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View Full Version : Cynthia Nixon ‘chose’ to live as a lesbian


Williamsser
Jan 26th, 2012, 09:19 PM
http://blog.sfgate.com/dailydish/files/2012/01/wenn3657622-200x300.jpg

http://blog.sfgate.com/dailydish/2012/01/24/cynthia-nixon-chose-to-live-as-a-lesbian/?tsp=1

Actress Cynthia Nixon refuses to bow to pressure from the gay community to change her opinion that her homosexuality is a “choice,” despite facing criticism for her beliefs.

The “Sex and the City” star enjoyed a 15-year romance with her college sweetheart Danny Mozes – the father of her daughter Samantha, 15, and son Charlie, 9 – until their split in 2003. She then fell for Christine Marinoni in 2004, and the couple has been engaged to wed since 2009.

Nixon, who also has an 11-month-old son, Max, with Marinoni, is convinced her change in sexual preference was a choice.

In a candid interview with the New York Times Magazine the actress says, “I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line, ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’

“And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice. I understand that for many people it’s not, but, for me, it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me.

“A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out. I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not.

“Why can’t it be a choice? Why is that any less legitimate? It seems we’re just ceding this point to bigots who are demanding it, and I don’t think that they should define the terms of the debate.

“I also feel like people think I was walking around in a cloud and didn’t realize I was gay, which I find really offensive. I find it offensive to me, but I also find it offensive to all the men I’ve been out with.”

moby
Jan 26th, 2012, 09:31 PM
A gay "lifestyle" is a choice for someone who is bi, which she appears to be.
In fact it is also a choice for someone who is gay, except that their alternative choice would be to live a lie.

But she is right. Whether it is choice or not should not have an impact on this debate.

Sammo
Jan 26th, 2012, 09:58 PM
My God she's so ugly.

Ellen Dawson
Jan 27th, 2012, 06:55 PM
http://www.shewired.com/box-office/2012/01/26/sara-gilbert-and-cat-cora-cynthia-nixons-saying-being-gay-was-her-choice-video

Cat Cora :worship:

PatrickRyan
Jan 27th, 2012, 07:19 PM
You can't choose who you are on the inside, however you can choose to live a lie on the outside. I guess for her it was a choice. However for me I know that I was born gay and I would never live a lie. So I guess I choose to be who I am :)

miffedmax
Jan 27th, 2012, 07:23 PM
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that a woman who thinks living a gay lifestyle is better than living a straight lifestyle is pretty much gay, and her main "choice" was coming to terms with that fact.

dybbuk
Jan 27th, 2012, 07:30 PM
Do you ever get tired of posting articles and statistics that "prove" your point about the degeneracy of non-heterosexuals and people of color? It's about all you do. We've gotten your point by now about the superiority of the heterosexual white person.

pov
Jan 27th, 2012, 07:38 PM
I still don't get why people want others to bow to their cherished opinion. Even if one believes that many - let's even say most - homosexuals are born that way why would one be threatened because their are people who are aware of choosing their sexual orientation. It sometimes almost seems like homosexuals themselves see homosexuality as so "bad" that they can't conceive that someone would chose it.

More power to this woman and others like her who refused to be cowed by those who want the party-line to be toed.

Ellen Dawson
Jan 27th, 2012, 08:41 PM
I still don't get why people want others to bow to their cherished opinion. Even if one believes that many - let's even say most - homosexuals are born that way why would one be threatened because their are people who are aware of choosing their sexual orientation. It sometimes almost seems like homosexuals themselves see homosexuality as so "bad" that they can't conceive that someone would chose it.

More power to this woman and others like her who refused to be cowed by those who want the party-line to be toed.

Cynthia's girlfriend must feel so privileged. She turned a straight girl gay. :banana:

Oh and I'm sorry-- I must've missed the "I'm ashamed to be hetero" phenomenon. We all know how common it is for straight people to hate themselves for their sexuality. :facepalm:

meyerpl
Jan 27th, 2012, 09:31 PM
I still don't get why people want others to bow to their cherished opinion. Even if one believes that many - let's even say most - homosexuals are born that way why would one be threatened because their are people who are aware of choosing their sexual orientation. It sometimes almost seems like homosexuals themselves see homosexuality as so "bad" that they can't conceive that someone would chose it.

More power to this woman and others like her who refused to be cowed by those who want the party-line to be toed.Because a person who is able to delude himself into believing it's a choice is more likely to find discrimination justifiable.

égalité
Jan 27th, 2012, 09:35 PM
I still don't get why people want others to bow to their cherished opinion. Even if one believes that many - let's even say most - homosexuals are born that way why would one be threatened because their are people who are aware of choosing their sexual orientation. It sometimes almost seems like homosexuals themselves see homosexuality as so "bad" that they can't conceive that someone would chose it.

More power to this woman and others like her who refused to be cowed by those who want the party-line to be toed.

100% true. As a gay person I'm annoyed by any discussion of the cause of homosexuality, by straight people or by gay people. It's offensive that people need an explanation in order to accept the way I live my life as legitimate. When anti-gay bigots break out the "you chose to be this way!" argument, the typical response is "no, I was born this way!" It's a problem because 1. it makes homosexuality sound like a birth defect, and 2. the response should be "so what if I did? That doesn't make it any worse." If someone who identified as straight now identifies as gay, and is proud of both parts of her life, it's offensive for people (especially other LGBT people) to ask her to qualify that.

For the record I don't think that sexual orientation is a conscious choice. Nobody knows why people are gay. There are obviously biological factors; nobody can force him/herself to be physically attracted to someone. But it's certainly a choice (to have the courage) to be who you are.

Whitehead's Boy
Jan 27th, 2012, 10:15 PM
Does she mean that she's not sexually attracted to women and hence being a lesbian is a choice? Does she mean she is bi and chose to be a lesbian after dating a couple of men? Does she mean she does not feel any sexual attraction toward men or women and chose to be a lesbian? Does she mean she is sexually attracted to women and chose to have a partner, therefore in her view she chose to be a lesbian? In short: what's her point? What did she choose, exactly?

Also, why is it offensive to her that some people think she was always gay but didn't realize it? Her reaction actually IS offensive, as if people who come out of the closet when they're old are people you don't want to be associate with.

TBH, she seems to have issues.

Halardfan
Jan 27th, 2012, 11:28 PM
If she was saying that for everyone it's a choice that would be offensive that she was pushing her opinion onto everyone else. However she is saying that for her it was a choice...and surely she is entitled to feel that way and not be dictated to?

miffedmax
Jan 28th, 2012, 02:59 AM
100% true. As a gay person I'm annoyed by any discussion of the cause of homosexuality, by straight people or by gay people. It's offensive people need an explanation in order to accept the way I live my life as legitimate. When anti-gay bigots break out the "you chose to be this way!" argument, the typical response is "no, I was born this way!" It's a problem because 1. it makes homosexuality sound like a birth defect, and 2. the response should be "so what if I did? That doesn't make it any worse." If someone who identified as straight now identifies as gay, and is proud of both parts of her life, it's offensive for people (especially other LGBT people) to ask her to qualify that.

For the record I don't think that sexual orientation is a conscious choice. Nobody knows why people are gay. There are obviously biological factors; nobody can force him/herself to be physically attracted to someone. But it's certainly a choice (to have the courage) to be who you are.

You do make a valid point there. It's unfortunate you feel that way-it should be no more a consideration than the biological factors that make me tall and bald--but it is. (the unfortunate being society at large, not you.)

Whitehead's Boy
Jan 28th, 2012, 03:24 AM
If she was saying that for everyone it's a choice that would be offensive that she was pushing her opinion onto everyone else. However she is saying that for her it was a choice...and surely she is entitled to feel that way and not be dictated to?

The problem is that I'm really not sure what it is that she wants to communicate.

Either she is sexually attracted to women, or she's not.

If she is sexually attracted to women, it doesn't have a lot of meaning to say that she chose to live as a lesbian. I mean, do straight people say they choose to be straight when they start dating? That's just who they are.

If she is not sexually attracted to women, then she is not gay, therefore she did not choose to be gay. In that scenario, she would be a heterosexual or asexual who chose to date a woman.

Halardfan
Jan 28th, 2012, 06:28 AM
The problem is that I'm really not sure what it is that she wants to communicate.

Either she is sexually attracted to women, or she's not.

If she is sexually attracted to women, it doesn't have a lot of meaning to say that she chose to live as a lesbian. I mean, do straight people say they choose to be straight when they start dating? That's just who they are.

If she is not sexually attracted to women, then she is not gay, therefore she did not choose to be gay. In that scenario, she would be a heterosexual or asexual who chose to date a woman.

I just think there are grey areas, that just as Person A is attracted exclusively to women, person B is attracted to men, Person C can find both Men and Women attractive, to greater or lesser extents. She is person C by the sounds of it.

Regardless she is not seeking to impose her notion of what is a choice and what is inherent, so it's not really anyone's business.

delicatecutter
Jan 28th, 2012, 07:08 AM
Good for her. I don't think she chose to be a lesbian as much as she chose to be in a relationship with a woman. But she can call it whatever she wants. Female sexuality is far more fluid than male sexuality is.

Six Feet Under
Jan 28th, 2012, 11:01 AM
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that a woman who thinks living a gay lifestyle is better than living a straight lifestyle is pretty much gay, and her main "choice" was coming to terms with that fact.

Exactly.

Olórin
Jan 28th, 2012, 12:13 PM
If she is sexually attracted to women, it doesn't have a lot of meaning to say that she chose to live as a lesbian. I mean, do straight people say they choose to be straight when they start dating? That's just who they are.

If she is not sexually attracted to women, then she is not gay, therefore she did not choose to be gay. In that scenario, she would be a heterosexual or asexual who chose to date a woman.

I think it's quite simply the fact that she is a bisexual - she has chosen to explore that side of sexuality more as she has gotten older and has chosen a same-sex partner - therefore choosing a lesbian lifestyle.

I think what has maybe confused some people is the fact she hasn't identified herself as bisexual explicitly. And the fact that many people in the LGBT community seem to be confused by bisexuals, as they do appear to have an element of choice that is not present in people who are of the same or opposite sex only.

I do feel sorry for bisexuals - they're either a minority in a minority or "stuck between too worlds". It's not always easy in a society where so many things are socially assumed.

Whitehead's Boy
Jan 28th, 2012, 01:54 PM
Her speech seems to want to openly deny that she's bi: "I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.". If she's bi then she's never been straight. Or maybe in her mind if you date a man, you are straight and if you date a woman, you are gay, regardless of who you are attracted to.

Could it be that she is simply in denial that she lived her life in denial? I think she might be afraid of the idea of admitting she lied to herself and to other people during the major part of her life about her attraction to women. (Regardless of if she's lesbian or bi). And now she has come up with the idea that she decided, just like that, to live a lesbian life.

Whitehead's Boy
Jan 28th, 2012, 02:03 PM
And the fact that many people in the LGBT community seem to be confused by bisexuals

There is some confusion, but it's a reality a lot of people who have all sort of issues dealing and accepting their sexuality hide behind the bisexual label. As a result, it's never clear if we are dealing wiht a true bisexual or a gay person with issues.

If Nixon claims to be lesbian and doesn't explicitely say she's bi, it's hard for people to not be confused if she claims her homosexuality is a choice. In my opinion, her speech should be clearer so bigots don't use her as an example of what she isn't.

It's not a coincidence a bigot started this thread.

In The Zone
Jan 28th, 2012, 02:38 PM
It might be true for Cynthia, but it's not true for everyone else.

homogenius
Jan 28th, 2012, 02:49 PM
“Why can’t it be a choice? Why is that any less legitimate? It seems we’re just ceding this point to bigots who are demanding it, and I don’t think that they should define the terms of the debate.



this

Helen Lawson
Jan 28th, 2012, 10:06 PM
I think it is more of a choice for a woman, because she can just sit there and spread her legs for a guy and fake it while thinking about women, whereas a gay guy can't really fake it with a woman unless all she wants it oral sex from the guy, and most women want more than that.