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Brian Stewart
Apr 1st, 2003, 09:00 AM
A return of our annual feature. :) As usual, the information contained herein is not to be taken seriously or internally. Should you accidently swallow any of this, do not induce vomitting. (The thread will probably do it for you.)

A Player by Any Other Name

In order to change her fortunes, and return to the Grand Slam winner's circle, Jennifer Capriati has announced that she has now changed her name to Jennifer Williams. Father Stefano initially opposed the idea, until reminded of the difference in payout between champions and semifinalists.

Meanwhile Venus Williams, currently stuck in the #2 spot in the rankings, has noticed that the planet she is named for is likewise stuck in the #2 spot in the solar system. So, in a bid to regain the #1 ranking, she has changed her name to Mercury Williams.

Chanda Rubin, frustrated at having her name misspelled for over a decade, gave in and changed it officially to "Chandra".

The international tennis community has obtained a court injunction forcing Anna Pistolesi to return to her maiden name, Smashnova, the most appropriate name in tennis.
------------

Serena "Supports" Troops

When a couple of missle launchers broke down recently, Serena Williams donated several of her sports bras to use instead.

On a related note, Serena is appearing in a new sports bra advertisement: "Only the eyeballs should bounce."
----------------

Damir Goes Global

Tired of moving his family from country to country, and then discovering things aren't quite the way he wants, Damir Dokic has turned to Ebay. He is offering Jelena's citizenship and Fed Cup participation to the country that makes the highest bid.
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Early Entries for Kournikova Tourney

IMG has announced the first group of invitees for their newly-created Anna Kournikova Invitational. The list is as follows:

Anna Kournikova
Nancy Loeffler-Caro
Dewonder Davis
Karen Fodera

List to be updated when future announcements are made.
------------------

New Tour Sponsor

The WTA Tour has announced a deal with a new clothing sponsor, Victoria's Secret. They will provide all clothing for WTA and Fed Cup matches.
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New Official Tour Charity

The WTA Tour has announced that the new official tour charity will be the "Towels for Lisa" Fund.
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Mauresmo Biopic Planned

A new film about the life of tennis star Amelie Mauresmo is said to be in the planning stages. Working title for the film is "A Beautiful Hind". WTAWorld's own Tia Clara has been signed on as costume designer.
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That's all the "news" I've uncovered so far. But I'm sure our many reporters here can find a few more stories. :)

Messenger
Apr 1st, 2003, 09:12 AM
Pistolesi gone, Chandra getting it right, Serena helping the war effort, new Mauresmo film, Dokic up for auction, quality Kournikova tournament - what more can I say? Good to hear some positive news for once :)

mattmorelli
Apr 1st, 2003, 10:03 AM
Excellent stuff. Well done!

moby
Apr 1st, 2003, 10:06 AM
And the amazing thing is... it's all true.

Sam L
Apr 1st, 2003, 10:07 AM
Meanwhile Venus Williams, currently stuck in the #2 spot in the rankings, has noticed that the planet she is named for is likewise stuck in the #2 spot in the solar system. So, in a bid to regain the #1 ranking, she has changed her name to Mercury Williams.


LOL! This is too good! :worship:

Messenger
Apr 1st, 2003, 10:19 AM
And the amazing thing is... it's all true.

I just bought tickets to Anna's tourney (I want to see Nancy and DeWonder play live) :)

Glenn
Apr 1st, 2003, 11:05 AM
Mercury Williams, lol!

Anna would probably lose a few games to Nancy Loeffler-Caro... :o

Chance
Apr 1st, 2003, 11:14 AM
A return of our annual feature. :) As usual, the information contained herein is not to be taken seriously or internally. Should you accidently swallow any of this, do not induce vomitting. (The thread will probably do it for you.)

A Player by Any Other Name

In order to change her fortunes, and return to the Grand Slam winner's circle, Jennifer Capriati has announced that she has now changed her name to Jennifer Williams. Father Stefano initially opposed the idea, until reminded of the difference in payout between champions and semifinalists.

Meanwhile Venus Williams, currently stuck in the #2 spot in the rankings, has noticed that the planet she is named for is likewise stuck in the #2 spot in the solar system. So, in a bid to regain the #1 ranking, she has changed her name to Mercury Williams.

Chanda Rubin, frustrated at having her name misspelled for over a decade, gave in and changed it officially to "Chandra".



When a couple of missle launchers broke down recently, Serena Williams donated several of her sports bras to use instead.

On a related note, Serena is appearing in a new sports bra advertisement: "Only the eyeballs should bounce."
----------------



:D lol- will there be a news update tomorrow ;)

BasicTennis
Apr 1st, 2003, 11:20 AM
great one brian.:D

vaiva
Apr 1st, 2003, 11:25 AM
Finally some good news ;)

Well done Brian :D

Cariaoke
Apr 1st, 2003, 12:07 PM
LOL! Well done. http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/party/luxhello.gif

propi
Apr 1st, 2003, 01:40 PM
:worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship:
And why not Jupiter Williams, as is the biggest one??
LOL anyway it's all so good

selesfan
Apr 1st, 2003, 01:45 PM
A return of our annual feature. :) As usual, the information contained herein is not to be taken seriously or internally. Should you accidently swallow any of this, do not induce vomitting. (The thread will probably do it for you.)

A Player by Any Other Name

In order to change her fortunes, and return to the Grand Slam winner's circle, Jennifer Capriati has announced that she has now changed her name to Jennifer Williams. Father Stefano initially opposed the idea, until reminded of the difference in payout between champions and semifinalists.

Meanwhile Venus Williams, currently stuck in the #2 spot in the rankings, has noticed that the planet she is named for is likewise stuck in the #2 spot in the solar system. So, in a bid to regain the #1 ranking, she has changed her name to Mercury Williams.

Chanda Rubin, frustrated at having her name misspelled for over a decade, gave in and changed it officially to "Chandra".

The international tennis community has obtained a court injunction forcing Anna Pistolesi to return to her maiden name, Smashnova, the most appropriate name in tennis.
------------

Serena "Supports" Troops

When a couple of missle launchers broke down recently, Serena Williams donated several of her sports bras to use instead.

On a related note, Serena is appearing in a new sports bra advertisement: "Only the eyeballs should bounce."
----------------

Damir Goes Global

Tired of moving his family from country to country, and then discovering things aren't quite the way he wants, Damir Dokic has turned to Ebay. He is offering Jelena's citizenship and Fed Cup participation to the country that makes the highest bid.
-----------------

Early Entries for Kournikova Tourney

IMG has announced the first group of invitees for their newly-created Anna Kournikova Invitational. The list is as follows:

Anna Kournikova
Nancy Loeffler-Caro
Dewonder Davis
Karen Fodera

List to be updated when future announcements are made.
------------------

New Tour Sponsor

The WTA Tour has announced a deal with a new clothing sponsor, Victoria's Secret. They will provide all clothing for WTA and Fed Cup matches.
------------------

New Official Tour Charity

The WTA Tour has announced that the new official tour charity will be the "Towels for Lisa" Fund.
------------------

Mauresmo Biopic Planned

A new film about the life of tennis star Amelie Mauresmo is said to be in the planning stages. Working title for the film is "A Beautiful Hind". WTAWorld's own Tia Clara has been signed on as costume designer.
--------------------

That's all the "news" I've uncovered so far. But I'm sure our many reporters here can find a few more stories. :)

LOL! Great stories! :)

Sofiane
Apr 1st, 2003, 01:51 PM
:) nice stories!! :worship:
:wavey: Hi Buddy!

tennischick
Apr 1st, 2003, 02:00 PM
:worship: :devil: :D

King Aaron
Apr 1st, 2003, 02:02 PM
Lol, good ones. :)

Doris Loeffel
Apr 1st, 2003, 03:30 PM
Brian as brilliant as ever!!

Linnie
Apr 1st, 2003, 04:01 PM
:worship: :D

sartrista7
Apr 1st, 2003, 06:16 PM
The international tennis community has obtained a court injunction forcing Anna Pistolesi to return to her maiden name, Smashnova, the most appropriate name in tennis.


It may be too late... there is a new American Challenger player called Kaysie Smashey. Looks like Anna's been undercut ;)

Brian Stewart
Apr 1st, 2003, 10:17 PM
No one else has any news?

Sam L
Apr 1st, 2003, 10:25 PM
You know I totally forgot what day it was :eek: