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Old Sep 30th, 2012, 03:30 AM   #121
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Re: Coming out...

Coming out to my parents was the scariest thing I've ever had to do, I felt so empowered afterwards though.
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Old Sep 30th, 2012, 03:53 AM   #122
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Re: Coming out...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Olórin View Post
Shafanovic and Julian,

Frankly if your parents don't love you unconditionally they certainly don't deserve such love in return. Live your life.
It's not that easy, you mentioned the unconditional love yourself, so it's clear that we don't love our parents only if they "deserve" it. Of course, if your parents don't support you, you won't sacrifice yourself and live the life they want you to live. But giving up on your parents because they "don't deserve" your love is not a solution.

I'd suggest Julian and Shafanovic to stop hiding their sexuality not only from their parents, but in general. You can't hide it forever and delaying certain conversations will only make it harder to come out eventually and it's an unnecessary burden. Be honest to people you love, if they don't accept it immediately, be patient and work on your relationships with them. In the end of the day, parents usually want to see their children happy, so when they see you happy, they could change their attitude. So, guys, I won't pretend I know how you feel, but facing your fears is the only possible solution. Good luck.
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Old Sep 30th, 2012, 08:59 AM   #123
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Re: Coming out...

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Originally Posted by Shafanovic. View Post
I love my mum so much, and I know she does too but I just don't want that to change. If I have to be a closet case for the rest of my life just to make her happy then I will because that's how much I love her. I know it's my life but what makes me happy is seeing my mum happy.



Yeah I don't know, I'll have to think about what I should do for a while.



I'm hoping I would grow the balls to actually tell her one day. And I didn't want to bother you with all my problems And you weren't exactly in the best condition to talk last night either from what I saw
If I were your mum and I read this sentence I'd smack you upside the head and tell you to come out of the closet. I think you'd be surprised by people's capacity to put their prejudices aside for the sake of their loved ones. Your mum loves you more than she hates gay people. I guarantee that.
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Old Sep 30th, 2012, 03:41 PM   #124
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Re: Coming out...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Julian. View Post
Yeah, I have a job and I live in a rented house with my boyfriend. And I have just recently moved to Toronto with my boyfriend away from my hometown in Perth, Australia. It's not easy to just cut ties with my parents/family because I don't want too, I love them so much and am really close to them. On the other hand I love my boyfriend too. Ugh. I'm just not ready to tell them for now. Maybe in a couple of years time, I don't know.
Moving to another country especially a LGBT tollerant like I presume Canada is serves as a perfect opportunity to start your life from the scratch and should allow you to come out in the new enviroment. I gather that you don't have any friends from Australia living there and I doubt any of the new people you meet in Toronto will call your home back to say anything about the whole deal either. Of course coming out to your parents is not something you should do on the phone but I think that the sooner your mother finds out about it the better. I can't possibly think what's it like to be hiding your orientation, but I hope you'll find the courage to come out soon

Quote:
Originally Posted by égalité View Post
If I were your mum and I read this sentence I'd smack you upside the head and tell you to come out of the closet. I think you'd be surprised by people's capacity to put their prejudices aside for the sake of their loved ones. Your mum loves you more than she hates gay people. I guarantee that.
Well, I rarely agree with egalite, but that's probably the case here. It might look different if Julian came out of the third world country or deeply religious background (and I'm not saying about Christianity since the Muslim countries seem far more strict than Roman Catholic ones for instance) but I suspect it's much more easier when you're living in a Protestant country like Australia or Canada.

Shafanovic's situation is much more complicated especially that Indonesia has the biggest population among Muslim countries over the world IIRC.
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Old Nov 7th, 2012, 03:43 AM   #125
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Re: Coming out...

Come out and play a game of hopscotch!
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Old Jan 2nd, 2013, 06:42 PM   #126
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Re: Coming out...

I DID IT
Finally told my parents and sister. Still have to tell my brother though because he's in NY.
Told them to sit down, almost broke down in tears. So i told it pretty fast. I said; i have something important to tell. I'm gay. I felt so nervous and awful, but they were totally supportive.
I actually don't know how i feel right now. I feel happy, but i also feel kinda sad.

Honestly, i don't know how i managed to tell it. It wasn't planned and i still wanted to wait for a while.
I feel so weird
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Old Jan 2nd, 2013, 06:51 PM   #127
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Re: Coming out...

That's pretty brave. Congrats.
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Old Jan 2nd, 2013, 07:06 PM   #128
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Re: Coming out...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elwin. View Post
I DID IT
Finally told my parents and sister. Still have to tell my brother though because he's in NY.
Told them to sit down, almost broke down in tears. So i told it pretty fast. I said; i have something important to tell. I'm gay. I felt so nervous and awful, but they were totally supportive.
I actually don't know how i feel right now. I feel happy, but i also feel kinda sad.

Honestly, i don't know how i managed to tell it. It wasn't planned and i still wanted to wait for a while.
I feel so weird
Proud of you, GOATly brotha
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Old Jan 2nd, 2013, 07:50 PM   #129
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Re: Coming out...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cajka View Post
It's not that easy, you mentioned the unconditional love yourself, so it's clear that we don't love our parents only if they "deserve" it. Of course, if your parents don't support you, you won't sacrifice yourself and live the life they want you to live. But giving up on your parents because they "don't deserve" your love is not a solution.
First of all I never claimed it would be easy. Secondly "taking time away from your parents' negative example" is hardly the same as "giving up on them". So I don't think your reply is even a reply to what I was saying. Cherry picking one line of a post and ignoring the rest isn't exactly the best way to respond to someone, generally.

I'm hardly telling either Julian or Shafanovic to "unlove" their parents based on my personal judgement, how absurd would that be. I was simply pointing out that it sounded to me like there may have been more conditions attached to one side of the love than the other. I assumed they wanted some external perspective.

You need to bear in mind in the post that I was responding to that Shafanovic's mother had told him "not to be gay". To me, that doesn't seem a healthy environment to be in as you try to discover your sexuality however much love there is there. And such an atmosphere makes it that much more difficult for him to "come out" or to "stop hiding his sexuality" as you suggested.

Time away from parents has actually helped a lot of LGBT people I know and has led to a better longer term relationship with their parents once both parties have been able to come to terms with sexuality etc. in their own space. This definitely one of the most useful aspects, socially, of the student culture.
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Old Jan 2nd, 2013, 08:06 PM   #130
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Re: Coming out...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elwin. View Post
I DID IT
Finally told my parents and sister. Still have to tell my brother though because he's in NY.
Told them to sit down, almost broke down in tears. So i told it pretty fast. I said; i have something important to tell. I'm gay. I felt so nervous and awful, but they were totally supportive.
I actually don't know how i feel right now. I feel happy, but i also feel kinda sad.

Honestly, i don't know how i managed to tell it. It wasn't planned and i still wanted to wait for a while.
I feel so weird
OMG that's great !!! So so so happy for you mate !
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Old Jan 2nd, 2013, 08:09 PM   #131
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Re: Coming out...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elwin. View Post
I DID IT
Finally told my parents and sister. Still have to tell my brother though because he's in NY.
Told them to sit down, almost broke down in tears. So i told it pretty fast. I said; i have something important to tell. I'm gay. I felt so nervous and awful, but they were totally supportive.
I actually don't know how i feel right now. I feel happy, but i also feel kinda sad.

Honestly, i don't know how i managed to tell it. It wasn't planned and i still wanted to wait for a while.
I feel so weird
Good for you

I feel like so many people have "come out" on this board over the years, and it being such a gay-friendly place it helps before "coming out" in real life.
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Old Jan 2nd, 2013, 08:21 PM   #132
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Re: Coming out...

Do you guys think parents have no doubts about us? Like, from what I remember, i used to tell my father when i was like 10 how I supported FC Sunderland just because they had a pink outfit, and I remember dying for this knitting thing my neighbor girl had when i was like 6 i'm sure there must have been more things and sometimes i can't imagine them not having some kind of doubt.
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Old Jan 2nd, 2013, 08:34 PM   #133
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Re: Coming out...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elwin. View Post
I DID IT
Finally told my parents and sister. Still have to tell my brother though because he's in NY.
Told them to sit down, almost broke down in tears. So i told it pretty fast. I said; i have something important to tell. I'm gay. I felt so nervous and awful, but they were totally supportive.
I actually don't know how i feel right now. I feel happy, but i also feel kinda sad.

Honestly, i don't know how i managed to tell it. It wasn't planned and i still wanted to wait for a while.
I feel so weird
Well done. Sometimes you just have to take the bull by the horns. I am glad it went well and I hope it's easy from here on out

Quote:
Originally Posted by Petkorazzi View Post
Do you guys think parents have no doubts about us? Like, from what I remember, i used to tell my father when i was like 10 how I supported FC Sunderland just because they had a pink outfit, and I remember dying for this knitting thing my neighbor girl had when i was like 6 i'm sure there must have been more things and sometimes i can't imagine them not having some kind of doubt.
I'm sure some parents know on some level I remember one of my cousins was very jaunty and unusually eloquent as a child - one time when he said something particularly florid, my uncle just turned and said "so, we think he's gay." My uncle was just being funny at that moment but he did think said he thought my cousin probably was and that it was fine.
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Old Jan 2nd, 2013, 08:38 PM   #134
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Re: Coming out...

Thanks guys for the reactions
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Old Jan 2nd, 2013, 08:39 PM   #135
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Re: Coming out...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Petkorazzi View Post
Do you guys think parents have no doubts about us? Like, from what I remember, i used to tell my father when i was like 10 how I supported FC Sunderland just because they had a pink outfit, and I remember dying for this knitting thing my neighbor girl had when i was like 6 i'm sure there must have been more things and sometimes i can't imagine them not having some kind of doubt.
IDK Some parents are just blind.
My parents said they had no idea, despite the fact that i loved the Backstreet Boys when i was little, always played with Princess Peach on mario kart and that i never had a GF
I mean, there were signs
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