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Old Dec 20th, 2008, 01:26 AM   #31
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Re: Jokes?

Lol @ the last one from 5ean's post! haha
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Old Dec 20th, 2008, 02:00 AM   #32
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Re: Jokes?

An Essex girl goes in to a benefit center to seek child benefit, the man behind the counter gets out a form and asks:

How many children do you have?
Girl: 12
The man pauses for a minute befor asking: 'What sre their names?'
Girl: 'Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn'
The man drops his pen and gasps: 'Doesn't that get confusing?'
Girl: 'Oh no it's great, i can just shout 'WAYN DINNER'S READY or WAYN TIDY YOUR ROOM NOW!' and they all do it'
The man stammers: 'but, but, but how do call them separately?'
Girl: 'Oh that's easy, by their surname of course'
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Old Dec 20th, 2008, 02:13 AM   #33
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Re: Jokes?

A worried boyfriend calls up his blonde girlfriend:

Man: 'Honey be careful I just heard on the radio there is some idiot woman driving the wrong way on the M25'
Woman: 'There is not just one, there's hundreds of them!'
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Old Dec 20th, 2008, 02:14 AM   #34
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Re: Jokes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 5ean View Post
A worried boyfriend calls up his blonde girlfriend:

Man: 'Honey be careful I just heard on the radio there is some idiot woman driving the wrong way on the M25'
Woman: 'There is not just one, there's hundreds of them!'
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Old Dec 20th, 2008, 02:17 AM   #35
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Re: Jokes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 5ean View Post
An Essex girl goes in to a benefit center to seek child benefit, the man behind the counter gets out a form and asks:

How many children do you have?
Girl: 12
The man pauses for a minute befor asking: 'What sre their names?'
Girl: 'Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn'
The man drops his pen and gasps: 'Doesn't that get confusing?'
Girl: 'Oh no it's great, i can just shout 'WAYN DINNER'S READY or WAYN TIDY YOUR ROOM NOW!' and they all do it'
The man stammers: 'but, but, but how do call them separately?'
Girl: 'Oh that's easy, by their surname of course'
Wow! what a slut she had with 12 different men!
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Old Dec 20th, 2008, 02:20 AM   #36
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Re: Jokes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brett. View Post
Wow! what a slut she had with 12 different men!
I guess to non-brits essex girl jokes don't make sense.

Think mix chav with tati and you get an idea
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Old Dec 20th, 2008, 03:30 AM   #37
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Re: Jokes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 5ean View Post
An Essex girl goes in to a benefit center to seek child benefit, the man behind the counter gets out a form and asks:

How many children do you have?
Girl: 12
The man pauses for a minute befor asking: 'What sre their names?'
Girl: 'Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn, Wayn'
The man drops his pen and gasps: 'Doesn't that get confusing?'
Girl: 'Oh no it's great, i can just shout 'WAYN DINNER'S READY or WAYN TIDY YOUR ROOM NOW!' and they all do it'
The man stammers: 'but, but, but how do call them separately?'
Girl: 'Oh that's easy, by their surname of course'


Quote:
Originally Posted by 5ean View Post
A worried boyfriend calls up his blonde girlfriend:

Man: 'Honey be careful I just heard on the radio there is some idiot woman driving the wrong way on the M25'
Woman: 'There is not just one, there's hundreds of them!'
It took me awhile to get this until I re-read and saw we were talking about a blonde,
That's really funny!!
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Old Dec 20th, 2008, 04:35 AM   #38
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Re: Jokes?

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

How do you breathe out of that thing!
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Old Dec 27th, 2008, 07:21 AM   #39
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Re: Jokes?

THE VIBRATOR

As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a
strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door,
she observed her daughter with a vibrator.
Shocked, she asked: 'What in the world are you doing?'
The daughter replied: 'mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried,
and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go
away and leave me alone.'

The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the
other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he
observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.
To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said: dad
'm thirty-five, unmarried, and this thing is about as
close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'

A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip,
placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing
noise coming from, of all places, the living room. She entered that
area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold
beer, and staring at the TV.
The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy
The wife asked: 'What the f@!* are you doing?'
The husband replied: 'I'm watching football with my son-in-law.
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Old Dec 27th, 2008, 07:24 AM   #40
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Re: Jokes?

Cop to prostitute "Tell me when you first realised you'd been raped"

Prostitute to Cop "When the check bounced officer"

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Old Dec 27th, 2008, 07:37 AM   #41
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Re: Jokes?

a blond a brunette, and a redhead were trapped on a cannibal island. the cannibals told them that if they could stick ten pieces of fruit up their butts they could go free. The brunette uses apples gets to eight and says "ouch! this is really starting to hurt" so the cannibals eat her. The redhead uses grapes gets to nine and bursts out in laughter, so the cannibals eat her. up in heaven the brunette asks the redhead"why did you start laughing you would've made it?" the redhead replies" i saw the blond trying to use pineapples"
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Old Dec 27th, 2008, 07:38 AM   #42
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Re: Jokes?

A blond was sitting at her table doing a puzzle. she was getting really frustrated and yells at her boyfriend to come over and help her. she says "it's supposed to look like a tiger, but none of the pieces seem to fit together at all!" so he comes over to take a look. he says" calm down honey, let's clean up these frosted flakes, and go buy you a real puzzle."


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Old Dec 27th, 2008, 07:40 AM   #43
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Re: Jokes?

The following people were on a plane: A rocket scientist, a pilot, a priest, and a boy scout. All of the sudden the pilot screams, "The plane is crashing! We don't have long!" There were four people, but only three parachutes.

The pilot says, "I must live as well, for I have a family and ten children! My wife can't support them all!" So he got a parachute and went off.

The rocket scientists says, "I must live, for I am the smartest man in the world and know how to cure most major diseases!" So he got a parachute and jumped.

The priest takes one look at the boy scout and says, "Go, little boy. I am about to meet my maker!"

The boy scout replies, "No, sir! We can both live. The genius took my backpack."


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Old Dec 27th, 2008, 07:45 AM   #44
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Re: Jokes?

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana,

Jack got high,
pulled down his fly,
and asked Jill if she wanna.

Jill said yes,
pulled up her dress,
and had a little fun.

But stupid Jill forgot the pill,
and now they have a son
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Old Dec 27th, 2008, 09:04 AM   #45
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Re: Jokes?

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were stuck on a desert island.

Getting desperate, the brunette told the other two that she was going to try to swim to the mainland. But she had only got to a quarter of the distance to the mainland when she got very tired. So she drowned.

Since the brunette had not returned, the redhead decided to try herself. Halfway to the mainland, she was so overcome with fatigue that she too drowned in the sea.

The blonde decided to try herself after a few more days since it was very boring on the island. Having swum three-quarters of the way to the mainland, she felt very tired.

'Oh dear, I'll never get there,' she said sadly.

So she swam back.

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