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View Full Version : Do you ever wonder about your purpose in life?


apoet29
Oct 14th, 2003, 07:57 PM
I teach at a community college, and while there are days I really love my job, I sometimes wonder if it is not an exercise in futility. Students at this level don't want to be in class, don't care about their grades and actually blame the professor when they don't pass. For a long time, my feelings about my professor were actually ambigious. Now, I really hate what I do for a living. I am wondering if my purpose in life is to actually teach school or did I not try hard enough to go after my dreams of being a professional writer.

Has that happened to anyone here? Do you ever wonder about your purpose in life?

ys
Oct 14th, 2003, 08:00 PM
I Do you ever wonder about your purpose in life?

Yes, I did, and I figured out out that it is nothing in particular.

Ballbuster
Oct 14th, 2003, 08:07 PM
Yes, I did, and I figured out out that it is nothing in particular.

I See!

CanadianBoy21
Oct 14th, 2003, 08:08 PM
Yeah,
right now I'm in University first year, and I don't want to mess up this year because I want to have no regrets later on.
But in the end u always wish u did something else, very very few people are truly happy what they do.

King Satan
Oct 14th, 2003, 08:11 PM
i do wonder about it. rightnow i'm wondering what i should do with my life. i can follow my dreams to try and be a great musician, or i can go back to school and try and get a good job.......

If i follow my dream, and it doesnt' work out, then i'm screwed. i won't have any money, and i'll be a bigger loser than i am now.

I think my purpose is to rock out, so i'm gonna go for it. we only have one life to live, why not try and do something great with it :)

9 to 5 is not for me.

apoet29
Oct 14th, 2003, 08:17 PM
Yes, I did, and I figured out out that it is nothing in particular.

What about chasing girls? I thought that was part of your profession! :devil:

apoet29
Oct 14th, 2003, 08:17 PM
But in the end u always wish u did something else, very very few people are truly happy what they do.

Good point. It doesn't help me right now, but it is a good point.

Giuliano
Oct 14th, 2003, 08:18 PM
I do and it always gives me more new questions than solutions.

apoet29
Oct 14th, 2003, 08:18 PM
i do wonder about it. rightnow i'm wondering what i should do with my life. i can follow my dreams to try and be a great musician, or i can go back to school and try and get a good job.......

If i follow my dream, and it doesnt' work out, then i'm screwed. i won't have any money, and i'll be a bigger loser than i am now.

I think my purpose is to rock out, so i'm gonna go for it. we only have one life to live, why not try and do something great with it :)

9 to 5 is not for me.

Good for you. At least you know what you want in life. That is more than most of us can say.

decemberlove
Oct 14th, 2003, 08:21 PM
i think youre generalizing community college students... they are really no different from uni students in the first two years either, unless youre teaching at an ivy league, overachiever school, you will always come across the lazy kids that dont wanna work. also, you teach english, am i correct? english isnt exactly loved by all... its a requirement and most people dont look forward to required classes. perhaps you can take a different approach in class and get the kids involved? ive always believed that the students and teachers really do play off each other moods, and its hard to exactly place the blame entirely on the students or the teacher since they bounce off each other, dyou know what im saying? the enthusiasm of a teacher can really change the atmosphere of the classroom... maybe present the material in a way that is exciting and new to the students. or maybe you should just follow your heart, write during the day and still teach at night for a lil extra money. night classes usually have an older and more serious crowd at them.

really thou, whats the point of life if you cant enjoy yourself?

you should always follow your heart...

CanadianBoy21
Oct 14th, 2003, 08:22 PM
apoet29 - u seem to be in the dumps right now,
to tell u the truth, I feel the same way.
I play the song "Try Again" by Aaliyah and it gets me up from having a negative outlook on life.
Listen to a song that makes u feel good, or just take a shower and when u come out u'll feel a lot better.

apoet29
Oct 14th, 2003, 08:26 PM
i think youre generalizing community college students... they are really no different from uni students in the first two years either, unless youre teaching at an ivy league, overachiever school, you will always come across the lazy kids that dont wanna work. also, you teach english, am i correct? english isnt exactly loved by all... its a requirement and most people dont look forward to required classes. perhaps you can take a different approach in class and get the kids involved? ive always believed that the students and teachers really do play off each other moods, and its hard to exactly place the blame entirely on the students or the teacher since they bounce off each other, dyou know what im saying? the enthusiasm of a teacher can really change the atmosphere of the classroom... maybe present the material in a way that is exciting and new to the students. or maybe you should just follow your heart, write during the day and still teach at night for a lil extra money. night classes usually have an older and more serious crowd at them.

really thou, whats the point of life if you cant enjoy yourself?

you should always follow your heart...

I understand all of what you are saying, but no amount of enthusiasm or making the course interesting actually works with these kids.

In reality, I am probably being unfair to them. My problems go far beyond these kids. Right now, I don't feel as though I have any options open to me and that really disturbs me.

*JR*
Oct 14th, 2003, 08:32 PM
To rule the world, what else? :lol:

apoet29
Oct 14th, 2003, 08:41 PM
To rule the world, what else? :lol:

That must be a man thing. Every guy I know says that. :devil:

Crazy Canuck
Oct 14th, 2003, 08:56 PM
Yeah,
right now I'm in University first year, and I don't want to mess up this year because I want to have no regrets later on.
But in the end u always wish u did something else, very very few people are truly happy what they do.
I messed up first year and don't really regret it... but I'm a special case ;) I accept that without my mistakes I wouldn't be who I am today, and that overall, I'm quite pleased with who I am today. In which case, if given the opportunity, I wouldn't erase my first two years of university even if I did manage to screw them both up.

Anyways, back on topic -

I wonder what my purpose, where I'm supposed to be going, if I'm making the right choices, etc. every single day. It's not knowing that keeps me going... if I knew, what fun would the adventure be? ;)

Crazy Canuck
Oct 14th, 2003, 08:57 PM
Apoet - I can understand your frusteration with students.... I attend a very good university student, and I see it all the time. I used to be one of those students, so I can spot them easily ;)

Crazy Canuck
Oct 14th, 2003, 09:00 PM
Good for you. At least you know what you want in life. That is more than most of us can say.
Indeed. Sometimes it's hard to justify my 5 figure debt without knowing where it will lead me... but then I figure that it's got to be leading me better places than I would go without a degree (or two), and I just go with it. I do my best to enjoy the process and make the most of it.... of course, I didn't always feel that way. It's taken me a few years at university to straighten my thoughts out. I have no doubt that once I get out and am working, I'll find myself in an identity crisis of somesort again, much like the one you are having now. But I trust I'll have the strength to work through it and make the right decisions for me... much like i trust you will do the same for you :)

Crazy Canuck
Oct 14th, 2003, 09:02 PM
I've been a teacher a bit, and even if I thought that was fun and I liked the experience I was sometimes asking myself the question "What am I doing here???", why do I bother preparing a course for students who do not care about math, etc. So it's probably normal for you to ask yourself that kind of question.

To be a teacher and really like your job, you really but really have to be passionnate about teaching. I like it, but I'm not sure if it's ever going to be my job.
I never full out taught, but I used to be a teachers assistant for a couple of classes back in highschool - so I can vouch for the fact that it can be frusterating. I helped grade nine math students and grade ten science students... and having been there myself, I'm confident that most of them weren't listening to half of what I said ;) But I liked to think that somewhere in there, at least one or two fo them was processing what I was trying to say, in which case it wasn't a total loss afterall :p

LostInThe80s
Oct 14th, 2003, 09:06 PM
i don't wonder cos i know that i'm here to help others. it genuinely is my calling.

kiwifan
Oct 14th, 2003, 09:14 PM
I love what I am currently doing with my life. I never thought I would be doing what I'm doing but I was prepared when opportunity knocked.

Funny thing is, even though I love what I'm doing; it appears that other opportunities are headed my way that will take my life in a completely different direction.

Ironically more in line with my "original plan".

I think everyone should do their best to embrace their current station in life; yet always prepare for their dream job.

In the original case above:

1. Teach to pay the rent.

2. Write in your spare time. I've written more than 400 pages of a manuscript - its not that great - but still its 400+ pages of solid "creative product" and I did it with the following tactic: carry a spiral notebook with you where ever you go and right down everything that comes into your head then at the end of each day add it to the story if it's applicable.

Enjoy the present and prepare for the future. Happiness really does come from within, not from the job. I had more fun at working at the McDonald's in New Jersey than I ever had doing contract litigation.

Ps. If the kids annoy you, just pick on them to amuse yourself. I would. :devil:

King Satan
Oct 14th, 2003, 09:15 PM
i don't wonder cos i know that i'm here to help others. it genuinely is my calling.
help me out with 2k so i can make an album :p

ys
Oct 14th, 2003, 09:17 PM
What about chasing girls? I thought that was part of your profession! :devil:

Not profession. Just a hobby. And not the biggest one. Not even close to skiing.

King Satan
Oct 14th, 2003, 09:18 PM
oh btw, poet and kiwi dude, i wanna read some of your writings. can you pm me some of them? :)

apoet29
Oct 14th, 2003, 09:21 PM
I love what I am currently doing with my life. I never thought I would be doing what I'm doing but I was prepared when opportunity knocked.

Funny thing is, even though I love what I'm doing; it appears that other opportunities are headed my way that will take my life in a completely different direction.

Ironically more in line with my "original plan".

I think everyone should do their best to embrace their current station in life; yet always prepare for their dream job.

In the original case above:

1. Teach to pay the rent.

2. Write in your spare time. I've written more than 400 pages of a manuscript - its not that great - but still its 400+ pages of solid "creative product" and I did it with the following tactic: carry a spiral notebook with you where ever you go and right down everything that comes into your head then at the end of each day add it to the story if it's applicable.

Enjoy the present and prepare for the future. Happiness really does come from within, not from the job.

I agree with you, but

1. I do teach to pay the rent, but there is more to teaching than just lecturing in a classroom. It is preparation, grading, attending conferences, meetings, trainings, etc. That eats into your time.

2. What spare time I do have is currently taken due to family problems that I do not want to discuss here.

I'm glad that you are happy Kiwifan. After reading your post, I feel that I should stop whining and be grateful for my life. I'll think on that and let you know what I come up with.

kiwifan
Oct 14th, 2003, 09:27 PM
oh btw, poet and kiwi dude, i wanna read some of your writings. can you pm me some of them? :)

Nope, its all on lockdown (1 manuscript, 3 scripts, 4 treatments).

You know how Hollywood is, dude...

Keep it in your hip pocket and "sell the sizzle".

:cool: :cool: :cool:

King Satan
Oct 14th, 2003, 09:28 PM
Nope, its all on lockdown (1 manuscript, 3 scripts, 4 treatments).

You know how Hollywood is, dude...

Keep it in your hip pocket and "sell the sizzle".

:cool: :cool: :cool:
you suck! :(

poet, you're a sweet person, you'll let me read some of your stuff, right? :angel:

apoet29
Oct 14th, 2003, 09:30 PM
you suck! :(

poet, you're a sweet person, you'll let me read some of your stuff, right? :angel:

If that's what you really want, sure why not?

King Satan
Oct 14th, 2003, 09:30 PM
If that's what you really want, sure why not?
thanks you! :kiss:

kiwi fan sucks! :p

kiwifan
Oct 14th, 2003, 09:32 PM
I agree with you, but

1. I do teach to pay the rent, but there is more to teaching than just lecturing in a classroom. It is preparation, grading, attending conferences, meetings, trainings, etc. That eats into your time.

2. What spare time I do have is currently taken due to family problems that I do not want to discuss here.

I'm glad that you are happy Kiwifan. After reading your post, I feel that I should stop whining and be grateful for my life. I'll think on that and let you know what I come up with.

I'm sure you've been told this before but when "the story" you're meant to write comes to you. You can't help but write it. The time will just "create itself" you can't help it.

If you don't have "the story" use all the shit in your life, good and bad (even family problems and annoying students)...

...its all material. ;)

Feels good getting a little revenge in print even if it never gets published. :devil:

apoet29
Oct 14th, 2003, 09:32 PM
A Family Secret

In a wealthy neighborhood
Outside of the nearest access to downtown
Sits the house of my parents
A tacky, white edifice
Covered in ivy to hide a crumbling façade

The house stands coldly shuttered
I suppose my mother still sits in the kitchen
Nursing her third or fourth gin and tonic; watching soap operas
Waiting for my father to tell her wait to do.
My father, now retired, sits in his study; watching the stock market
His only field of interest, rise and fall, rise and fall
Buy, sell and trade are his only catchphrases.
My parents traded me for their outside interests long ago.

I left home when I was fourteen
I doubt they noticed
I hung out downtown in a homeless shelter, waiting for someone to pick me up.
No one ever came.
So I hit the road; keeping track of my wanderings in a journal.
Tennessee, Arkansas, Texas, Arizona, California, British Columbia
Were my temporary homes.
I experienced every heartache, every pleasure, every drug imaginable
Then one day, I decided to come home.

I missed those days of freedom
When I hitched a ride on the back of truck
The sun was setting and the wind blowing through my hair
I didn’t have to pass by my parents every day on the way to work
And look for a sign of life from them.
I stand in front of their house, clutching my journal and I wait
And I wait and as I wait, the sun sets and the house becomes darker
I turn up my collar against the dimming night air and walk away
I would come back tomorrow and have my say.
I would do it for sure tomorrow.


My Mother’s Chicken

My mother’s chicken was cold
The first time I tasted it.
I was lucky to get a piece
After waiting in a long line
For the men and women to pass through.

The chicken piece stood lonely
As if it were hiding from scavengers.
I gently plucked it from
The corner and quickly sunk my teeth
Into its cold juices.
I could not get my mouth around it as
The meat had turned to rubber.

Realizing that I was under my mother’s watchful blue eyes
An anomaly in a sea of brown faces, I gobbled
Up the rest of the bird and smiled at
Her with puffy cheeks
As she leaned over and
Whispered in my ear, I
Nearly choked.
In my selfishness to eat, I
Did not realize that she
Had not eaten a piece.

The Missing Pearl

Wandering in the garden
I found the spot
Where my pearl went missing.
I sat before a headstone
Anger clouding my thoughts.
Looking at the soil, I expected to see
Some richness from her presence.
The fruits of sacrifice that Christ spoke of in St. John.
Instead, the soil is dry and lifeless.

Kneeling on the ground
Hands folded in prayer
I attempt to recall her face.
Instead, I see the mahogany of the coffer
With the lid open for viewing.
Bulbous eyes are coldly shuttered
Revealed nothing of the virus
Which took her life.
Hands folded over her delicate heart.
Mouth stitched shut with thin wire.
A doll-stiff to the touch and unresponsive.

Tears from the living
Will not recall the dead.
My pearl has been lost to me
Hidden under the cold, dry earth.
Memories are vivid, but will fade with time.
I wake from prayer, dust off my clothes and
Go home.
I sit in her room, holding her favorite teddy bear,
While I watch the sun set and wait for a sign

Entombed by Love

My lover, seeking my heart
Took my hand and pulled me
To the window of our small apartment
He asked me to look at our small view.
One day, he assured me, I will take you
To see the Taj Mahal.

That monument to love
Now stands in New Delhi surrounded by smog
Next to the river where the untouchables throw their garbage
They forget that Shan Khan built the Taj
To immortalize his love for his second wife
Mumtaz Mahal who died upon giving birth
To her 14th child---
While her husband went to war.
Indian wives pass the Taj every day
Without a second glance.

Outside of our small window
I can visualize the Taj.
The long mirroring lake
That leads up to the ornate façade
It is sunset as I approach
Exotic birds soar overhead
The reflected glow of the sun changes the dead white marble
To gold.
Entering the grand hall where she is buried,
I bow my head before the jeweled cenotaph of the queen.
Seeking her advice,
I lean forward and listen,
There is no sound.
Nothing.

The queen is dead.
Entombed by love
Encased in white marble.
She is a figment of imagination
A persona that was the crown jewel of an ancient kingdom.
That is now myth and legend.
Exhausted by childbirth
She gave her life to love.
Her only reward was a mausoleum
Surrounded by gardens and water.

Where no one, but infatuated tourists visit her
To take their photographs, then leave.

I feel a tear slide and release the cord for the shutter.
I cannot face her.
English poet, Edwin Arnold wrote, “The Taj is a proud
Passion of an Emperor’s love wrought in living stones.”
At no place among the stones is there a mark
An imprint of the queen.
Where is the passion of a woman’s love?

apoet29
Oct 14th, 2003, 09:33 PM
Apple

Exquisite outline in red
Your golden flecks reflect
The sun, which held you in your belly
As you grew round and plump.

I wander the grove
Where you were born
Looking for the tree of life
I find you sitting and waiting for me.

As I sink my teeth into your soft flesh,
Warm juices trickles into my throat
I eat until your core appears
And bury your seed, so you can grow again.

Mourning Rituals

In India, I did not bury my father, I burned him. He asked me to.
He refused a Christian burial in consecrated ground. His soul did not
want plastic flowers on Memorial Day. Or fond remembrances
from American colleagues. He wanted to become ash, to float freely
and permeate everything: earth, air, water, walls and pores. His remains
flew homes to Orissa with me. I cleaned, oiled and wrapped him in white
linen and Lilies of the Valley. I held onto his cold grip until men from
the village came to claim him. They carried him to the wood oven, covered
it with petrol and threw a match on top. Flames licked the wood until
the heat became unbearable. Smoke and ash billowed from the oven and
fell in a gray rain. I smeared it over my skin. Hours later, the flames
settled, smoldered and died out. My hands searched the cooling ash for
something, perhaps a bone to cling to. I found nothing. I scattered his
ash in the Ganges and watched him dissolve.

Moonlight Sonata

Moonlight bent over us
We strolled across the
Elysian Plain, where
Satyrs peered from behind
Waves of golden wheat and
Whispered love poems that
Float in the air and
Tempt us to stay.

A Gate of Clouds
Guarded by the Seasons
Opened to permit us passage.
Here we joined Zeus and the gods
In an evening of wine and laughter as
We feasted on ambrosia and nectar.
While Apollo and the Muses
Seduced us with song.
The moon drowned in the stream of the Ocean.

We awoke
Expecting to be covered
By robes woven by the Graces
And sleeping on beds of clouds.
Instead we find wrinkled
Bed clothes and ruffled covers
And the sun rising to welcome us
To another workday.

apoet29
Oct 14th, 2003, 09:33 PM
Mind you, this is the same crap that I posted here last year, but here it is! LOL! Have a good evening.

King Satan
Oct 14th, 2003, 09:35 PM
I'm sure you've been told this before but when "the story" you're meant to write comes to you. You can't help but write it. The time will just "create itself" you can't help it.

If you don't have "the story" use all the shit in your life, good and bad (even family problems and annoying students)...

...its all material. ;)

Feels good getting a little revenge in print even if it never gets published. :devil:
that's what happens when i play music. the creativity just hits me all of a sudden, and something good comes out. great feeling :)

I put all my emotions in my playing. when you can channel your emotion into your art, it makes it great :)

King Satan
Oct 14th, 2003, 09:40 PM
that's some really deep stuff, poet. great writing.

:kiss:

kiwifan
Oct 14th, 2003, 09:42 PM
that's what happens when i play music. the creativity just hits me all of a sudden, and something good comes out. great feeling :)

I put all my emotions in my playing. when you can channel your emotion into your art, it makes it great :)

Make up your mind Howlin' Wolf. One second I "suck" and the next you're trying to "bond."

Do you want to "kiss my ass" or "kick my ass!?!"

Hint: "smart people" know the correct answer...

:devil: :devil: :devil:

Okay, back to watching ESPN at work :p :cool: :p

King Satan
Oct 14th, 2003, 09:46 PM
you shut up kiwi dude! stop trying to mess with my head! :p lol

kiwifan
Oct 14th, 2003, 09:50 PM
you shut up kiwi dude! stop trying to mess with my head! :p lol

:boxing: :devil: :armed: :devil: :boxing:

:bolt:

alexusjonesfan
Oct 14th, 2003, 10:11 PM
I get screwed up about this kind of thing all the time. I keep thinking what do I really want, not necessarily, what is it that I'm good at and will keep a roof over my head and food on my table. It's an odd thing too, because I keep thinking that at my age, I should be having fun without worrying about the future and this is about the only time in my life in which I can write off mistakes....but at the same time I'm scared that this is the time where I'm supposed to pick up some kind of direction or passion which hasn't happened yet, and obviously who isn't scared of going through life just by going through the motions and have it be no more than a waking death (yeah, I'm overdramatic on top of everything).

The only thing that has worked for me is putting myself in challenging situations, you really get to find out who you are when your back is against the wall. So this year, I'm trying to dabble in many things hoping for something to catch my fancy (for life I hope) and trying to do things which challenge the numb status quo I tend to fall into. I probably made things seem worse but all I can suggest is doing things to keep the dynamism of your life alive...I found that last year I stagnated into a pool of apathy and frustration, but I hope things go better for you and me both this year ;)

btw, your dad was from Orissa? My maternal grandfather was from Orissa too :)

AngelaLansbury
Oct 14th, 2003, 11:26 PM
I used to wonder about that, in my youth. Now I realise that my purpose is to bring light to people who read my books, to educate those who attend my lectures and to help with the crimes that the police cannot solve.

*JR*
Oct 14th, 2003, 11:32 PM
I used to wonder about that, in my youth. Now I realise that my purpose is to bring light to people who read my books, to educate those who attend my lectures and to help with the crimes that the police cannot solve. Angie darling, I have this Suisse case that I'm working on :tape: :lol: