sartrista7]

Celeste, you are so right about, well, everything. :kiss:

IL, to be honest I wouldn't give you a second glance. Personally, I find overweight people a big turn-off - but I know a lot of people who don't, so that's just me. Having said that, I'm pretty shallow when it comes to sex, probably because I don't do relationships and therefore don't look at other qualities beyond lust. But how you carry yourself really does make a difference to your appearance. Arrogance, power, self-confidence - all huge turn-ons no matter what your physical features are. The other day I saw this girl who by no means looked like a supermodel, but she was literally sweeping down the pavement, wearing tinted red shades (it's winter here - rock'n'roll!), a ripped T-shirt and a long camel coat - and she'd put red highlights in her blonde hair. Not physically perfect, but the sheer charisma - she got a lot of stares. So - wear good clothes, clothes which mark you out. Walk with your head high. Wear cool shades. You may not pick random strangers up, but you'll feel better about yourself. Lose the insecurity - easier said than done I know, but well worth it. Try not to have sex on the mind every time you meet a new person - bond with them, talk with them, make really good friends with them. It doesn't sound like you're lacking in social skills - and friends can often be more satisfying then random lays.

Meanwhile, ASV-FAN... hello! What's your number?

 

[Adrian]

I wasn't sure about answering this thread, because Cute is all very relative. Just believe in your self...if your not someones cup of coffee, you can guarantee you will be someone elses cup of tea

 

[ASV_FAN]

To people commenting on me, I'm on the right okay lol jst in case ne1 thought I was the girl on the left !

Wow people actually agreed with what I said lol ! It's jst that my mam always taught me to act really confidently and my experiences have shown that people will take you as you put yourself across. Come across as being very confident and people will accept you for exactly that .

Yes Joey it is me, have you neva seen a pic of me b4...?

sartrista7 my mobile # is 07810634627 if u wanna get in touch lol, shudnt have posted that bt what the hey?!

Cel, how u doin girlfriend long time no speak !!! Yeah sure, I'll look forward to hearing Gary's evaluation lol !

 

[spotsyboy]

some thoughts...

Beauty may fade...but your inner soul shines forver!

Sounds nice, huh?

While it's true to an extent I think we'd all be joking ourselves if we didn't admit that good looks can get you quite a long way I think we'd ALSO be kidding ourselves if we believed that all we need is a good personality and we'll have good people continually drawn to us.

I'm not sure what part of the world you live in, but i can tell you that from my experience as a non-stereotypically gay looking gay guy that, let's face it - it's not that easy making friends and relationships.

I always thought it was funny that gay people (men mostly) who have clamored for acceptance and open-mindedness for years, can often be the most critical against their own ranks. Why? I wish i knew But to get to the point, i can tell you honestly from looking at your picture (because i see myself in the mirror everyday too) that you're gonna have a rough road ahead of ya
Now, I do think that having that self-confidence and positive self-image will get you FURTHER and will help you make more FRIENDS (which, ideally would turn into lovers) but i think the thinner, tanner, "prettier" guys are still going to have a certain advantage over you, without having to lift a finger.
Remember though that there can be a fine line between self confidence and narcissism. I've seen too many acquaintances take it too far and turn themselves into pitiful, needy creatures.

So why am I rambling on like this? Well, because I can see from looking at you that you would probably be a hell of a lot more fun to hang out with then a lot of more "attractive" guys. And I can tell that you're probably more honest, sincere and trustworthy than the bulk of the population too. So, with that in mind, go out there, be a little ballsy (cuz it's not gonna fall in your lap take a few risks, and know that inside you are a good person. It'll count in the end good luck...

 

[RYNJ]

We all know in our society, realisticlly, pretty boys would get a lot more attention. Is this always true...Nope not at all. It basically depends, people have there own preferences and sometimes some people don't tend to look on the outside, but on the inside. But it doesn't hurt to look good. JK

 

[Internet Lover]

THANKS YOU GUYS! YOU GUYS RULE!

I really like that everybody was totally HONEST!!!
Yay board! That's why I was kinda mad at our gay club meeting yesterday because I felt they were sorta patronizing me and stuff and that's NOT what I need. Thanks again you guys!

Peter :wavey: