Originally Posted by Kitten63
[/b]I don't think you have to worry about that. We'll be here for you as long as you need us
I would like to reply to each one of your posts, guys, but that's impossible because there are so many and I would end up saying the same thing over and over again.
So here's sort of an update for all of you. Yesterday I arranged the funeral and I chose a coffin of 450 euros. That's not the cheapest, but not the most expensive either. If I were a millionaire I would have chosen the most expensive one of them all, but unfortunately I'm just another loser with a very modest income.
Besides, the grave itself will be more expensive than I can really afford because I'm doing what my mum has been nagging about to me for years - "I want a family grave. When both of our lifes are over I want your casket on top of mine or else besides each other. We have been together for as long as you've lived, I want us to be together for all eternity. And I want one grave stone with both of our names on it." I feel very guilty for never actually promising her that I would do that. In fact, my reply was usually a bit cynical, although she knew that I didn't really mean it (I hope so anyway).
Usually I said something like "who cares, mum? Death is death, no matter how or where we are burried. It's not as though I'll have a crowbar and a spade in my coffin to dig my way from my coffin to yours." In my own clumsy way I tried to be funny (I'm a Woz fan after all
), but I did it to put her mind off of such things as death. And I didn't want to think about it myself either because the inevitable fact that my mum one day wouldn't be there anymore was something that I have never been willing to accept. But now I of course regret never just giving her a straight "yes, mom, don't worry. I'll do it" for an answer. I hope that deep down inside she knew that I would do the last thing I could do for her according to her wishes......So rest in peace, mum, I'm coming - if not right now than at least eventually.
Another possible drama - there is a flu epidemic where I live, and guess what?.......Since this morning I'm walking around with a soar throat.
.....It's all happening folks. What makes it even worse is that I can't hardly eat anything , or sleep at all. But I know that I must at least eat something to keep me going ("keep me going", not to be taken too literally, that is). So this evening I'll try to put some food inside of me, including some fruit to help make the cold go away. I know beforehand that it will be torture and that it will take me an eternity, but I have no choice because I'm feeling weaker by the minute. And after I have accomplished that mission impossible, I'll go for the potentially even harder one - trying to get some fucking sleep! So I'll put a 'are you insane' number of blankets on top of myself, plus a warm water bottle for my feet, and hopefully I'll be able to get some sleep and sweat out the cold. Not too much hope of getting some sleep, but I'll put on the television, watch the most boring thing I can find (no, not a Caro match), and you never know that I may fall asleep from boredom.