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View Full Version : Billie Jean King! I would like a word with you...


Pamela Shriver
Apr 9th, 2003, 11:25 PM
Dear Billie,

Hey girl, I wanna ask you something. I know we haven't always seen eye to eye - I'm 12ft taller...and much is made of the fact that I *should* be Fed Cup captain of the US...and I'm not bitter that I never won a slam and you won far too many (you couldve given me one sheesh) .....And we won't even mention the fact that everyone loves me while no one wants to even look at you...
BUT I wanna remind ya Bill. In '92 I was given the "Billie Jean King Award" at the Virginia Slims. That means by rights, I own you. Bow to my superior being!

LOVE (*s*******)
PAMMERSXXXxxxxxx

Dava
Apr 9th, 2003, 11:27 PM
Pamela can I ask a question, if you were the FED CUP cptn who would your team choice be.

Also who would you have sent to the Olympics Rena or Lisa?

Dont be bitter about never winning a slam, your forever thought of as the doubles specialst who gets to hang with Sue Barker and Wimby!

billie_jean_king
Apr 9th, 2003, 11:30 PM
Actually Giraffe woman, it is MY award. It has MY name. Therefore I can take it back at any point in time. And you will never own me. I have so much more than you. I won the titles. I had the stupid glasses. I now have the added weight. And what do you have? The worst Bond and a giraffe house?!

Take your award and value it as a token of MY achievements. Besides, you only got it because we couldn't give it to Jen that year cos she was too young. So we gave it to some old person, which was you.

Anyway, my record speaks for itself. Just look at the US Fed Cup team over the last 2 years! We have an astounding record. It's almost perfect - played 3, lost 2. I'm a great captain. You would be too interested in the Pammentary box to care who was on your team. I care for my team. I look after them all. You couldn't even give them advice on how to win, you loser! Yeah, that's right Shriver...you're a loser! You have the Billie Jean King award for Losers! Yeah, my award for losers...

Pamela Shriver
Apr 9th, 2003, 11:44 PM
If I was Fed cup captain (which I should be!! Get lost Sack of Potatoes Woman!) this would be my team:

Jennifer Capriati
Me

Just us two. We'd beat everyone.

Bill.............I must congratulate ya on your stunning pic on the wta profiles. They really picked one of you looking your best.
http://www.wtatour.com/assets/personnel_image/mug479.jpg
Wow. Bet AnnaK feels threatened......

billie_jean_king
Apr 9th, 2003, 11:50 PM
Yeah well, I'll have you know that I have been asked to do some modelling work. Some company from the UK have asked me to take over from their long-standing former star. Apparently they no longer can use her, so they've chosen me to do it. They said I'd be perfect. She's called Thora Bird or something similar and she used to do adverts for chairs or something. They said my athletic ability and figure means that I'd be perfect for their products. So you see...I'm a model too. Of high-quality health products.

And as for your team...Jen :sad: She won't play with for me. And I do so love her. She'd show you up in a minute Spamela! Jen is twice the woman you are, height aside.

Pamela Shriver
Apr 10th, 2003, 12:01 AM
I know Jen is twice the woman I am <count the slams>, but thats life and I don't mind because I accept that she is superior. AND she'd play in MY fed cup team. Bwahaha.

I'm surprised you're not modelling for the RSPCA. Save the Whales, seeing as you ARE one yourself...

billie_jean_king
Apr 10th, 2003, 12:05 AM
Hmmpf! I'm working for Stannah Stairlifts! They sound reputable. And professional. And I'll have you know that I have a hormonal disorder that forces me to put on weight. I'm really the same weight as when I played but I tend to have water retention issues, which is strange cos I usually take the piss, but nevermind.

You should do work for the RSPCA too! Giraffe conservation!

And Jen is twice the woman you are. And I still love her.

Lelu
Apr 10th, 2003, 12:16 AM
This is hilarious! Keep on going, ladies!

Pamela Shriver
Apr 10th, 2003, 12:31 AM
Water retention problems!?! By the look of you you're retaining the Atlantic Ocean.
Stannah Stairlifts?? For Old people, old past it geriatrics...YOU'RE PERFECT!

I DO work for the Giraffe Preservation Federation! I chair Giraffe Conventions, where we discuss the best leaf diets and neck lengthening techniques. <and how not to win slams>

billie_jean_king
Apr 10th, 2003, 12:39 AM
Ha! You at the Losers Giraffe Parade. I bet you fit right in there. Do they have your pic as part of their logo? Spam is a loser Giraffe! Unlike me...I am a winner. I have won so much more than you. I have more Wimbledon titles than even the great Martina who carried you in your title wins.

Stannah stairlifts - for people who unfortunately are, unlike me, suffering from slight disabilities movement-wise and cannot climb the stairs in their council houses. I'm advertising them because they like my youth, athletic ability, good looks, water retention, cos Thora Bird-face is dead and because I'm cheap...err...easy, no...er...whatever. Anyway, what was the last thing you endorsed? Baby Bio for extra growth from your plants?

Jennifer's wife
Apr 10th, 2003, 12:42 AM
stannah stairlifts, LOL!! so, BJK, hows your twin, David these days?!;)

Jennifer's wife
Apr 10th, 2003, 12:45 AM
Stannah stairlifts - for people who unfortunately are, unlike me, suffering from slight disabilities movement-wise Anyway, what was the last thing you endorsed? Baby Bio for extra growth

do u think either of these products could help dear old Xav out with his disibilities?! ;) :D

Xavier_Malisse
Apr 10th, 2003, 12:48 AM
do u think either of these products could help dear old Xav out with his disibilities?! ;) :D

If only it were that easy. If you ever get to have your wicked way with Jen, you'll find out just how much more help that those products I need. Still, I figure I could outlast the BurgerKing after looking at her with that enormous gut.

Pamela Shriver
Apr 10th, 2003, 12:51 AM
Pfffft Last year I endorsed special Vowel Deepening Cream for the throat actually so naaaaaaaah!

You may have won more titles Moffit woman. But I have won more hearts. There's no BJKWatch at Wimbledon! I have fans with me on their t-shirts! When people see you at wimby they just run and hide and call the zoo keeper thinking the hippo has escaped.

I hear you were once voted 6th most important person in tennis. You were beaten by Annabel Croft. Only the 6 of you entered.

Jennifer's wife
Apr 10th, 2003, 12:51 AM
lol xav! u turned up right on cue...how strange! ;) ;)
and xav dear, wen i hav my wicked way, i wont need any help, u see fingers are permenantly hard!:) :p :devil:

SJW
Apr 10th, 2003, 12:53 AM
LMFAO!!!!!!

this is class!

Pam why wont u pick me 4 ur team? :confused: after all, i threw the Championship final match so u and Mary Jo could have something to cheer about (for a change)

i should be in the team dammit :fiery:

CondiLicious
Apr 10th, 2003, 12:57 AM
Water retention problems!?! By the look of you you're retaining the Atlantic Ocean.
Stannah Stairlifts?? For Old people, old past it geriatrics...YOU'RE PERFECT!

I DO work for the Giraffe Preservation Federation! I chair Giraffe Conventions, where we discuss the best leaf diets and neck lengthening techniques. <and how not to win slams>

Talking of long necks... Are you related to Celine Dion? Hers is quite spectacular. Much like your own.

billie_jean_king
Apr 10th, 2003, 01:00 AM
Well, as for your vowel cream thing...I have been given permanent status as 'Ugly Cream' endorser. Only, I never use the stuff. Weird, huh? Apparently Jana Novotna has been using the stuff for years. Well, at least it means I can spend more money on my Jen shrine with me not having to fork out for cosmetics to make me look beautiful.

And actually there is BJKwatch. I believe the local zoo keeps stalking me thinking I'm their lost hippo. And besides, I've heard all about the kind of people who do PamWatch. They are the sort who want to abuse me, hit Meg, scare Bud, insult Xav and so on...hardly worth being proud of such fans!

Ann Jones
Apr 10th, 2003, 01:01 AM
Billie dear.....you're not such a winner...REMEMBER 69!! Hoho I thrashed you on my home turf. You lost out to a ping-pong player. Pffffft! :p

billie_jean_king
Apr 10th, 2003, 01:03 AM
Now you know why I don't like 69(ers). Unless it's with Jen.

Anyway, that makes me think...surely Pam and George can't do that...cos he'll only get his laughing gear around part of Pam's ENORMOUS neck.

Pamela Shriver
Apr 10th, 2003, 01:13 AM
Oi you lot, leave my neck out of this! <which is difficult I know, given its length>

You never star 69 me Bill.

George can't do ANYTHING. Well, he sits in his chair with his rusks watching 'On Her Majesty's Secret Service' on a continous loop. Bless.

I'm paranoid now. is my neck *really* that bad....

http://www.monicaselessite.com/Y2002/CHEVYCHASECHALLENGE/photos/pamshriver.jpg
Shit, I think it is... :eek:

Jennifer's wife
Apr 10th, 2003, 01:13 AM
like u know what a 69 with jen is like!! :p that goes for u 2 xav!! ;) :p

billie_jean_king
Apr 10th, 2003, 01:15 AM
Well, at least you have a neck. I just have a chin that becomes my chest at some stage.

Pamela Shriver
Apr 10th, 2003, 01:17 AM
No, don't be so hard on yaself Bill. You have LOADS of chins! Last count I made it at least 12.

Ooo look, I'm so widely adored people are turning me into art...
http://www.fazzino.com/canvas/opd_145_sm.jpg
I am a masterpiece!

Sam L
Apr 10th, 2003, 01:18 AM
I know we haven't always seen eye to eye - I'm 12ft taller...

LOL! That has to be a classic :D

billie_jean_king
Apr 10th, 2003, 01:19 AM
Woah Pammy...you're beautiful. heehee...

And I'm partial to my chins. They keep me company when I'm home alone eating potato chips to comfort myself over Jen not wanting me.

Pamela Shriver
Apr 10th, 2003, 01:25 AM
Shucks Bill it must be weird not seeing your toes. When was the last time? 1965? I have trouble seeing my toes but with the help of the hubble telescope all can be revealed.

billie_jean_king
Apr 10th, 2003, 01:27 AM
I don't have toes. Trotters don't have toes. I have trotters.

Jennifer's wife
Apr 10th, 2003, 01:28 AM
Shucks Bill it must be weird not seeing your toes. When was the last time? 1965?

she just looks at david dickinson's toes.....afterall, they are the same!! ;)

David Dickinson
Apr 10th, 2003, 01:34 AM
Hello ladies, can I call you girls?! I can assure you my toes ARE NOT trotters! Like I would wear beautiful periwinkle loafers on *trotters*.

I am in no way connected to BJK. And I doubt I'd get much for her in Ockshun.

billie_jean_king
Apr 10th, 2003, 01:35 AM
Yes, but I am an antique. I'm THAT old, but sadly I'm not too well preserved.

Jennifer's wife
Apr 10th, 2003, 01:36 AM
yay davey boy! i knew u would show up if i mentioned ur name enuf! ;) :p so, post us a pic of yourself and we'll see just how little u r connected with BJK!! :p

CondiLicious
Apr 10th, 2003, 01:38 AM
Y'all crack me up

Pamela Shriver
Apr 10th, 2003, 01:39 AM
I think Ginny is regarded as the finest fossilised ex-champ there is.

billie_jean_king
Apr 10th, 2003, 01:40 AM
Yes perhaps, but these days Chris could contest her for that title.

Virginia Wade
Apr 10th, 2003, 01:43 AM
The young whippersnapper Chris has let herself go. I am the finest antique there is. One has a beautiful mahogany finish, excellent background, only one very careful owner... (who knows where the Evert girl has been)

billie_jean_king
Apr 10th, 2003, 01:44 AM
I used to have one owner. But he divorced me. Something about me and him not being each other's fancy.

