Still very lonely in my new house but about myself : I'm no more in denial : I'm an alcoholic since 4-5 years but most of all since 2 or 3 years I'm exaggerating with alcohol drinking 3-5 litres of Beer mostly 6% but I also drank at times alcohol of 12% but I can't drink alcohol more of 12% : I can't stand it : I feel since a few weeks my body wants to stop that shit as I feel my body is getting sick of all of the alcohol I drank : I'm not proud of myself, I'm ashamed : I'm feeling shit : I can do 1 day 1/2 or 2 without drinking but then I feel so much the need to drink : it's stronger but myself ! Well within less than 3 weeks : I'll be followed by a doctor to help me to stop alcohol : I need it ! At other sides :
I'm ok but I'm very sad with myself : I can't stop of hating myself and I sometimes feel guilty being alive...
I hope it's not too late because I'm so scared getting cancer because of my addiction to alcohol and suffering with very severe general anxiety also suffering of hypochondriasis : it's a MAJOR HELL ! Why did I start drinking when I hate alcohol because my father kinda destroyed himself with that same thing !
But a thing is sure : I WANT TO STOP ! But it's gonna be very hard ! It's not an excuse but the fact I often am lonely doesn't help ! Pls, GOD help me !
Feliz Cumpleanos, Veronica and I hope you had a great birthday weekend !
Miranda, galadriel, wave