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Old Mar 28th, 2002, 07:31 PM   #1
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Red face I am so attracted to one of my students! I feel like a slut!

I have been teaching college for four years and I have never felt any type of attraction to any of my male students before. This semester I have a very attractive, sweet, talented young man in my class, who I am finding myself to be very attracted too. He is not doing that well in my class, but he does try very hard which is all I ask of my students. I didn't realize that I felt that way until today. Now I am freaked out by the prospect of how I feel.

I do not agree with professors who have intimate relationships with their students. Not at all. There is a power structure in the classroom which dictates that the teacher-student relationship is based on a mutual trust. Teachers should never use their classroom power to abuse a student and a student should always respect their teacher. (Of course, that never happens, but it would be nice if it did.)

I am wretched over what I feel. I am not going to do anything about my feelings. Not only does it go against my value system, but it goes against everything I believe that a teacher-student relationship should be.

I guess I wanted to get it out of my system and this board is one of the few places I can do it.
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Old Mar 28th, 2002, 07:34 PM   #2
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Hey, it's not a crime to be attracted to someone! You're not going to do anything about it, so don't be too hard on yourself.
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Old Mar 28th, 2002, 07:37 PM   #3
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Originally posted by saki
Hey, it's not a crime to be attracted to someone! You're not going to do anything about it, so don't be too hard on yourself.
Thank you Saki, but I cannot help but feel awful about it. This has never happened to me before because I generally look at my students as young people since I am 10 years older than most of them! I know that no teacher should ever be attracted to his/her students and that why this bothers me.

BTW, Saki is one of my favorite writers!
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Old Mar 28th, 2002, 07:37 PM   #4
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I think being honest with yourself is the greatest thing. Having defined your own boundaries with regards to what you will and will not do.... I wish you all the luck.

You should never be hard on yourself for your feelings. Your actions are another thing, because they are withing your rational control.
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Old Mar 28th, 2002, 07:39 PM   #5
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I think being honest with yourself is the greatest thing. Having defined your own boundaries with regards to what you will and will not do.... I wish you all the luck.
Thank you. I do believe that the teacher-student relationship is based on boundaries and those should never be crossed.

The semester is nearly over and we are going into Spring Break right now, so I'll be fine!
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Old Mar 28th, 2002, 07:48 PM   #6
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Talking Dear Sweet Sumeeta

Please do not feel guilty! You are finding out that you are human. We have very little control over when and where we meet people that we are attracted too. In fact, very rarely have I met someone I am attracted to in the completley perfect set of circumstances. It is life and that is just the way things are! You are not a slut, you are just human!
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Old Mar 28th, 2002, 07:53 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally posted by apoet29

I know that no teacher should ever be attracted to his/her students and that why this bothers me.

Oh come on, give yourself a break. Teachers are flesh and blood like anyone else (and it's not as if you're teaching grammar school and lusting after one of your students)

You can't help how you feel - you CAN help what you do about it, and it sounds to me like you are taking a very ethical, proper track here.
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Old Mar 28th, 2002, 07:58 PM   #8
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hey!

i wouldnt be so hard on yourself! We cant choose who we are attracted to! You didnt choose to feel like that about your student, and its not your fault at all!

Take it one day at a time!
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Old Mar 28th, 2002, 08:03 PM   #9
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apoet-

don't be so hard on yourself, sweetie. you can't always control everything that goes on with your emotions. do you think this man may be interested in you as well? would you still be hesitant to date him after he was no longer in your class specifically?

details...i want details, dammit.

ang
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Old Mar 28th, 2002, 08:57 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by griffin


Oh come on, give yourself a break. Teachers are flesh and blood like anyone else (and it's not as if you're teaching grammar school and lusting after one of your students)

You can't help how you feel - you CAN help what you do about it, and it sounds to me like you are taking a very ethical, proper track here.
Well, exactly. Being attracted to a student isn't something you can help, but you are dealing with it in a responsible manner.

It's kinda inevitable when you're teaching 18-21 year olds that you'll find one of them attractive at some point. Statistically, this was just going to happen.
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Old Mar 28th, 2002, 09:07 PM   #11
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I've had teachers in high school that flirts with the girl students all the time! They would call on us and give us a few free points on tests.

I don't think it is a problem. It's like students attracted to a HOT AND CUTE teacher. Sometimes you just can't help yourself but be turned on by them


And you are dealing with 18-21 year olds......they are adults. I think it is alright.
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Old Mar 28th, 2002, 09:11 PM   #12
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If he is in college then he is an adult (well although most college students dont act it. lol) and you really shouldnt be hard on yourself. Heck, maybe after the semester you could go out on a date for dinner or something. Then he wont be your student anymore.

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Old Mar 28th, 2002, 09:13 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by vw43
apoet-

don't be so hard on yourself, sweetie. you can't always control everything that goes on with your emotions. do you think this man may be interested in you as well? would you still be hesitant to date him after he was no longer in your class specifically?

details...i want details, dammit.

ang
Well, he's 19, which means that he is ten years younger than me with black hair and blue eyes. I really don't think he is attracted to me at all. I wouldn't expect him to be. No, I don't think I would be comfortable dating any former students.

I didn't realize until today that I was actually attracted to him. We were sitting together at a work table after class talking about his lastest essay and he grinned at me and his knee brushed against mine. I thought "Oh damn!" That has never happened to me before. I got rid of him pretty quickly.

I realize that to be attracted to others is normal and very human. I also realize that by working at a university; there is a possibility that I could be attracted to any one of my students. However, it doesn't and never will make me comfortable with myself. I have witnessed firsthand teachers take advantage of the students they have intimate relationships with and vice versa and that is why I am so nervous.
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Old Mar 28th, 2002, 09:15 PM   #14
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If he is in college then he is an adult (well although most college students dont act it. lol)
lol @ Timmbo! You must know my brother! lol!
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Old Mar 28th, 2002, 09:20 PM   #15
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nope, just from experience Ty. lol-- Although if he's hot then ive probably checked him out. lol-- just kidding
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