[C. W. Fields]

A doctor, who specializes in skin diseases, will dream he has fallen asleep in front of the television. Later, he will wake up in front of the television, but not remember his dream.
If all the animals along the equator were capable of flattery, then Thanksgiving and Halloween would fall on the same day.
When I was four years old, I watched my mother kill a spider with a teacosy. Years later, I realised it was not a spider - it was my Uncle Harold.