Tennis Forum banner

Halloween Confrontation VIII

20K views 162 replies 68 participants last post by  mc8114 
#1 ·
It may suck. But it's tradition.



OPEN ON A DARK, DESERTED AMUSEMENT PARK ENTRANCE. A SPUTTERING NEON SIGN READS “THE AMAZING CARNIVAL OF ERRORS.”

QUEEN MASHA STANDS WITH HER LOYAL SERVANTS, ANDY H. AND JO-LA.

ANDY:
I don’t like this place. It’s kind of creepy. And it’s October. Horrible things always happen around here near Halloween and Lena’s birthday.

QUEEN MASHA:
Silence, peasant. We bid dearly to get the candy concession here for Sugarpovas, and we will make a delicious profit. Besides, the sign says “Carnival of Errors.” It will be like watching the Swedish peasant hit a backhand.

JO-LA (sticking out tongue at Queen Masha’s back and sotto voce):
Shows what you know, you bossy bitch. I’ve never hit a backhand in my life!

ANDY WAVES A VENDOR PASS AT THE BOOTH AND THEY WALK THROUGH THE GATE, JO-LA WHEELING A HANDCART WITH BOXES OF SUGARPOVAS.

ENTER THE WILLIAMS SISTERS.

SERENA:
Ha. While all those other foolish girls play the Asian tour, I’m gonna chill and relax with a nice trip to the amusement park.

VEE:
Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean Disneyworld is a lot nicer…

SERENA:
Please. I might even do an exo with Vika. I bet we could hit 70, 80 UEs each.

VEE:
And yet the biggest error is that one of you ends up doing a victory--and I use the word loosely--“dance.”

SERENA:
Just buy the tickets.

VEE PURCHASES TICKETS FROM THE UNSEEN VENDOR IN THE BOOTH AND THE SISTERS MOVE THROUGH THE TURNSTILES.

ENTER THE EXTENDEd POLISH/GERMAN/DANISH CONTINGENT.

ULA:
Oh, look! An amusement park!
AGA:
You know what amuses me? Being naked in Playboy!

SABS:
Okay, I’ll go, but we can’t go on any fast rides. I ruptured my spleen on a merry-go-round once and nearly died!

ANGIE:
Seriously?

SABS:
Well, it was a very big merry-go-round. And then, once I did the milk bottle toss and blew out my rotator cuff.

ANGIE:
What’s the longest you’ve gone without hurting yourself?

SABS:
I once went 47 minutes and 18 seconds. Then I ate a Pink Thing and stabbed myself in the face with the stick! I nearly died!

CARO:
I don’t want to get naked, but I would like to get on those flying swings so my skirt flys up and shows off my new line of panties. I have to say they are pretty nice. Let’s go on in!

THEY BUY THEIR TICKETS.

ENTER DANI AND DOMI DRESSED AS CARPENTERS.

DANI:
This is the jobsite all right.

DOMI:
I don’t get it. Why am I dressed as a carpenter?

DANI:
Because in the last confrontation, there was not ONE SINGLE JOKE ABOUT MOHAWK LAMINATE. And that is just wrong. So we are here to build a new roller coaster out of Mohawk Laminate.

DOMI:
You know, I have the suspicion I am just being set up for a bunch of cheap, unfunny short jokes followed by an awful, painful death.

DANI (WITH FINGERS CROSSED):
Please, like I would ever do that to a fellow Slovak.

THE SLOVAKS MOVE ON, LADEN WITH MOHAWK LAMINATE, NAILS, TOOLS, ETC.

THE SIGN CRACKLES, SENDING A REIGN OF SPARKS…A “T” IS NOW VISIBLE, SO THE SIGN READS “THE AMAZING CARNIVAL OF TERRORS” AND THE TICKET WINDOW LIGHTS UP TO REVEAL THE SMILING FACE OF SHINO TSURUBUCHI…

WHERE ARE VIKA AND NINA?

WHAT HAVE THE LADIES GOTTEN THEMSELVES INTO?

TO BE CONTINUED…
 
See less See more
#32 ·
I nearly died reading this, just like Sabs :lol:
 
#34 ·
THE WOMEN HEAD INTO THE TENT HOUSING THE WORLD’S OLDEST VIRGIN.

NOT SURPRISINGLY, LENA D LIES ON A BED, THUMB IN MOUTH, GENTLY SNORING.

MARION:
If we just sneak out without waking her…

VEE:
We might survive this year…

BUT IT’S TOO LATE! THE SLEEPING LEAN STIRS.

LENA:
Mommy Vera, is that you? Are you coming to bed now?

ANGIE:
I thought she was married—shouldn’t she waiting for her husband?

JO-LA:
Have you ever heard of Lena D? Did you read the sign?

SABS:
I’m a regular peanut butter legs compared to her. Although I must point out I’m allergic to peanuts. I ate one once and …

ALL CHORUS:
…NEARLY DIED.

LENA LOOKING AROUND, SECRETIVELY WIPING THUMB ON BLANKY:
Why how nice! Every one has come back to visit me for my birthday! Is it a surprise party? Once when I was a little girl, Mommy Vera gave a me a birthday surprise. As soon as I got up she hit me in the face with a 2x4!

JJ:
What the hell kind of birthday surprise is that?

LENA:
It was a complete surprise! I never expected to hit in the face like that on my birthday. And like Mommy Vera said, it was so nice when it stopped hurting. Are we going to have an adventure? When I was a little girl Mommy Vera used to take me on adventures all the time! She would take me to Red Square with a sign around my neck that said “I take candy from strangers.” Then she would run away as fast as she could and I had to find my way home as best I could on my own. Sometimes it took me days and days. I haven’t done an adventure since the last time she did that to me.

VEE:
When was that?

LENA:
At the Museum of Islamic Arts in Doha in 2010.

ANDY H.
We should probably kill her to avoid trouble later…but…but…

VEE:
I know. She looks at you and you just kind of want to scratch behind her ears or something. I actually tried to throw that Wimby semi in ’08 for her. But she was just so…Lena.
SHOUTS AND SCREAMS COME FROM OUTSIDE THE VIRGIN TENT. ALL THE WOMEN RUN OUT, INCLUDING LENA IN HER BUNNY JAMMIES.

THE FEDERER TWINS RUN BY, TEARS STREAMING DOWN THEIR FACES.

THE TWINS:
Mean girls!

VIKA AND NINA, DRESSED IN MATCHING SCHOOL GIRL UNIFORMS COME AROUND THE CORNER, EATING SNICKERS AND DRINKING COKES.

VIKA:
Like taking candy from a baby.

NINA:
Like beating up a ball kid.

VIKA:
Like taking the #1 ranking from a Dane.

NINA:
Like…oh. Hello, girls.

QUEEN MASHA:
We cannot believe you two! Stealing candy from sweet little babies like that!

VIKA (LOOKING VAGUELY GUILTY)
We were trick-or-treating.

QUEEN MASHA:
…when you could have delcious, Sugarpova’s for trick or treat.

JUST THEN, A PEDICAB ARRIVES, DRIVEN BY A HUFFING AND PUFFING ZHENG. OUT STEP LI AND ANA.

JO-LA:
I know I’m going to regret asking this, but what’s with the pedicab?

ANA:
Well, I had a VIP pass to the amusement park.

LI:
It’s a Mercedes pedicab. It seems there were actually some performance clauses in my contract that tie into my getting things like, you know, engines, a front end, power steering…

ZHENG:
Apparently my contract with Chinese Tennis Federation has some performance clauses in the fine print, too.

SERENA:
Well, here we are, all at this amusement park. I want to go on some rides!

TO BE CONTINUED…
 
  • Like
Reactions: AndreConrad
#36 ·
LENA:
It was a complete surprise! I never expected to hit in the face like that on my birthday. And like Mommy Vera said, it was so nice when it stopped hurting. Are we going to have an adventure? When I was a little girl Mommy Vera used to take me on adventures all the time! She would take me to Red Square with a sign around my neck that said “I take candy from strangers.” Then she would run away as fast as she could and I had to find my way home as best I could on my own. Sometimes it took me days and days. I haven’t done an adventure since the last time she did that to me.


VIKA:
Like taking the #1 ranking from a Dane.

NINA:
Like…oh. Hello, girls.
too much:haha:
 
#35 ·
LENA:
It was a complete surprise! I never expected to hit in the face like that on my birthday. And like Mommy Vera said, it was so nice when it stopped hurting. Are we going to have an adventure? When I was a little girl Mommy Vera used to take me on adventures all the time! She would take me to Red Square with a sign around my neck that said “I take candy from strangers.” Then she would run away as fast as she could and I had to find my way home as best I could on my own. Sometimes it took me days and days. I haven’t done an adventure since the last time she did that to me.
:lol: :haha:

VEE:
I know. She looks at you and you just kind of want to scratch behind her ears or something. I actually tried to throw that Wimby semi in ’08 for her. But she was just so…Lena.
SHOUTS AND SCREAMS COME FROM OUTSIDE THE VIRGIN TENT. ALL THE WOMEN RUN OUT, INCLUDING LENA IN HER BUNNY JAMMIES.
I CANNOT you are so funny.
 
#38 ·
:haha: loved this latest installment.
 
#50 ·
VEE:
I’m sure that going on any of the rides at this amusement park is a horrible idea. The best thing we can do is leave.

ANA:
But where is the entrance? Even though my sense of direction is much better than it was in 2008, I am completely lost!

JO-LA:
I’m lost too! But then again, I’m lost a lot of the time. I can’t even fill out my schedule.

MARION:
I want funnel cake. And Belgian waffles. And fried Mars bars.

WICKI:
I’ll give you a Belgian waffle, right up your…

CARO:
Please, this is no time to fight.

Maybe those two fair workers can give us directions.

SHE POINTS TO A PAIR OF VAGUELY FAMILIAR LOOKING FAIR WORKERS.

DANI:
Hold this piece of laminate like so.

DOMI:
Bitch, you know I can’t reach that high.

DANI:
Well, where’s your footstool?

DOMI:
I’M ON THE FOOTSTOOL!

PETRA:
Rats. It’s Domi. I was hoping it was a young . . .

AGA:
Geez. It’s enough to make me miss Flavia. Where is she anyway?

ANGIE:
She’s still with Blondebangs. They’re on a round-the-world cruise together. Apparently they’re going to have sex in every port…

LENA:
I’m going to faint.

LI:
Please, enough. Can you tell us how to get out of here?

DANI:
I’m sorry, but our work order is only for this roller coaster. The exits are not, tragically, made of Mohawk Laminate. So I don’t know where they are.

Anyway, none of the rides here are safe. Notice the lack of sturdy, stain-resistant Mohawk Laminate. It’s enough to make one weep.

SABS BURSTS INTO TEARS.

DANI:
Well, I was speaking metaphorically…

ANGIE:
She does that all the time. She like a German Lena D. Only not quite as clueless.

LENA:
What? Mr. Green, with the Revolver, in the Conservatory!

TAYLOR:
Hey, look over there!

JJ:
What? I can’t see around you.

TAYLOR:
Oh. Sorry, Here, let me move a couple of inches to the side here.

JJ:
Oh. A karoke booth where you can video yourself.

SAM:
That looks like fun! Let’s go!

THE WOMEN HEAD TOWARD THE RUNDOWN, TATTERED LOOKING BOOTH. A CAMERA IS SET UP, ALONG WITH A TV SCREEN AND CD PLAYER.

LI:
I’ll just swipe my husband’s credit card…

GEARS WHIR, LIGHTS COME UP, MUSIC STARTS TO PLAY.
SUDDENLY, FIGURES THAT APPEAR TO BE LAURA AND GENIE ENTER IN WILD GETUPS.

QUEEN MASHA:
Oh no. Not the dreaded Gangnam ghosts!

ZHENG:
And people wonder why I listen to classical music.

LAURA AND GENIE:
Gangnam style!

THEY BEGIN TO DANCE SPASTICALLY.

SAM:
Ah, come girls. That looks like fun!

SAM JUMPS UP ON STAGE AND STARTS TO DANCE WITH THE TWO GHOSTLY FIGURES.

LAURA AND GENIE’S FACES CONTORT INTO HIDEOUS MASKS OF RAGE.

LAURA AND GENIE:
And now, Gangland Style!

THEY PULL OUT AK-47s AND RIDDLE POOR SAM WITH 7.6 MM ROUNDS. THE OTHER WOMEN RUN SCREAMING IN TERROR…
 
#55 ·
DOMI:
Bitch, you know I can’t reach that high.

DANI:
Well, where’s your footstool?

DOMI:
I’M ON THE FOOTSTOOL!
This :lol:



THEY BEGIN TO DANCE SPASTICALLY.

SAM:
Ah, come girls. That looks like fun!

SAM JUMPS UP ON STAGE AND STARTS TO DANCE WITH THE TWO GHOSTLY FIGURES.

LAURA AND GENIE’S FACES CONTORT INTO HIDEOUS MASKS OF RAGE.


LAURA AND GENIE:
And now, Gangland Style!

THEY PULL OUT AK-47s AND RIDDLE POOR SAM WITH 7.6 MM ROUNDS
. THE OTHER WOMEN RUN SCREAMING IN TERROR…
And This :lol:

Cool Ending! Thanks for a good read Miffedmax :yeah:
 
#51 ·
Laua & Genie :worship:
 
#52 ·
MARION:
I want funnel cake. And Belgian waffles. And fried Mars bars.

WICKI:
I’ll give you a Belgian waffle, right up your…
:lol:

and
DANI:
Hold this piece of laminate like so.

DOMI:
Bitch, you know I can’t reach that high.

DANI:
Well, where’s your footstool?

DOMI:
I’M ON THE FOOTSTOOL!
:haha:


Sam Died :sad:
 
#54 ·
  • Like
Reactions: Zamboni
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top