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Old Feb 5th, 2013, 11:49 PM   #136
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Re: Jokes?

How deep is a frog's pond?

Knee-deep, Knee-deep, Knee-deep!
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Old Feb 6th, 2013, 12:57 AM   #137
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Re: Jokes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Helen Lawson View Post
How deep is a frog's pond?

Knee-deep, Knee-deep, Knee-deep!
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Old Feb 8th, 2013, 11:33 PM   #138
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Re: Jokes?

The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living.

"Mary, what does your parents do?"

Little Mary replied, "My dad is a lawyer and my mummy is a nurse."

"That’s very nice," said the teacher. "Robert, what do your parents do?"

Robert proudly exclaimed, "My dad is a policeman and my mom is a teacher!"

"That’s very nice," said the teacher, "Johnny, what do your parents do?"

He stood up and pronounced, "My dad's dead and my mom's a hooker."

Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. 15 minutes later, he returned.

"Did you tell the principal what you said in class?" asked the teacher.

Johnny replied, "Yes, he said that in our economy every job is important, gave me a chocolate and asked for my phone number




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Old Feb 9th, 2013, 12:16 AM   #139
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Re: Jokes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Helen Lawson View Post
How deep is a frog's pond?

Knee-deep, Knee-deep, Knee-deep!
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Old Feb 9th, 2013, 12:48 AM   #140
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Re: Jokes?

Why did the electron leave the positron for the proton?

Because the electron felt twice as grounded.
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Old Feb 9th, 2013, 01:02 AM   #141
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Re: Jokes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Stefwhit View Post

I made this joke up over 10 years ago and never told it to anyone...lol

Why do men love Kournikova and women hate Kournikova?
- Because she sucks!
!
(Copied from the U.S. Department thread...)

When do u know its time to kill a midget?

- when he tells u, your wife's hair smells good...
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Old Feb 9th, 2013, 02:16 AM   #142
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Re: Jokes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Stefwhit View Post
(Copied from the U.S. Department thread...)

When do u know its time to kill a midget?

- when he tells u, your wife's hair smells good...
OH MY GOD
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Old Feb 11th, 2013, 01:11 PM   #143
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Re: Jokes?

The queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.

"Oh my god!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???"

The doctor leading the tour explains, "I'm sorry your ladyship, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they would explode and he would most likely die instantly."

"Oh, I am sorry" said the Queen.

On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blow job.

"Oh my God", said the Queen, "What's happening in there?"

The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."
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Old Mar 7th, 2013, 04:33 PM   #144
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Re: Jokes?

Mother was out, and dad was in charge.

She was maybe 2 1/2 years old.

Someone had given her a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of her favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when she brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.
...
After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, mom came home.

Dad made her wait in the living room to watch her bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!'

Mum waited, and sure enough, here she came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; and she watched him drink it up.
Then she said, (as only a mother would know),

"'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"
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Old Mar 7th, 2013, 04:47 PM   #145
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Re: Jokes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Balltossovic View Post
Mother was out, and dad was in charge.

She was maybe 2 1/2 years old.

Someone had given her a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of her favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when she brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.
...
After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, mom came home.

Dad made her wait in the living room to watch her bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!'

Mum waited, and sure enough, here she came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; and she watched him drink it up.
Then she said, (as only a mother would know),

"'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"
very nice
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Old Mar 7th, 2013, 06:18 PM   #146
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Re: Jokes?

An old, blind biker wanders into an all-girl bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

‘Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair that you should know five things about this bar:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a black-belt.

3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 180-pound blonde woman with PMS.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde body-builder, jacked up on steroids.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, dude. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’

The blind biker thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times..
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Old Mar 7th, 2013, 06:47 PM   #147
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Re: Jokes?

Good
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Old Mar 7th, 2013, 07:23 PM   #148
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Re: Jokes?

A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber runs out of the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach.

Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it’s too risky to operate.

All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. “What’s wrong?” asks the mother.
...
“I was taking pee and this bullet came out.” replies the daughter.
The mother tells her it’s okay and explains what happened 16 years ago.

About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears. “Mom, I was taking pee and this bullet came out.”

Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago.

A week later the boy walks into the room in tears. “It’s okay,” says the mom, “I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out.”

“No,” says the boy, “I was jerking off and I shot the dog.”
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Old Mar 7th, 2013, 07:56 PM   #149
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Re: Jokes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Balltossovic View Post
A skinny little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown.”

The little guy faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and starts shaking him. The big guy says, “What's wrong with you?” In a weak voice the little guy says, “What EXACTLY did you say to me?”

The big dude says, “I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me..... I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.”
The small guy says, “Turner Brown?! Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, 'Turn around!"


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Old Mar 8th, 2013, 01:37 AM   #150
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Re: Jokes?

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