View Full Version : What Not to write in your Leaving Cert English Essay

Jun 8th, 2011, 05:30 PM
I think something similiar was posted before (but not exclusively these) and as I just did my leaving cert english paper today I thought it was a good time to post it.
This was sent to me recently via email and I found it very funny, it almost made me wish I was correctly the leaving cert English papers. Some of the following quotes are pure genius!

Quotes from (real) leaving cert English essays:

- His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer

- The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

- McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.

- He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

- The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease

- Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Ballina at 6:36 pm travelling at 55 mph, the other from Claremorris 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph.

- The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

- John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

- The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

- Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

- Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

- The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

- The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for while.

- He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame.Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

- Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from the "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" ad.

- She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

- It came down the stairs looking very much like something no-one had ever seen before.

- The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.

- The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free cashpoint.

- It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.

- He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing. She was as easy as the Independent crossword.

- She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature British beef.

- Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.

- It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

- Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

Jun 8th, 2011, 05:41 PM
Your Bartoli fanboyism

Jun 8th, 2011, 05:51 PM
Did that for my pre-exam, got 48/50 :)

Looks like you can lick my balls again.

Jun 8th, 2011, 06:54 PM
Why would I wanna lick your balls:o?Is it because I might be afraid of you mentioning my words of Bartoli killing someone for a tennis court in your essay?

Jun 8th, 2011, 09:43 PM
She already killed someone. You think Patty just 'retired' during RG?? :rolleyes: It was a cover-up. Marion murdered her in cold blood because Patty wouldnt give up her court. And Marion had every right to.

Jun 9th, 2011, 12:11 PM
Some of these seem quite similar to ones I've read from other countries, though.

Maybe I'm not the best judge though. There are days where I can barely speak or write English anymore, after living in Korea for three years. My impeccable English remained intact much longer than anyone else I know here though!

Jun 11th, 2011, 12:20 AM
My LC English was the year with the mistake made by the invigilator giving out paper 2 instead of 1 and was moved to Saturday, my friend actually got grinds from the teacher in question who made the mistake.

But that was all Paper 2 drama as opposed to paper one, I remember my paper one essay was about a woman who's husband was thought to have died at war but showed up at her house one day and then shot himself in the kitchen one day.

Jun 11th, 2011, 02:02 AM
Laughed out loud at a couple. :lol: