It may suck. But it's tradition.
OPEN ON A DARK, DESERTED AMUSEMENT PARK ENTRANCE. A SPUTTERING NEON SIGN READS “THE AMAZING CARNIVAL OF ERRORS.”
QUEEN MASHA STANDS WITH HER LOYAL SERVANTS, ANDY H. AND JO-LA.
ANDY:
I don’t like this place. It’s kind of creepy. And it’s October. Horrible things always happen around here near Halloween and Lena’s birthday.
QUEEN MASHA:
Silence, peasant. We bid dearly to get the candy concession here for Sugarpovas, and we will make a delicious profit. Besides, the sign says “Carnival of Errors.” It will be like watching the Swedish peasant hit a backhand.
JO-LA (sticking out tongue at Queen Masha’s back and sotto voce):
Shows what you know, you bossy bitch. I’ve never hit a backhand in my life!
ANDY WAVES A VENDOR PASS AT THE BOOTH AND THEY WALK THROUGH THE GATE, JO-LA WHEELING A HANDCART WITH BOXES OF SUGARPOVAS.
ENTER THE WILLIAMS SISTERS.
SERENA:
Ha. While all those other foolish girls play the Asian tour, I’m gonna chill and relax with a nice trip to the amusement park.
VEE:
Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean Disneyworld is a lot nicer…
SERENA:
Please. I might even do an exo with Vika. I bet we could hit 70, 80 UEs each.
VEE:
And yet the biggest error is that one of you ends up doing a victory--and I use the word loosely--“dance.”
SERENA:
Just buy the tickets.
VEE PURCHASES TICKETS FROM THE UNSEEN VENDOR IN THE BOOTH AND THE SISTERS MOVE THROUGH THE TURNSTILES.
ENTER THE EXTENDEd POLISH/GERMAN/DANISH CONTINGENT.
ULA:
Oh, look! An amusement park!
AGA:
You know what amuses me? Being naked in Playboy!
SABS:
Okay, I’ll go, but we can’t go on any fast rides. I ruptured my spleen on a merry-go-round once and nearly died!
ANGIE:
Seriously?
SABS:
Well, it was a very big merry-go-round. And then, once I did the milk bottle toss and blew out my rotator cuff.
ANGIE:
What’s the longest you’ve gone without hurting yourself?
SABS:
I once went 47 minutes and 18 seconds. Then I ate a Pink Thing and stabbed myself in the face with the stick! I nearly died!
CARO:
I don’t want to get naked, but I would like to get on those flying swings so my skirt flys up and shows off my new line of panties. I have to say they are pretty nice. Let’s go on in!
THEY BUY THEIR TICKETS.
ENTER DANI AND DOMI DRESSED AS CARPENTERS.
DANI:
This is the jobsite all right.
DOMI:
I don’t get it. Why am I dressed as a carpenter?
DANI:
Because in the last confrontation, there was not ONE SINGLE JOKE ABOUT MOHAWK LAMINATE. And that is just wrong. So we are here to build a new roller coaster out of Mohawk Laminate.
DOMI:
You know, I have the suspicion I am just being set up for a bunch of cheap, unfunny short jokes followed by an awful, painful death.
DANI (WITH FINGERS CROSSED):
Please, like I would ever do that to a fellow Slovak.
THE SLOVAKS MOVE ON, LADEN WITH MOHAWK LAMINATE, NAILS, TOOLS, ETC.
THE SIGN CRACKLES, SENDING A REIGN OF SPARKS…A “T” IS NOW VISIBLE, SO THE SIGN READS “THE AMAZING CARNIVAL OF TERRORS” AND THE TICKET WINDOW LIGHTS UP TO REVEAL THE SMILING FACE OF SHINO TSURUBUCHI…
WHERE ARE VIKA AND NINA?
WHAT HAVE THE LADIES GOTTEN THEMSELVES INTO?
