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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
This one is for all of you guys. Enjoy!!

INT - Roland Garros Women's Locker Room - Day

Justine Henin runs into the lockerroom carrying the women's singles trophy. Forcing the door closed behind her as papparazi snap a few desperate pictures, the buzz of her admirerers fades as the door shuts. She turns to face an empty, dimly lit lockerroom. The flourescent lights flicker. The lockerroom is eerily quiet. She shudders in the moist cold air and hugs her trophy closer. She hopes it will bring her comfort but the cold metal just makes her shiver even more.

Justine: Bonjour?

Silence

Justine: Le Hello?

Amelie Mauresmo is naked in a darkened corner of the room. SHe rocks back and forth muttering to herself. She has been there for four days now. Besides Amelie there is only the sound of Justine's voice echoing back from the cold hard cinder blocks. Justine hurries toward her locker. She pulls out a large white bag similar to the ones used so often in bank robberies and attempts to shove the trophy inside. Suddenly, there is a rhythmic clapping. The rhythm is slow and steady but grows faster and louder with each clap. Justine freezes. Without having to look she knows who it is. The familiar scent of Lolita Limpicka dances in the air. Only one woman wears that fragrance.

Justine: Ooo is there?

Serena Williams appears from behind a row of lockers. She is wearing a long white mink coat with a flourescent orange bikini underneath, her eyes are hidden behind a large pair of Fendi sunglasses. She has a Prada bag dangling precariously from her arm and is sipping from a bottle of Jack Daniels. She is obviously drunk. She slurs slightly.

Serena: Well if it isn't the little golden girl.

Justine: Oh Serena. You startled me. I thought....

Serena: Oh I startled her. Oh dear. Well I'm so sorry Justine. Did I distract you from something? Did I inturrupt you? Well please don't let me bother you. Believe me I know what it's like to be distracted while you're trying to do something important. Like, oh I don't know, serving to go up 5-2 in a grand slam semi final. By all means....continue.

Justine: Serena. Si vu plais. Ze match is overre. Let me take mon trophee.....

Serena raises her hand silencing Justine.

Serena: Wow that really does work. Listen ya little tramp. We both know you came by that trophy in the shadiest of shady ways.

Justine: I am ze champion like you now. I have mon trophy...

Serena: Stop saying that!! That trophy is mine you waffle eating bitch. Admit it! Admit what you did!! You raised your hand during my serve. Just like this.

Serena raises her hand again, but this time she slaps Justine across the face. Justine uses her fantastic backhand to wallop Serena across the head. Justine realizes she cannot trade blows with the obviously more powerful Serena so she grabs her trophy and runs toward the door.

INT - Hallway Outside of Women's Lockerroom. - Day

The lockerroom door flies open and Justine flies out of into the hallway. She slides artfully to a stop on the red clay floor of the hallway. She looks around and takes off. A half a second later Serena flies out of the room and slams against the wall opposite the door. She still hasn't learned to slide on clay, not to mention the six inch heels she is wearing. Her purse swings wildly as she takes off after Justine.

EXT - Court Phillippe Chartrier - Day

The majority of the French fans are still in their seats sleeping soundly since the first set of the women's final. Some of them lick their red wine stained lips as they are obviously dreaming of snails and frog's legs.

Crowd: Le zzzzzzz. Le zzzzzz. Le fart.

Justine bursts onto the court still clutching her trophy.

Justine: Le help! Le helllllp!

Serena using her powerful sprinter's legs is now right behind Justine. She reaches out and grabs Justines ponytail but she can't get a grip. The hair is too oily.

Justine: Thank God for le oil de motor.

Serena: Come back here you bitch.

The French fans upon hearing Justine's desperate cries, begin to stir.

Frenchman: Zut Alors. Look everrey bodee it tis owerre sweet littelle Justine.

Crowd: Le cheer. Le burp. Le fart.

Justine: Le Hellllp!

Serena: I've almost got you.

Serena tackles Justine to the ground and the two roll around in the clay both grabbing at the trophy.

Crowd: "Le fight. Le fight. Le black and le white. If le white does not win. We all will jump in."

The wind begins to pick up. A helicopter is heard. Everyone looks up. A large helicopter is descending into Court Phillipe Chatrier. The chopper sets down on the red clay. The strong gusts of wind sends berets flying eveywhere.

Crowd: Le oooooo. Le ahhhhh.

The door of the helicopter opens. Richard Williams steps out. HE is dressed in army fatigues and smokes a cigarette. Inside the chopper we see Venus in the pilot's seat wearing a large pair of aviator sunglasses. Oracene sits in the co pilot's seat with her large Gucci bag in her lap. Richard runs over to to two girls who are still wrestling inthe clay.

Richard: Re baby. Let it go.

Serena: But daddy. It's not fair. She cheated.

Richard: That maybe true but worst of all, you cheated yourself. Now let it go baby.

Serena looks at the trophy and slowly relinquishes her grip. SHe gets to her feet. She dusts off her coat, reaches down and picks up her fallen bottle of Jack Daniels whisky.

Serena: Congratulations Justine.

Serena hands her the bottle of Jack.

Serena: Here you go. You're going to need this at Wimbledon, because I'm coming for you.

Serena and Richard run toward the helicopter, bent over to avoid the spinning blades. They get in the chopper and Venus revs the engine, lifting them high above the stadium. The chopper speeds off leaving Justine and the crowd behind. Justine looks down at the trophy which has been severely dented in the struggle. She spits on it and begins to clean it with her short skirt. Just then the helicopter reappears over the rim of the stadium.

Venus: This is for my little sister.

Venus's face is expressionless as she launches five tomahawk missiles into the stands.

Crowd: Le ahhhhhh!!! Le nooooo!!...Le fart.

The helicopter once again disappears over the rim of the stadium.

Close Up: A street sign reads. Wimbledon 385KM.

Fade to Black.

The End
 

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Le ROFL. Le dead. Le bonne. Le LOL! :worship: :worship: :worship:

I could so picture Serena in an orange bikini and white mink coat... *Je die* *Je laugh* *Je bowdowns*
 

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omg i have never laughed so hard at a computer screen! wow, that was WAY TOO FUNNY!!!

"le help" OMG LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

:worship: :worship: :worship:
 

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OMG THAT WAS SO GOOD!
I think this is a great way for Justine and Serena fans to make up! :D
 

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:worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship:
OMG, im literally doubled over LMAO. this part got me:
"Le fight. Le fight. Le black and le white. If le white does not win. We all will jump in"
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Thank you guys. I couldn't stop laughing as I was writing it. It feels really good to laugh at what has been a really frustrating tournament.

:wavey:
 

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Midnite Surfer said:
Thank you guys. I couldn't stop laughing as I was writing it. It feels really good to laugh at what has been a really frustrating tournament.

:wavey:
:worship: :worship: :worship:

:wavey:
 

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Midnite Surfer said:
Justine: Serena. Si vu plais. Ze match is overre. Let me take mon trophee.....
I think that's spelt as "Si vous plait" not "Si vu plais". :)

Thanks! I DIED of laughter!!! :D

I could totally picture Serena in a coat and flourescent orange bikini. :drool:
 

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Hmm - a somewhat crude satire, but nevertheless highly effective. Moreover, I imagine that Serena's picturing that Hollywood ending in her mind right now.
 

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Naldo said:
:worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship:
OMG, im literally doubled over LMAO. this part got me:
"Le fight. Le fight. Le black and le white. If le white does not win. We all will jump in"
I was on the floor at this point. :D
 

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ROTFLMAO!! :worship:

EXCELLENT!! :D
 

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very funny stuff!!!!
 

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:worship::worship::worship:

I laughed so hard I had to walk away and regroup before I could post this. I've been feeling bummed for Serena since Thursday and this post just made me feel a whole lot better.:D:D:D
 

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Discussion Starter #18
lurker said:
:worship::worship::worship:

I laughed so hard I had to walk away and regroup before I could post this. I've been feeling bummed for Serena since Thursday and this post just made me feel a whole lot better.:D:D:D
Yeah I feel the same way. Sometimes life is so fucked up you just have to laugh at it all. I'm going to try and keep this post near the top so the sulking Williams fans can get their laugh on.
 

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I got over it a couple of days ago, but this was great just the same!!!
 
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