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View Full Version : Is he gay ..? [I need advice also]


SV_Fan
Jul 4th, 2011, 01:13 AM
Soooooooo TF family I don't ask for much, but I really need you're help. I shall explain.


So this guy that I will call 'Roger' and I have been friends since 6th grade. However, after two years in high school together a School Board decision split our school up. So the beginning of this year, this guy 'Myron' and I were 'talking' and around this time Roderick and I got closer. I told Roger about what was going on between Myron and I and he got very angry regarding the fact that we were talking....because apparently he doesn't like him.

So moving along in the coming weeks, Myron and I who weren't dating at all, but were close to it, ended abruptly as he stopped talking to me to get back with his ex. Roger got angry again and once again we got closer. Everyday, for around the next 6 months he would text me at 5am until he went to bed, and sometimes we'd talk on the phone until 1-2 in the morning, and not surprisingly I started to have feelings for in and I let him know, his response was simply 'ok'.

Things were going well, until he got mad over a facebook wallpost and then alot of things came to light. During the course of our friendship, he would tell his friends (primarily female) that he hated gay people, and things along those lines, and always feel the need to prove that he was straight because many people strongly believe that he is gay.

Unfortunately, things have gotten worse as of last month, on my way to school I was 'violated' by a stranger, and I have since not recovered mentally. However, the day of the incident, the only person I wanted to talk to that day was 'Roger' and when I told him what happened he laughed, and since then has remained mad at me and picks on me both because I am gay, and the incident that happend. I asked him why he continues to do this and his response was in brief, 'fuck you and your feelings.' :sad:

I don't understand, and I am greatly confused is he gay, or actually straight. I don't know and it's sad because though I am gay, I really don't like guys, I prefer to keep to myself and be alone. However, Roger was always there and he trult treated me like he liked me, we went to basketball games together, etc...but...ya know..? Idk I'm just confused, and hurt....

Could you pleased help figure out...

Is he gay..?
Why did he act the way he did..?
Why do I still have feelings for him..?
How do I get over...?

Please

Dominic
Jul 4th, 2011, 01:56 AM
I'm not too good with advice but I can tell you that yes he is gay and he's also an ass.

Pump-it-UP
Jul 4th, 2011, 01:59 AM
Could you pleased help figure out...

Is he gay..?
Why did he act the way he did..?
Why do I still have feelings for him..?
How do I get over...?

Please

First off I'm sorry about what happened to you. :hug::kiss: I hope they catch the bastard responsible if they haven't done so already.

But from what you said it seems like he's a classic case of someone gay and in denial. How old is he? I know it's tough but you need to cut all ties with him for now (if you haven't yet) and give him some time to admit some things to himself and get over his homophobia and self-loathing. If he's worth your love/friendship, he'll come back. :hug:

As for getting over him, I'm the last person you should ask for advice on that. :lol: I've had feelings for my straight BFF for years. With me, I think part of the attraction is the fact that I know he doesn't want me. :o You can't just stop loving him, but give it time and just know that it'll get easier and the feelings will start to subside.

Dominic
Jul 4th, 2011, 02:05 AM
And what do you mean by violated, I would like some more details on that.

SV_Fan
Jul 4th, 2011, 04:15 AM
First off I'm sorry about what happened to you. :hug::kiss: I hope they catch the bastard responsible if they haven't done so already.

But from what you said it seems like he's a classic case of someone gay and in denial. How old is he? I know it's tough but you need to cut all ties with him for now (if you haven't yet) and give him some time to admit some things to himself and get over his homophobia and self-loathing. If he's worth your love/friendship, he'll come back. :hug:

As for getting over him, I'm the last person you should ask for advice on that. :lol: I've had feelings for my straight BFF for years. With me, I think part of the attraction is the fact that I know he doesn't want me. :o You can't just stop loving him, but give it time and just know that it'll get easier and the feelings will start to subside.

He just turned 17, last Wednesday.

And what do you mean by violated, I would like some more details on that.

In brief, at the bus terminal while waiting on for the bus to take me to school, I did something I never, well rarely do, in this instance I've never done it here, and that was use the public bathroom. A guy followed me in there, came in to my stall down, and after some tussling (he was bigger than I was) he ____________________ ......and disappeared. My self-esteem, morale, and just everything right now is shot.

Dav.
Jul 4th, 2011, 07:41 AM
He just turned 17, last Wednesday.



In brief, at the bus terminal while waiting on for the bus to take me to school, I did something I never, well rarely do, in this instance I've never done it here, and that was use the public bathroom. A guy followed me in there, came in to my stall down, and after some tussling (he was bigger than I was) he ____________________ ......and disappeared. My self-esteem, morale, and just everything right now is shot.

Mm, sorry to hear about that. Something similar happened to a friend of mine (although she was dating the guy) and I understand how hard it is to deal with. :hug:

Certinfy
Jul 4th, 2011, 11:57 AM
No.

McPie
Jul 4th, 2011, 01:56 PM
I'm not too good with advice but I can tell you that yes he is gay and he's also an ass.

agree.

spiceboy
Jul 4th, 2011, 02:11 PM
During the course of our friendship, he would tell his friends (primarily female) that he hated gay people, and things along those lines, and always feel the need to prove that he was straight because many people strongly believe that he is gay.


Yes, he likes fat cocks

delicatecutter
Jul 4th, 2011, 04:51 PM
In brief, at the bus terminal while waiting on for the bus to take me to school, I did something I never, well rarely do, in this instance I've never done it here, and that was use the public bathroom. A guy followed me in there, came in to my stall down, and after some tussling (he was bigger than I was) he ____________________ ......and disappeared. My self-esteem, morale, and just everything right now is shot.

OMG I am so sorry to hear this. :sobbing: :hug:

Dodoboy.
Jul 4th, 2011, 05:07 PM
Saddening.

Level55
Jul 4th, 2011, 05:35 PM
He is a complete douchebag. Steer clear of him mate :)

shap_half
Jul 4th, 2011, 07:52 PM
It seems to me like he's struggling with his sexuality -- really struggling. And at 17, these things get easier, but man, dealing with this at 17 is never easy for anyone (especially if he doesn't "want to be" gay). I would suggest giving him his space. There's no need for you to put yourself in a position where you are actively allowing another man to contribute to your mental and emotional trauma. You obviously have a lot on your plate right now. I would recommend you deal with the recent assault (my sincerest apologies!) and work on yourself. Guys like this will always, always be around.

At 27, I can hardly say I'm 100% free from these kinds of situations with guys I'm attracted to, but I've somehow manage to learn how to navigate through them better. And I think most would agree (despite the after school special air of this entire post) you have to be in a better place with who you are before you can really traverse through tricky romantic planes.

Kart
Jul 4th, 2011, 10:54 PM
You were assaulted and he laughed about it.

Even if he does like guys he doesn't seem to like you very much.

Why would you put yourself through more heartache ?

To answer your question though: there is nothing you've written that suggests he is gay.

I'm not greatly known for my sympathy on here but I will say this: teenage life is hard and you're clearly in a tough place right now. You should seek out people that genuinely care about you to lean on in difficult times.

Novichok
Jul 4th, 2011, 11:08 PM
I don't know if he's gay or not but he's not a good friend if he laughed about what happened to you.

SV_Fan
Jul 4th, 2011, 11:24 PM
You were assaulted and he laughed about it.

Even if he does like guys he doesn't seem to like you very much.
Why would you put yourself through more heartache ?

To answer your question though: there is nothing you've written that suggests he is gay.

I'm not greatly known for my sympathy on here but I will say this: teenage life is hard and you're clearly in a tough place right now. You should seek out people that genuinely care about you to lean on in difficult times.

Idk, he was texting me a few days ago, and saying I was like his brother.... Idk.... I'm just done with him I told him. He is as we young ubaners say 'tried'.

Thank You guys for your opinions, thoughts, and advice I really appreciate it.

The Dawntreader
Jul 4th, 2011, 11:27 PM
He seems like a fucking arsehole. Repressed sexuality or not, i would steer clear. No good can come from this.

Kart
Jul 5th, 2011, 10:18 AM
Idk, he was texting me a few days ago, and saying I was like his brother.... Idk.... I'm just done with him I told him.
You do know, you just don't want to accept it.

It's not easy to stop being friends with someone you're close to but a destructive relationship is not always better than no relationship at all.

Obviously your alternative here is to forgive him and try to move on. However you will find yourself in the same situation again in the future most likely. It's up to you whether or not you're willing to tolerate that - you are the one with the choices here, take control.

SV_Fan
Jul 5th, 2011, 01:47 PM
You do know, you just don't want to accept it.

It's not easy to stop being friends with someone you're close to but a destructive relationship is not always better than no relationship at all.

Obviously your alternative here is to forgive him and try to move on. However you will find yourself in the same situation again in the future most likely. It's up to you whether or not you're willing to tolerate that - you are the one with the choices here, take control.

So the 7 years, we've been friends...we've actually never been friends..?

Is that what you're saying ?

Kart
Jul 5th, 2011, 03:04 PM
Where did I say that ?

He's not treating you well - it's your choice if you want to put up with that is what I'm saying.

Dominic
Jul 5th, 2011, 04:29 PM
He just turned 17, last Wednesday.



In brief, at the bus terminal while waiting on for the bus to take me to school, I did something I never, well rarely do, in this instance I've never done it here, and that was use the public bathroom. A guy followed me in there, came in to my stall down, and after some tussling (he was bigger than I was) he ____________________ ......and disappeared. My self-esteem, morale, and just everything right now is shot.

He did what he raped you?? During the day?? Where the hell do you live?

Akaniero
Jul 5th, 2011, 06:08 PM
He sounds like a dick, to be honest.

moby
Jul 5th, 2011, 07:46 PM
You can always just ask him directly if he's gay. Also, ask him to stop with the verbal abuse and tell him that you like him, but find him not supportive enough to be someone you want in your life. If he keeps at it, cut him out of your life.

I don't know if I agree with Kart that he "doesn't like you". Sometimes we react strangely to the people we do like. But all that's irrelevant because it seems like his personal issues (whatever they are) are making your friendship toxic. It's all very well to sympathise with his situation, but at some point you have to realise enough is enough. He makes you feel bad about yourself because of his insecurities. That's his problem. Don't make it yours.

Well that's my advice, and it's worth as much as anybody's. Ultimately the decision is yours (or have you made it already?).

Kart
Jul 5th, 2011, 08:53 PM
He did what he raped you?? During the day?? Where the hell do you live?
Do you really need to keep coming back to this ?

The guy clearly doesn't want to talk about it.

Sally Struthers
Jul 5th, 2011, 09:38 PM
I'm not greatly known for my sympathy on here

Oh hogwash. Beneath his tough exterior and image of having a heart of ice, Kart's very empathetic about many things ... like my troubles with domestic help, being rejected by a homeless man when offering gifts of food, and the need for heated toilet seats in my home among other things ;)

Kart
Jul 5th, 2011, 09:45 PM
Oh hogwash. Beneath his tough exterior and image of having a heart of ice, Kart's very empathetic about many things ... like my troubles with domestic help, being rejected by a homeless man when offering gifts of food, and the need for heated toilet seats in my home among other things ;)
I've not heard the heated toilet seat story Sal :sobbing:.

We need a new thread for our woes ! I might start one soon ;).

Sally Struthers
Jul 5th, 2011, 10:51 PM
I've not heard the heated toilet seat story Sal :sobbing:.

We need a new thread for our woes ! I might start one soon ;).

OH... one cold, winter morning, I was lamenting the fact that my toilet seat was icy cold and how I needed to look into buying a heated one for such an occasion. :o

SV_Fan
Jul 6th, 2011, 03:14 AM
You can always just ask him directly if he's gay. Also, ask him to stop with the verbal abuse and tell him that you like him, but find him not supportive enough to be someone you want in your life. If he keeps at it, cut him out of your life.

I don't know if I agree with Kart that he "doesn't like you". Sometimes we react strangely to the people we do like. But all that's irrelevant because it seems like his personal issues (whatever they are) are making your friendship toxic. It's all very well to sympathise with his situation, but at some point you have to realise enough is enough. He makes you feel bad about yourself because of his insecurities. That's his problem. Don't make it yours.Well that's my advice, and it's worth as much as anybody's. Ultimately the decision is yours (or have you made it already?).

As I stated in the text, we got very close in October, and that's when I told him that I liked him, and as I stated his response was simply "okay." So he's known for about 9 months, and as I said even after he knew he would talk to me all the time til 1 or 2 in the morning, and we would go to basketball games, and other places together.

I feel it would be pointless to ask him if he is gay or not. We believe he is, but as I stated he always feels the need to bring up the fact that he is straight, and tries to talk about girls a lot, also he gets very angry if someone questions his sexuality. So I don't know, for him to be a straight guy he treated me like he liked me, but he referred to me as his "brother" but he made it seem like more.

Possibly, his mother died when we were Freshmen, I was there for as we were still very good friends, but also as you've stated he has insecurities so deep he could swim in them. So I don't know. I guess it's time to cut the ties, it'll hurt but I guess it's best for me.

Do you really need to keep coming back to this ?

The guy clearly doesn't want to talk about it.

Thank You.

Dominic
Jul 6th, 2011, 04:44 AM
Do you really need to keep coming back to this ?

The guy clearly doesn't want to talk about it.

Well I'm sorry, it's just that it's the most important and serious thing he said in this thread BY FAR.

SV_Fan
Jul 6th, 2011, 06:12 AM
Well I'm sorry, it's just that it's the most important and serious thing he said in this thread BY FAR.

Well to answer your question the guy took m virginity andive seen him recently once walking around the area. So I'm still paranoid,scared, but mostly embarrassed. I feel extremely demeaned and worthless.

Boreas
Jul 6th, 2011, 06:37 AM
Don't people go to jail for sexual assault?

I also think the priorities here are slightly messed up. Why would you worry about the sexual orientation of an obviously lousy friend of yours when something that horrible happened to you. Something that you actually have a say in, unlike the other topic whether someone's gay or not...

SV_Fan
Jul 6th, 2011, 02:52 PM
Don't people go to jail for sexual assault?

I also think the priorities here are slightly messed up. Why would you worry about the sexual orientation of an obviously lousy friend of yours when something that horrible happened to you. Something that you actually have a say in, unlike the other topic whether someone's gay or not...

Haha it' not a priority, I just felt it I named the thread title "is he gay" it would be more sucessful.

BartoliBabes
Jul 6th, 2011, 04:05 PM
OK, get over the fact that u think he's gay... it ain't happening

secondly, get rid of him as a 'friend'... if that's what u like to call him

this guy has no respect for u, doesn't seem gay in the first place, and certainly doesn't give a damn about your feelings... MOVE ON!

SV_Fan
Jul 6th, 2011, 04:33 PM
OK, get over the fact that u think he's gay... it ain't happening

secondly, get rid of him as a 'friend'... if that's what u like to call him

this guy has no respect for u, doesn't seem gay in the first place, and certainly doesn't give a damn about your feelings... MOVE ON!

Thank You :)

Helen Lawson
Jul 6th, 2011, 08:10 PM
The guy sounds like a creep, does it matter if he's gay or straight?

Though I must say, I find it hard to believe a 17 year old straight guy is texting you all day. Most 18 year old straight guys are not confused about their sexuality and are doing everything they can to get into some girl's pants.

Move on, hon, you don't need this guy in your life regardless of hos sexuality.

SV_Fan
Jul 6th, 2011, 09:07 PM
The guy sounds like a creep, does it matter if he's gay or straight?

Though I must say, I find it hard to believe a 17 year old straight guy is texting you all day. Most 18 year old straight guys are not confused about their sexuality and are doing everything they can to get into some girl's pants.

Move on, hon, you don't need this guy in your life regardless of hos sexuality.

Thank You So Much :)

I'm trying to do just that. My mommy has signed me up for therapy as of a few days ago, so I am making progress :)

VishaalMaria
Jul 6th, 2011, 10:00 PM
He sounds like a right dick!

Just move away from him and surround yourslef with positive people.

Level55
Jul 7th, 2011, 10:02 AM
Glad you are trying to move on from him.
People like that are not real friends. They will only cause you pain, you are much better off without him :)
So sorry you went through all that :(