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Old Jan 8th, 2012, 06:34 AM   #16
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Re: Coming out...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MightyMashaFan View Post
I think an important thing to remember as well is that 9 time out of ten it will be worse in your mind, maybe even more than that. The people that love you will love you no matter what and I know it sounds massively corny but it is sooo liberating once you do it and your relationships with your friends and family are so much better because you are the real you around them.
Thanks! It's always nice getting advice from people that have already experienced what I am right now.
And the only place I can get advice about this kind of stuff is TF, there aren't that many gay people where I live

I agree, it does feel very liberating, I was so happy when I got back home and thought about it. I know that they're with me and that nothing has changed in our relationship, so at least the first step is done
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Old Jan 8th, 2012, 07:02 AM   #17
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Re: Coming out...

This is going to be long(ish) so thanks to everyone who reads it


I know it sounds cheezy, but TF has helped me a lot in a way of finding out who I am and accepting it and during my time on TF I have hatched from the gay egg
I was very closed and quiet about my sexuality and I really didn't think about it because I didn't want to. Last year was my first year of high school and I can honestly say it was the hardest part of my life so far. School wise it was great, I was one of the best students(if not the best) and I am now too, but the thing is, of course, it was so hard for me to adapt in the relatively cruel environment of a high school. I was bullied on a daily basis and I was teased and even threatened, gay hate is pretty high here.

So of course, I was going through a rough patch, I was sad most of the time, I even cried often before I went to bed, I had nightmares, etc. I realized that I wasn't like 'others' at the age around 13-14, but I didn't pay too much attention to it, but then I realized I couldn't control it and it was a part of who I was/am/will be. Psychologically it's very hard to accept yourself and your sexuality, because you just know it's not always going to be easy. But at that point I still didn't accept it and I swore that I wold never be with a man.

But then came summer and the long summer break, possibly the most memorable and meaningful period in my life. I just needed a break from everything and 3 months of summer break were just enough! I had an absolutely fabulous time. I went on holidays to Spain and it was amazing to say the least, I had so much fun with my friends, so many great memories and so many things that I did that I didn't do before it was just awesome. And then of course I joined TF which was also life-changing. I saw how other people like me live and what were their stories like and I don't know, everything changed for the better from then on! I finally accepted who I was and my eternal struggle is over.I even had the courage to tell my friends I was gay, so in a way I am already living a new chapter in my life and so far I like it. I am much, much, much more confident, mature and happy now. I don't care what other people think anymore, I just care about my closest family and friends.


Even though some may say homosexuality is a curse, in a way I feel like it's a gift, because we mature at such a young age and see the world with much different eyes, much wider. We get to experience love on a whole new level
Since this is basically the "beginning" of my life I can say that I am excited, but also nervous at the same time. Anyway, it's gonna be one wild ride
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Old Jan 8th, 2012, 07:07 AM   #18
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Re: Coming out...

Ok, completely off topic, but how do you give someone reps?

Do you click on the and then click I approve/disapprove.

I was wondering, because I get lots of good reps from really great people here and I wish I knew how to use it properly. Sometimes I really laugh hard at some posts(in a good way of course) and other times they're really deep and emotional
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Old Jan 8th, 2012, 07:24 AM   #19
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Re: Coming out...

Quote:
Originally Posted by I ♥ Maria View Post
Ok, completely off topic, but how do you give someone reps?

Do you click on the and then click I approve/disapprove.

I was wondering, because I get lots of good reps from really great people here and I wish I knew how to use it properly. Sometimes I really laugh hard at some posts(in a good way of course) and other times they're really deep and emotional
It's this button but yes.
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Old Jan 8th, 2012, 09:55 AM   #20
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Re: Coming out...

http://www.tennisforum.com/showthread.php?t=366471
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Old Jan 8th, 2012, 01:25 PM   #21
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Re: Coming out...

^ So? I shared my story in my thread, you gotta problem with that?
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Old Jan 8th, 2012, 01:57 PM   #22
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Re: Coming out...

Actually no - if I had a problem with you sharing your story I'd have told you. I just thought you might find the thread an interesting read. Forgive me for trying to be nice.
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Old Jan 8th, 2012, 02:07 PM   #23
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Re: Coming out...

Lol dude, I was just kidding
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Old Jan 8th, 2012, 02:31 PM   #24
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Re: Coming out...

I just read that whole thread and it was interesting indeed. Thanks for the link!
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Old Jan 8th, 2012, 02:47 PM   #25
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Re: Coming out...

TF gays should get together and do a "It Gets Better" video. Even though the project is so 2011, I don't think they've had one done on a significant online community, esp. one whose primary agenda is something aside from sexuality.
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Old Jan 8th, 2012, 03:31 PM   #26
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Re: Coming out...

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Originally Posted by moby View Post
TF gays should get together and do a "It Gets Better" video. Even though the project is so 2011, I don't think they've had one done on a significant online community, esp. one whose primary agenda is something aside from sexuality.
OMG yes!
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Old Jan 8th, 2012, 05:09 PM   #27
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Re: Coming out...

Congrats! The first person I told was my sister when I was 16. After that I didn't need to tell anyone else in the family because she can't keep a secret. I told some of my friends (including one I had a crush on) and pretty much everyone was fine with it. The good thing about coming out to friends is that you usually know beforehand who's going to be okay with it. And the ones who won't be, you can just stop being friends with them. I came out to the rest of the world (i.e. resolved to be proud of and never to lie about my sexual orientation) when I was 18, almost 19. College is a great place to do it.

And like someone else said, it's never going to be as bad as you're afraid it will be. I come from a family of crazy liberals and have a stepmom who leads seminars to educate high school teachers on issues facing LGBTQ students, and I was still afraid of coming out to them.
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Old Jan 8th, 2012, 08:43 PM   #28
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Re: Coming out...

I got 8 good reps in this thread already

Thanks so much for the support guys, I love all of you
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Old Jan 11th, 2012, 06:34 AM   #29
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Re: Coming out...

I'm so genuinely happy for you lol things can only get better from here.

As for me, I never really traditionally came out. Rumours circulate around high school like fuck if you're not careful with your actions/what you do and that's basically what happened with me. It didn't help that they're really judgmental and I was never on most people's good side anyway. However, majority of them were skeptical and were pretty sure I was just bicurious or something, "didn't really get that vibe" from me apparently, but it still killed me that I was continually the talk of the cohort and definitely not in a good way (I barely had any friends...).

I'm pretty lucky in some ways though. There were a few other gays in my cohort and pretty popular so I didn't really get the shits to my face about being gay or anything, but boy... from what I heard, quite harsh things were said, like for example, "If he ever looks at me again, I'm going to punch his fucking face" and so on. Also I'm pretty lucky that despite most of the hostiliy, I still had amazing friends I could always count on, and I'm lucky that by the time the final year of HS came around, everyone was much more open minded, let go of trivial shit from back in the earlier years and the entire cohort was just like one big family and so coping wasn't too bad. I'd even go as far to say that the final year was fun?

I think all the rumours and drama made me a much tougher person and helped the coming out process much easier... I guess it just gave me the excuse to stop hiding? I didn't do the whole dramatic coming out thing though, like announcing out of nowhere etc. but if someone asked if I have/had a gf or if I'm really gay then I'd just tell them the truth.

Anyway, I'm heading into second year uni this coming March and I have to say, life has been simply amazing. Things get so much better highschool. 2011 was honestly the best year of my life; I've met the most amazing people who accept me for who I am, and kept a strong bond with my closest of highschool friends. These amazing people are the reason why I don't feel the need to hide my identity can be myself every day.

Coming out was a gradual and long process, but it's really worth it. Everyone from high school and uni knows I'm gay. Came out to my cousins and brother some time last year as well and I'm still tight, if not tighter, with them as ever. Only person I'm not out to that actually matter are my parents; my dad is EXTREMELY religious, and I remember back like 5-6 years ago, my mum telling me she had a dream about my brother being gay and she bawled her eyes out or something so... I'm not coming out to them until I'm finanancially stable and have moved out.

Hmmm... sorry for rambling on with so much irrelevant details (honestly it would've been like 3x longer but I cut it down rofl). I tend to do this when I'm typing a very personal post.
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Old Jan 11th, 2012, 12:01 PM   #30
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Re: Coming out...

I just finished reading this thread now and damn near cried a couple of times.

I'm so pleased for you, I ♥ Maria! It's wonderful to hear about how empowering and positive you've found coming out to be so far.

I don't have much of a coming out story to tell, as it was a process spanning a few years and it was a while ago now, with the memory fading and all. I remember it got easier and better all the time though, and it did have a huge impact on my personality - went from being nervous, shy and mousy to being completely at ease and quite outgoing. Again, that took a few years. I hope that if you have any shyness/nervousness issues, by coming out, you can bring yourself out of your shell too.

I did something similar to your plan of telling your parents when you go away for college. I would recommend that - distance, both spatially and headspace-wise, means that if they have a hard time handling the news at first, their opinion won't be 'the be all and end all' for you anyway.

My only bit of advice would be to try to come out first to those you're more sure would be cool with it. If and when you do come across friends, classmates, etc. who aren't so supportive, you might find it a lot easier to deal with their reactions when you already have a fair number of people around who do support you.
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