TO BE CONTINUED…
OPEN ON A DARK, DESERTED AMUSEMENT PARK ENTRANCE. A SPUTTERING NEON SIGN READS “THE AMAZING CARNIVAL OF ERRORS.”
QUEEN MASHA STANDS WITH HER LOYAL SERVANTS, ANDY H. AND JO-LA.
ANDY:
I don’t like this place. It’s kind of creepy. And it’s October. Horrible things always happen around here near Halloween and Lena’s birthday.
QUEEN MASHA:
Silence, peasant. We bid dearly to get the candy concession here for Sugarpovas, and we will make a delicious profit. Besides, the sign says “Carnival of Errors.” It will be like watching the Swedish peasant hit a backhand.
JO-LA (sticking out tongue at Queen Masha’s back and sotto voce):
Shows what you know, you bossy bitch. I’ve never hit a backhand in my life!
ANDY WAVES A VENDOR PASS AT THE BOOTH AND THEY WALK THROUGH THE GATE, JO-LA WHEELING A HANDCART WITH BOXES OF SUGARPOVAS.
ENTER THE WILLIAMS SISTERS.
SERENA:
Ha. While all those other foolish girls play the Asian tour, I’m gonna chill and relax with a nice trip to the amusement park.
VEE:
Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean Disneyworld is a lot nicer…
SERENA:
Please. I might even do an exo with Vika. I bet we could hit 70, 80 UEs each.
VEE:
And yet the biggest error is that one of you ends up doing a victory--and I use the word loosely--“dance.”
SERENA:
Just buy the tickets.
VEE PURCHASES TICKETS FROM THE UNSEEN VENDOR IN THE BOOTH AND THE SISTERS MOVE THROUGH THE TURNSTILES.
ENTER THE EXTENDEd POLISH/GERMAN/DANISH CONTINGENT.
ULA:
Oh, look! An amusement park!
AGA:
You know what amuses me? Being naked in Playboy!
SABS:
Okay, I’ll go, but we can’t go on any fast rides. I ruptured my spleen on a merry-go-round once and nearly died!
ANGIE:
Seriously?
SABS:
Well, it was a very big merry-go-round. And then, once I did the milk bottle toss and blew out my rotator cuff.
ANGIE:
What’s the longest you’ve gone without hurting yourself?
SABS:
I once went 47 minutes and 18 seconds. Then I ate a Pink Thing and stabbed myself in the face with the stick! I nearly died!
CARO:
I don’t want to get naked, but I would like to get on those flying swings so my skirt flys up and shows off my new line of panties. I have to say they are pretty nice. Let’s go on in!
THEY BUY THEIR TICKETS.
ENTER DANI AND DOMI DRESSED AS CARPENTERS.
DANI:
This is the jobsite all right.
DOMI:
I don’t get it. Why am I dressed as a carpenter?
DANI:
Because in the last confrontation, there was not ONE SINGLE JOKE ABOUT MOHAWK LAMINATE. And that is just wrong. So we are here to build a new roller coaster out of Mohawk Laminate.
DOMI:
You know, I have the suspicion I am just being set up for a bunch of cheap, unfunny short jokes followed by an awful, painful death.
DANI (WITH FINGERS CROSSED):
Please, like I would ever do that to a fellow Slovak.
THE SLOVAKS MOVE ON, LADEN WITH MOHAWK LAMINATE, NAILS, TOOLS, ETC.
THE SIGN CRACKLES, SENDING A REIGN OF SPARKS…A “T” IS NOW VISIBLE, SO THE SIGN READS “THE AMAZING CARNIVAL OF TERRORS” AND THE TICKET WINDOW LIGHTS UP TO REVEAL THE SMILING FACE OF SHINO TSURUBUCHI…
WHERE ARE VIKA AND NINA?
WHAT HAVE THE LADIES GOTTEN THEMSELVES INTO?
TO BE CONTINUED…