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Last Flight Out of London 2005

Posted Mar 16th, 2009 at 10:34 PM by miffedmax
This was kind of a weird one. Nastya has a coffin, but doesn't really act like a vampire, Masha doesn't really act like her usual self, but Lena's her usual endearingly incompetent self...


Last Flight out of London
(Plane Interior, as usual. JHH sits next to Nadia on the otherwise empty flight. She is drinking from a large bottle of Tropicana. Enter Nastya, carrying a coffin and a bottle of Tropicana).

Nastya: "Hey, Justine, anybody sitting with you?"

JHH: "No, but I zhought you would want to sit with your Russian friends."

Nadia: "I'm sitting here. Am I invisible or what?"

Nastya: "I figure we FO Champs should stick together. I mean, we won a real championship, right? Grass is for football, not tennis."

JHH: "Oh, oui! I am SO over this overhyped English tournament. Clay is all about ze skill, not ze lucky bounce of the ball.

(Nastya is busily trying to wedge her coffin into the overhead bin when Serena enters, wearing a "Go Lindsay" button.)

Serena: "Excuse me, but I have that row of seats reserved. Just let me slip by here.

Nastya: "Sure." (turns into bat so Serena can slip by).

JHH: "Damn, it makes me dizzy when she does that."

(Nastya, Serena and JHH have somehow settled in. JHH & Myskina drink their juice, Serena produces box of Mickey D cookies from purse and starts munching).

Serena: "See you all brought your own food. Good idea. I hate airline food. Well, as much as I can hate any food."

JHH: "And you know who the flight attendent on this plane is."

(All nod. Sesil enters. She had traded her jester hat for a gypsy costume. She sits down, pulls out deck of airline cards and begins to arrange them in what is either an extremely obscure variation of tarot or a very badly played hand of solitaire)

Sesil: "Watch as Madame Sesil predicts the future! The cards do not lie! Why, I see myself kicking Masha's ass!

(Masha enters, crownless, wearing big sunglasses. She has been crying)
Masha: "Hey, Serena. Your sister played a great game."

Serena: "Ha! You just choked against that bag of bones. Linds is gonna give her a beatdown, I guarantee. Because there is only one Grand-Slam worthy Williams, and it's ME!

(Enter a dejected Amelie. No sooner has she entered than a drink cart comes rolling down the aisle knocking Amelie unconscious. Lena D. hurries in after it, dressed as flight attendant).

Lena D: "Sorry, sorry. You know I have trouble with the serving cart. It's so hard, you know, with the bending the knees, and the service motion and all. Does anyone need anything?"

(All but Nadia): No, no, no thanks."

Nadia: "Could I get a coke?"

Lena D: "Okay, if nobody needs anything, I'll be back in a minute. (she notices Sesil) Oh, what fun! Is a slumber party with a fortune teller? Amele and Lisa and all the other girls invite me to slumber parties, but Mommy Vera never lets me go! Can you tell fortune?"

Sesil: (not even bothering to check the cards) "I see you reaching the Rnd of 16 at the U.S. Open, then choking away a set-and-a-half lead and crying about your serve."

Lena D: "You're . . . you're mean. Who needs your stupid party anyway. I'm going home to Mommy Vera. (runs from the cabin).

(Nadia has gotten out of her seat and is walking around, pulling prize money checks from the others' purses. None of them notice her)

Nadia: "Maybe there's an upside to this invisibilty thing after all.

(The rest of the WTA boards. Every seat but one is filled)

Captain: "I'm sorry, but there will be a slight delay while we wait on a missing passenger, Mary Pierce. She's not quite ready. We apologize for the delay. However, our crew will be handing out snacks."

(Lena D. returns carefully balancing a tray of breads and pastries.)

Lena D. "Okay, here it goes. Step one, bend slightly at the knees. (She bobbles the tray, but doesn't drop it and successfully places a donut-like object on Benesova's tray).

Lena D: "Look, everbody! I served a bagel!"

(All pelt Lena D. with pillows, empty juice cartons, half-eaten cookies and in-flight magazines).
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