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Hello all, as if today couldn't get any sadder, I've just come across the following shocking news article that has just been released. 馃槷

Mere minutes after her disappointing 6-3, 6-3 loss to Caroline Garcia on Wednesday, Emma Raducanu fired a member of her team in what has been a year of instability in her coaching and support team setup. The team member in question was Emma's Head of Security and Opponent Dismemberment, Lionel the Lion. Lionel had only been part of Emma's team since her participation in the Stuttgart Open in April - in a series of events that Miss Raducanu stated had nothing to do with a lion of the same name and the same appearance escaping from Wilhelma Zoo in Stuttgart at exactly the same time.

In a statement Emma said "I would like to thank Lionel for his time with me over the past few months, however I just felt it wasn't working out. Since hiring him I have lost a number of matches for no good reason due to him failing to appear on court to eat my opponent. For about a month he was AWOL in Saint Tropez on a yacht fraternising with bikini models and some of my opponents. Also his diet of five Tesco Finest Beef Joints a day topped with two jars of Beluga Caviar was costing me a fortune - no wonder I couldn't afford to pay Piatti what he asked for to be my new coach. Today when I needed him most, in my favourite tournament of the year, he was too busy trying to balance strawberries on his nose on Henman Hill rather than focusing on the important job I hired him for."

Tonight Lionel is believed to be roaming the streets of South-West London with a sad expression on his face, too unhappy to even eat members of the public. As for Miss Raducanu, it is unclear at this stage if she plans to hire another wild animal to help her win matches or return to the tactics she employed during her US Open triumph.

Nose Head Hairstyle Vertebrate Neck
 

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Hello all, as if today couldn't get any sadder, I've just come across the following shocking news article that has just been released. 馃槷

Mere minutes after her disappointing 6-3, 6-3 loss to Caroline Garcia on Wednesday, Emma Raducanu fired a member of her team in what has been a year of instability in her coaching and support team setup. The team member in question was Emma's Head of Security and Opponent Dismemberment, Lionel the Lion. Lionel had only been part of Emma's team since her participation in the Stuttgart Open in April - in a series of events that Miss Raducanu stated had nothing to do with a lion of the same name and the same appearance escaping from Wilhelma Zoo in Stuttgart at exactly the same time.

In a statement Emma said "I would like to thank Lionel for his time with me over the past few months, however I just felt it wasn't working out. Since hiring him I have lost a number of matches for no good reason due to him failing to appear on court to eat my opponent. For about a month he was AWOL in Saint Tropez on a yacht fraternising with bikini models and some of my opponents. Also his diet of five Tesco Finest Beef Joints a day topped with two jars of Beluga Caviar was costing me a fortune - no wonder I couldn't afford to pay Piatti what he asked for to be my new coach. Today when I needed him most, in my favourite tournament of the year, he was too busy trying to balance strawberries on his nose on Henman Hill rather than focusing on the important job I hired him for."

Tonight Lionel is believed to be roaming the streets of South-West London with a sad expression on his face, too unhappy to even eat members of the public. As for Miss Raducanu, it is unclear at this stage if she plans to hire another wild animal to help her win matches or return to the tactics she employed during her US Open triumph.

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This is brillian. Never change 馃グ
 

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Thanks for cheering us up with this story @aca99da

You got me in the first few sentences.. until Lionel the Lion鈥檚 name appeared, then I was

 
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks for cheering us up with this story @aca99da

You got me in the first few sentences.. until Lionel the Lion鈥檚 name appeared, then I was

Oh Jimbo Mack I like how it was the mention of Lionel's name that was the first indication for you that something was up, not the fact that Emma had a Head of Security and Opponent Dismemberment. 馃槀

I feel very bad for Lionel but there again he wasn't very good at his job was he? 馃槙
 

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Wow the PIATTI situation makes so much more sense now...

But real reason that Lionel wasn't able to do his job lately is that #FlyWithCaro flew away from him ! Of course a lion can't catch someone who flies ! I think Emma should give Lionel an unpaid leave but as long as he's not too naughty with the bikini models then she could bring him back for Washington, DC.
 
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