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PhoenixStorm
Dec 20th, 2002, 03:16 AM
Peta Says Serena Williams Must Be Stopped
article by Collen Wood

Every year, Serena Williams spends $1.5 million in the U.S. Fur industry which skins approximately 100 million animal skins for her seasonal wardrobe.

Many animals from whom these skins are taken suffer all the horrors of factory farming, including extreme crowding and confinement, deprivation, unanesthetized castration, branding, tail-docking and de-horning, and cruel treatment during transport and slaughter. Further before these animals are silenced Serena Williams arrives personally to watch and take part in the slaughter. Ms. Williams has been known to laugh at the cage animlas as well as call them names and show them designs of the coats and boots they will become. "Its good for the animals to know they will have an afterlife as my new winter coat. Its very humane I think," Ms Williams said at a Press conference in New York.

Everything But the Panties

Fur producers joke that they make money from “Serena Wiliams than the Republic of China,” and indeed, since Serena Williams has everything in her wardrobe, excluding panties, made out of fur the Industry has a reason to be pleased as the profits of the fur industry are largely dependent on whether Serena Williams will be sporting her Fur Bikini in Austrailia.

Fur accounts for approximately 50 percent of the total byproduct value of animals used in the industry. When fur production declines, Serena Williams becomes very, very, cross. She has already made plans to "procces the hides of their offspring, and even has a design for new “veal” calve skin gloves that would also be edible. Thus, the economic success of the newly named Serena Williams Slaughterhouse (and the dairy farm) is directly linked to the sale of fur goods.

The Whole Ark

Most fur is produced and sold in the United States to Serena Williams. Sources have discoverd that the youngest Williams sister is fond of items made from the skins of cattle and calves, but also from horses, sheep, lambs, goats, and pigs who are also slaughtered for her meat requirements. Serena Williams has also marked other species to be hunted and killed specifically for her winter 2002 ski wardrobe. Skins, including zebras, bison, water buffaloes, boars, deer, kangaroos, elephants, eels, sharks, dolphins, seals, walruses, frogs, crocodiles, lizards, and snakes have all been collected and processed under the direction of Miss Williams. Sources have uncoved a photo of Williams strangling a Seal Pup with her bare hands.

Thousands of endangered olive ridley sea turtles wer captured and butchered illegally in Mexico solely for Serena Williams menu for her annual south florida cotillion ball. "I just love that turtle soup," Miss Williams told a neighbor. It is estimated that 25-30 percent of imported crocodile leather and other wildlife items are still in Serena Williams closet, having never even been taken out of the box.

Miss Williams has also recently purchased a ranched alligator farm to be kept in a half-sunken tin-sided structure of cinder blocks on concrete slabs in her back yard. "The boots turn out much nicer if the alligators can be harvested quickly and processed. Venus actually named one of them, and I had to tie her up before I could skin the sucker for these new boots! Do you like them?" Miss Williams asked a room full of Miami Reproters as she pranced in her new boots. As many as 600 young alligators may inhabit her one building, which reeks of rancid meat, alligator waste, and stagnant water. Williams acknowledged that, "The neighbors complain, but I've got Venus working on the clean up, that is if she ever wants me to let her win another grand slam."Although alligators may naturally live 40 to 60 years, on Serena's farm they are usually butchered before they are out of the egg. "I just love alligator omelletes!"

Humaneness is not a priority for Serena Williams. "Are you humane to your hamburger? I swear I think I am more humane than the lot of you because at least I have the decency to strangle my own alligators and butcher my own chinchillas!"

The alligators on Serena's farm may be beaten to death with hammers and axes, sometimes remaining conscious and in agony for 1 1/2 to 2 hours. "But only if I'm in a bad mood," Serena maintains. Serena has been known to catch her crocodiles with huge hooks and wires and reel them in when they become weakened from blood loss or drown. "It's just like working a point in tennis."

Serena sometimes kills one species of animal to use as bait to capture another. "I learned that little trick from Martina's man hunting techniques", Serena confided. Snakes and lizards are often skinned alive because of Serena's belief that live flaying imparts suppleness to the finished leather. "I swear it feels as if they're still alive! It makes me feel so sexy and alive and makes me run fast on court and get to balls only snakes could get to!"

Snakes have been observed to flee in terror whenever Serena Williams walks into a forested area or a country zoo. "It does make life difficult, but what can I do?"


Alternatives

As evidenced by a May 2002 poll in Parents magazine—in which 69 percent of those polled said they were against Serena Williams killing animals for her wardrobe—more and more people are realizing that Serena Williams clothing habit is something we can do without. There are many alternatives Serena can look into, including cotton, linen, rubber, ramie, canvas, and synthetics. Chlorenol (called Hydrolite by Avia and Durabuck by Nike), used in athletic and hiking shoes, is an exciting new material that’s perforated for breathability, will stretch around the foot with the same “give” as leather, provides good support, and is machine washable. "Whatever," was Serena's response, "Youre not going to catch me in some tacky Vegan shoes."

When asked where her taste for fur developed Serena Williams replied, "remember that movie 101 Dalmations? Well, see that movie made me really upset because all that poor Cruella Deville wanted to do was look good! Is that so bad to want to look your best? And if it takes 101 little Dalmations to do that, well then I say bring on puppies and give me a hammer because fashion and style must superceded all else. That Cruella really inspired me and the ending was so tragic. All those gloves and boots and jackets that she could have had and they just got away. They wouldn't have gotten away from me. I can promise you that."