Virginia Wade
Apr 10th, 2003, 01:47 AM
Ms Moffit, one remembers being rather surprised when you married (the Burger) King. Daddy would never allow me to divorce. He was the vicar you know.

billie_jean_king
Apr 10th, 2003, 01:48 AM
No one was more amazed than Rosie. Besides, what would your Daddy have to say about being gay?

Pamela Shriver
Apr 10th, 2003, 04:09 PM
You so insulted Ginny there Bill she swooned and nearly suffocated into her cucumber sandwiches!

Bill, another question...I was named the 1996 Family Circle/Hormel Foods Player Who Makes A Difference Award for her outstanding efforts toward charitable causes ..... Now, seeing as it was "Hormel Foods" can I assume you won this once too? <only got carried away with the $700 hamper prize> .......

Pamela Shriver
Apr 10th, 2003, 11:23 PM
......I'm waiting for your answer Billie.....

billie_jean_king
Apr 10th, 2003, 11:36 PM
Ooh, wait your turn, Spamela. I was making my way to the computer but had to have a sit down to get my breath back. I've been trying to get here since 3pm this afternoon. My high level of fitness sometimes makes it difficult for me to maintain such peak levels.

Indeed, I have won many awards in my illustrious career. I did once win the 'McDonalds Person to Aspire To' award in 1995 and the 'KFC Not finger lickin' good' prize in 1982. My most treasured award though is the 'TGI Friday's - It's a Feast EVERYDAY, So Pig Out All The Time' award. They told me that they wanted to provide a role model to people that would make them think it was ok to get fat and eat loads. I think they picked me because they saw my fitness levels and knew that despite eating lots, you can work it off. Just like me, I'm in the best shape of my life (for a heifer).

Pamela Shriver
Apr 10th, 2003, 11:39 PM
I don't really mind you calling me Spamela Bill...but its worrying...I kinda don't want you getting ideas of eating me... SPAM....

billie_jean_king
Apr 10th, 2003, 11:41 PM
I don't like Spam. It's not cheap enough for me. I've fallen on hard times since Hersheys stopped sponsoring me.

Pamela Shriver
Apr 10th, 2003, 11:44 PM
Oh thats ok then. <but I still don't trust you....>

Don't you think its cruel when kids sing "Billie Jean is NOT my lover THANK GOD...." I hear that all the time.

billie_jean_king
Apr 10th, 2003, 11:45 PM
It's never as cruel as when Jen sang it to me one night. What's worse is that she was sober :sad:

Pamela Shriver
Apr 10th, 2003, 11:52 PM
Could've been worse. She could've just told ya to f**k off.... <she'd never say that to moi!>

Here's a question: I was once elected vice president to the Tennis Hall of Fame. Last yr I was inducted into the Hall of Fame.
Coincidence? You Decide!

billie_jean_king
Apr 10th, 2003, 11:54 PM
Well, they probably gave you those positions to shut you up. Those vowels can get annoying after a while. I reckon they did it to keep you quiet. What a shame you didn't!

Anyway, I was born in the Hall of Fame.

Pamela Shriver
Apr 11th, 2003, 12:00 AM
You were born in the hall of fame!? Must be a damn BIG hall.

And my vowels are NOT annoying. Noooooooooot aaaaaaaaaat aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall.

billie_jean_king
Apr 11th, 2003, 12:03 AM
Oh please! Your vowels are legendary. We always used to joke that if only you could play as well as your vowels can deafen people then you'd have been a champion, but as it is, you were crap as a player AND a loser. Spam is a loser!

btw, have you noticed that Chris is also trying to work on her vowels?

jd4eva
Apr 11th, 2003, 12:06 AM
Lmao!

Pamela Shriver
Apr 11th, 2003, 12:22 AM
Chris will never have vowels like mine. She is not a Vowel Champion. Ha! If she thinks she can beat me at the vowelling stakes then she's got another thing coming! <probably another bloke...>

Remember that time I caused an avalanche in Tibet when I whispered for a coke in the locker room at Virginia Slims? (or Fats for your case Billie...)

billie_jean_king
Apr 11th, 2003, 12:24 AM
Chris is almost as beautiful as me these days. She just needs more fat and crap glasses.

Spam...have you ever been to Chester Zoo? I know someone who went there yesterday and said they saw a giraffe and I wondered if it was you.

Pamela Shriver
Apr 11th, 2003, 12:30 AM
Chris looks like her liposuction was reversed.

I've got cousins in Chester Zoo. I think Wenders goes there a lot, ya know the hippo sanctuary. Go to london zoo, I'm there a lot, they have nice tall trees.

billie_jean_king
Apr 11th, 2003, 12:33 AM
London...that's where Wimbledon is. I like Wimbledon. I have the record for most Wimbledon titles won. I also have the record for most food eaten in the restaurant. I beat Wenders for that one. I am VERY proud of that.

Pamela Shriver
Apr 11th, 2003, 12:39 AM
Actually Bill, even I am impressed with that food record. To beat Wenders...sheesh...you two must have got through some pies!

I love Wimbledon. The fans love me there. Okay, so I never won the singles, but the fans prefer doubles there anyway. I get stalked by fans at Wimbledon. I bet they don't recognise ya huh?

billie_jean_king
Apr 11th, 2003, 12:41 AM
Someone recognised me last year. They said a pic of me would make a good dart-board or something. I don't have fans that stalk me...I prefer more refined supporters, not the hooligans you attract.

And anyway I always get recognised. I'm as unmissable as Rosie in her PingPongPamPinkPantSuit

Pamela Shriver
Apr 11th, 2003, 12:52 AM
I'm being unfair. Someone *did* recognise you at Wimbledon. I over-heard "Is that Billie Jean King!? Naaah can't be, thats just some old fat tramp"

People certainly can't miss ya Bill. Especially when you move to sit down. Your ass eclipses centre court.

billie_jean_king
Apr 11th, 2003, 12:57 AM
Pam, you and I have the same body mass. Mine is concentrated around my middle. Yours is in your elongated neck. Essentially, we are very similar Pam. Expect you never won a singles slam! I won loads.

Pamela Shriver
Apr 11th, 2003, 01:12 AM
I think we might actually have to agree on something there Bill. My neck weighs 18st...about the same as your stomachs.

Ahhh BUT you won the slams...I won the hearts of the fans...!!

(and I know which one I'd prefer :sad: )

billie_jean_king
Apr 11th, 2003, 01:21 AM
But Spamela...you have George!

servenrichie
Apr 11th, 2003, 12:04 PM
Classic ladies! Keep it coming!

billie_jean_king
Apr 13th, 2003, 11:48 PM
Baby, I haven't been coming for years. I'm as sex-less as they come. Well, unless you're Rosie Casals in her gorgeous pink pant suit

Virginia Wade
Apr 14th, 2003, 12:16 AM
*swoon*

Please refrain from talk of sexual behaviour on my boards. Such bawdy references shall not be tolerated.
(But discussion on the Evert girl's *disgraceful* promiscuity is allowed, no encouraged!)

billie_jean_king
Apr 14th, 2003, 12:21 AM
Um, Ginny, these aren't YOUR boards. As they are related to the WTA, they are MY boards, because I invented women's tennis, not you.

So I say what goes.

Virginia Wade
Apr 14th, 2003, 12:33 AM
Alas poor Billie, I knew you well <infortunately>

Listen to oneself, Ms Moffit. I OWN the all England Club. It is MINE. I allowed you to deface my lawns with your trotters which I had painstakingly cared for with my own hand. As I OWN Centre Court - the centre of the tennis Universe - that gives me the right to own these boards. I am Tennis God. So please do not diffuse your tripe infront of mine eyes, it is most vexing.

billie_jean_king
Apr 14th, 2003, 12:40 AM
hey, Ginster, go take a hike. I have won more Wimbledon titles than anyone else anyway. I should be worshipped for my records and MY tour.

What do you have? A pink cardigan nowhere near as lurid as Rosie's suit and a butler!

Jo Durie
Apr 14th, 2003, 12:45 AM
Virginia you live in the past. You're a distant memory. I think I am the best female British tennis player of more recent times. I deserve some credit. And I am a better commentator than any of you. I'm a TRUE Brit.

billie_jean_king
Apr 14th, 2003, 12:46 AM
What about that Sam Smith woman? I've heard she's quite good. Although she does spend a lot of time with Spam at Wimbledon.

You Brits suck!

Virginia Wade
Apr 14th, 2003, 12:47 AM
Did the Queen give you your Wimbledon trophy!? Did they sing "For She's A Jolly Good Fellow" for you?!? (although 'fellow' is rather a good description for you)
NO!!

It is QUALITY not quantity. (As your pot-belly clearly displays to the world)

And besides, is there a mock-up of your front drawing room (east wing) of your mansion at the Wimbledon museum??!
NO!!

So who is the real legendary champion here. I rest my case.
Your witness.

Jo Durie
Apr 14th, 2003, 12:48 AM
What about that Sam Smith woman? I've heard she's quite good. Although she does spend a lot of time with Spam at Wimbledon.

You Brits suck!

Sam Smith? Who? Oh that bottom end of the Top 100 for about 3 weeks player?

Virginia Wade
Apr 14th, 2003, 12:50 AM
Jo Durie, you never won Wimbledon. And you never wore a pink cardigan. How uncooth.

Jo Durie
Apr 14th, 2003, 12:56 AM
Jo Durie, you never won Wimbledon. And you never wore a pink cardigan. How uncooth.

You only won Wimbledon because I let you beat me in the first round. And I haven't told you this before... It's a bit of an "industry secret" but the BBC only lets you commentate on matches that I turn down! I try to do as many as I can but my daily trip to Marks & Sparks has to be fitted in somewhere...

Virginia Wade
Apr 14th, 2003, 01:01 AM
Pfffffffft what a load of old tosh. No one even knows who you are! I cannot walk down the street without being recognised as "the tennis legend who won wimbledon in 77"
Besides, Sue Barker and I are old chums. She would never do that to her favourite South African.

Jo Durie
Apr 14th, 2003, 01:04 AM
Pfffffffft what a load of old tosh. No one even knows who you are! I cannot walk down the street without being recognised as "the tennis legend who won wimbledon in 77"
Besides, Sue Barker and I are old chums. She would never do that to her favourite South African.

No they recognise you as the "woman with wirey hair who talks like she has a plum in her mouth and looks like she is age 77".

Pamela Shriver
Apr 14th, 2003, 01:08 AM
Actually I'd describe Ginny as having "Brillo pad hair and who talks like a South African pretending to be British"

Jo Durie
Apr 14th, 2003, 01:11 AM
May I also add that I OWNED Steffi Graf...

Colin B
Apr 14th, 2003, 01:26 AM
:worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship:

Jo Durie
Apr 14th, 2003, 02:14 AM
:worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship:

Is that recognition for my beating Steffi Graf FOUR and I repeat FOUR times???????

Colin B
Apr 14th, 2003, 02:31 AM
Is that recognition for my beating Steffi Graf FOUR and I repeat FOUR times???????
It was more in recognition of probably the funniest thread I've ever read on here.
But Maximum Respect to you on the Graf record. BTW I was there when you beat her at Wimbers!

Jo Durie
Apr 14th, 2003, 10:05 AM
It was more in recognition of probably the funniest thread I've ever read on here.
But Maximum Respect to you on the Graf record. BTW I was there when you beat her at Wimbers!

Good stuff wasn't it?

JonBcn
Apr 14th, 2003, 10:14 AM
Jo! I've always wondered why you dont post here (always my favourite Brit, you know -except Auntie Ginny of course, but she was retired by the time I was in kneesocks).

A couple of questions for you:

Why did you always play with racquets shaped like frying pans?

Are you prone to mosquito bites? (Hence the fly swatting service action)

Jo Durie
Apr 14th, 2003, 10:21 AM
Jo! I've always wondered why you dont post here (always my favourite Brit, you know -except Auntie Ginny of course, but she was retired by the time I was in kneesocks).

A couple of questions for you:

Why did you always play with racquets shaped like frying pans?

Are you prone to mosquito bites? (Hence the fly swatting service action)

In answer to your first question... Because they reminded me of a good fry-up. I was never really one of those players who was into those faddy high in this low in that diets (as you could probably tell by my backside LOL) and having my racquet in the shape of my favourite kitchen utensil was very special to me!

And my service action was unique to me and helped me to beat STEFFI GRAF FOUR and I repeat FOUR times! Also I didn't have a pingpong serve unlike some people who should remain nameless but whose surname rhymes with fiver. Also I used to love to receive more and concentrated more on that action... a quick wiggle of the bottom never did anyone any harm.

JonBcn
Apr 14th, 2003, 10:36 AM
lol

You have been cruelly ignored by our board. Why do you think you were so much better on countless (if you have difficulty counting above three) occasions than the mighty Steffi? You've also beaten many top players - some of whom are still at the pinnacle of the game; Smashnova, Likhovtseva, a Maleeva or two. I bet Pam cant say that.

Last time I saw you though was at birmingham and you were losing against Elna Reinach with her irritating ploddy sliced forehand. How's the back?

Jo Durie
Apr 14th, 2003, 04:17 PM
lol

You have been cruelly ignored by our board. Why do you think you were so much better on countless (if you have difficulty counting above three) occasions than the mighty Steffi? You've also beaten many top players - some of whom are still at the pinnacle of the game; Smashnova, Likhovtseva, a Maleeva or two. I bet Pam cant say that.

Last time I saw you though was at birmingham and you were losing against Elna Reinach with her irritating ploddy sliced forehand. How's the back?

I beat Steffi so many times because I was a better player on the day of course! I thrashed her the first time we played but all of our matches we played after (bar two) were tight 3 setters. I was a threat to her. I really was!

And I did beat Katerina and Manuela Maleeva but that pesky Magdalena eluded me. I beat Spam a couple of times… let her win a few times… Owned Rosie Casals *cough* Scuse me I have a cold… Sue Barker… I had a good solid career. I’m sick of being forgotten about.

My back is still here. So is my backside. It's enjoying not having to wear those tennis knickers though. Thing is now I'm not quite as active as I used to be all those fry-ups go straight to me bottom... But I digress.

And Elna beat me twice the sod!

Messenger
Apr 14th, 2003, 04:58 PM
Welcome to WTAworld Jo! Spread the word amongst your "crowd" :)

Navratilova
Apr 14th, 2003, 11:17 PM
I OWN the all England Club. It is MINE. I allowed you to deface my lawns with your trotters which I had painstakingly cared for with my own hand. As I OWN Centre Court - the centre of the tennis Universe - that gives me the right to own these boards. I am Tennis God. So please do not diffuse your tripe infront of mine eyes, it is most vexing.

So who is the real legendary champion here. I rest my case.
Your witness.

I think you'll find that I am the REAL legendary champion here... there... and hell... Just about everywhere! I won Wimledon... *thinking* Was it eight times... no wait... nine! *when you win as many as me they all blend into one at times* I rest my case!

ps You're a Tennis God? Always thought there was something a bit dicky about you...

Navratilova
Apr 14th, 2003, 11:21 PM
I kinda don't want you getting ideas of eating me...

And why's that Pam?

Why haven't you been returning my calls? Wait... hark! Is that a throw back to when you couldn't return my serve I wonder?

Lelu
Apr 15th, 2003, 12:29 AM
I guess the word about this thread has gotten around in the small (after all) world of tennis has-beens. They are all coming out of the woodwork now. I wonder who will be next: Chrissy, Evonne, Wendy, Hana, Gaby, Margaret, Rosemary? We, the fans, welcome them all!

SueBarker
Apr 15th, 2003, 01:56 AM
Hello everyone! Here I am, lovely, sweet, delightful, charming, pretty, blonde Sue. And everyone loves me. Including Cliff Richard!

Oh and Jo, you never managed to win a Slam, but I did. I'm not just a pretty face. I'm talented too. And now I'm the best anchor woman the BBC has - Clare Balding knows nothing!

Sam L
Apr 15th, 2003, 01:59 AM
I wonder who will be next: Chrissy, Evonne, Wendy, Hana, Gaby, Margaret, Rosemary? We, the fans, welcome them all!

We want Chrissie! :D

SueBarker
Apr 15th, 2003, 01:59 AM
Chris is stuck somewhere in Debden/Birminghamshire. I'm hoping she never gets out.

Jo Durie
Apr 15th, 2003, 03:31 AM
Hello everyone! Here I am, lovely, sweet, delightful, charming, pretty, blonde Sue. And everyone loves me. Including Cliff Richard!

Oh and Jo, you never managed to win a Slam, but I did. I'm not just a pretty face. I'm talented too. And now I'm the best anchor woman the BBC has - Clare Balding knows nothing!

Fluke.

And its about time you gave your sunbed a rest. You're starting to shrivel.

JonBcn
Apr 15th, 2003, 08:27 AM
Hello everyone! Here I am, lovely, sweet, delightful, charming, pretty, blonde...

You forgot 'leathery'.

Jo Durie
Apr 15th, 2003, 11:59 AM
You forgot 'leathery'.

LOL

Jo Durie
Apr 15th, 2003, 07:34 PM
I have an idea! What do you think about us all having a girly night out during the Wimbledon fortnight? We could go to The Met Bar... The Ivy... Oooooooh it'd be jolly good fun! I've always wanted to go to one of those places but with me being over-looked for far too long... They'd never let me in. But if I were to go with a couple of tennis legends and Sue as well...

SueBarker
Apr 16th, 2003, 01:03 AM
Bah! No chance Juke Box. Me and Pammers always go out for her birthday, which always falls during Wimbledon. Pammers and I have a corking night out. You'd bring the tone down.

Why don't you ask Annabel Croft or Sam Smith if they want to go out with you? They seem boring enough.

Pamela Shriver
Apr 16th, 2003, 01:15 AM
PamDay is 4th July NO BODY FORGET. I'm expecting cards off all of ya.

Jo Durie, I once heard you being described as England Cricketer Angus Fraser's twin. But we never see you in the same place twice....Spoooooky.....

SueBarker
Apr 16th, 2003, 01:17 AM
Hey Pammers - I've never forgotten PamDay. It's always marked in my diary. Poor old Lancey (my husband, btw) always gets jealous because I once told him it was my favourite night of the year, when we go out on the town celebrating your birthday.

Jo Durie is not welcome. She's not a legend of broadcasting unlike you and I.

ClareBalding
Apr 16th, 2003, 01:18 AM
Clare Balding knows nothing!

I knew you were going to say something like that...

SueBarker
Apr 16th, 2003, 01:19 AM
Hi Clare. How are you? I haven't seen you for a while. We've been working different events. Hope to see you soon sweetie.

Pamela Shriver
Apr 16th, 2003, 01:22 AM
Although I would give Jo Durie credit in that she's the one person I can look in the eye.
But her commentary is weak. I mean, c'mon her vowels are practically *normal* ?!?! Whats all that about??

I can't wait for PamDay 03. Think we should hire out a marquee on Sue Barker Car Park across from the All England Club and start drinking from 9am. Bet I could drink Jo Crapie under the table baby!

SueBarker
Apr 16th, 2003, 01:24 AM
Pam...anyone could drink Juke Box under the table. This year, shall we try even harder to get Jen to join us? I'd love to party with you and her...surely that would be the BEST PamDay ever.

Juke Box isn't used for Wimbledon coverage. She's crap at commentary. Sam Smith is better and she's crap.

Pamela Shriver
Apr 16th, 2003, 01:31 AM
I heard along the grapevine that one of my PAMFANS went up to Jo last yr and asked her where I WAS! Ha! So that is her role at wimby now...directing my adoring fans to me!

We must ask Jen. Then maybe we can make me Fed Cup captain and she can play and all will be good in the world.

SueBarker
Apr 16th, 2003, 01:37 AM
Ooh yes...Jen must join us. I'm sure she knows how to party and will teach us. If I were playing today, I'd be best mates with Jen. After all, we could bond over winning the French Open.

Juke Box plays oldies doubles to give her an excuse when people ask her why she isn't doing commentary. It's better to say she doesn't have the time, rather than the real reason which is that she wasn't asked.

Pamela Shriver
Apr 16th, 2003, 01:42 AM
God you're right about Juke Box. Just like when people ask why I don't play the senior dubs anymore. I tell em its because of my Pammentary commitments <when really its because of that humilating double bagel loss with Ginny in 01 :o *shudder* I'm still receiving counselling>

Wish I could bond with you two legends over winning the french open :sad:

SueBarker
Apr 16th, 2003, 01:45 AM
Well Pammers, you won the French Open dubs, right? That's enough for you to join in with us. It beats Juke Box and her ONE MIXED DUBS SLAM! How poor!

Anyway, we need you to do Pammentary. You cannot play oldies dubs anymore...your Pammentary Box needs you. It's a greater good that you fulfil when you Pammentate.

Jo Durie
Apr 16th, 2003, 01:52 AM
I'm hurt! Just give me a chance. I can be a real goer when I'm out. Not that I come out much but when I do... All I ask is for a chance. Ladies it would be a giggle. It really would!

And don't talk to me about Sam Smith. She's even stealing my thunder at Ace Magazine these days. What does she know about top-flight tennis?

Pamela Shriver
Apr 16th, 2003, 01:52 AM
Ha-ah! Sue how glad am I that I can always count on your support! Also. I'm getting the first beer <or ten> in at wimbledon.

My pammentary reaches the parts others cannot (usually the very center of the ear drum)!

SueBarker
Apr 16th, 2003, 01:53 AM
Well, we might think about it. But if you turn out to be a softie...then you're out for good. Pam and I will need to discuss it.

Pamela Shriver
Apr 16th, 2003, 01:53 AM
So ya plan on coming out do you Juke Box? Interesting...

SueBarker
Apr 16th, 2003, 01:54 AM
Heh...just thought, let's do karaoke.

Juke Box doing karaoke! That's funny.

Pamela Shriver
Apr 16th, 2003, 01:56 AM
Yeah! Karaoke!

"It's Raining PAM! Halleluja its raining PAM!..."

Juke Box can sing that Beatles song - "Loser"

SueBarker
Apr 16th, 2003, 01:58 AM
Can I sing 'Calendar Girl'?

#January, you start the year off fine#
#February, you're my little Valentine#
#March, I'm gonna march you down the aisle#
#April, you're the Easter bunny when you smile#
etc

I think that song is perfect for me. Cliff used to sing it to me.

Jo Durie
Apr 16th, 2003, 02:00 AM
No I'm partial to a bit of Celine Dion myself... The Titanic one.

And I'm very thankful for this ladies. Will Virginia be coming though?

SueBarker
Apr 16th, 2003, 02:01 AM
I doubt Virginia's familiar with coming

Pamela Shriver
Apr 16th, 2003, 02:03 AM
Titanic eh Jo? Used to going down then...

Virginia might pop along for a G&T (Ginny & Turnbull)

Virginia Wade
Apr 16th, 2003, 02:06 AM
You whippersnappers are behaving like savages. I may have to appear and keep one's eye on proceedings. I suggest you all come along to a candle-light supper that jeeves has prepared in my mansion.

Jo Durie
Apr 16th, 2003, 02:09 AM
I suggest you all come along to a candle-light supper that jeeves has prepared in my mansion.

That's it! I always knew you reminded me of somebody! Mrs Bucket!

Jo Durie
Apr 16th, 2003, 02:10 AM
Titanic eh Jo? Used to going down then...



I have no idea what you mean... :angel:

Jo Durie
Apr 16th, 2003, 02:25 AM
http://www.fortunecity.co.uk/cinerama/thriller/295/tn_jo_durie_jpg.jpg

Rollo
Apr 16th, 2003, 02:25 AM
I'm you're devoted fan forever Virginia :hearts:

It's the old school sort of folk like you and Hyacinth Bouquet (it's "Bouquet" even if it's spelled Buckey Jo) who are maintaining what are left of standards.

What do Pam or Jo know of standards-except for the Runnerup and semifinal kind that is.

Jo Durie
Apr 16th, 2003, 02:28 AM
What do Pam or Jo know of standards-except for the Runnerup and semifinal kind that is.

Thank you for the compliment :kiss:

Rollo
Apr 16th, 2003, 02:36 AM
Bye the bye-Helen 'Hurricane" Kelesi designated me as her official WTA world spokesman. In no way,shape or form does this reflect Rollo's thoughts or opinions-he would NEVER hurt "Our Ginny" Wade.

She left the following messages:

To Pammy: "How the f***k are you whining thief! Don't think I haven't forgotten about about that **bleep-bleep** match in Quebec a few **bleep-bleeping **years back. Just because you were on the last of your giraffe legs didn't mean to had to steal MY match. I needed that dough for my impending brian surgery you Baltimore bitch!

To Virginia Wade: "Join the 20th century you stuck up Ice Queen. The greatest British woman ever my ass. Ann Jones could whip your fake British bum from here to eternity.

To Jo Durie: The only f*in reason you won our 1991 match wa sit was Wimbledon. I had to play not only you, but 10,000 bloody freaking Brits as well! I want a rematch :fiery:

Now I'm off to take my Zolof. F**ck off.

SueBarker
Apr 16th, 2003, 02:45 AM
Well, it appears that I am an anomoly - I'm a true Brit and I won big (once). Oh, and unlike Ann Jones, I have normal teeth.

Jo Durie
Apr 16th, 2003, 02:56 AM
Well, it appears that I am an anomoly - I'm a true Brit and I won big (once). Oh, and unlike Ann Jones, I have normal teeth.

But do you look as good as me in a bikini?

Anna Kournikova
Apr 20th, 2003, 07:43 PM
I am a masterpiece!

A masterpiece of bitchy jealous hasbeen old nothingness.

Colin B
Apr 21st, 2003, 01:49 AM
Bah! No chance Juke Box. Me and Pammers always go out for her birthday, which always falls during Wimbledon. Pammers and I have a corking night out. You'd bring the tone down.

Why don't you ask Annabel Croft or Sam Smith if they want to go out with you? They seem boring enough.

No Sue! Don't get Pam n' Sam together for drinks. Remember that commentary-box row they had after Sam mentioned "whingeing Millionairesses wanting equal pay with the men".
Things could turn ugly!

Second thoughts, yeah! Get 'em together; I'll pay for the Gins.

Colin B
Apr 21st, 2003, 01:53 AM
A masterpiece of bitchy jealous hasbeen old nothingness.
MEEEEEEEEEOOOOWWWWWWW

Anna Kournikova
Apr 21st, 2003, 06:13 AM
MEEEEEEEEEOOOOWWWWWWW

Well she is! And don't start me on her marriage of convenience...

WhatTheDeuce
Apr 21st, 2003, 06:15 AM
:wavey: Anna!!!! work on your fucking serve by the way...:rolleyes:

Anna Kournikova
Apr 21st, 2003, 01:19 PM
:wavey: Anna!!!! work on your fucking serve by the way...:rolleyes:

I do and it's fine. Just some days things don't go right some days. Right?

WhatTheDeuce
Apr 21st, 2003, 07:30 PM
I do and it's fine. Just some days things don't go right some days. Right?
:rolleyes: dont be in denial, your serve sucks...

but i love you anyways ;)

Nathalie_Tauziat
Aug 2nd, 2003, 12:26 AM
And don't talk to me about Sam Smith. She's even stealing my thunder at Ace Magazine these days. What does she know about top-flight tennis?
Sam know a lot about top flight tennis after the lesson I gave to her during my legendaire, some say miraculous, run to le Wimbledon finale! Not that Sue, Pam, Annabel or you Jo know what that is like. Why are you in this thread with legendes like moi and Billie Jean?! :fiery:

Virginia Wade
Aug 2nd, 2003, 12:33 AM
One wishes Ms Tauziat would keep her sullen mouth fully shut, her behaviour is most indecerous. <unless that is she actually had some wisdom on winning the All England Championships ALIKE me, which I accomplished in 1977!>

Nathalie_Tauziat
Aug 2nd, 2003, 12:45 AM
One wishes Ms Tauziat would keep her sullen mouth fully shut, her behaviour is most indecerous. <unless that is she actually had some wisdom on winning the All England Championships ALIKE me, which I accomplished in 1977!>
Virginie :fiery:

1977 Wimbledon? :fiery: Centenary year at Wimbledon, Queen's jubliee and a 49 year old Virginie Wade wins this tournament? This is a fix non?! :fiery:

Virginia Wade
Aug 2nd, 2003, 12:50 AM
...No more than a fix than allowing you to get to the final against easy-peasy Jana 'choker' lemon squeasy Novotna...

Oh and its Ms Wade to you.

Nathalie_Tauziat
Aug 2nd, 2003, 01:00 AM
...No more than a fix than allowing you to get to the final against easy-peasy Jana 'choker' lemon squeasy Novotna...

Oh and its Ms Wade to you.
And Betty Stove was a difficult opponent? Pfffff! And my run was not a fix :fiery: I had to beat Samantha Smith and Haruka Inoue (who some say is the greatest grass court player never to have won a grass court match) to get to my final!

Colin B
Aug 2nd, 2003, 01:09 AM
Je proposé une duel - Les rrraquéuets de ténnis at dawn! On Le Wimbledonne Commonne.

Virginia Wade
Aug 2nd, 2003, 01:11 AM
Betty Stove is a grade one qualified giraffe!! Of course she was a difficult opponent! So yah-boo sucks.
Samantha Smith? Bwahaha. Don't make me laugh. Ann Jones now could beat that whippersnapper. And Ann is deaf, blind and needs a motorised scooter.

Jo Durie
Sep 5th, 2003, 01:23 AM
Well, we might think about it. But if you turn out to be a softie...then you're out for good. Pam and I will need to discuss it.

Yes... Well we never did go on that night out did we? Told me to meet you at The Ivy at 11pm and you weren't there and I couldn't get in. Told them I was a guest of Sue Barkers and they said "who?"

Jo Durie
Sep 5th, 2003, 01:25 AM
Sam know a lot about top flight tennis after the lesson I gave to her during my legendaire, some say miraculous, run to le Wimbledon finale! Not that Sue, Pam, Annabel or you Jo know what that is like. Why are you in this thread with legendes like moi and Billie Jean?! :fiery:

I beat Steffi Graf 4 times fair and square. That makes me pretty special on the court in my book.

Jo Durie
Sep 5th, 2003, 01:27 AM
Samantha Smith? Bwahaha. Don't make me laugh. Ann Jones now could beat that whippersnapper. And Ann is deaf, blind and needs a motorised scooter.

Just you wait until I tell her about what you said about her. Won't be a pretty sight I'm sure. It really won't.

Inge de Bruijn
Sep 5th, 2003, 01:29 AM
http://www.fortunecity.co.uk/cinerama/thriller/295/tn_jo_durie_jpg.jpg

*swims in*

You're pretty. You can stop by my pool ;)

*swims out*

Jo Durie
Sep 5th, 2003, 01:35 AM
*swims in*

You're pretty. You can stop by my pool ;)

*swims out*


what a lovely thing to say! Thanks for that!

Steffica Greles
Sep 5th, 2003, 01:48 AM
Yeah well, I'll have you know that I have been asked to do some modelling work. Some company from the UK have asked me to take over from their long-standing former star. Apparently they no longer can use her, so they've chosen me to do it. They said I'd be perfect. She's called Thora Bird or something similar and she used to do adverts for chairs or something. They said my athletic ability and figure means that I'd be perfect for their products. So you see...I'm a model too. Of high-quality health products.

And as for your team...Jen :sad: She won't play with for me. And I do so love her. She'd show you up in a minute Spamela! Jen is twice the woman you are, height aside.

That had me ROLLING on the floor dying to catch my breath!!!

Thora BIRD!!! LOL Chairs.....HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAA!

Navratilova
Oct 9th, 2003, 03:55 PM
Why are you in this thread with legendes like moi and Billie Jean?! :fiery:

You're a legend?

Nathalie_Tauziat
Oct 11th, 2003, 03:33 AM
You're a legend?
Ah, such a witty response :bs:
Martina must be so proud.

anne-hobbs
Oct 11th, 2003, 04:34 AM
well, I have to say that this is just a hot-air-balloon's worth of flatulance!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot fathom for a single second why icky-billi-jilly-gene-k, or virgi-neighhhaaaiiaaaa-waaaaaaddddeeee or, for that matter, miss surf someone else's-coat-tails -- pam-tree-not even-the queens-subject-colonial-scum--- schriver, or even that harlot jeezeble-Joe-jurie will not give me the "lud-bless-hur-royll-hinez-the-queen" respect that I CLEARLY deserve.

talent is where i stand out like everest, (I say modestly). I am the very synthesis, the quintessence of english tennis talent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


For I am.....

Anne-Hobbs

I thank you.........

anne-hobbs
Oct 11th, 2003, 04:39 AM
Who has had more WCs to wimledon??????????????

Surely what greater endorsement of my grass talent than the favoritism of some old partisan senile fuddy duddies.......

If it wasn''t for all those terrible bad bounces that I had I would have surely wiped the floor with those upstarts king, natrilillavilove, and gruff.......

for I am anne-hobbs

anne-hobbs
Oct 11th, 2003, 04:45 AM
Nathalie_Tauziat

("shudder")

wasn't that the demented 'frenchie' that wrote the book saying that amanda coetzers freakish and unearthly tallness was the result of an illicit ghastly growth-hormone addiction/scandal?

And yes, she had that unusual face too........

i know,

for I am, former, elite, top-class (ahh-say)-tour-pro


Anne-Hobbs.

Martian Willow
Oct 11th, 2003, 05:20 AM
...so you're not BBC Radio One FM DJ Mary-Anne Hobbs then...? :)

anne-hobbs
Oct 11th, 2003, 05:27 AM
...so you're not BBC Radio One FM DJ Mary-Anne Hobbs then...? :)

The brazen huzzy is just laggardly plagerizing my uber-world class skill-fame

willow, u must know tha there is only room for one anne-hobbs in the tennis stratosphere.........

anne-hobbs
Oct 11th, 2003, 05:30 AM
and in case youre wondering, I live in the USA now to avoid the crazed hoards of fans that just want to rip my clothes off in the UK.

(ewwwwuuue, even I recognize that that is freaky, and not in the good way....;-()

TM
Oct 11th, 2003, 05:31 AM
:confused: :lol:

anne-hobbs
Oct 11th, 2003, 05:37 AM
SO TM!!!!!!!!!!! humpffffff

What the bloooddy, buggery Tower-of-bloody-buggery-London- bollixxxxx are u laughing at???

I hope not my eroneously perceived lack of any tennis talent what-so-bloody-buggery-ever!!!!!!!!!


WELL!!!

I'd like to see you show YOUR class, by getting 12312312983719237 wild cards into a grand slam that u couldnt win if the opposition were bo=toxxed from head to toe, unconscious, and drunk out of their skulls on foul warm bitter.....

I think you're suitably put-down by my ascerbic verbal adroitness...

For I am

tennis geniouuoous

anne-hobbs

I thank you

Spirit
Oct 13th, 2003, 02:20 PM
I thank you

No, no -- thank you!

:)