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View Full Version : Have you ever managed to turn a friendship into love ?


ChrisGermany
Aug 11th, 2003, 08:06 PM
I never imagined posting something like this here, but at the moment, Iīve a huge problem in my life knowing that I became friends with one of the cutest guys in town due to a fate-like chat session earlier this year and from emotional talking dates alone to clubbing and soon going on vacation, this friendship developed like a thunderstorm having in mind that we come from different types of background and interests and that what we share is very rare.

Unfortunately, this developed into love (from my side) soon after and we already had a certain problem at a party where he kissed some other guy and I soon enough became "Alexis Carrington" and made a scene out of it resulting in the declaration of my feelings that he, as I found out (and was prepared for that), cannot return. Itīs a fact heīs attracted to the body/face-people and though Iīm definetly nice-looking Iīm not the sharp looking man he wants to have as a boy-friend and I wonder why people cannot -if they point that out so concretely- accept that the feelings they share in a friendship and that they are so close to each other, that sometimes even THIS friendship can end in a relationship. Itīs pretty hard since then going clubbing and realizing him flirting and then you spend the whole night suffering from heartache. Itīs difficult to explain why this friendship is deeper than any other before and about how difficult topics we already talked same as how big surprises we made for each other and how many time we spend. How can people judge a relationship or not-question just because of looks if being so 1:1 :sad:

Dava
Aug 11th, 2003, 08:09 PM
No no no, and it wont go from love to friendship if it ever ends. :mad:

ChrisGermany
Aug 11th, 2003, 08:12 PM
I just canīt stand that heīs been hurt by so many boys that looked attractive as he is and just used him as a toy and that he cannot realize that itīs more what WE share than being superficial.

And it kills me that Iīll never have the chance of embracing him knowing he does not like that as friends, maybe because heīs been hurt too badly.

Bacardi
Aug 11th, 2003, 08:51 PM
I'm in love with one of my friends, but I don't know that it will ever get anywhere. It's been stuck in a rut for a few years now. However the offer was made if I'm willing to move we can work things out. As selfish as it seems, I would risk it all just to see if I could ever become more. Because I can't imagine anything else on heaven and earth I would want more. :angel:

JoeyWinson3.0
Aug 11th, 2003, 08:53 PM
no

TheBoiledEgg
Aug 11th, 2003, 09:27 PM
the opposite is known to happen quite alot
" lets just be friends" :fiery:

Ting
Aug 11th, 2003, 10:18 PM
Nope. But if I liked one of my friends I wouldn't turn it into love cuz IMO friendship's better than love.

GBFH
Aug 12th, 2003, 02:59 AM
Too true, DD.

Jennifer's wife
Aug 12th, 2003, 03:40 AM
it only works if u fancy someone. ive tried to have a relationship with 2 really good freinds and it has always ended in disaster and jeapordized/ended the friendship. for me, looks are really important. i have to be totally there physically and in lust to have a good relatonship. otherwise no sex, and whats the point of that?? :eek:

Keith
Aug 12th, 2003, 04:20 AM
Sounds like he is pretty shallow!

Miss Thang
Aug 12th, 2003, 04:30 AM
I did and I aint ever doin that ish again!!!!!!!!! The reason is cuz after we had sex it was neva the same again. :sad: We had cross the line and it was too late go back to the way it was and we knew it. It was all cuz we was drunk and horny. :o

disposablehero
Aug 12th, 2003, 04:33 AM
I tried to turn a friendship into love for 7 years. I lost interest in her love about 6 months ago and am now only interested in her for sex. So of course, that is suddenly on the verge of happening. :D

Miss Thang
Aug 12th, 2003, 04:41 AM
I tried to turn a friendship into love for 7 years. I lost interest in her love about 6 months ago and am now only interested in her for sex. So of course, that is suddenly on the verge of happening. :D

Be careful chile! After y'all have sex y'all may not even be friends anymore. I know its your bizness but honey I have been there and I wish somebody had checked me before we took it that level cuz I lost one of my best freinds all cuz we was drunk and horny. :o

GBFH
Aug 12th, 2003, 04:44 AM
what was it that Leena always said? "men and women can't be friends if they're sexually attracted to each other."

couldn't agree more.

decemberlove
Aug 12th, 2003, 05:20 AM
wow. well im going to be different and go against everyone else in this thread.

friends/lovers/whatever arent always forever. true the relationship may not last forever, but thats not always the point of a relationship. i look at friendships/relationships as learning experiences.

i say if you have feelings about a friend and they feel the same way, then go for it. better to sit back and wonder your whole life. if you lose them, you lose them. pain is inevitable in life, you can try to avoid it by not taking risks, but it will eventually catch up to you.

when you finally find true love, it is so much better when youve been hurt in the past instead of sheltering yourself. you are wiser and not so naive. love isnt ALL about happiness. "the sweet is never as sweet without the sour"

as for my personal experiences, ive turn to friendships into relationships. one i am still friends with [thou i dont see him cos he no longer lives near me] and the other i never speak to at all. do i miss him sometimes? yes, but ive missed most people ive lost along the road. i learned a lot from both of those relationships and i reall believe i would regret not taking the chance.

"the sweet is never as sweet without the sour"

p.s. love is hundred times better than friendship cos love included friendship and the physical perks as well.

King Satan
Aug 12th, 2003, 05:31 AM
great post love.

GBFH
Aug 12th, 2003, 05:33 AM
I'll take your word for it holiday. as noone has ever been in love with me *shrug* I can't answer for that...but I have been in love with someone...and it was nice to have that person and at least have the illusion of him loving me. OH well, i'm still young.

GBFH
Aug 12th, 2003, 05:35 AM
but anyway....there's no such thing as eternal love. at least that's my feeling.

decemberlove
Aug 12th, 2003, 06:04 AM
joe & g: :kiss:

ive had my fair share of loves and crushes and heartbreaks and unrequited love from both sides. but i do believe there is a thing as eternal love. it takes a lot of time, patience, soul searching on both parties. one of the most important things is you must love and respect yourself before you can expect anyone to return the favor.

g, youre a wonderful girl, youll find yours one day :kiss:

per4ever
Aug 12th, 2003, 07:00 AM
I can't fall in love with someone without knowing her well..so she has to be a friend first before going to a next stage.

I never get how people start dating with someone they just met :o I know I can't

Petersmiler
Aug 12th, 2003, 08:48 AM
Well I can only go from experience, and can say that, at the moment at least, yes, love can come from a friendship.

I'm currently living with my bf who I have been friends with for over two years. I was carrying a torch for him through most of that time and know exactly how you were feeling every time you had to see him flirting with other men! It f@@@ing hurts!

But I hung in there, and eventually had to force the issue. I got extremely drunk and told him I could no longer be friends because the pain was killing me! I said it had to be all or nothing. And what's more, I meant it!

I couldn't face seeing him out with other men, despite me helping him get them!

I really thought that that would be that! I honestly thought, this is it, I'm gonna lose him as a friend now too! But I thought that was better than constantly putting myself through heartache!

However, I was successful, and nobody was as surprised as I was! Still am, and now it's nearly a year and we're living together!

I can't promise you that this will work for you Chris, all I can say is that it did for me!

Anyway, hope you manage to either get your man or get over your man!

:wavey:

Jennifer's wife
Aug 12th, 2003, 04:03 PM
i think that love can come from friendship, but you have to both fancy each other. if one duz and the other doesnt it wont work. its all in the chemistry, if u aint got it, u cant fake it. and what is a relationship without sex? Freindship, which is what you got in the first place!! Dont try and force a freindship into something else coz if only one of you wants it to be more, it cant ever work

Dahveed
Aug 12th, 2003, 04:24 PM
I can't fall in love with someone without knowing her well..so she has to be a friend first before going to a next stage.

I never get how people start dating with someone they just met :o I know I can't

Yeah but that's way easier that way, believe me. You don't have to wonder if she will like you, if she only wants you as a friend and that sort of annoying things.. you just date her and then, after, you see if it works out or not.

I believe it's tricky to date someone who's your friend cos even if it works out, the chances of losing that friend at some point are huge, i don't know if you can recover from a bad love relationship and come back to a mere friendship.

ChrisGermany
Aug 14th, 2003, 01:07 PM
Well, havenīt been in the "Non-Tennis"-thread a while and itīs nice we got this conversation here, thanks to everyone :)

The situation is pretty complex actually.

We share a deep friendship and deep includes stories of former boy-friends, same as sexual preferences, family problems and stuff. It was discussed earlier that we have no relationship but a friendship and that he said for that 2 identical feelings a necessary. And, concerning sex, this didnīt work out that time because he had that in the past and it ruined things (ONS) and that he wonīt risk that feelings he has for me for just a shag.

What makes it a problem now is that if we go together for a drink or a party, Iīm getting envious with new people because itīs just that they can do the flirting I cannot do and they could even go for that shag I could never go. Itīs just that I fear that even the deepest friendship could ruin feelings for each other the same way that crossing the border for a night of sex can. I can go either way, keeping it like it is or riskin something when we can on holiday together and share a bed soon. Both is hard and even harder.

And -what makes it so confusing- people look at him and say, hey, what a gorgeous guy, can I have him for tonight. I donīt see him that. I see the chemistry and as naive as I may sound, I would love to embrace him, hold him and tell him how much I care about him. And heīs just so strange in that direction of not having someone apart from a relationship that can get so close to him. Iīve lots of best gay friends that I can come to for a hug, for a kiss or for a cry and, apart from the fact, he might see this development as my try to finally GET him to that relationship itīs just about being close and about someone caring for you.

As clearly as I see the point that sex would ruin it and feelings cannot be forced, I think there is a number of (gay) guys around that like the idea of being self-assured and control themselves for the reason of having a certain image. Crossing that line would mean showing some more of their inner part and thatīs what they fear. I wonīt give up on him and especially not regarding my hope, weīll have a moment where he admits he feels protected and cared in that friendship, because I DO believe this is just a lack of self-assureness. I mean, heīs 21, Iīm 28, come on ;)

hitman
Aug 14th, 2003, 03:26 PM
I can't fall in love with someone without knowing her well..so she has to be a friend first before going to a next stage.

I never get how people start dating with someone they just met :o I know I can't

Thats my view on the thing too. It all floats a lot more natural if you already have a little knowledge in what kind of problem you're jumping into. :p
My last girlfriend was my best friend. We spent 4 years together, and then had to part ways. We're still "kind of" friends, but it was never the same. It sucks? Yeah, but I dont regret. It payed off.

Yeah but that's way easier that way, believe me. You don't have to wonder if she will like you, if she only wants you as a friend and that sort of annoying things.. you just date her and then, after, you see if it works out or not.

I believe it's tricky to date someone who's your friend cos even if it works out, the chances of losing that friend at some point are huge, i don't know if you can recover from a bad love relationship and come back to a mere friendship.
This point is interesting too. I agree it should involve a lot less complications to give it a shot at someone you barely know, but the risk of it never working is a lot bigger.

I guess it's all a matter of what you want for yourself and it also relates to the kind of person you are.

saki
Aug 14th, 2003, 04:12 PM
I've done it before and come out of the relationships better friends than we were to start with.

per4ever
Aug 14th, 2003, 08:00 PM
Thats my view on the thing too. It all floats a lot more natural if you already have a little knowledge in what kind of problem you're jumping into. :p
My last girlfriend was my best friend. We spent 4 years together, and then had to part ways. We're still "kind of" friends, but it was never the same. It sucks? Yeah, but I dont regret. It payed off.


This point is interesting too. I agree it should involve a lot less complications to give it a shot at someone you barely know, but the risk of it never working is a lot bigger.

I guess it's all a matter of what you want for yourself and it also relates to the kind of person you are.
good post Hitman and Dahveed.

It's true: it makes things a lot more complicated AND you risk to lose a good friend. But on the other hand, like Hitman said, what's the chance that things go well when you just start with someone you don't know?

I'd rather take my chances with a good friend, who I know well and where the chances of a good relationship are higher, then starting with someone unknown and risk a relationship of a week.

I'll have less girlfriends that way, but who cares ;)

controlfreak
Aug 14th, 2003, 11:11 PM
I had a friend who I wanted to be a girlfriend, but I never made the move for the reasons described in this thread. Now, I've moved away and I'll probably never see her again. And I'm kicking myself. So the next time I'm in that situation, I'm not going to think twice about friendships, I'm going to put it all on the line. Maybe I'll end up with fewer good friends and a longer history of relationships, but I can always change my tune later in life if needs be.

disposablehero
Aug 15th, 2003, 12:37 AM
I've done it before and come out of the relationships better friends than we were to start with.

Hey, it worked on Seinfeld.

skanky~skanketta
Aug 15th, 2003, 05:02 AM
ok chris...i understand whjat you're going through, but believe me, its not worth it. i think tthat you think you're in love with this guy. its probably a long-erm infatuation. heck, it's happening to me at the moment, but it'll never work. why?cuz its a celebrity!LOL!yes, i'm a crazy whore. anyway, my original point. friendship into love CAN be done, but not when its only you and he doesnt want it. can u state WHY you love this feller?

anyway, my story, well, it was freindship into love.like i said its doable. my bf of 2 yearsand i started off as friends. in his cae though, he was in love with me from the start, only i looked at him as a friend. then i realized that though he may not have that great a bod, he has a pretty hot face and i began to feel the electricity. it was kinda late and not love at first site, but i realized one day that i really loved him. i had an epiphany of some sort.

ok.i know what i;ve said is totally confusing, but read it carefully. you'll see my point....eventually.

ChrisGermany
Aug 22nd, 2003, 10:16 AM
For those interested:

It ended in stress last week-end actually when he returned from holidays to Berlin: We were scheduled to meet and chat about our forthcoming trip to the coast when he revealed that he met a boy in Berlin and spent the night with him. Heīs actually a friend of a guy we both know from our home-town (who I dislike though) and things got complicated when I had to admit that I could not cope that well with the developments. It ended in a good discussion and we sorted things out the best way friends possibly can and the holidays were still planned. The next day though I had to explain myself in a mail and that mail kind of heated things up again as he later told me he got the expression he had to question every gesture and sentence I make in the future and that things are just to complicatde to spend holidays in one bed if things are the way they are now. I got frustrated.

After 2 days of not-speaking, we met for a beer on Wednesday (which later was accompanied by some of his and my friends) but we sorted things out again and had our famous "laughs" together which ended in the best atmosphere since before his Berlin-trip. I sent him an SMS while sitting at the table with the others telling him he should sort things out for a week or so and then decide if itīs still not worth going because I still need this break from my exam stress in October and I definetly need this break same as him. The planned holiday was September 14th so I have some hope left that though we probably wonīt get the hotel we planned to book maybe thereīs still some last minute stuff in the air ;)

ChrisGermany
Sep 2nd, 2003, 09:02 AM
We cancelled the holidays completely but have a wonderful time as friends. And doing some flirting in between but this is just joking due to him being keen on keeping the relationship with the guy he got to know in Berlin.

But Berlin is far away :)