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pov
Jan 13th, 2012, 09:18 PM
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/maria-burnham/bisexuality-myths_b_1193152.html?ref=mostpopular

8 Common Myths About Bisexuality
Maria Burnham
Writer and hairstylist; author, 'Jesus Loves Lesbians, Too'


Aside from the obvious definition of "myth" (you know, the one pertaining to the ancient heroes and gods of yore), there are a few more definitions to consider. My online dictionary says it is an invented story or idea, or a false collective belief that is used to justify a social institution. Good ol' Merriam Webster calls it a popular belief or tradition that has grown up around something or someone, or a person or thing having an unverifiable existence. The bottom line is that myths, while sometimes popular, are not fact.

Below I have listed a handful of myths pertaining to bisexual women that I have encountered over the past few years. Some of these are common, while others are new to me, thanks to the world of Twitter, in addition to comments on my last essay, "Being Bi in a Gay World." Perhaps you identify with one or more of these myths, whether it be you, personally, or someone you've encountered. But just because you can relate, does that make it fact? I challenge the following myths, and I encourage you to do the same.

1 Bisexuals are just gays with one foot in the closet. I cannot tell you how many times my friends, even those closest to me, have accused me of this. Subtly, quietly, they ask, "Are you sure you're not gay?" Or there are the less subtle, more direct friends who suggest in their usually loud and forceful voice, "Why don't you just admit that you're gay?" These are people I have known for over a decade, so I'm always baffled that they would think I'd lie to them. If I were younger, maybe, less sure of myself, then I'd be more understanding of the bisexuality-as-a-gateway-sexuality idea. Of course, that may be an accurate assessment for many people who are not ready to embrace homosexuality, but it isn't for all of us! It's not about having one foot in and one foot out; it's about not being boxed in by four walls.

2 Bisexual women are straight girls having a fun dalliance or two before running off with a penis-swinging man. I have met quite a few women, both virtually and in real life, who have flat-out said they would never let themselves be interested in me, or any bisexual woman. It seems a little harsh, but many of these women have been burned in the past by this very scenario. Maybe some bi girls go into it knowing that they want to end up with a man, what some people would label "taking the easy route," considering the benefits afforded heterosexual couples by both a more accepting society and government. But maybe, just maybe, if your ex-girlfriend proceeded to date a man, it was because she fell in love with the person, and not the promise of an easier path to institutionalized marriage.

3 Bisexuals are more likely to cheat. Frankly, this adage shocks me. I was genuinely flabbergasted the first time I heard this uttered, and even more shocked when I dug around and discovered that many people spout this as truth. There is no legitimate study proving this, nor would it be easy to attain accurate results if one was to perform a study, but it appears that this myth is touted in cities all over. Come on. Do I even need to spend time refuting this myth? If your bisexual boyfriend or girlfriend cheated on you, I'm sorry; I don't wish that on anyone. Please don't let that taint your view on a group of people as a whole.

4 You're not bi unless you go down on girls. This is to say that merely being a recipient of oral sex does not qualify you; you actually have to perform it. Does that mean a girl isn't straight until she gives a guy a blow job? This "myth" is more of a segue into a larger discussion on whether it's whom you love or whom you have sex with that defines your sexuality. I will not be delving deeper into this topic today, but I wanted to include a reference to it, because it is a common saying when arguing about bisexuality.

5 Bisexuals are greedy. Ugh. Who is behind these trendy sayings?

6 Bisexuals are more likely to carry diseases. This is downright hurtful, and offensive.

7 Bisexuals are looking for sex, while lesbians are looking for love. I know many bisexuals (including me) who are searching for love and romance. I also have some lesbian friends who are on the prowl for one thing only, and it isn't a soulmate. Then there are the girls who think they only want sex but stumble upon love, whether they be bi or gay (or straight, for that matter). This is a blanket statement that really does not make sense, considering that people are constantly changing their goals and dreams in the world of sex and relationships.

8 Bisexuality does not exist. If you actually believe this, I fear any argument I assert will be futile. Again, ugh.

In my own life, I have friends on one side telling me that deep down they know I'm gay, and that they'll be waiting with open arms to hug me when I'm ready to admit it. On the other side, many of my friends have confessed that they've always thought I was straight and just figured I'd eventually find the right guy to remind me. Both parties think they know me, "deep down," which can be interesting, flattering, amusing, and frustrating all at the same time. Why can't they just accept me and take what I say as the honest and only truth?

There are a multitude of people trying to convince their friends or the world online that bisexuals fall under these "truths" or flat-out don't exist. I am bisexual, and none of the aforementioned myths apply to me. In fact, I find many of them to be insulting and grossly offensive. Let's stop with the generalizations and start looking at people as individuals part of a great community

pov
Jan 13th, 2012, 09:21 PM
Yep. I'm always amazed by those who are quick to surmise that anyone who has a same-sex encounter is gay.

Dominic
Jan 14th, 2012, 10:09 AM
A lot of those are observable..

Ellen Dawson
Jan 14th, 2012, 10:21 AM
9. Just because you have one lesbian fling in college when you were trying to be fringey and wanted to use your carpet munching experience as a convo piece at the sorority does not make you bisexual.

:hatoff:

pov
Jan 14th, 2012, 03:29 PM
9. Just because you have one lesbian fling in college when you were trying to be fringey and wanted to use your carpet munching experience as a convo piece at the sorority does not make you bisexual.

:hatoff:
IMO - it does. If you were the active one and you really enjoyed it. Yep, even if you never go there again.

On the other side of things is the question of whether everyone has the same sexual identity throughout their life. I say that some people do not. Current orthodoxy claims everyone does.

Moveyourfeet
Jan 14th, 2012, 04:25 PM
Pretty pedestrian article. Myth 1 is basically Myth 8 in more detail.

This woman needs to find another bisexual woman to date so ppl can stop offending her. Who cares if people think you are not bisexual?

Ellen Dawson
Jan 14th, 2012, 05:53 PM
IMO - it does. If you were the active one and you really enjoyed it. Yep, even if you never go there again.

Dude, I totally disagree. Here's why - to be bi you have to HONESTLY be attracted to both sexes. It CAN'T be forced and it can't be for show. I should know b/c on one occasion, I was the experiment for one of these dykes-for-a-day and this chick didn't know what she was doing AND didn't enjoy it. A hot mess! :o

Helen Lawson
Jan 15th, 2012, 01:07 AM
I don't know about the laydees, but bisexual men are gay deep down.

Dominic
Jan 15th, 2012, 02:32 AM
I don't know about the laydees, but bisexual men are gay deep down.

I tend to believe that too.

Helen Lawson
Jan 15th, 2012, 03:10 AM
I know. If a guy sucks cock, or worse, he's gay, I don't care how many chicks he bangs later.

Tennisation
Jan 15th, 2012, 03:11 AM
"Bi" guys eventually enjoy having sex with other guys more than girls...hmmm.

AjdeNate!
Jan 15th, 2012, 03:15 AM
I don't know about the laydees, but bisexual men are gay deep down.

How deep? ;)

Helen Lawson
Jan 15th, 2012, 04:04 AM
How deep? ;)

So shallow you can see it a mile away!

Ellen Dawson
Jan 16th, 2012, 10:36 PM
I don't know about the laydees, but bisexual men are gay deep down.

With chicks it's a totally tough call. Some are really les while others are just coping with their fear of guys, which they eventually get over and leave their gf's for some dick who'll prolly dump them later on.

Helen Lawson
Jan 16th, 2012, 11:07 PM
With chicks it's a totally tough call. Some are really les while others are just coping with their fear of guys, which they eventually get over and leave their gf's for some dick who'll prolly dump them later on.

I totally agree. It's understandable for a chick to be with another girl, it's not gross or anything, and not be gay.

mykarma
Jan 18th, 2012, 03:55 AM
I don't know about the laydees, but bisexual men are gay deep down.
You might be right because the ones that I know that claimed they were bi eventually went straight out gay.

mykarma
Jan 18th, 2012, 03:57 AM
I know. If a guy sucks cock, or worse, he's gay, I don't care how many chicks he bangs later.
What about if it only happens in prison?

Helen Lawson
Jan 18th, 2012, 09:33 AM
What about if it only happens in prison?

Gay for the Stay is a separate phenomenon.

mykarma
Jan 18th, 2012, 02:33 PM
Gay for the Stay is a separate phenomenon.
:lol::lol::lol:

Mynarco
Jan 18th, 2012, 02:40 PM
Gay for the Stay is a separate phenomenon.

Helen :haha:

Ellen Dawson
Jan 19th, 2012, 03:20 AM
Gay for the Stay is a separate phenomenon.

How different is that from Gay-For-Pay? ;)

Helen Lawson
Jan 19th, 2012, 09:56 AM
I think Gay for Pay people are really gay deep down whereas you are trying to survive, literally, in prison.

Apoleb
Jan 19th, 2012, 10:15 AM
Bisexuality is real. Some people are really attracted to feminity and masculinity obviously to various degrees, but I think it's really homophobia and heterosexual norms that drive people to assume its inexistence. It's like if you can't fit in to the hetero norm "me luv only the ladies. guys? Ewwwww" you are in that inferior other class defined by exclusion.

Anyway, I think this is pov's coming out thread. :yeah:

Shonami Slam
Jan 19th, 2012, 02:35 PM
the fear of having your same sex bisexual partner leave you to start off a "normal" family built the whole passive-aggressive stigma surrounding bisexuality as less "real".

i believe you can be bi, but it's a completely different closet.

Ellen Dawson
Jan 20th, 2012, 01:17 AM
I think Gay for Pay people are really gay deep down whereas you are trying to survive, literally, in prison.

Totally! Ask any LURD (Lesbian Until Release Date). :p

Helen Lawson
Jan 20th, 2012, 01:29 AM
Totally! Ask any LURD (Lesbian Until Release Date). :p

:worship:

hablo
Jan 20th, 2012, 05:56 AM
Gay for the Stay is a separate phenomenon.

:lol::tape:

the jamierbelyea
Jan 20th, 2012, 06:21 AM
Sexuality isn't black or white in my opinion. You can be turned on by different things, peoples, and the like.

In the end the act of sex is all chemical, and if you yank a prick enough, it'll eventually do your bidding. ;)

donniedarkofan
Jan 20th, 2012, 06:07 PM
I don't know about the laydees, but bisexual men are gay deep down.

Not true.

debopero
Jan 20th, 2012, 09:26 PM
Bisexuality is real. Some people are really attracted to feminity and masculinity obviously to various degrees, but I think it's really homophobia and heterosexual norms that drive people to assume its inexistence. It's like if you can't fit in to the hetero norm "me luv only the ladies. guys? Ewwwww" you are in that inferior other class defined by exclusion.



Agreed.