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View Full Version : Friday Funnies : Words That Get In The Way


AjdeNate!
Jul 18th, 2003, 06:12 PM
1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blowjob? I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX

2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI

3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind
the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking
at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned,
and I turned red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD

4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson, Stafford, Virginia

5. A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the cord "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
Diane E. Amov

6. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident,and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied.I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST
FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd
ever had!

7. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story...We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Kanji
Jul 18th, 2003, 06:41 PM
:haha: Oh my god! Thanks for that... People in the office were coming at my desk to ask me if what I was reading was funny since I was laughing out loud! :o

The Crow
Jul 18th, 2003, 06:46 PM
7. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story...We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

O I think I saw this one on TV once :lol:

roots
Jul 18th, 2003, 06:48 PM
The bank story is priceless!!!!

Martian Willow
Jul 18th, 2003, 07:52 PM
Not sure if this is quite the same thing but...there's this girl who works in our local supermarket at weekends, usually in the fruit and vegetable section. I, um, fancy her a bit, and I think she's noticed. A couple of weeks ago, I went in there for a few bits I needed to make Parsley soup (it's yum), but I couldn't find what I was after cos they'd moved stuff around. So after wandering about for a while catching her eye every now and then, I finally plucked up the courage to ask...so I went up to her and said...'I need a leek'...fortunately she seemed fairly amused and went off to get me one... :)

controlfreak
Jul 18th, 2003, 09:12 PM
Famous BBC Radio commentary on a cricket match: "The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willy."

Miss Thang
Jul 18th, 2003, 09:20 PM
Chile I aint eatin at Taco Bell ever again! Kee-kee. :cool: