View Full Version : How to reject someone and remain friends?

So Disrespectful
Mar 7th, 2012, 10:58 AM
I need your help girls. We all know TF is the best place for advice and life-coaching, so naturally I thought to post my problem here. ;)

I won't bore you with every insignificant detail, but basically a friend has feelings for me and is extremely persistent in his flirting. In short, I'm not interested. I gently let him down each time or divert the conversation, but it seems as though he's not getting the message. It's reached a point where I'm worried he's going to put me on the spot with something upfront or physical and I'm going to have to reject him then and there.

How would you deal with this person in a way that won't kill the friendship?

King Halep
Mar 7th, 2012, 11:05 AM
Depends if you are lucky and how mature they are. Usually they get embarrassed or offended, but best thing you can do is not mislead them :oh:

Mar 7th, 2012, 01:38 PM
Say you're flattered but not interested. Usually this will result in a period of awkwardness for both of you. You can't avoid that. If you give it enough time, you both might then get over it and be able to continue your friendship.

Mar 7th, 2012, 03:18 PM
I agree with what others have said, there is no way he's not going to be embarrassed, and whatever you do it's going to be a bit awkward for a while.

Just make sure you get some compliments in (to soften the blow), but tell him that he's not your type. :)

Mar 7th, 2012, 06:33 PM
Tell them you're a hermaphrodite.

Mar 7th, 2012, 06:56 PM
I've been in both sides, to me there's no way of being friends after being rejected.

Mar 7th, 2012, 07:19 PM
That doesn't even happen in the cheesiest romantic comedies.

Mistress of Evil
Mar 7th, 2012, 07:47 PM
Erm, tell him that you will not hit it off in the sheets. :)

Mar 7th, 2012, 08:04 PM
I've been in both sides, to me there's no way of being friends after being rejected.

I disagree. I had a similar situation with one of my good friends having feelings for me. We got over it, and now we flat together soo, its possible :lol:

Mar 7th, 2012, 08:53 PM
From past experiences I think a friendship after being rejected is more up to the person who's rejecting rather than the person who's being rejected, either way it's simply just awkward for a while but after that period of time I do think it's possible to have a friendship again providing both are okay with it.

Helen Lawson
Mar 7th, 2012, 10:44 PM
You're screwed, he will never get over it, no matter how polite you are. Be nice about it, and pray for the best, but expect the worst.

Mar 8th, 2012, 02:23 AM
Oh yeah that's a tough one. That happened to me a couple times, I had gotten attached to those ppl in a friendly way and they wanted more. It is hard. I mean I'd wanna do "friend" stuff with them like I don't know watch a movie, play sports, play video games or whatever and they ALWAYS ended up thinking something has changed and trying moves... Anyway it didn't really bother me but I knew it hurt them and they would always be expecting more..

That being said I still managed to keep a couple of friends after rejecting them romantically and I can still have a great time with them.. It just depends on the person, how they respond. Very simple answer but you just have to be as sweet as you can in your word choice!

Mar 8th, 2012, 02:43 AM
You dont have to reject him. Just dont talk to him as much as before for a month... Hopefully he gets the idea that youre not that interested in a bareback relationship.

Mar 8th, 2012, 02:52 AM
There's no point gently letting someone down, because being rejected feels the same either way. Just tell them they are fucking ugly/stupid/emotionally unstable, etc., and while those are qualities that you would overlook and perhaps even cherish in a friend, you would RATHER DIE than date someone like that.

In fact if you do that, they will get over you pretty quickly! You're really doing them a favour.

I exaggerated a little, but the idea is to be extremely firm so that you not only gun down whatever hope they have, but also subject the corpse of that hope to being hanged, drawn and quartered, before setting the final remains on fire and tossing the ashes into the Caspian Sea.

Mar 8th, 2012, 02:58 AM
You dont have to reject him. Just dont talk to him as much as before for a month... Hopefully he gets the idea that youre not that interested in a bareback relationship.


Mar 8th, 2012, 03:20 AM


Mar 8th, 2012, 06:00 AM
I'd be blunt, and I have before, say it to him in a polite, but assertive manner.

"I'm flattered, but at the moment I am happy just being friends and would like to continue being friends"

or use the option of

"At the moment, Im happy on being single and not involved with anyone at the moment, Im focussing on my career/school and I'm not inclined in looking for a partner"

the second option is a goodie, because you let someone of lightly with a secondary nature, he/she shouldn't take it as personally because it's not directly to him, but to anyone who tries to court you.

I use it heaps, just telling people that right at this point in my life I'm happy being single and not interested in being in a relationship. Who knows, maybe it will change, but right now I don't believe I can put in the time and effort into establishing one.

It's clinical but has worked before.