[Pamela Shriver]

It hath begun my dearest followers. The time hath arrived uponeth.

Church of Pam - the Cult!
Join today and receive 25% off entry at all Giraffe Zoos. Free Vowels optional. No purchase necessary.

Worship me, Pamela of the Shrivers, Pammentary and Tennis legend. I shalt lead you all into greatness and together we shalt fight the eville that is: Billieezlbub Jean King and her sidekick Chris Evillert.

Please follow the Church of Pam guidelines:

Thou Shalt Not Win Slams
Thou Shalt Speak In VOWELS
Thou Shalt Not Get Predictions Correct
Thou Shalt Have a Long Neck
Thou Shalt Commit Pammentary

(NB. marrying aging James Bonds is optional)

 

[Caz]

The Testimony of Caz.

A true story of how I was converted as a follower of the Cult of Pam.

I was just sitting watching Pam play and suddenly I had this vision of a better world. In my vision I saw St. Mary Pierce watching TV with a box of chocolates on her lap and beckoning me to join her. She said this was the true paradise. It was from that day onward I saw the light, and I have never turned back since. My life has changed tremendously for the better since that moment and I invite you all to worship Pam and St. Mary Pierce share in what I have found!

 

[Snuffkin]

Ooh, me me me! Please, Pam, can I join you and your cult? I promise to pay my fees and be prapred to babysit George, either one, as and when you need.

Do I need anything special for my initiation ceremony?

 

[Virginia Wade]

I've been a Church of Pam member for quite some time now and one must confess, it is quite the best cult one has ever been involved with. One particularly enjoyed the singing of the Pamela hymns, such as "Thy Funky Giraffe".

 

[LiliaLee-Frazier]

Can a very friendly woman ( says THANK YOU allot ) that has Flat Forehands and Funky Sunvisors join...although she beat you the last time u played each other ?
I'll bring the sun block :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Pamela Shriver]

Ooh, me me me! Please, Pam, can I join you and your cult? I promise to pay my fees and be prapred to babysit George, either one, as and when you need.

Do I need anything special for my initiation ceremony?

WELCOME!

Initiation into Church of Pam is as follows:

Worship of St.Mary of Pierce including flipping hair back 2847 times.
Worship of St.Gaston including falling over backwards and end up underneath the netting at the back of the court (my personal favorite)
Worship at The Shrine of Shriver - putting $39809586 into the collection box (essential that last one)
Confession of ALL sins - like all the times you cheered for Chrissie or Bill.

PS - Can you look after George tomorrow night? I've got a Vowelistic class.

 

[Pamela Shriver]

Can a very friendly woman ( says THANK YOU allot ) that has Flat Forehands and Funky Sunvisors join...although she beat you the last time u played each other ?
I'll bring the sun block

Someone beat me?! Shurely not................

 

[Caz]

As Pamela Shriver mentioned, to become a true member of the Church of Pam, as well as, of course, worshipping Pam, and making lots of bad tennis predictions, one must praise the two most important saints of the Cult, St. Mary Pierce and St. Gaston Etlis. St. Mary Pierce must be praised by hair flipping and watching TV and eating chocolates as told in the prophesy, (sighing with hands on hips is optional), while to praise St. Gaston Etlis, one must fall over backwards and end up under the netting at the back of the court, then hit a very easy shot into the net.

 

[Wendy Turnball]

What an awesome cult there mate! I'll definately join up.

I just read the PamProphecy. I like the idea of Pam turning a bagel into a pair of double bagels......

 

[Snuffkin]

OK, I'm with all that. I can manage those things no problem.

Can we incorporate an aspect of Jenism into proceedings? I believe that swearing a lot, being moody, wearing pink randomly and basically not giving a shit are the most commonly held aspects to Jenism, so could I bring my cult to yours and form a super-cult?

 

[Mary_Pierce]

Elo. It is ze right. I am Saint Mary and should be le worshipped.

Although. I'm confused. Again. Where am I from?

 

[AnnabelCroft]

I'd join. But after getting through the junior section of the initiation, I'd find things too tough and then have to quit to pose in men's mags.

 

[Caz]

I solemly propose but one more saint who should be praised; St. Vivi. The ways to praise St. Vivi involve wearing enormous hair scrunchies (available in red, black, and white) and constantly re-doing ones hair.

 

[Pamela Shriver]

Jenism is now a fucking branch of the Church of Pam. Good work Snuffkin! The cults can join forces and we shalt defeat Billeezlebub Jean King! *putting on PinkPamtee*

Now, after consideration I believe St.Vivi should also be worshipped, for her fine work in spreading the word of DOUBLES (which is the most important thing in tennis).

 

[Pamela Shriver]

Oh and when you join, you get a free badge.

 

[ClareBalding]

Ooo the badge has done it for me. It'll go spiffing with my new quiff.

 

[Snuffkin]

Yeah! Mother fucking result! We got Jenism into this fucking thing! Man, I want to get pissed and dance with my shirt off! Until then, I just noticed, Jenism promotes Slam winning but that hasn't happened for years now, so we're still ok, yeah? After all, Jen and BJK have major history, so we must keep Jen on board. Plus, she's hilarious.

St Vivi signed the shirt of truth! One of Jenism's biggest followers asked Vivi to sign her shirt so we got Vivi covered then.

 

[CliffRichard]

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You guys know me, I'm a hip hop happening not-easily converted by formed relgions and such, but I'm won. Where do I sign!?!

I'll write some songs for you Pamela.

O Pamela, Who art in Heaven,
Shriver-Lazenby Be Thy Name.
In Wimble-don,
The PamPower and non glory.
As it is in the Hall of Fame.
Give us this daily non-slamness,
As We don't forgive Chris Evert for always winning...

 

[Caz]

Dear Cliff,

So that I can start practising right away, in time for next choir meeting, may I assume that this new Church of Pam hymn will be sung to the tune of "Auld Lange Syne"?

Thanks!!

 

[Christine Cagney]

If there's free wine I'm anyone's!

Ooo PS Pam, if there are any official Church of Pam mysteries to solve maybe I could head the investigations?? I was kinda watching the Father Dowling show the other day...I think we could work something out thats much better. Shriver Solves??