Cybelle Darkholme
Dec 20th, 2002, 03:30 AM
You are so CRAZY!!! I love it!:bounce:

Scotso
Dec 20th, 2002, 03:47 AM
is this a joke?

CHOCO
Dec 20th, 2002, 03:53 AM
I love it!! :):)

Infiniti2001
Dec 20th, 2002, 03:53 AM
ROTFLMAO

Scotso
Dec 20th, 2002, 03:55 AM
I don't think this is funny at all.

danielrosario
Dec 20th, 2002, 04:08 AM
It's not funny.... it's satirical. :)

WtaTour4Ever
Dec 20th, 2002, 04:28 AM
Thats Hilarious!!! Keep it coming..................

persond
Dec 20th, 2002, 06:29 AM
:D :D Great stuff, PhoenixStorm, really good stuff. You've really made my day. Thanks alot.!!!:hearts: :hearts: :hearts: :hearts:

Buitenzorg
Dec 20th, 2002, 06:50 AM
:D

tennisIlove09
Dec 20th, 2002, 07:49 AM
I thought it was real :eek:


In the future, could you please post in another post that it's a joke or if it's real

Jakeev
Dec 20th, 2002, 08:08 AM
What's the matter Phoenix you could not get laid tonight? lol.

tennischick
Dec 20th, 2002, 08:50 AM
simply brilliant! ;) ;)

maya
Dec 20th, 2002, 09:09 AM
This article is so funny ...

Go PETA :p !

Cybelle Darkholme
Dec 20th, 2002, 12:41 PM
scotso, if he was being serious it would be offensive but its so obvious that this is satire!

brickhousesupporter
Dec 20th, 2002, 12:53 PM
I am really impressed with the imagination of some posters on this board. :)


:wavey: Hi cybelle

CC
Dec 20th, 2002, 01:41 PM
Very very good.:)

Rocketta
Dec 20th, 2002, 01:42 PM
thats pretty funny. :D

Cybelle Darkholme
Dec 20th, 2002, 03:49 PM
BRICK!!!! Merry Christmas, hope all is well with you and yours. :kiss:

PhoenixStorm
Dec 22nd, 2002, 02:16 AM
Thanks :-)

Hulet
Mar 31st, 2003, 08:49 PM
LOL @ the article.

Thanks cybelle for the link.:)

TeeRexx
Mar 31st, 2003, 11:29 PM
What's wrong with fur panties on hot babes? :eek: :)

maccardel
Apr 1st, 2003, 12:17 AM
I think "TPAWD says serena must be stopped is a better title"...Tennis Parents Against Williams Domination.

CanadianBoy21
Apr 1st, 2003, 02:17 AM
good imagination...
great stuff!

But Serena is not cruel like that ;)

Jakeev
Apr 1st, 2003, 04:05 AM
Isn't this old news?

LucasArg
Apr 1st, 2003, 04:09 AM
Lol :d !

caramel
Apr 1st, 2003, 04:46 AM
:worship: PETA :worship:

CanIGetAWhat
May 25th, 2006, 11:58 PM
A :bounce: because the "article" is hilarious.

auntie janie
May 26th, 2006, 12:08 AM
:haha: omg, that is seriously LAUGH OUT LOUD A LOT material! Thanks for the pre-Slam fun. :silly::bigclap::apumpkin::worship::hatoff:

*JR*
May 26th, 2006, 01:40 AM
Most fur is produced and sold in the United States to Serena Williams.

Now that she wears XXXL size stuff, I guess this is possible. :o

Jum_p_Over
May 26th, 2006, 01:43 AM
This made me chuckle

Stamp Paid
May 26th, 2006, 03:01 AM
"Its good for the animals to know they will have an afterlife as my new winter coat. Its very humane I think,"

LMAO, Serena :inlove:

cartmancop
May 26th, 2006, 03:25 AM
:lol: A+++++

That's hilarious, I despise hearing about PETA throwing blood on people wearing fur & what not... Get over it :lol: Great story:D

njnetswill
May 26th, 2006, 04:51 AM
:lol:

Nice writing. :D

I hope PETA locks themselves in a giant shed and committ mass suicide. I especially hate the legions of teenage girls at my school who think PETA is the second coming of Jesus.

Reuchlin
May 26th, 2006, 05:59 AM
That was sooo well written it had me going for like half the article...:LOL:

Kenny
May 26th, 2006, 06:14 AM
I only knew it was fake when it said that Serena spent 1.5 million on fur for one season's clothing..

pav
May 26th, 2006, 07:11 AM
Very good:) Iwonder what the cat suit was made out of?

Bloody possum skins paid for my teenage trip thru a whole lot of U.S. states, so I'm always grateful to the little pests:)

faste5683
May 26th, 2006, 11:01 AM
Very good:) Iwonder what the cat suit was made out of?

:) Bloody possum skins paid for my teenage trip thru a whole lot of U.S. states, so I'm always grateful to the little pests

Did you enjoy your trip? If you come again be sure to visit Georgia. We've got possums the size of an Airedale terrier (with teeth like an alligator).
They don't lie down and play dead like a normal possum...

:wavey:

dreamgoddess099
May 26th, 2006, 11:12 AM
I only knew it was fake when it said that Serena spent 1.5 million on fur for one season's clothing..
Especially when she refuses to even spend 100 thousand on a car. :lol: