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Old Jan 24th, 2013, 11:56 AM   #26
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Re: When In An Elevator (starring M. Sharapova,S. Williams,V. Azarenka, N. Djokovic..

I was planning to post the third part kind of like a celebration for Maria's win but it turned out like a consolation price
Still can't get over yesterday's loss but hopefully this will cheer you up a bit and give you a few laughs


“What’s going on?” Rafa asked worried.
“I think the elevator stopped” Serena answered.
“You don’t say” Azarenka snapped. - “Move it” she yelled at Rafa while pushing him to the side, in an effort to get to the control panel.
At that same moment Sharapova who was closer, rushed over, wanting to get to it first and fix the problem herself. Even though she didn't know what she was supposed to do, once she got there, she didn't really care; all she wanted was to mess with the bitch. As a result they both reached the panel at the same time, and bumped on each other, really hard.
“Priority to the right, bitch!” Maria shouted completely losing her temper.
“Priority to the Number 1, bitch!” Vika answered also shouting.
If you had the ability to read other people’s minds, this is probably what you would have heard, had you been there:

Serena: I know what I’m thinking now is probably all kinds of wrong and messed up, but I am HORNY. Maria is kind of hot when she gets mad. …Oh my God, I really need to get laid. Like, soon. Or eat a hamburger, it’s more doable.

Novak: OK, this whole spanking thing was an accident, but I DO want to spank her now. I think I need to get out of here, before I do something I’ll regret. No! Stop thinking like that…But she’s hot… NO! SHUT UP!

Rafa (In Spanish): Why are those two fighting? What does “priority” mean? ...I really liked that waitress chick in Taco Bell. She totally checked me out, too. Why wouldn't she anyways? I AM hot. Oh you handsome son of a bitch…*mental high-five*

Vika: Did that bitch just call me a bitch? I will end her. I will buy monkeys and throw them on her and they will surely mistake that Sugarpova whore for a tree and climb on her and then she will die and then... No, wait... That’s lame. Come up with a smart insult. SHIT! I’ve got nothing... I know I should be really furious with that mustached giraffe... OK it’s getting lamer, but Rafa is a hottie... I would totally climb on him.

Maria: I will fix the elevator first, not her. Why is this psychotic bitch always a pain in my ass? What do you want from my life? Go find someone else to annoy, or I don’t know get an X-ray or something... OK why is Novak staring at me again? I know I should be freaked out by the whole spanking thing but it was kind of flattering and I mean he is sort of hot...

But since you can’t read people’s minds:

“No, you are just gonna get electroshocked and you know I wouldn't want you ending up extremely injured again, so let me do it.” said Maria.
“Why, so you can double-fault it, like everything else in your life?” Vika replied.
A hysterical and ironic laugh escaped Maria’s mouth, her face got all red and one of her eyes started twitching by its self as if she had a tick all of a sudden, caused by the uncontrollable anger that overcame her.
“Yay, cat fight, I like! Where’s the popcorn, guys?” Serena said and laughed by her self.
“SHIT! I think I lost that waitress’s phone!” Nadal shouted in desperation.
Novak didn't say anything but from his expression one could understand that he was really freaked out at the moment.
This is not good. I have a really bad feeling about this!” he thought while looking at Maria’s face. - “Oh my god, I have never seen her like that. She is SCARY! This whole thing screams CRAZY, from her twitchy eye to the weird hand waving and pointing around. The double-faulting, must really push her buttons, I better not mention anything like that in front of her, if I want to live to see another day...”
“Take that back!” Masha screamed hysterically.
“Or what? “ Vika asked provocatively.
“OK that’s it...” she shouted while charging towards her, obviously about to choke her. At that moment Djokovic decided to interfere, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her close to him. He considered letting go since there was now some distance between her and Azarenka, but as he saw that she continued struggling in his arms and trying to reach Vika, he felt it was best not to.
“LET ME GO NOVAK!!! I’M GONNA KILL HER!” she shouted angrily.
“No, I don’t want you to do anything stupid”
“You just threatened to kill her!” he exclaimed.
“Yeah, right.” Azarenka interrupted.
“SHUT UP! NOBODY’S TALKING TO YOU GODDAMN IT!” Sharapova replied in a hysterical state.
“OK, that’s enough, calm down already!!!” Novak also shouted, having lost his temper.
“DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!” she yelled – “I think I should though,” she continued now in a lower tone, feeling tired and dizzy by her nervous break down.
“Good. I’m gonna let you go now, OK?” he said and released her from his grip.
“Really? You are gonna leave that lunatic loose? Somebody restrain her already!” Vika lashed out
“SERIOUSLY?” and with that last insult any calmness that she had managed to regain vanished, as she reached for Azarenka’s throat for the second time.
“NO!!!” Novak grabbed her again, this time tighter, making any movement whatsoever impossible. “Stop provoking her! Don’t you see she’s lost it? Like, lost it!” he snapped at Vika and continued in a softer voice “OK Maria, you need to relax. A little superiority wouldn’t hurt in this situation.”
“Superiority is so overrated!” she answered, but he could still feel her muscles loosening. At that point he realized that all this time he was holding her, holding her, she was actually in his arms, like for real, something he had been imagining for months now. While thinking all this, somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that he was supposed to let go of her, since things were back to normal again. He could hear that there was some kind of conversation going on, but chose to ignore it, absorbed as he was. His body was so close to hers that he could smell her perfume.
“What do you think Novak?” Serena asked, but he didn’t answer. He was too distracted by the smell of her blonde locks on his face; he couldn’t define what it was exactly. Maybe coconut? It didn’t really matter, the result was the same.
“Novak?” Maria asked. Suddenly everybody was looking at him, expecting him to answer.

Last edited by PimpMePova : Jan 24th, 2013 at 03:24 PM.
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