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Cam'ron Giles
Jun 19th, 2008, 05:36 AM
Just to start (poor start) but we have a lot of fodder to work with given everything that has been happening on the tour...:lol:

It’s a few days before the start of the tournament and the players are gathered for a mandatory WTA players meeting.

It’s a few days before the start of the tournament and the players are gathered for a mandatory WTA players meeting.

Venus Williams sits in a corner...eyes closed rocking back and forth repeating over and over:
“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and people love me… my backhand is strong, my forehand is improving and my net game has never been better…
Maria: And your wig is a hot mess….
Jelena J: I no know…she is crazy…she crazy in Miami final…all screaming and yelling…
Maria: That was Serena :rolleyes:
JJ: Oh Yeah…So long ago
Venus: Say what you want bitch…this IS MY HOUSE!!!
Maria: Um…HELLO!!! You’re only good every two years…save that shit for next year
JJ: Ana, do you have to carry that French Open trophy with you everywhere?
Ana: I know…I’m still exited…Plus I having dinner with Radek…he wants to see it
Venus: bitch you just won your last slam
Maria: shit, she just won her last match :lol:
JJ: :confused:
ENTERS JUSTINE HENIN
Justine: Ana, bitch I’m her to get my cut
Venus whispers to Maria: What did she say? She’s here to get her ****?
Ana: Justine…um errr umm what do you say…um what do you speak of
Justine: bitch don’t play dumb…I retire before Roland Garros…you win…we split the check….bitch gimme my money
Maria whispers to Venus: Damn, I don’t remember her English being that good…and what with all this gangsta shit
Venus: She aint from no damn Belguim…that was an act…she grew up in Harlem…
Ana: Justine, that is crazy…what do you speak about?
Justine: Don’t let me get ghetto up in here…me and my homies gonna go smoke some weed…when I get back have my money…(Justine breaks racquet over her own head for emphasis)
ANA RUNS OUT THE PLAYERS LOUNGE… SERENA POSING IN THE MIRROR YELL OVER TO THE GIRLS
Serena: Was that Justine?
Venus: Yeah
Serena: You know she retired because of me right? She heard I was gonna play Paris…
Venus: I guess Srebotnik missed that memo :rolleyes:
Ana: Guys…I think I withdraw…thumb injury or something…

DimaDinosaur
Jun 19th, 2008, 06:07 AM
Act 4 Scene 1 (in Wimbledon women's lockerroom)

(Ana Ivanovic is putting her tennis equipment away. Jankovic enters)

Ana: Oh hi Jelena, how are you doing?
Jelena: (walks by her and says nothing)
Ana: Jelena??? Jelena? (taps Jankovic on the shoulder) Are you ok?

Jelena: (breathes deeply and turns around) Oh hi Ana!! I didn't notice you there? How are you?
Ana: Oh my Serbian sister! I missed you so much. You didn't return my calls or text messages after I won the..........
Jelena: Oh........um I got a new phone! Yeah, I lost my other one. Anyways, it's great seeing you and I need to go, bye!
Ana: Wait! Jelena,......you're really talented and someday your dream will come true. I love your sense of humor and personality. You're very funny. Please tell me you're not mad at me in some way about me winning a grand slam and reaching #1. We are still friends right???

Jelena: Oh, of course!! Come here, friend! (grabs Ana close to her and hugs her)
Ana: Awwww!!!! We are such great friends!
Jelena: (takes out a pair of scissors and cuts a lock of Ana's dark hair) Yes! Muahahahahaha!
Ana: Ok, I'm glad we made up. Ok, I have to go practice with my coach now. I'll see you later.

(Ana and Jelena stops hugging. Ana grabs her tennis equipment and walks out of the lockerroom)

Jelena: (makes a phone call) Hello?
Anastasia Myskina: Hello?
Jelena: (while staring at the strands of Ana's hair that she had cut off) I got that bitch's hair! Now, you show me how to use it to make a voodoo doll of Ivanobitch so that I can cause her misery from anywhere! With her out of the way, I will win every grand slam, reach #1, and Serbia will only remember me!
Anastasia: YES!!! I love making voodoo dolls and causing people misery through dark magic! That's how I won the 2004 French Open over Dementiloser! Anyways, I'll meet you at 1pm!
Jelena: Muahahahahahaha!!!! (hangs up and walks away)

jbeacinu
Jun 19th, 2008, 06:15 AM
OP, your spelling of Ana's name messed up the humor in it =[

Summer_Snow
Jun 19th, 2008, 07:26 AM
Act 4 Scene 1 (in Wimbledon women's lockerroom)

(Ana Ivanovic is putting her tennis equipment away. Jankovic enters)

Ana: Oh hi Jelena, how are you doing?
Jelena: (walks by her and says nothing)
Ana: Jelena??? Jelena? (taps Jankovic on the shoulder) Are you ok?

Jelena: (breathes deeply and turns around) Oh hi Ana!! I didn't notice you there? How are you?
Ana: Oh my Serbian sister! I missed you so much. You didn't return my calls or text messages after I won the..........
Jelena: Oh........um I got a new phone! Yeah, I lost my other one. Anyways, it's great seeing you and I need to go, bye!
Ana: Wait! Jelena,......you're really talented and someday your dream will come true. I love your sense of humor and personality. You're very funny. Please tell me you're not mad at me in some way about me winning a grand slam and reaching #1. We are still friends right???

Jelena: Oh, of course!! Come here, friend! (grabs Ana close to her and hugs her)
Ana: Awwww!!!! We are such great friends!
Jelena: (takes out a pair of scissors and cuts a lock of Ana's dark hair) Yes! Muahahahahaha!
Ana: Ok, I'm glad we made up. Ok, I have to go practice with my coach now. I'll see you later.

(Ana and Jelena stops hugging. Ana grabs her tennis equipment and walks out of the lockerroom)

Jelena: (makes a phone call) Hello?
Anastasia Myskina: Hello?
Jelena: (while staring at the strands of Ana's hair that she had cut off) I got that bitch's hair! Now, you show me how to use it to make a voodoo doll of Ivanobitch so that I can cause her misery from anywhere! With her out of the way, I will win every grand slam, reach #1, and Serbia will only remember me!
Anastasia: YES!!! I love making voodoo dolls and causing people misery through dark magic! That's how I won the 2004 French Open over Dementiloser! Anyways, I'll meet you at 1pm!
Jelena: Muahahahahahaha!!!! (hangs up and walks away)


Love this one :lol:

young_gunner913
Jun 19th, 2008, 08:00 AM
Act 4 Scene 1 (in Wimbledon women's lockerroom)

(Ana Ivanovic is putting her tennis equipment away. Jankovic enters)

Ana: Oh hi Jelena, how are you doing?
Jelena: (walks by her and says nothing)
Ana: Jelena??? Jelena? (taps Jankovic on the shoulder) Are you ok?

Jelena: (breathes deeply and turns around) Oh hi Ana!! I didn't notice you there? How are you?
Ana: Oh my Serbian sister! I missed you so much. You didn't return my calls or text messages after I won the..........
Jelena: Oh........um I got a new phone! Yeah, I lost my other one. Anyways, it's great seeing you and I need to go, bye!
Ana: Wait! Jelena,......you're really talented and someday your dream will come true. I love your sense of humor and personality. You're very funny. Please tell me you're not mad at me in some way about me winning a grand slam and reaching #1. We are still friends right???

Jelena: Oh, of course!! Come here, friend! (grabs Ana close to her and hugs her)
Ana: Awwww!!!! We are such great friends!
Jelena: (takes out a pair of scissors and cuts a lock of Ana's dark hair) Yes! Muahahahahaha!
Ana: Ok, I'm glad we made up. Ok, I have to go practice with my coach now. I'll see you later.

(Ana and Jelena stops hugging. Ana grabs her tennis equipment and walks out of the lockerroom)

Jelena: (makes a phone call) Hello?
Anastasia Myskina: Hello?
Jelena: (while staring at the strands of Ana's hair that she had cut off) I got that bitch's hair! Now, you show me how to use it to make a voodoo doll of Ivanobitch so that I can cause her misery from anywhere! With her out of the way, I will win every grand slam, reach #1, and Serbia will only remember me!
Anastasia: YES!!! I love making voodoo dolls and causing people misery through dark magic! That's how I won the 2004 French Open over Dementiloser! Anyways, I'll meet you at 1pm!
Jelena: Muahahahahahaha!!!! (hangs up and walks away)

:haha::rolls:

serenus_2k8
Jun 19th, 2008, 08:07 AM
:haha::lol::haha:

ElusiveChanteuse
Jun 19th, 2008, 09:24 AM
:spit:

azmad_88
Jun 19th, 2008, 09:47 AM
:haha:

Destiny
Jun 19th, 2008, 10:38 AM
:haha: Love them

Sammy 4 eva!!!
Jun 19th, 2008, 10:46 AM
:haha: X 1000000000000000000

Lyndle_BE
Jun 19th, 2008, 11:13 AM
They're gold! :rolls:

MaBaker
Jun 19th, 2008, 01:20 PM
Wimbledon locker room:

JJ is puting her make up, singing : I feel pretty, oh so pretty...
VENUS : Damn bitch, shut up, you're going to wake up my baby sister and then i'm gonna kick your ass :armed:
SERENA jumping from her sleep : Ass kicking ? Somebody said ass kicking?
SHARAPOVA : Aaaaaaaah shrieeeek aaaaaaaaaah
ANA : Relax Rena, you are still dreaming, it's all in your head
SERENA : Hell no bitch, there is going to be ass kicking and your ass is going to be kicked :armed:
ANA : Oh, my first fight. I'm sooooo excited. Ajdeeeeee
SHARAPOVA : Aaaaaaaah shrieeeek aaaaaaah
JJ : Oh, come on girls, can't we all just get along. Sun is shining, birds are singing and I still feel very pretty
AMELIE : I could get along with you :hehehe:
SVETLANA : I could too, I mean , no I couldn't...Oh crap :o
VENUS : What a hell are you all smoking :confused:
SERENA : I told you so. They are all crazy bitches
DINARA : Oh, you have no idea :drink:
SHARAPOVA : Aaaaaaah shrieeeeek aaaaaaaaah
VENUS talking to Serena : We should get the hell out of here while we're still normal.
SERENA : No way, this Wimbledon is mine and no crazy bitches will gonna stop me!
VENUS : :lol: Oh, girl, you're out before QFs. I'll be the grass queen again
SHARAPOVA whispers to Serena : Aaaaaaaah shrieeeeek aaaaaaaaah
SERENA : Yeah girl, i know exactly what you mean. She's going down :fiery:
ANA : Queen ? Did somebody called me ?

(At that moment somewhere in Belgium : Carlos, i don't feel well, i think i'm going to puke :unsure:)

RADEK enters the locker room : Hey sexy ladies :hehehe:
AAAAAHHHH :hearts: RADEKKKKK AAAAAAAHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAA SHRIEEIEEEEEEEK OH MY GOD AAAAAHHHH RADEEEKKKK
Everybody faints. The moment after , Vaidisova enters.
NICOLE : Good boy. My plan is working. In couple of weeks, I'll be the new Wimbledon queen
RADEK : Shall I finish them now my love ?
NICOLE : No. We're taking step by step.
RADEK : But i want to do it now. Let me, let me :bounce:
NICOLE : Patience my dear, patience
Bartoli enters : OMG, what happened here??
NICOLE : Why aren't you fainting ??? Radek, make her faint for god sake :smash:
BARTOLI : Hell no, i ain't gonna faint before i finish that cake I left in my locker :drool:
NICOLE : OH NOOOO. She is Radekproof, I am doomed :bigcry:
RADEK : Come on love, don't cry , you still got me
NICOLE : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :bigcry:

Vaidisova runs out of a locker room, Radek chases her.

Everybody starts waking up
SERENA : Ass kicking ? Somebody said ass kicking?
SHARAPOVA : Aaaaaaah shrieeeeek aaaaaaaah
VENUS : What a hell happened :confused:
ANA: I have no idea, but ,strangely, I feel sooo excited :bounce:
DINARA : :drink:
JJ : Amelie, could you please get up, your head is on my butt.
AMELIE : That's not my head
SVETLANA : Oh crap :o

Slutiana
Jun 19th, 2008, 02:45 PM
THe very first post was hilarious. I keep on imagining a ghetto Justine with he rhip-hop dancing. :haha:

powerbackhand
Jun 19th, 2008, 02:49 PM
ajde

QUEENLINDSAY
Jun 19th, 2008, 03:08 PM
Wimbledon locker room:

JJ is puting her make up, singing : I feel pretty, oh so pretty...
VENUS : Damn bitch, shut up, you're going to wake up my baby sister and then i'm gonna kick your ass :armed:
SERENA jumping from her sleep : Ass kicking ? Somebody said ass kicking?
SHARAPOVA : Aaaaaaaah shrieeeek aaaaaaaaaah
ANA : Relax Rena, you are still dreaming, it's all in your head
SERENA : Hell no bitch, there is going to be ass kicking and your ass is going to be kicked
ANA : Oh, my first fight. I'm sooooo excited. Ajdeeeeee
SHARAPOVA : Aaaaaaaah shrieeeek aaaaaaah
JJ : Oh, come on girls, can't we all just get along. Sun is shining, birds are singing and I still feel very pretty
AMELIE : I could get along with you :hehehe:
SVETLANA : I could too, I mean , no I couldn't...Oh crap :o
VENUS : What a hell are you all smoking :confused:
SERENA : I told you so. They are all crazy bitches
DINARA : Oh, you have no idea :drink:
SHARAPOVA : Aaaaaaah shrieeeeek aaaaaaaaah
VENUS talking to Serena : We should get the hell out of here while we're still normal.
SERENA : No way, this Wimbledon is mine and no crazy bitches will gonna stop me!
VENUS : :lol: Oh, girl, you're out before QFs. I'll be the grass queen again
SHARAPOVA whispers to Serena : Aaaaaaaah shrieeeeek aaaaaaaaah
SERENA : Yeah girl, i know exactly what you mean. She's going down :fiery:
ANA : Queen ? Did somebody called me ?

(At that moment somewhere in Belgium : Carlos, i don't feel well, i think i'm going to puke :unsure:)

RADEK enters the locker room : Hey sexy ladies :hehehe:
AAAAAHHHH :hearts: RADEKKKKK AAAAAAAHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAA SHRIEEIEEEEEEEK OH MY GOD AAAAAHHHH RADEEEKKKK
Everybody faints. The moment after , Vaidisova enters.
NICOLE : Good boy. My plan is working. In couple of weeks, I'll be the new Wimbledon queen
RADEK : Shall I finish them now my love ?
NICOLE : No. We're taking step by step.
RADEK : But i want to do it now. Let me, let me :bounce:
NICOLE : Patience my dear, patience
Bartoli enters : OMG, what happened here??
NICOLE : Why aren't you fainting ??? Radek, make her faint for god sake :smash:
BARTOLI : Hell no, i ain't gonna faint before i finish that cake I left in my locker :drool:
NICOLE : OH NOOOO. She is Radekproof, I am doomed :bigcry:
RADEK : Come on love, don't cry , you still got me
NICOLE : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :bigcry:

Vaidisova runs out of a locker room, Radek chases her.

Everybody starts waking up
SERENA : Ass kicking ? Somebody said ass kicking?
SHARAPOVA : Aaaaaaah shrieeeeek aaaaaaaah
VENUS : What a hell happened :confused:
ANA: I have no idea, but ,strangely, I feel sooo excited
DINARA :
JJ : Amelie, could you please get up, your head is on my butt.
AMELIE : That's not my head
SVETLANA : Oh crap :o
:lol::lol::lol: this is funny!!!

Convoluted
Jun 19th, 2008, 03:16 PM
Wimbledon lockerroom:

Enter Venus and Maria, both checking themselves out in the mirror

Maria: Uhm, is that what you're going to wear on court?
Venus: Well, actually, it's 4 pieces of my new collection. I mean, why should I only wear one piece per match when I can promote more of them at once?
Maria: Tragic... I mean, yeah sure, of course. By the way, don't you notice anything different about me?
Venus: Well, your dress has wings on it and the waistline looks like it's trying to attack your neck, but that's not anything we haven't seen before is it?
Maria: No stupid, I have a new hairdo! I mean like: bombshell!!!
Venus: Didn't you just pin the bangs back?
Maria: Well, that's different now isn't it?
Venus: I guess so...
Maria: There you go then numbwit! Geesh, you truly know nothing about haute couture.

Suddenly Maria shrieks and jumps seeking refuge behind the mirror.

Maria: Is she gone yet?
Venus: Relax Maria, it wasn't Dinara. She's still in the hospital remember? She got run over by a truck, set on fire, hit by a meteor while falling from the plane from paris remember? She's kind of scratched her elbow in the process the poor girl!

Enter Ana squeeling and fistpumping

Ana: Ooh, this is so exciting!!!!
Venus (gasping for air): Oh my god, what IS she wearing?
Ana: Oooooh, this is new dress, made from curtain fabric, so exciting, I mean, from curtain fabric, you know, so exciting!, ajdeeeeee!

Enter Jelena:

Jelena: Girls, girls, have you seen Roger? I promised him many kisses everytime he hit a good return in his matches. And Radek as well! And does anyone know what room Rafa is staying in, I promised him a good time if he won RG!!

slamchamp
Jun 19th, 2008, 03:17 PM
:lol: please go on!

Cam'ron Giles
Jun 19th, 2008, 03:26 PM
SESIL walk into the player’s lounge
Sesil: Hi bitches I’m back…never have sex without a condom..
Maria: Get the fuck away from me…I don’t want you breathing what they suspended you for on me..it’s hard enough hiding my own shit….
Sesil: you cant catch it you Rose Nyland…:rolleyes:
Mauresmo walks in carrying an overnight bag
Mauresmo: Hi girls…I’m exhausted…I came here directly from the airport
Venus: Where are your bags? Why are you only carrying an overnight bag?
Mauresmo: Why? You think I should have packed more? You think I’ll win a match? OMG…you think I can win a round?
SAFINA on the phone let’s out a huge scream
Dinara: OMG you guys…I’m a star, I’m a star…
Maria: You just got over your acne…I doubt you are a star
Dinara: And you still got yours…ProActive bitch…Anyway, girls, the WTA chose me to be in their HERO campaigne….OMG..I’m a star
Serena: Dina, the chose all of us…
Dinara: Even Cibulkova?
Serena: Even Cibulkova…:lol:
Dinara: No respect…I push Henin out the game, make a grand slam final and still no respect

Cam'ron Giles
Jun 19th, 2008, 03:29 PM
Wimbledon lockerroom:

Enter Venus and Maria, both checking themselves out in the mirror

Maria: Uhm, is that what you're going to wear on court?
Venus: Well, actually, it's 4 pieces of my new collection. I mean, why should I only wear one piece per match when I can promote more of them at once?
Maria: Tragic... I mean, yeah sure, of course. By the way, don't you notice anything different about me?
Venus: Well, your dress has wings on it and the waistline looks like it's trying to attack your neck, but that's not anything we haven't seen before is it?
Maria: No stupid, I have a new hairdo! I mean like: bombshell!!!
Venus: Didn't you just pin the bangs back?
Maria: Well, that's different now isn't it?
Venus: I guess so...
Maria: There you go then numbwit! Geesh, you truly know nothing about haute couture.

Suddenly Maria shrieks and jumps seeking refuge behind the mirror.

Maria: Is she gone yet?
Venus: Relax Maria, it wasn't Dinara. She's still in the hospital remember? She got run over by a truck, set on fire, hit by a meteor while falling from the plane from paris remember? She's kind of scratched her elbow in the process the poor girl!

Enter Ana squeeling and fistpumping

Ana: Ooh, this is so exciting!!!!
Venus (gasping for air): Oh my god, what IS she wearing?
Ana: Oooooh, this is new dress, made from curtain fabric, so exciting, I mean, from curtain fabric, you know, so exciting!, ajdeeeeee!

Enter Jelena:

Jelena: Girls, girls, have you seen Roger? I promised him many kisses everytime he hit a good return in his matches. And Radek as well! And does anyone know what room Rafa is staying in, I promised him a good time if he won RG!!

That cracked me up...:lol:

Destiny
Jun 19th, 2008, 03:33 PM
Wimbledon lockerroom:

Enter Venus and Maria, both checking themselves out in the mirror

Maria: Uhm, is that what you're going to wear on court?
Venus: Well, actually, it's 4 pieces of my new collection. I mean, why should I only wear one piece per match when I can promote more of them at once?
Maria: Tragic... I mean, yeah sure, of course. By the way, don't you notice anything different about me?
Venus: Well, your dress has wings on it and the waistline looks like it's trying to attack your neck, but that's not anything we haven't seen before is it?
Maria: No stupid, I have a new hairdo! I mean like: bombshell!!!
Venus: Didn't you just pin the bangs back?
Maria: Well, that's different now isn't it?
Venus: I guess so...
Maria: There you go then numbwit! Geesh, you truly know nothing about haute couture.

Suddenly Maria shrieks and jumps seeking refuge behind the mirror.

Maria: Is she gone yet?
Venus: Relax Maria, it wasn't Dinara. She's still in the hospital remember? She got run over by a truck, set on fire, hit by a meteor while falling from the plane from paris remember? She's kind of scratched her elbow in the process the poor girl!

Enter Ana squeeling and fistpumping

Ana: Ooh, this is so exciting!!!!
Venus (gasping for air): Oh my god, what IS she wearing?
Ana: Oooooh, this is new dress, made from curtain fabric, so exciting, I mean, from curtain fabric, you know, so exciting!, ajdeeeeee!

Enter Jelena:

Jelena: Girls, girls, have you seen Roger? I promised him many kisses everytime he hit a good return in his matches. And Radek as well! And does anyone know what room Rafa is staying in, I promised him a good time if he won RG!!

:haha: U lot are funny

kinseh
Jun 19th, 2008, 05:15 PM
Wimbledon locker room:
ANA : Oh, my first fight. I'm sooooo excited. Ajdeeeeee


Good one! :lol: :worship:

Act 4 Scene 1 (in Wimbledon women's lockerroom)

(Ana Ivanovic is putting her tennis equipment away. Jankovic enters)

Ana: Oh hi Jelena, how are you doing?
Jelena: (walks by her and says nothing)
Ana: Jelena??? Jelena? (taps Jankovic on the shoulder) Are you ok?

Jelena: (breathes deeply and turns around) Oh hi Ana!! I didn't notice you there? How are you?
Ana: Oh my Serbian sister! I missed you so much. You didn't return my calls or text messages after I won the..........
Jelena: Oh........um I got a new phone! Yeah, I lost my other one. Anyways, it's great seeing you and I need to go, bye!
Ana: Wait! Jelena,......you're really talented and someday your dream will come true. I love your sense of humor and personality. You're very funny. Please tell me you're not mad at me in some way about me winning a grand slam and reaching #1. We are still friends right???

Jelena: Oh, of course!! Come here, friend! (grabs Ana close to her and hugs her)
Ana: Awwww!!!! We are such great friends!
Jelena: (takes out a pair of scissors and cuts a lock of Ana's dark hair) Yes! Muahahahahaha!
Ana: Ok, I'm glad we made up. Ok, I have to go practice with my coach now. I'll see you later.

(Ana and Jelena stops hugging. Ana grabs her tennis equipment and walks out of the lockerroom)

Jelena: (makes a phone call) Hello?
Anastasia Myskina: Hello?
Jelena: (while staring at the strands of Ana's hair that she had cut off) I got that bitch's hair! Now, you show me how to use it to make a voodoo doll of Ivanobitch so that I can cause her misery from anywhere! With her out of the way, I will win every grand slam, reach #1, and Serbia will only remember me!
Anastasia: YES!!! I love making voodoo dolls and causing people misery through dark magic! That's how I won the 2004 French Open over Dementiloser! Anyways, I'll meet you at 1pm!
Jelena: Muahahahahahaha!!!! (hangs up and walks away)

:lol: :yeah:

Nastya. :cool:

Just to start (poor start) but we have a lot of fodder to work with given everything that has been happening on the tour...:lol:

It’s a few days before the start of the tournament and the players are gathered for a mandatory WTA players meeting.

It’s a few days before the start of the tournament and the players are gathered for a mandatory WTA players meeting.

Venus Williams sits in a corner...eyes closed rocking back and forth repeating over and over:
“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and people love me… my backhand is strong, my forehand is improving and my net game has never been better…
Maria: And your wig is a hot mess….
Jelena J: I no know…she is crazy…she crazy in Miami final…all screaming and yelling…
Maria: That was Serena :rolleyes:
JJ: Oh Yeah…So long ago
Venus: Say what you want bitch…this IS MY HOUSE!!!
Maria: Um…HELLO!!! You’re only good every two years…save that shit for next year
JJ: Ana, do you have to carry that French Open trophy with you everywhere?
Ana: I know…I’m still exited…Plus I having dinner with Radek…he wants to see it
Venus: bitch you just won your last slam
Maria: shit, she just won her last match :lol:
JJ: :confused:
ENTERS JUSTINE HENIN
Justine: Ana, bitch I’m her to get my cut
Venus whispers to Maria: What did she say? She’s here to get her ****?
Ana: Justine…um errr umm what do you say…um what do you speak of
Justine: bitch don’t play dumb…I retire before Roland Garros…you win…we split the check….bitch gimme my money
Maria whispers to Venus: Damn, I don’t remember her English being that good…and what with all this gangsta shit
Venus: She aint from no damn Belguim…that was an act…she grew up in Harlem…
Ana: Justine, that is crazy…what do you speak about?
Justine: Don’t let me get ghetto up in here…me and my homies gonna go smoke some weed…when I get back have my money…(Justine breaks racquet over her own head for emphasis)
ANA RUNS OUT THE PLAYERS LOUNGE… SERENA POSING IN THE MIRROR YELL OVER TO THE GIRLS
Serena: Was that Justine?
Venus: Yeah
Serena: You know she retired because of me right? She heard I was gonna play Paris…
Venus: I guess Srebotnik missed that memo :rolleyes:
Ana: Guys…I think I withdraw…thumb injury or something…

Gangstar Justine! :angel:

stevos
Jun 19th, 2008, 05:42 PM
*still waiting for Max.

*ahem

égalité
Jun 19th, 2008, 05:58 PM
The players are sitting in the lounge on a rainy afternoon at the All England Club. Serena, Masha, Ana, Sesil and Sveta are snacking on crumpets and chatting about the upcoming tournament.

MASHA: So guys, who do you think is going to win Wimbledon this year?

SERENA: Is peak Serena in the draw? I think she'll win if she shows up.

ANA: Ajde! I will win Wimbledon! Ajde!

MASHA: Maybe it'll be one of the two mothers in the field: Sybille and Linsday!

SESIL: Ahem, three mothers.

Nicole runs into the lounge, panting excitedly.

NICOLE: Guys! GUYS! I think I just figured out why I've been sucking so bad this year!

SERENA: The ball-and-chain around your ankle?

ANA: The leash around your neck?

MARIA: The fish stuck to your face?

NICOLE: Wha- fish? Oh no, Tuna's not here, is he? Anyway, it's because I haven't been eating enough babies!

SESIL: You stay away from my baby, bitch.

MARIA: Hey guys, no fighting. Let's watch TV!

Maria turns on the TV. A Maury Povich "Out of Control Teens" special is on.

MAURY: Today we are talking to 16-year-old Sesil. She says all she wants to do is take drugs, sleep with older men, and get pregnant. Mrs. Karatantcheva, how does it make you feel to hear this?

SESIL'S MOM: (Sobbing hysterically) M-m-maury, I'm s-so scared for her safety! Ever s-s-since she beat V-venus Williams, she's been impossible to control!

MAURY: Well, let's bring out Sesil!

Sesil walks out, audience boos.

SESIL: SHUT THE FUCK UP MUTHAFUCKIN COCKSUCKAZ! I DO WHAT I WANT. YOU DON'T KNOW ME. I WON A 25K, I'M A FUCKING LEGEND!

SESIL'S MOM: S-Sesil, please, stop-

SESIL: SHUT YO MOUTH, HO. I HAD SEX WITH RADEK, AND NOW I'M PREGNANT! I DO WHAT I WANT. I'M GROWN AND SEXY, BITCH! Y'ALL JUST JEALOUS 'CAUSE YOU WANT DIS.

Back in the lounge.

NICOLE: What what WHAT? You has sex with my Radek? You dirty tramp! Your baby is my fucking DINNER!

SESIL: Oh please, who HASN'T had sex with Radek?

MARIA: Yeah, there's Jelena Dokic, Anna-Lena Groenefeld, Mirjana Lucic, Alexandra Stevenson, Martina Hingis, Lleyton Hewitt... hell, I even did it once or twice. Before my 2005 Indian Wells semifinal I think...

SVETA: Sveta never have sex with Radek. Sveta only mate with her own species!

NICOLE: (Crying) FINE. I have to go. Dungeon master Radek will be angry if I'm not back in my cage before dark. We'll settle this later...

serenus_2k8
Jun 19th, 2008, 06:08 PM
:haha: Great thread!

friendsita
Jun 19th, 2008, 06:11 PM
Just to start (poor start) but we have a lot of fodder to work with given everything that has been happening on the tour...:lol:

It’s a few days before the start of the tournament and the players are gathered for a mandatory WTA players meeting.

It’s a few days before the start of the tournament and the players are gathered for a mandatory WTA players meeting.

Venus Williams sits in a corner...eyes closed rocking back and forth repeating over and over:
“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and people love me… my backhand is strong, my forehand is improving and my net game has never been better…
Maria: And your wig is a hot mess….
Jelena J: I no know…she is crazy…she crazy in Miami final…all screaming and yelling…
Maria: That was Serena :rolleyes:
JJ: Oh Yeah…So long ago
Venus: Say what you want bitch…this IS MY HOUSE!!!
Maria: Um…HELLO!!! You’re only good every two years…save that shit for next year
JJ: Ana, do you have to carry that French Open trophy with you everywhere?
Ana: I know…I’m still exited…Plus I having dinner with Radek…he wants to see it
Venus: bitch you just won your last slam
Maria: shit, she just won her last match :lol:
JJ: :confused:
ENTERS JUSTINE HENIN
Justine: Ana, bitch I’m her to get my cut
Venus whispers to Maria: What did she say? She’s here to get her ****?
Ana: Justine…um errr umm what do you say…um what do you speak of
Justine: bitch don’t play dumb…I retire before Roland Garros…you win…we split the check….bitch gimme my money
Maria whispers to Venus: Damn, I don’t remember her English being that good…and what with all this gangsta shit
Venus: She aint from no damn Belguim…that was an act…she grew up in Harlem…
Ana: Justine, that is crazy…what do you speak about?
Justine: Don’t let me get ghetto up in here…me and my homies gonna go smoke some weed…when I get back have my money…(Justine breaks racquet over her own head for emphasis)
ANA RUNS OUT THE PLAYERS LOUNGE… SERENA POSING IN THE MIRROR YELL OVER TO THE GIRLS
Serena: Was that Justine?
Venus: Yeah
Serena: You know she retired because of me right? She heard I was gonna play Paris…
Venus: I guess Srebotnik missed that memo :rolleyes:
Ana: Guys…I think I withdraw…thumb injury or something…


Just :worship:

friendsita
Jun 19th, 2008, 06:23 PM
Act 4 Scene 1 (in Wimbledon women's lockerroom)

(Ana Ivanovic is putting her tennis equipment away. Jankovic enters)

Ana: Oh hi Jelena, how are you doing?
Jelena: (walks by her and says nothing)
Ana: Jelena??? Jelena? (taps Jankovic on the shoulder) Are you ok?

Jelena: (breathes deeply and turns around) Oh hi Ana!! I didn't notice you there? How are you?
Ana: Oh my Serbian sister! I missed you so much. You didn't return my calls or text messages after I won the..........
Jelena: Oh........um I got a new phone! Yeah, I lost my other one. Anyways, it's great seeing you and I need to go, bye!
Ana: Wait! Jelena,......you're really talented and someday your dream will come true. I love your sense of humor and personality. You're very funny. Please tell me you're not mad at me in some way about me winning a grand slam and reaching #1. We are still friends right???

Jelena: Oh, of course!! Come here, friend! (grabs Ana close to her and hugs her)
Ana: Awwww!!!! We are such great friends!
Jelena: (takes out a pair of scissors and cuts a lock of Ana's dark hair) Yes! Muahahahahaha!
Ana: Ok, I'm glad we made up. Ok, I have to go practice with my coach now. I'll see you later.

(Ana and Jelena stops hugging. Ana grabs her tennis equipment and walks out of the lockerroom)

Jelena: (makes a phone call) Hello?
Anastasia Myskina: Hello?
Jelena: (while staring at the strands of Ana's hair that she had cut off) I got that bitch's hair! Now, you show me how to use it to make a voodoo doll of Ivanobitch so that I can cause her misery from anywhere! With her out of the way, I will win every grand slam, reach #1, and Serbia will only remember me!
Anastasia: YES!!! I love making voodoo dolls and causing people misery through dark magic! That's how I won the 2004 French Open over Dementiloser! Anyways, I'll meet you at 1pm!
Jelena: Muahahahahahaha!!!! (hangs up and walks away)

gREAt!!! :lol:

G&R
Jun 19th, 2008, 06:38 PM
Just to start (poor start) but we have a lot of fodder to work with given everything that has been happening on the tour...:lol:

It’s a few days before the start of the tournament and the players are gathered for a mandatory WTA players meeting.

It’s a few days before the start of the tournament and the players are gathered for a mandatory WTA players meeting.

Venus Williams sits in a corner...eyes closed rocking back and forth repeating over and over:
“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and people love me… my backhand is strong, my forehand is improving and my net game has never been better…
Maria: And your wig is a hot mess….
Jelena J: I no know…she is crazy…she crazy in Miami final…all screaming and yelling…
Maria: That was Serena :rolleyes:
JJ: Oh Yeah…So long ago
Venus: Say what you want bitch…this IS MY HOUSE!!!
Maria: Um…HELLO!!! You’re only good every two years…save that shit for next year
JJ: Ana, do you have to carry that French Open trophy with you everywhere?
Ana: I know…I’m still exited…Plus I having dinner with Radek…he wants to see it
Venus: bitch you just won your last slam
Maria: shit, she just won her last match :lol:
JJ: :confused:
ENTERS JUSTINE HENIN
Justine: Ana, bitch I’m her to get my cut
Venus whispers to Maria: What did she say? She’s here to get her ****?
Ana: Justine…um errr umm what do you say…um what do you speak of
Justine: bitch don’t play dumb…I retire before Roland Garros…you win…we split the check….bitch gimme my money
Maria whispers to Venus: Damn, I don’t remember her English being that good…and what with all this gangsta shit
Venus: She aint from no damn Belguim…that was an act…she grew up in Harlem…
Ana: Justine, that is crazy…what do you speak about?
Justine: Don’t let me get ghetto up in here…me and my homies gonna go smoke some weed…when I get back have my money…(Justine breaks racquet over her own head for emphasis)
ANA RUNS OUT THE PLAYERS LOUNGE… SERENA POSING IN THE MIRROR YELL OVER TO THE GIRLS
Serena: Was that Justine?
Venus: Yeah
Serena: You know she retired because of me right? She heard I was gonna play Paris…
Venus: I guess Srebotnik missed that memo :rolleyes:
Ana: Guys…I think I withdraw…thumb injury or something…

:lol: awesome

G&R
Jun 19th, 2008, 06:47 PM
this thread is great!!!!!!!!!!!

iheartjelenaj
Jun 19th, 2008, 07:24 PM
DANGIT!!!! I gave out too much Reputation already. When I can, I'll good rep all y'all.

They're great!! So funny! :haha: :worship:

Endru.
Jun 19th, 2008, 07:27 PM
This Thread and Radek Thread are awesome :haha: :lol:

MORE LIKE THAT PLZ! :bowdown:

darrinbaker00
Jun 19th, 2008, 07:28 PM
Women's locker room, Thursday afternoon.....

Jelena Jankovic: "Is draw out yet?"

Ana Ivanovic: "Not until tomorrow, Jelena. Besides, everyone knows you will lose in semifinals, so why should you care about draw?"

Svetlana Kuznetsova: "SVETA NO CARE ABOUT DRAW! SVETA SMASH WHOEVER SVETA PLAY! SVETA WIN WIMBLEDON!!"

Serena Williams: "Win Wimbledon? You? Yeah, right. Miss Serena's sister will date a black man before that happens. (Points to Ana and Jelena) And that goes the same for you two b****es as well."

Ana and Jelena: "That's 'Vitches.'"

Sveta: "WHAT SERENA SAY ABOUT SVETA? SVETA SMASH SERENA!!"

Serena :eek: "SERENA RUN!!" :bolt:

As Wile E. and the Road Runner--I mean, Sveta and Serena leave, a young lady wearing a Stella McCartney-designed servant's outfit walks in.....

Maria Kirilenko: "ALL HAIL QUEEN MASHA!"

Maria Sharapova (looking behind her): "It must be Sveta's feeding time. (Looks at Ana and Jelena) What are you two b****es doing here? You're going to need all the practice you can get if you want to avoid getting double-bageled by Queen Masha."

Ana and Jelena: "VITCHES!"

Maria S: "Vitches, b****es, whatever. After Queen Masha gets through with you, you'll wish you were back in Belgrade dodging bullets. Queen Masha is winning this tournament, and there are two things you can do about it. What are those two things, Lackey?"

Maria K: "Nothing and like it, Your Highness."

Maria S: "Thank you, Lackey. Now go fetch Queen Masha whatever beverage she's endorsing these days. Queen Masha is thirsty."

Maria K: "Right away, Your Highness."

Maria S :) "It's good to be the Queen."

Meanwhile, on one of the practice courts.....

Dinara Safina: "Thank you for hitting with me today, big brother. I really appreciate it."

Marat Safin: "No problem, Dinara. That is what family is for, da?"

Dinara: "Da. I just thought you would be jealous of my recent success."

Marat: "Jealous? Nyet! I may not be in top 10 in rankings anymore, but I still top ATP in.....other categories."


As if on cue, two attractive young women approach Marat and Dinara's court.....

Marat: "See what I mean, Dinara? I am still Mack Daddy of ATP. Excuse me. (Reaches into left pants pocket and pulls out a condom) Whoops! Wrong pocket. (Reaches into right pants pocket and pulls out a pen) Hello, ladies!"

Girl #1: "Pardon me, but aren't you Dinara Safina's brother?"

Marat :mad: "What?"

Girl #2: "She's our favorite player. We don't mean to interrupt her practice session, but could you get her autograph for us?"

Marat: :fiery:

Dinara: "At last, respect for little sister!"

G&R
Jun 19th, 2008, 07:32 PM
so funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
go on till you can

Keaka
Jun 19th, 2008, 07:42 PM
Vaidisova enters the locker room...

NV: Hey bitches, I'm here, the number 1 favourite for the title...

DAVENPORT: But, how, you're like the 50th player on the world or something...

VAIDISOVA: 18th!!!!!!11

DAVENPORT: Oh, so high?? And how are you the favourite then..

VAIDISOVA: All the bitches infront of me withdrew

DAVENPORT: Oh, sorry, never looked at the entry list, cause my baby had a flu
...silence...

DAVENPORT: And how do you intend to win this Nicole?? You can't even get a set against Bethanie-f*cking-Mattek

VAIDISOVA: She had a good day

...Tatiana Golovin enters...

DAVENPORT: Ooooh look, at last there's a player that you can beat... *Looks at Golovin*

VAIDISOVA: What are you doing here, Tatiana Go-fucking-lovin... shouldn't you supposed to whore around??

GOLOVIN: I'm here to go watch my boyfriend's match
...Enters Radek Stepanek...

VAIDISOVA: Heeeey, baby

GOLOVIN: Heeeey, baby

VAIDISOVA: What the f*ck? He's MINE. You are the third wheel Tatiana, go away..
.
DAVENPORT: Well, don't know about that, but I for sure feel like a 5th wheel right now.. anybody wants to talk to me??

GOLOVIN: No, shut up and go to your baby watching if he has a flu or something... byeeeee...

GOLOVIN: And I'm the first wheel, Nicole Whorisova, duuuuuh...

VAIDISOVA: You want another injury, Golowhore??

RADEK: Tatiana, come to my room at 3 PM and Nicole, come to my room at 5 PM :D Lindsay, come at 7 PM

DAVENPORT: No, thanks, I'll skip it...

RADEK: Nobody EVER said NO to me, not even Martina Muller

DAVENPORT & GOLOVIN & VAIDISOVA: You asked HERRRRRRR???

RADEK: Yeah, she's good

DAVENPORT: Eeeeeeewww...
...Sesil Karatancheva listened from outside, she comes in...

KARATANCHEVA: Here I am, the sex expert... Did you two use condoms???

RADEK: Naaaah...

KARATANCHEVA: Be prepared for a baby then..

DAVENPORT: My son is so much cuter than yours will be, I'm sure

STEPANEK: So, are we still ok for that appoitment in my room, Tatiana and Nicole

VAIDISOVA: Yeah, offcoruse

GOLOVIN: All 3 of us?? Naaaah thanks, I'll skip it, don't even want to touch this bitch.. I'm leaving now, got to get a new boyfriend... bye Nicole and Linds..

KARATANCHEVA: I got to go too. You people here are just ssooooooooooo lameeeee!!!!! Ok, bye bye, and remember: Use condoms

...Vaidisova and Davenport stay in the locker room, Elena Dementieva and her mom comes in, chained on each other...

DEMENTIEVA: Hiiiii everyone!!!

VAIDISOVA: What are you two doing chained on each other?? Freaks

DEMENTIEVA: We want to be connected as a mother and a daughter, that's it!

VAIDISOVA: How do you have a boyfriend then Elena? And do some *cough* things with him. Ok, don't tell me, I don't even want to know..

VERA: Elena, leave these jealous girls alone. They do not know how importan mother- daughter bond is.

DAVENPORT: So you won't play Wimbledon Elena?

*Dementieva whispers to her mom what she wants to say
VERA: No, bitch, I won't

DAVENPORT: Yaaaaaah, right, then only me and Nicole will play from top 50... no wayyyy... that's like totally boring...

VAIDISOVA: Noooo, it's so fun, let's be friends Linds

DAVENPORT: Yeahhhh, let's be friends... NOT!!!!!! I'm going to tell the Wimbledon referee that I'm withdrawing, this is just lame, I'm too good to play the likes of Vaidisova, Mattek, and so on...bye, bye!
...And so, Vaidisova literally became the Wimbledon favourite...

cn ireland
Jun 19th, 2008, 07:52 PM
:lol:

These are great guys, keep them coming!!

Michaelz
Jun 19th, 2008, 08:12 PM
:haha::haha::haha::haha:

Michaelz
Jun 19th, 2008, 08:13 PM
:haha::haha::haha::haha:

OrdinaryfoolisNJ
Jun 19th, 2008, 09:25 PM
...Venus: Relax Maria, it wasn't Dinara. She's still in the hospital remember? She got run over by a truck, set on fire, hit by a meteor while falling from the plane from paris remember? She's kind of scratched her elbow in the process the poor girl!...


:lol:

Europe rocks
Jun 19th, 2008, 10:38 PM
Great stuff once again! :lol:

hankqq
Jun 19th, 2008, 10:45 PM
Wimbledon grounds: location: daycare center

Lindsay Davenport strolls in with Jagger who is rocking out a spiked hair style. A dozen little Radeks are running around. They are chasing Sybille Bammer's daughter and making fish faces at her.

Lindsay: Yes, I'm here to drop off Jagger while I go practice for Wimbledon.

The woman behind the desk turns around.

Lindsay: Oh hi Kim! I didn't know you worked here!

Kim Clijsters, grinning: Yes of course! I love babies and puppies and kittens and flowers and sugar and spice and everything nice-

Lindsay: OK I get it. Just take the baby will you?

Kim: Actually, my shift will be over soon, but Nastya will be here when you come back to pick up Jagger.

Lindsay: Myskina? That crazy bitch? *eek!*

Kim: It's OK, she has a baby too! He looks just like her and-

Lindsay: Is it human? Never mind. I guess I have no other choice...

Kim: Have fun practicing! It's such a glorious day outside, with the sun shining, the birds singing and-

Lindsay leaves before Kim can finish her thought.

location: Wimbledon gardens/walkway

A haze of smokes blows in front of Lindsay, who is trying to get to the locker room.

Lindsay: OMG you creep! WTF are you doing over there?

Rainer Hofmann, dancing and with his marijuana joints in hand, waves.

Rainer: Why, I'm getting ready for the grass season!! Patty's out on the practice courts now, so as her coach I'm just strategizing for her!

Lindsay waves and continues down the walkway.

location: Locker room

Lindsay enters and trips over a huge duffle bag. A woman is sitting next to it.

Lindsay: You? Again? WTF are you doing here?

Alexandra Stevenson: My mother says I AM a champion! I AM a winner!

Lindsay: Bitch, you already lost in qualies! Don't make me boot you out of here again.

Alexandra: I am not leaving until they let me in to the main draw. I AM a champion! I AM-

Lindsay: You ARE out of here!

Lindsay kicks Alexandra's bag out the door, and Alexandra runs after it. A loud scream is heard from the outside. Apparently, Alexandra trampled poor Camille Pin, who had innocently bent over to tie her shoe.

Lindsay turns to her left and is suddenly blinded by a bright light.

ENTER Jelena Jankovic, with her big smile reflecting off a mirror, laughs.

Jelena : That Alexandra is SO pathetic! She thinks because she made the Wimbledon semis once she's a star!

ENTER Ana Ivanovic, who is wearing a "Queen of Serbia" logo shirt and is busy polishing her RG trophy again.

Ana: You know what's funny Jelena? You don't know what it's like to get past slam semi either! It's so exciting once you do!

As Ana and Jelena continue jarring at each other, Lindsay enters the bathroom, which is all steamed up.

Lindsay: Eww gross!

ENTER Nicole Vaidisova and Radek Stepanek, who are having hot, passionate sex in the shower.

Radek, with his fangs deeply lodged in Nicole's neck, hisses: Can't you give ussss ssssome privacy pleassssse?

Unbeknownst to Nicole and Radek, Vince Spadea is watching all the action through a peephole and taking pictures with his cell phone.

Lindsay goes back to the locker room. Ana and Jelena are rolling around on the floor, engaged in a fist fight. The floor is littered with little bright lights. Apparently, Ana has knocked out a bunch of Jelena's teeth, but like the heads of the mythical Hydra, they keep growing back instantly!

*Clang*

ENTER Serena Williams, who accidently smashes Ana's freshly polished RG trophy by dropping her gucci bag on top of it.

Serena (to herself): So what if Venus is the defending champion! Why does she get all the interviews! It's so lonely being the only one in here! On the other hand, at least I won't have to watch Sharapova pop her pimples again in the mirror! *Laughs heartily*

ENTER Maria Sharapova, who is not wearing make up.

Maria: Hey! I heard that! Don't laugh bitch-it'll just lead to another endorsement you WON'T have!

Serena: Did I hear a noise? No. It must be my imagination. Oh Serena, you're so creative! *Pats self on back*

Lindsay, hearing the sound of a baby, looks over at a slumped figure in the corner of the room.

Lindsay: Oh phew! It's just you Vera! For a minute I thought I forgot to take Jagger to the daycare center!

ENTER Vera Zvonareva, who, with her face all red and crying hysterically, waves.

In another corner of the room, Alona Bondarenko has just pushed sister Kateryna into a locker, splitting her forehead open in the process. Jelena, still battling Ana, pauses to laugh.

Maria is warming up her vocal chords. Shrill Shriek noises start echoing off the locker room walls. Ana's RG trophy, already crunched from Serena's gucci bag, now shatters into tiny pieces.

Lindsay: OMG I can't take all these bitches!

Her belongings safely tucked away in an isolated part of the locker room, Lindsay finally leaves in a huff to the practice courts.

zvonarevarulz
Jun 19th, 2008, 10:54 PM
:haha:

sharapovarulz1
Jun 19th, 2008, 11:09 PM
Serena: Did I hear a noise? No. It must be my imagination. Oh Serena, you're so creative! *Pats self on back*

ROFL Thats classic!!!

dybbuk
Jun 19th, 2008, 11:20 PM
The floor is littered with little bright lights. Apparently, Ana has knocked out a bunch of Jelena's teeth, but like the heads of the mythical Hydra, they keep growing back instantly!

:spit:

Ballbasher
Jun 19th, 2008, 11:28 PM
Awesome :hearts:
But more players please if it's possible ;)

Serenidad.
Jun 19th, 2008, 11:28 PM
:rolls: @ Myskina being a babysitter.

-VSR-
Jun 19th, 2008, 11:33 PM
The players are sitting in the lounge on a rainy afternoon at the All England Club. Serena, Masha, Ana, Sesil and Sveta are snacking on crumpets and chatting about the upcoming tournament.

MASHA: So guys, who do you think is going to win Wimbledon this year?

SERENA: Is peak Serena in the draw? I think she'll win if she shows up.

ANA: Ajde! I will win Wimbledon! Ajde!

MASHA: Maybe it'll be one of the two mothers in the field: Sybille and Linsday!

SESIL: Ahem, three mothers.

Nicole runs into the lounge, panting excitedly.

NICOLE: Guys! GUYS! I think I just figured out why I've been sucking so bad this year!

SERENA: The ball-and-chain around your ankle?

ANA: The leash around your neck?

MARIA: The fish stuck to your face?

NICOLE: Wha- fish? Oh no, Tuna's not here, is he? Anyway, it's because I haven't been eating enough babies!

SESIL: You stay away from my baby, bitch.

MARIA: Hey guys, no fighting. Let's watch TV!

Maria turns on the TV. A Maury Povich "Out of Control Teens" special is on.

MAURY: Today we are talking to 16-year-old Sesil. She says all she wants to do is take drugs, sleep with older men, and get pregnant. Mrs. Karatantcheva, how does it make you feel to hear this?

SESIL'S MOM: (Sobbing hysterically) M-m-maury, I'm s-so scared for her safety! Ever s-s-since she beat V-venus Williams, she's been impossible to control!

MAURY: Well, let's bring out Sesil!

Sesil walks out, audience boos.

SESIL: SHUT THE FUCK UP MUTHAFUCKIN COCKSUCKAZ! I DO WHAT I WANT. YOU DON'T KNOW ME. I WON A 25K, I'M A FUCKING LEGEND!

SESIL'S MOM: S-Sesil, please, stop-

SESIL: SHUT YO MOUTH, HO. I HAD SEX WITH RADEK, AND NOW I'M PREGNANT! I DO WHAT I WANT. I'M GROWN AND SEXY, BITCH! Y'ALL JUST JEALOUS 'CAUSE YOU WANT DIS.

Back in the lounge.
NICOLE: What what WHAT? You has sex with my Radek? You dirty tramp! Your baby is my fucking DINNER!

SESIL: Oh please, who HASN'T had sex with Radek?

MARIA: Yeah, there's Jelena Dokic, Anna-Lena Groenefeld, Mirjana Lucic, Alexandra Stevenson, Martina Hingis, Lleyton Hewitt... hell, I even did it once or twice. Before my 2005 Indian Wells semifinal I think...

SVETA: Sveta never have sex with Radek. Sveta only mate with her own species!

NICOLE: (Crying) FINE. I have to go. Dungeon master Radek will be angry if I'm not back in my cage before dark. We'll settle this later...

:haha: :haha: :spit: :spit:

That was good! :yeah:

Apoleb
Jun 19th, 2008, 11:47 PM
Wimbledon grounds: location: daycare center

Lindsay Davenport strolls in with Jagger who is rocking out a spiked hair style. A dozen little Radeks are running around. They are chasing Sybille Bammer's daughter and making fish faces at her.

Lindsay: Yes, I'm here to drop off Jagger while I go practice for Wimbledon.

The woman behind the desk turns around.

Lindsay: Oh hi Kim! I didn't know you worked here!

Kim Clijsters, grinning: Yes of course! I love babies and puppies and kittens and flowers and sugar and spice and everything nice-

Lindsay: OK I get it. Just take the baby will you?

Kim: Actually, my shift will be over soon, but Nastya will be here when you come back to pick up Jagger.

Lindsay: Myskina? That crazy bitch? *eek!*

Kim: It's OK, she has a baby too! He looks just like her and-

Lindsay: Is it human? Never mind. I guess I have no other choice...

Kim: Have fun practicing! It's such a glorious day outside, with the sun shining, the birds singing and-

Lindsay leaves before Kim can finish her thought.

location: Wimbledon gardens/walkway

A haze of smokes blows in front of Lindsay, who is trying to get to the locker room.

Lindsay: OMG you creep! WTF are you doing over there?

Rainer Hofmann, dancing and with his marijuana joints in hand, waves.

Rainer: Why, I'm getting ready for the grass season!! Patty's out on the practice courts now, so as her coach I'm just strategizing for her!

Lindsay waves and continues down the walkway.

location: Locker room

Lindsay enters and trips over a huge duffle bag. A woman is sitting next to it.

Lindsay: You? Again? WTF are you doing here?

Alexandra Stevenson: My mother says I AM a champion! I AM a winner!

Lindsay: Bitch, you already lost in qualies! Don't make me boot you out of here again.

Alexandra: I am not leaving until they let me in to the main draw. I AM a champion! I AM-

Lindsay: You ARE out of here!

Lindsay kicks Alexandra's bag out the door, and Alexandra runs after it. A loud scream is heard from the outside. Apparently, Alexandra trampled poor Camille Pin, who had innocently bent over to tie her shoe.

Lindsay turns to her left and is suddenly blinded by a bright light.

ENTER Jelena Jankovic, with her big smile reflecting off a mirror, laughs.

Jelena : That Alexandra is SO pathetic! She thinks because she made the Wimbledon semis once she's a star!

ENTER Ana Ivanovic, who is wearing a "Queen of Serbia" logo shirt and is busy polishing her RG trophy again.

Ana: You know what's funny Jelena? You don't know what it's like to get past slam semi either! It's so exciting once you do!

As Ana and Jelena continue jarring at each other, Lindsay enters the bathroom, which is all steamed up.

Lindsay: Eww gross!

ENTER Nicole Vaidisova and Radek Stepanek, who are having hot, passionate sex in the shower.

Radek, with his fangs deeply lodged in Nicole's neck, hisses: Can't you give ussss ssssome privacy pleassssse?

Unbeknownst to Nicole and Radek, Vince Spadea is watching all the action through a peephole and taking pictures with his cell phone.

Lindsay goes back to the locker room. Ana and Jelena are rolling around on the floor, engaged in a fist fight. The floor is littered with little bright lights. Apparently, Ana has knocked out a bunch of Jelena's teeth, but like the heads of the mythical Hydra, they keep growing back instantly!

*Clang*

ENTER Serena Williams, who accidently smashes Ana's freshly polished RG trophy by dropping her gucci bag on top of it. :lol:

Serena (to herself): So what if Venus is the defending champion! Why does she get all the interviews! It's so lonely being the only one in here! On the other hand, at least I won't have to watch Sharapova pop her pimples again in the mirror! *Laughs heartily*

ENTER Maria Sharapova, who is not wearing make up.

Maria: Hey! I heard that! Don't laugh bitch-it'll just lead to another endorsement you WON'T have!

Serena: Did I hear a noise? No. It must be my imagination. Oh Serena, you're so creative! *Pats self on back*

Lindsay, hearing the sound of a baby, looks over at a slumped figure in the corner of the room.

Lindsay: Oh phew! It's just you Vera! For a minute I thought I forgot to take Jagger to the daycare center!

ENTER Vera Zvonareva, who, with her face all red and crying hysterically, waves.

In another corner of the room, Alona Bondarenko has just pushed sister Kateryna into a locker, splitting her forehead open in the process. Jelena, still battling Ana, pauses to laugh.

Maria is warming up her vocal chords. Shrill Shriek noises start echoing off the locker room walls. Ana's RG trophy, already crunched from Serena's gucci bag, now shatters into tiny pieces.

Lindsay: OMG I can't take all these bitches!

Her belongings safely tucked away in an isolated part of the locker room, Lindsay finally leaves in a huff to the practice courts.

Brilliant. :yeah:

Meteor Shower
Jun 20th, 2008, 01:27 PM
Enters Lockeroom Mommy Vera.
Mommy Vera: "Welcome to Blind Date everyone! I would be you host today, Mommy Vera.
Today, 29 years old Radek Stepanek will choose his love between 3 posibble Contestants.
Take it away with your first question, Radek."
Radek: "I really like worms. If you were an animal, which one would you be?"
Contestant 1 - Nicole Vaidisova: "Hey Radek, first of all I am so glad to meet you"
Radek: "Me too"
Nicole: "Me too? Me too? Thats all you got to say, you little SON OF A BITCH. After everything we've been
through?? I hate you! ASSHOLE!" *taken out of set by security and proceeds to shout at the producers behind the
screen*
Audience: "OOOOOOOOOOO!"
Mommy Vera:: Oh my, this is even worse than my daughter did in the French open final. *holds finger on her ear*.
Wait, I just heard Nicole has calmed down and will be back with us right now!"
Mixed reactions by Audience with Cheers and BOOs.
Nicole: "Thank you everyone, you all are so kind! I love you so.."
Radek: "Number 1.. answer to the question?"
Nicole: "SHUT UP YOU ASS! I will be a bi polar bear."
Radek: "Contestant number 2, same question"
Contestant 2 - Martina Hingis: "I would be a tiger, just like I am in the bedroom. *rawr*"
Audience: "Whooooooooooooooo!"
Martina: "Those two other little girls has nothing on me. One is an half Jekyll half Hide, and the other doesn't need the french open, she needs oxygen"
Mommy Vera (unsure): "Please girls, lets be civil here. Young girls and boys are watching the show"
Martina: "Fuck you"
Mommy Vera (panic): "Elena, turn off the remote and go to your bad RIGHT NOW! RIGHT NOW, do you hear ME?"
Radek: "Um, yeah, thanks. Contestant number 3?"
Contestant 3 - Maria Sharapova: *looks at herself at the camera for ten seconds* You know, growing up in Siberia as a little girl was very tough. I barely even saw any animal. We had to go through so much. Then one day my Dad Yuri told me we move to another country. I had to leave all my friends behind, and start my life all over again, all alone. *makes a sad face to the camera*
Audience: "Awwwwwwww!"

Mommy Vera: Sounds like you got a very tough choice to make, Radek. Maybe we can help you a little.
the voice-over man:
"So, will you pick mysterious number one, she can be perfect on one minute but can shout at random people the other. Or will you pick number two who knows hasn't decided if she prefers her black men or white stuff, can she handle the worm? Or will you pick number three who is used to cold enviorment, but that doesn't make her any less HOT!"

To be continued?

Renalicious
Jun 21st, 2008, 05:01 PM
GoV&Rena's Locker Room Scene 1


-----------------------

Serena, Sharapova and Ivanovic are talking in a special section of the locker room labelled 'GRAND SLAM CHAMPS ONLY' when Kuznetsova decides to walk in...

Maria: Svetlana what are you doing? This is Grand Slam Champs only! :o

Sveta: But... I am... :confused:

Maria: Oh right. :tape:

Then, Amelie Mauresmo walks in.

*The girls giggle, thinking what a joke Amelie has become.*

Amelie: Hey girls :hehehe:

*All the girls look on in disgust and are scared.*

Ana: Please don't rape me. :sobbing: I'm so young! I'm the new WTA #1, I'm the new Grand Slam Champion, I'm the new 'in' girl, I'm the new Serbaliciousness out here!

*All the girls roll their eyes*

*Ana all of a sudden embraces in a random fit of squeeking her shoes, because she is so scared.*

Amelie: Ok then I will leave. :sad:

Serena: *As Amelie leaves* Have fun 'playing' with Ashley. :hehehe:

Maria: Speaking of first round matches, who do you play Ana?

Ana: Yes it is very excitinggg for me, it will be a tough match for sure. :)

Maria: Ummm...I said who do you play? :unsure:

Ana: Yes it is very excitinggg for me, it will be a tough match for sure. :)

Maria: O...kay... then... :confused:

*All of a sudden Alexandra Stevenson walks in*

Svetlana: Hey! Grand Slam champions only! :(

Alex: Then what about you? ;) Anyway, I'm Wimbledon Champion 2009, bitches. :cool: Anyway, you girls wanna have a hit? :angel:

Maria: Haha AS IF. I wouldn't play you for a million dollars. :rolleyes:

Alex: Really? *Takes out one million dollars*

Maria: OMG! Nike - Just do it! Bed, Bath and Beyond, Tag Heuer, Gatorade, Tropicana!!!!! :hearts: :hearts:

*All the girls look at Masha who still seems possessed by the endorsing spirit.*

Ana: Yes it is very excitinggg for me, it will be a tough match for sure. :)

Girls: ... :weirdo:

----------------------

Renalicious
Jun 21st, 2008, 05:03 PM
GoV&Rena's Locker Room Scene 2

-----------------------
*Jelena Jankovic walks in*

Serena: Grand Slams champion only, can't you read, bitch? :mad:

Jelena: Then why is Sveta here? :confused:

Svetlana: :sad:

Jelena: Anyway, I just wanted to greet my Serbian best pal Ana. Hello Ana! :couple:

*They hug and kiss*

Ana *thinking*: Geez, get this thing away from me. :cuckoo:

Jelena: So Ana what have you been up to?

Ana: Yes it is very excitinggg for me, it will be a tough match for sure. :) So what brings you to Wimbledon so early Jeca?

Jelena: BECAUSE We are Serbia. We are fighters and we fight. I think fistpumpers are rude. It is rude for sure. No, me and Jamie were not a couple oh my God...I feel tired for some reason...omg when's my next tournament? *Checks schedule* Omg I'm playing in The Tier 18 Egypt in 2 minutes, then ITF $1 Tanzania tomorrow and then I'm defending 0.001 of a point in Antarctica! OH MY GOD!!! :eek: I shall be off.

*Jelena runs off*

Ana: Geez, omg I'm so sick of that bitch. :rolleyes:

Serena: YOU LITTLE BITCH!!!!! :fiery: That ball was in!! What the hell is this! Do I need to speak another language!!!???? SHE RAISED HER HAND OMGG!!! :mad:

Ana: Yes it is very excitinggg for me, it will be a tough match for sure. :)

Maria: WAHHHH!!!! *Shrieks*

:eek::eek::eek:

*The windows break and one piece stabs Ana*

Ana: Omgg!!! *Starts squeeking her shoes in another fit of panic*

COME ON!! AJDE!!! *fistpumps*

Yes it is very excitinggg for me, it will be a tough match for sure. :)

Svetlana: Well quick you guys help her up!!

*Sveta brings her up*

Ana: COMEANNN I got up!! *fistpumps* Huh-uhh-huh!

Serena: YOU LITTLE BITCH I'll beat you up the Compton way!! :fiery:

*Serena takes a form of this superhuman*

Maria: Omg guys step away! This is Australian Open 2007 Final Serena! :scared: :bigcry:

*Everyone screams and runs out except Ana who is still fistpumping and crying tears of joy over the fact that she got up*

Serena: :devil:

Ana: Yes it is very excitinggg for me, it will be a tough match for sure. :)

-----------------------

InsideOut.
Jun 21st, 2008, 05:20 PM
:haha::haha::haha:

I never realized how often Ana says it will be a tough match for sure. :lol:

cn ireland
Jun 21st, 2008, 05:22 PM
Jelena's Schedule:haha:.

These are brilliant, well done to everyone that posts them:yeah:.

Destiny
Jun 21st, 2008, 05:30 PM
:haha:

Andreas
Jun 21st, 2008, 05:32 PM
Jelena's schedule is not that bad anymore, but :lol: anyway :lol::lol:

Dave.
Jun 21st, 2008, 05:34 PM
GoV&Rena's Locker Room Scene 2



Jelena: BECAUSE We are Serbia. We are fighters and we fight. I think fistpumpers are rude. It is rude for sure. No, me and Jamie were not a couple oh my God...I feel tired for some reason...omg when's my next tournament? *Checks schedule* Omg I'm playing in The Tier 18 Egypt in 2 minutes, then ITF $1 Tanzania tomorrow and then I'm defending 0.001 of a point in Antarctica! OH MY GOD!!! :eek: I shall be off.

*Jelena runs off*



:haha:

Renalicious
Jun 21st, 2008, 05:36 PM
Everyone's so smart here I like a lot of them. :lol:

Robert-KimClijst
Jun 21st, 2008, 06:22 PM
Maria turns on the TV. A Maury Povich "Out of Control Teens" special is on.

MAURY: Today we are talking to 16-year-old Sesil. She says all she wants to do is take drugs, sleep with older men, and get pregnant. Mrs. Karatantcheva, how does it make you feel to hear this?

SESIL'S MOM: (Sobbing hysterically) M-m-maury, I'm s-so scared for her safety! Ever s-s-since she beat V-venus Williams, she's been impossible to control!

MAURY: Well, let's bring out Sesil!

Sesil walks out, audience boos.

SESIL: SHUT THE FUCK UP MUTHAFUCKIN COCKSUCKAZ! I DO WHAT I WANT. YOU DON'T KNOW ME. I WON A 25K, I'M A FUCKING LEGEND!

SESIL'S MOM: S-Sesil, please, stop-

SESIL: SHUT YO MOUTH, HO. I HAD SEX WITH RADEK, AND NOW I'M PREGNANT! I DO WHAT I WANT. I'M GROWN AND SEXY, BITCH! Y'ALL JUST JEALOUS 'CAUSE YOU WANT DIS.

Wimbledon grounds: location: daycare center

Lindsay Davenport strolls in with Jagger who is rocking out a spiked hair style. A dozen little Radeks are running around. They are chasing Sybille Bammer's daughter and making fish faces at her.

Lindsay: Yes, I'm here to drop off Jagger while I go practice for Wimbledon.

The woman behind the desk turns around.

Lindsay: Oh hi Kim! I didn't know you worked here!

Kim Clijsters, grinning: Yes of course! I love babies and puppies and kittens and flowers and sugar and spice and everything nice-

Lindsay: OK I get it. Just take the baby will you?

Kim: Actually, my shift will be over soon, but Nastya will be here when you come back to pick up Jagger.

Lindsay: Myskina? That crazy bitch? *eek!*

Kim: It's OK, she has a baby too! He looks just like her and-

Lindsay: Is it human? Never mind. I guess I have no other choice...

Kim: Have fun practicing! It's such a glorious day outside, with the sun shining, the birds singing and-

Lindsay leaves before Kim can finish her thought.

:lol: :lol: :worship: :bigclap: :yeah:

azmad_88
Jun 21st, 2008, 06:26 PM
GoV&Rena = CLASSIC

Ana's very exciting for me and going to be a tough match for sure :lol: :lol:

young_gunner913
Jun 21st, 2008, 06:31 PM
Wimbledon locker room:

JJ is puting her make up, singing : I feel pretty, oh so pretty...
VENUS : Damn bitch, shut up, you're going to wake up my baby sister and then i'm gonna kick your ass :armed:
SERENA jumping from her sleep : Ass kicking ? Somebody said ass kicking?
SHARAPOVA : Aaaaaaaah shrieeeek aaaaaaaaaah
ANA : Relax Rena, you are still dreaming, it's all in your head
SERENA : Hell no bitch, there is going to be ass kicking and your ass is going to be kicked :armed:
ANA : Oh, my first fight. I'm sooooo excited. Ajdeeeeee
SHARAPOVA : Aaaaaaaah shrieeeek aaaaaaah
JJ : Oh, come on girls, can't we all just get along. Sun is shining, birds are singing and I still feel very pretty
AMELIE : I could get along with you :hehehe:
SVETLANA : I could too, I mean , no I couldn't...Oh crap :o
VENUS : What a hell are you all smoking :confused:
SERENA : I told you so. They are all crazy bitches
DINARA : Oh, you have no idea :drink:
SHARAPOVA : Aaaaaaah shrieeeeek aaaaaaaaah
VENUS talking to Serena : We should get the hell out of here while we're still normal.
SERENA : No way, this Wimbledon is mine and no crazy bitches will gonna stop me!
VENUS : Oh, girl, you're out before QFs. I'll be the grass queen again
SHARAPOVA whispers to Serena : Aaaaaaaah shrieeeeek aaaaaaaaah
SERENA : Yeah girl, i know exactly what you mean. She's going down :fiery:
ANA : Queen ? Did somebody called me ?

(At that moment somewhere in Belgium : Carlos, i don't feel well, i think i'm going to puke )

RADEK enters the locker room : Hey sexy ladies
AAAAAHHHH :hearts: RADEKKKKK AAAAAAAHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAA SHRIEEIEEEEEEEK OH MY GOD AAAAAHHHH RADEEEKKKK
Everybody faints. The moment after , Vaidisova enters.
NICOLE : Good boy. My plan is working. In couple of weeks, I'll be the new Wimbledon queen
RADEK : Shall I finish them now my love ?
NICOLE : No. We're taking step by step.
RADEK : But i want to do it now. Let me, let me :bounce:
NICOLE : Patience my dear, patience
Bartoli enters : OMG, what happened here??
NICOLE : Why aren't you fainting ??? Radek, make her faint for god sake
BARTOLI : Hell no, i ain't gonna faint before i finish that cake I left in my locker :drool:
NICOLE : OH NOOOO. She is Radekproof, I am doomed :bigcry:
RADEK : Come on love, don't cry , you still got me
NICOLE : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :bigcry:

Vaidisova runs out of a locker room, Radek chases her.

Everybody starts waking up
SERENA : Ass kicking ? Somebody said ass kicking?
SHARAPOVA : Aaaaaaah shrieeeeek aaaaaaaah
VENUS : What a hell happened
ANA: I have no idea, but ,strangely, I feel sooo excited
DINARA : :drink:
JJ : Amelie, could you please get up, your head is on my butt.
AMELIE : That's not my head
SVETLANA : Oh crap

:spit::haha::lol::rolls:

:worship::worship:

young_gunner913
Jun 21st, 2008, 06:36 PM
Funniest thread. :worship::haha::rolls:

-VSR-
Jun 21st, 2008, 06:37 PM
The top eight seeds of Wimbledon gather in a secluded room to learn of the Wimbledon draw.

*Venus, Serena, Sharapova and Ivanovic enter first.*

Serena: "I'm not reallly worried about the draw, I mean, I never even check it. I'm always ready to play anyone."

Venus: "I just saw you check it online, like two minutes ago."

Sharapova: "Like a certain friend of mine says, if I play like I did at the Australian Open, no one will beat me. I'm the best."

*Yuri lurks in the background and tips his hat at Maria.*

Maria quickly grabs a banana and begins to eat it.

Ivanovic: "I'm very excited to find out the draw."

Ivanovic pumps fist.

Serena pumps fist.

Sharapova pumps fist.

Venus shows no expression.

Venus: "I think I hear the others now."

*Jankovic, Kuznetsova and Dementieva enter.*

Jankovic: "Hey all. I just got back from practice but my body is aching. Can I have a medical timeout?"

Kuznetsova: "Serena, I love your hair and your body. Can I have it?"

Dementieva: "Mommy Vera says that I will be the next champion if I don't face a russian."

Sharapova: "Who is the other seed, there is only seven of us here. Safina?" :eek:

Serena: "Srebotnik?" :scared:

Venus: "Pennetta?" :confused:

*Chakvetadze enters the locker room, head down in shame.*

Everyone: "YOU?"

Chakvetadze stares at group and runs out of the room crying.

*Wimbledon commitee now enters the room with a copy of the draw.*

Larry Scott: "Now to start of the draw ceremony we will tell each of you, who will be your likely quarterfinal opponent and then you can read the draw yourself."

*All nod in agreement.*

Larry Scott: "Let's start with the world number one."

Sharapova stands up.

Ivanovic squeaks her shoes and Sharapova embarassingly sits back down.

Larry Scott: "Ivanovic you are in Chakvetadze's quarter of the draw. Anna where are you?"

*All look around.*

Serena: "She left. I think she knew I was coming into this tournamet healthy and having the greatest chance at the title."

Larry Scott: "Riiight.. well Ana, we will make an exception and just put you into the semifinal and Serena will play all your other matches."

Serena (under her breath): "Bitch..."

Larry Scott: "Next the number two player in the world.."

Maria Sharapova stands up for the second time.

Jankovic clears throat and smiles gleefully.

Larry Scott: "Jankovic... you will be in Venus Williams' quarter of the draw."

Venus hits an unforced error at the news and Jankovic smiles to all her fans... or fellow players.

Larry Scott: "Now the third ranked player in the world.."

Maria Sharapova sits with her head down until Yuri makes a slit throat motion. She quickly rises to her feet.

Larry Scott: "You will be in Dementieva's quarter of the draw."

Dementieva: "Damn... there goes my chance at a slam."

Sharapova: "Thanks Larry." ;)

Larry Scott blushes, while picking up the final quarter. Serena and Svetlana stand up together as Sveta busts out a dance move.

Larry Scott: "Obviously you two are in the same quarter and in the same half as Ivanovic. Which means Venus, Jankovic, Sharapova and Dementieva are in the other half."

Yuri slaps hand to forehead after hearing Venus is on Sharapova's side of the draw. Sharapova seeing this happen, follows suit and slaps her hand to her forehead.

azmad_88
Jun 21st, 2008, 07:11 PM
SW19 WIMBLEDON LOCKER ROOM

Serena, Ana, Venus, Jelena are all in the locker room preparing to go out for practise

Agnieska enters

Agnieska: Hey girls! I just won a title. Im so happy. Im so looking forward to this tournament and performing well

Ana : Yes ! Im so happy for you. You deserve it. I won the French Open too. Lets have a photo together. This must be really wonderful. The weather looks good today . the sun is shining. Serena do you want to join us taking pictures?

Serena : Shut up. I will win Wimbledon. I just gotta show up and kick the field. I know I can do it. Its my championships to lose.

Ana : I know its going to be exciting for all of us. Definately looking forward to playing my matches.

Serena : Who is this girl anyway. Oh its that mouse i played at Berlin. Cant believe she won a title. Where did you play anyway? ITF?

Agnieska : Oh, I just won Eastbourne kicking Petrova and Bartoli en route to the title. I know it feels awesome to come into a grandslam fresh from a victory.

Ana : Totally, its refreshing and wonderful feeling. Your confidence is high...

Serena : Save those crap for your press conference will you Ana. Well back to you mouse, wins against Petrova and Bartoli who were a losing streak the whole year is not a big deal. Plus the trainers of the girls should teach them a very ancient technique of exercise,it is called SIT UPS

Jelena : Good Serena. I will leave a memo for your trainer too. And Agnieska just hope i wont bump into you in the draw. Winning Istanbul didnt bring you any good in RG.

Serena : Oh you dont want to start the war against the Queen. Lets go outside now for doubles. I can beat you even partnering this mouse here.

Agnieska : The name is Radwanska by the way

Serena : Ride a Car or watever. Lets just beat these two Serbian asses

Ana : Oh its wonderful to have a pleasant training session right before the championships. Its going to put our juices to flow and the competitive spirit to rise rigth before the big tournament.

Jelena : Shut up Ana will you. There is no press here right now. Go get your racket and meet at Court 12.

Venus passed by the discussion

Venus : Whats going on here

Serena : Oh Vee, i am going to kick these two Serbians asses in a minute partering that mouse riding a car. But watever I take you as my partner.

Venus : Ya . That will be awesome

Jelena : Ana! Go take the juice Novak gave us right before our Quarterfinal match at Australian Open this year. I just saw Serena asking Venus to partner her. We need to use that juice.

Agnieska : Serena, you do know that i bagelled Venus once before right?

Serena : Oh...Venus honey
dont u have some press to do being the defending champion and all.

Venus : No I dont

Serena : Oh Yes you do. Just walked pass the hallway and the tournament director will explain all about it. Its tradition. Roger must be down there. Go for it girl.

Serena pushes Venus out of the Door

Serena : Ok Ride a car...lets do it together

Agnieska : Its RADWANKSA

At COURT 12

Ana and Jelena practising while Serena and Agnieska approach them.

Serena : Hey Girls! Wanna let me hold my serve or break one of yours

Ana : I thought you said Venus was going to partner them. That was our last Serbian potion juice.

Jelena : I really thought it was going to be Venus.

Serena : Ready girls. I can single handedly beat the two of you

Agnieska : I've had enough of these crap. You can play the them and single handedly beat them for all I care

Serena indeed lost that match however beat Ana easily in their semifinal match while Jelena lost to Venus in three sets in the quarter before Venus beat Maria to set up an all-Williams final with Venus winning in three sets.

Serena at the press conference

Serena : I beat myself today. It was me against myself

Somethings never change :D

ElusiveChanteuse
Jun 21st, 2008, 07:14 PM
:spit: Nice read.:p

Renalicious
Jun 22nd, 2008, 02:50 AM
:rolls:

This is one of my favorite threads. :D

hankqq
Jun 22nd, 2008, 02:56 AM
Great job everyone. I'm now inspired to do another one. BTW, miffedmax, the master at this, where art thou this time around??

Dave.
Jun 22nd, 2008, 03:00 AM
SW19 WIMBLEDON LOCKER ROOM



Agnieska : Serena, you do know that i bagelled Venus once before right?

Serena : Oh...Venus honey
dont u have some press to do being the defending champion and all.

Venus : No I dont

Serena : Oh Yes you do. Just walked pass the hallway and the tournament director will explain all about it. Its tradition. Roger must be down there. Go for it girl.

Serena pushes Venus out of the Door

Serena : Ok Ride a car...lets do it together





:rolls::haha::spit:

DPJ
Jun 22nd, 2008, 03:01 AM
Just to start (poor start) but we have a lot of fodder to work with given everything that has been happening on the tour...:lol:

It’s a few days before the start of the tournament and the players are gathered for a mandatory WTA players meeting.

It’s a few days before the start of the tournament and the players are gathered for a mandatory WTA players meeting.

Venus Williams sits in a corner...eyes closed rocking back and forth repeating over and over:
“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and people love me… my backhand is strong, my forehand is improving and my net game has never been better…
Maria: And your wig is a hot mess….
Jelena J: I no know…she is crazy…she crazy in Miami final…all screaming and yelling…
Maria: That was Serena :rolleyes:
JJ: Oh Yeah…So long ago
Venus: Say what you want bitch…this IS MY HOUSE!!!
Maria: Um…HELLO!!! You’re only good every two years…save that shit for next year
JJ: Ana, do you have to carry that French Open trophy with you everywhere?
Ana: I know…I’m still exited…Plus I having dinner with Radek…he wants to see it
Venus: bitch you just won your last slam
Maria: shit, she just won her last match :lol:
JJ: :confused:
ENTERS JUSTINE HENIN
Justine: Ana, bitch I’m her to get my cut
Venus whispers to Maria: What did she say? She’s here to get her ****?
Ana: Justine…um errr umm what do you say…um what do you speak of
Justine: bitch don’t play dumb…I retire before Roland Garros…you win…we split the check….bitch gimme my money
Maria whispers to Venus: Damn, I don’t remember her English being that good…and what with all this gangsta shit
Venus: She aint from no damn Belguim…that was an act…she grew up in Harlem…
Ana: Justine, that is crazy…what do you speak about?
Justine: Don’t let me get ghetto up in here…me and my homies gonna go smoke some weed…when I get back have my money…(Justine breaks racquet over her own head for emphasis)
ANA RUNS OUT THE PLAYERS LOUNGE… SERENA POSING IN THE MIRROR YELL OVER TO THE GIRLS
Serena: Was that Justine?
Venus: Yeah
Serena: You know she retired because of me right? She heard I was gonna play Paris…
Venus: I guess Srebotnik missed that memo :rolleyes:
Ana: Guys…I think I withdraw…thumb injury or something…


HAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

Kworb
Jun 22nd, 2008, 04:26 AM
Serena: "I'm not reallly worried about the draw, I mean, I never even check it. I'm always ready to play anyone."

Venus: "I just saw you check it online, like two minutes ago."
:spit: :haha: :lol: :worship:

hankqq
Jun 22nd, 2008, 08:34 AM
(Continued from my last scene post on PAGE 3 of this thread)

(Note: It's a little long, but I just couldn't stop writing.)


Update:

-By this time, the locker room has cleared out, as Davenport, Serena, Sharapova, Ivanovic, Jankovic, Vaidisova, Zvonareva and the Bondarenko sisters are all finally out on the practice courts.

-Rainer Hofmann is finished "strategizing" for his wife Patty Schnyder, as after she finished on the practice courts, they went back to their hotel to go on an orange juice drinking binge.

-After being told that Maria wouldn't play her in an exo for even a million dollars, Alexandra Stevenson left for the airport to go back home to the US, where a fan spotted her and called out "Hey everybody it's Julius Erving's daughter!" She waved to the adoring crowd, but said she didn't have time to do an autograph signing. Everyone was disappointed, but at the same time thrilled that they got to see a superstar in person.

-The trampled Camille Pin was brought to the Wimbledon Hospital (more on this later).


location: Wimbledon Locker Room


ENTER Svetlana Kuznetsova.

Mistaken for a custodian by a WTA official, Svetlana was asked to clean up the mess some of the other players left behind (including the pieces of Ana's shattered RG trophy, some of Jelena's sparkling knocked out teeth, the blood stains from Kateryna's forehead, and some tissues stained with Vera's tears). After correcting the misinformed official, Sveta, always the do-gooder, decided to carry out the job anyway.

location: Walkway/Gardens

ENTER Tatiana Golovin, who withdrew from the Wimbledon event, but still showed up to do promotional work. She is kissing her boyfriend, Samir Nasri, on a bench.

*cell phone set to the ringtone of "Milkshake" by Kelis, starts ringing*

Tatiana: My phone! Sorry Samir-hold that tongue for a minute. I've got to go take this call inside as the reception out here is so bad. It's probably Larry Scott telling us about a player's meeting. You won't mind waiting out here by yourself for just a little while, will you? *bats eyelashes innocently*

Samir: No problem.

Tatiana gets up and goes inside.

location: Players' Lounge

ENTER a bunch of players.

ENTER Tatiana, who answers her phone.

Tatiana: OK I'm here, where are you? Tell your father to go away and make it quick-I have a meeting to attend.

ENTER the person with whom Tatiana is conversing.

Person (Joakim Noah): Hey Tati! Over here!

Tatiana limps (she has a hip injury after all) over to a giant sofa. Tatiana and Joakim begin cuddling and kissing.

Tatiana: That's all for now. I've got to go to a player's meeting. I'll be back later.

Joakim: so soon? I thought you said we would have a lot of time to spend together. I thought we were boyfriend/girlfriend?

Tatiana: We will, we will, don't worry.

Tatiana goes back outside.

location: Walkway/Gardens

Tatiana: Samir-give me a kiss! I'm so sorry! The players meeting isn't over yet, but I came outside to take a little break!

Samir: We never have enough alone time together. I thought we were boyfriend/girlfriend?

Tatiana: We will, we will. Don't worry. I have to go now. Bye.

Tatiana walks away again. *Begins to panic about her predicament*

Samir sits back down on the bench, closes his eyes and quickly falls asleep.

Tatiana, approaching the door to the players' lounge, is now so nervous over her boy troubles that she faints.

ENTER Martina Navratilova, who, wearing an "Ana Ivanovic rocks my world" Logo t-shirt, is feeling all pumped up after a hard workout at the players' gym. She witnesses Tatiana's fainting spell and quickly comes to her rescue. "Milkshake" starts playing for the second time, as Joakim has called Tatiana's phone again.

location: Liverpool, England

Martina Hingis is giving a press conference after defeating Jana Novotna in an exo.

Reporter: Martina, who do you think will win Wimbledon:

Martina: I think it will be between Ivanovic, Sharapova and oh, I guess you can never count out those Williams sisters. They all have so much power-that's the direction the game is heading towards these days.

Reporter: What about some of the smaller players like yourself?

Martina: :rolleyes: Yeah, what about them?

Reporter: Some tennis experts have compared the games of Jelena Jankovic, Agnieszka Radwanska and Anna Chakvetadze to your game.

Martina: Look, by the time I was their age, I had won 5 grand slams and had been #1 in the world. I dominated the game. You can't do that anymore. They aren't as good as me and they can't win on grass. Without power, you can't win on grass. I was the last player without power to win on grass. Anyway, at least I've got real teeth-Jankovic has those fake implants. Radwanska has roadkill hair and CHOKEvetadze is just a crybaby. NONE of them have my abundantly large and gorgeous forehead anyway.

Reporter: You mention how the bigger, stronger players are dominating the game. Jankovic, Radwanska and Chakvetadze are all near the top, and just last year Justine Henin dominated the tour.

Martina: *Unleashes the Chucky grin* Justine didn't win Wimbledon did she?

Reporter: No...

Martina: *Still Chucky grinning* And neither will those 3. Case closed.


location: Wimbledon hospital, which happens to be just across from the players' lounge area

ENTER Camille Pin, who is recovering in a room after her ordeal earlier that day.

ENTER Amélie Mauresmo, who is coincidentally her roommate after receiving some mysterious "laser treatment" on her thigh area.

Amélie: I tell you Camille, I'm worried about how the French will do at this year's Wimbledon. I'm the best player, and my thigh is a little torn.

Camille: Sorry to hear that, but what about last year's finalist?

Amélie: That cake-eater? Bah! 1 slam final wonder she is.

ENTER a nurse, dressed in a rather revealing fashion.

Amélie: You!?! You're a nurse now? Since when did nurses start wearing a camisole and chaps!:rolleyes: Isn't there a brothel somewhere for you to join?

Nurse aka Sesil Karatantcheva: Do you like it? *Laughs* No, no, no silly! I just wanted to walk around in a sexy outfit for the day! I've been trying to reclaim my place as the premiere ass-kicker in tennis, but in case that doesn't work out, I thought I might try to hook a rich doctor for a husband-preferably an old one so I won't have to put up with him for long.

Amélie: Camille-cover your ears and eyes! You can't be exposed to such nonsense-you're too innocent!

Camille hides under the covers of her bed.

Sesil: :rolleyes: You two are so boring! I think I'll go visit some other players.

Sesil leaves the room and walks slowly down the hallway, making eye contact with all who pass by her.

ENTER Tatiana, lying on a stretcher, being wheeled down the hallway. She stops to chat with Sesil.

Sesil: Tati! What's up!! What are you doing here?

Tatiana: Sesil-cool outfit by the way, I need your advice, since you're an expert on these matters. You see, I'm kind of dating two different guys right now, and they don't know about each other.

Sesil: And the problem is? :rolleyes: Been there, done that before.

Tatiana: Well, what should I do about it?

Sesil: *Smiles* Listen, as I said to you when I helped you pick out your ringtone, it's not your fault that your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Tell the 2 guys what the deal is, and if they aren't willing to share you, dump them both and get 2 more! Now if you don't mind, I have a job to do.

Sesil leaves to continue strolling down the hallway. Tatiana, still on the stretcher, ponders Sesil's words of wisdom.

Tatiana: *Smiles* Well, Justin Gimelstob did call me a sexpot. That's a compliment of the highest order! He thinks as much of me as he does my idol, the grand goddess Anna Kournikova!

ENTER Marion Bartoli, who just came out of a doctor's office (he was examining her wrists). She is drinking a milkshake.

Tatiana: Marion-what are YOU doing here? Always following me around? I'm the injured one! And what is that you're drinking-a milkshake? How did you know I chose that song as my ringtone?

Marion: :rolleyes: My father wanted another doctor to check on my wrists to make sure I can play Wimbledon for sure. Hey-I thought you had a hip injury-what are you doing on a stretcher?

Tatiana: I fainted earlier today and hurt my back.

Marion: *Laughs haughtily* I didn't know you spend any time standing up! From what I hear, you're always lying on your back you skank!!

Tatiana: Hope you lose first round bitch!

Marion: At least I'm playing tennis and not playing with the hearts of all these poor boys! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm on my way to the locker room to go practice!

location: Wimbledon press conference room

Defending champion Venus Williams is giving the traditional defending champions' press conference.

Reporter: Venus, what do you make of Martina Hingis' assertion that Ivanovic and Sharapova are the 2 favorites to win Wimbledon, but that you and your sister can't be counted out either?

Venus: :rolleyes: For me and my sister, it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks. All I know is I'm feeling good, fixed my hideous hair, and I'm ready to go. Planet Venus is ready to go into orbit baby!

Reporter: But are you annoyed that Hingis said only that you "can't be counted out"?

Venus: Didn't you just ask that?

Reporter: :o

*Long, awkward pause*

ENTER Bud Collins

Bud: Venus, are you going to wear the infamous booty shorts from last year?

Venus: *Laughs* You'll just have to wait and see...

Bud: Venus, do you think Maria Sharapova is copying you by skipping a warm up tourney AND saying she is wearing shorts this year?

Venus: There's only 1 Venus. What kind of shorts will she wear anyway-you need a booty to wear booty shorts...

location: Locker Room

Svetlana has almost finished cleaning up the place. Still alone, she decides to entertain herself by putting on some hip-hop music-the kind she used to annoy Justin Henin with not so long ago. Her favorite song, "Lollipop" by Lil' Wayne is playing. Svetlana sings along whenever the word "lollipop" comes up in the lyrics.

ENTER Marion.

Marion: Did someone say there are free lollipops here?

Svetlana: No you dumb bitch! This is just cool rap song from America! Just because you put 2 balls in the court for almost 1 whole slam last year, you think they gonna give you everything? I'm a slam champion and I ask for nothing! When you put 2 balls in the court for 9 tournaments like me, then maybe you can act like star!

ENTER Agnes Szavay.

Agnes: Svetlana, you should only be bragging about 8 titles, NOT the 9th one! Every opponent you faced in New Haven retired against you! I was kicking your ass in the final until I became injured!

Svetlana: :rolleyes: Oh look, if it isn't the Great Hungarian Hype. Everybody say after last year you gonna do big things this season. What have you done? Nothing!

ENTER Agnieszka Radwanska

Agnieszka: #11 baby! Moving on up the rankings! I didn't expect to win Eastbourne, but I here am, the champ! *Smiles*

Svetlana: Oh no, not this bitch too! First I lose terrible match against her in Australia, now she thinks she's better grass player than me?

Agnieszka: I just have this ability to beat Russians I guess. *Shrugs on purpose*

Enter Nadia Petrova

Nadia puts her stuff down on the bench and finds out someone else has already used her favorite locker (it was Sharapova).

Nadia, *fuming*: That bitch! She has everything and now she wants my favorite locker!!!! That could have been me-if I had had the proper coaching when I was growing up! I'm talented, I'm hot and sexy-did you see my NY times photo shoot, I can be a star too! Grrrrrrrrr!

Nadia starts breaking multiple tennis racquets off of her head (similar to the Youzhny incident in Miami earlier this year).

ENTER Anna Chakvetadze, with her head down. She doesn't say hi to anyone.

Svetlana: Anna, why you such a quiet bitch all the time! Let's have fun! You're still 4th ranked Russian!

ENTER Dinara Safina, who is still moping about losing that final to Tanasugarn.

Marion sits on a bench and busts out a bag of popcorn to eat in anticipation of all the ensuing drama.

Dinara, *growling*: Well, I lost the final today, but I still expect to be named for Olympic singles! That's right Anna-I'm better than you now!

Anna: *scared*

Marion burps.

ENTER Elena Dementieva, accompanied by mother Vera. Vera does not allow Elena to speak to anyone.

Vera *pointing to Sveta* : Custodian! Custodian! Give me some glass cleaner for my glasses! All the pollen from the flowers in the garden has made them dirty!

Sveta just happens to have some in her pocket, and obliges. Vera nods her head, and she and Elena move to the back corner of the room, where Vera then helps Elena get dressed for practice. Vera double-knots Elena's shoelaces so they won't come undone on the court. Thanks to mother Vera's vigilance, Elena has not scraped her knees in a long, long time.

Dinara starts yelling at Anna again.

Dinara: Yeah I made RG final! You lost horrible, most pathetic ever USO semi! I beat Sharapova, Dementieva and Kuznetsova at RG!!

Both Sveta and Anna realize they have just been dissed, but they can't think of a comeback, so they say nothing and go about their business.

Dinara *turns towards Marion* : And you! You're definitely not even going to the Olympics so shut the hell up!

Marion: :o

Nadia finally knocks herself out.

ENTER Venus Williams

The other players, upon seeing the defending champion in all her glory, suddenly become silent, except for Sveta.

Sveta: Venus! Congratulations! You fix hair! You don't look like hot mess anymore! *Smiles*

Everyone in the room applauds.

Even though there had not been a storm outside, a rainbow suddenly appears.

Destiny
Jun 22nd, 2008, 09:55 AM
:lol:

Sexysova
Jun 22nd, 2008, 10:08 AM
Wimbledon locker room:

JJ is puting her make up, singing : I feel pretty, oh so pretty...
VENUS : Damn bitch, shut up, you're going to wake up my baby sister and then i'm gonna kick your ass
SERENA jumping from her sleep : Ass kicking ? Somebody said ass kicking?
SHARAPOVA : Aaaaaaaah shrieeeek aaaaaaaaaah
ANA : Relax Rena, you are still dreaming, it's all in your head
SERENA : Hell no bitch, there is going to be ass kicking and your ass is going to be kicked :armed:
ANA : Oh, my first fight. I'm sooooo excited. Ajdeeeeee
SHARAPOVA : Aaaaaaaah shrieeeek aaaaaaah
JJ : Oh, come on girls, can't we all just get along. Sun is shining, birds are singing and I still feel very pretty
AMELIE : I could get along with you :hehehe:
SVETLANA : I could too, I mean , no I couldn't...Oh crap :o
VENUS : What a hell are you all smoking :confused:
SERENA : I told you so. They are all crazy bitches
DINARA : Oh, you have no idea :drink:
SHARAPOVA : Aaaaaaah shrieeeeek aaaaaaaaah
VENUS talking to Serena : We should get the hell out of here while we're still normal.
SERENA : No way, this Wimbledon is mine and no crazy bitches will gonna stop me!
VENUS : :lol: Oh, girl, you're out before QFs. I'll be the grass queen again
SHARAPOVA whispers to Serena : Aaaaaaaah shrieeeeek aaaaaaaaah
SERENA : Yeah girl, i know exactly what you mean. She's going down :fiery:
ANA : Queen ? Did somebody called me ?

(At that moment somewhere in Belgium : Carlos, i don't feel well, i think i'm going to puke :unsure:)

RADEK enters the locker room : Hey sexy ladies :hehehe:
AAAAAHHHH :hearts: RADEKKKKK AAAAAAAHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAA SHRIEEIEEEEEEEK OH MY GOD AAAAAHHHH RADEEEKKKK
Everybody faints. The moment after , Vaidisova enters.
NICOLE : Good boy. My plan is working. In couple of weeks, I'll be the new Wimbledon queen
RADEK : Shall I finish them now my love ?
NICOLE : No. We're taking step by step.
RADEK : But i want to do it now. Let me, let me :bounce:
NICOLE : Patience my dear, patience
Bartoli enters : OMG, what happened here??
NICOLE : Why aren't you fainting ??? Radek, make her faint for god sake :smash:
BARTOLI : Hell no, i ain't gonna faint before i finish that cake I left in my locker :drool:
NICOLE : OH NOOOO. She is Radekproof, I am doomed :bigcry:
RADEK : Come on love, don't cry , you still got me
NICOLE : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :bigcry:

Vaidisova runs out of a locker room, Radek chases her.

Everybody starts waking up
SERENA : Ass kicking ? Somebody said ass kicking?
SHARAPOVA : Aaaaaaah shrieeeeek aaaaaaaah
VENUS : What a hell happened :confused:
ANA: I have no idea, but ,strangely, I feel sooo excited :bounce:
DINARA : :drink:
JJ : Amelie, could you please get up, your head is on my butt.
AMELIE : That's not my head
SVETLANA : Oh crap :o

I love THAT!!!!! :haha: the part with Radek and Nicole is the best!!!

spiritedenergy
Jun 22nd, 2008, 10:14 AM
GoV&Rena's Locker Room Scene 1


-----------------------

Serena, Sharapova and Ivanovic are talking in a special section of the locker room labelled 'GRAND SLAM CHAMPS ONLY' when Kuznetsova decides to walk in...

Maria: Svetlana what are you doing? This is Grand Slam Champs only!

Sveta: But... I am...

Maria: Oh right. :tape:

Then, Amelie Mauresmo walks in.

*The girls giggle, thinking what a joke Amelie has become.*

Amelie: Hey girls :hehehe:

*All the girls look on in disgust and are scared.*

Ana: Please don't rape me. :sobbing: I'm so young! I'm the new WTA #1, I'm the new Grand Slam Champion, I'm the new 'in' girl, I'm the new Serbaliciousness out here!

*All the girls roll their eyes*

*Ana all of a sudden embraces in a random fit of squeeking her shoes, because she is so scared.*

Amelie: Ok then I will leave. :sad:

Serena: *As Amelie leaves* Have fun 'playing' with Ashley. :hehehe:

Maria: Speaking of first round matches, who do you play Ana?

Ana: Yes it is very excitinggg for me, it will be a tough match for sure. :)

Maria: Ummm...I said who do you play? :unsure:

Ana: Yes it is very excitinggg for me, it will be a tough match for sure. :)

Maria: O...kay... then... :confused:

*All of a sudden Alexandra Stevenson walks in*

Svetlana: Hey! Grand Slam champions only! :(

Alex: Then what about you? ;) Anyway, I'm Wimbledon Champion 2009, bitches. :cool: Anyway, you girls wanna have a hit? :angel:

Maria: Haha AS IF. I wouldn't play you for a million dollars. :rolleyes:

Alex: Really? *Takes out one million dollars*

Maria: OMG! Nike - Just do it! Bed, Bath and Beyond, Tag Heuer, Gatorade, Tropicana!!!!! :hearts: :hearts:

*All the girls look at Masha who still seems possessed by the endorsing spirit.*

Ana: Yes it is very excitinggg for me, it will be a tough match for sure. :)

Girls: ... :weirdo:

----------------------

OMG:tape::haha:

kinseh
Jun 22nd, 2008, 02:44 PM
Brilliant. Keep 'em coming. :lol:

Milli
Jun 22nd, 2008, 02:55 PM
omfg Jelena's schedule and Nicole & Radek :haha::haha: :worship:

More please

Chunchun
Jun 22nd, 2008, 03:55 PM
where's Max????

sasha&tennis
Jun 22nd, 2008, 04:40 PM
Maria & Jelena are sitting in chairs in front of the mirror and brushing their hair. They are the only ones in the locker room at the moment

Jelena: Maria can I talk to you about something that's been on my mind lately?
Maria: Sure, you can talk to me about anything (just as long as you make it quick. Because I am looking in the mirror now...Duh-Maria thinks to herself while still looking in the mirror)
Jelena: Thank you so much Maria. But remember this has to stay strictly between us.
Maria: No problem. (Maria said as she continues to look at herself in the mirror).
Jelena: I really believe that for the first time ever I really have a chance to win Wimbledon this year (she says with her voice full of excitement)
Maria: Based on what? (Maria asks turning away from the mirror for the first time to look at Jelena)
Jelena: Because I beat Venus the last time I played her in Rome and remember last year I beat you in the final of a grass court tournament.
Maria: You need to wake up and stop dreaming. You are in my half of the draw and even more so importantly Venus is going to kick your ass all over the court.
Jelena: But I have a winning record on Venus.
Maria: So do I but that didn't stop her from kicking my ass twice on the grass. Besides everyone knows that most of your victories came on clay the surface that Venus hates the most. Your Wimbledon win over Venus was a fluke because she was having wrist problems then. And the only reason you beat me was because I was tired.
Jelena: You've been having shoulder problems lately and your serve is about as slow as mine now so you are very vulnerable now. And I really believe that I can beat Venus...I just really believe it. Not to mention the fact that your 2004 victory was a fluke.
Maria: This coming from a person who cannot even hit one power shot? My serve may be weak but at least I can hit a solid ball which is more than I can say for you. Not to mention the fact that R. Kelly believes that he can fly but his ass is still on the ground.


Ana Ivanovic slowly enters the locker room over hearing a lot of the conversation between Jelena and Maria. She goes to sit by them in another chair facing the mirror. They immediately stop talking and just look at her.
Ana: Hello ladies isn't it a beautiful day? (Ana says as she looks at herself in the mirror?
Maria: (Maria tries to look at herself in the mirror but she doesn't like what she see's looking back at her compared to Ana so she just turns away from the mirror completely).
Jelana: Hello. (she responds dryly to Ana wishing that she were from another country so she wouldn't have to keep hearing everyone say the beautiful Serbian and the Serbian world #1. The site of Ana made her sick to her stomach).
Ana: Jelena, everyone knows that I will be the 1st one to really beat Venus on grass not you.

Jelena's mouth drops to the ground realizing that Ana overheard their conversation.
Ana: Besides I actually did beat Venus in a slam. While your victories came in smaller tournaments and also the year that you won at Wimbledon was because Venus was having wrist problems. You have been very lucky because though I may hate to hear Sharapova screaming on the court I do have to agree with her. You cannot hit a power shot.
Jelena: Both of you can kiss my tight Serbian ass. Just because you are perfect Ana doesn't mean that you have the right to pick on people less fortunate than you and Maria I may not be able to hit a "power shot" but at least I know that I am not pretty while you constantly try to make yourself believe that you are even with all of that bad skin. Even you said that R.Kelly can't fly so that means that you believe that you believe that you are beautiful but you are not. You ugly over hyped Bitch!!!

Jelena then jumps out of her chair and runs towards the exit of the locker room and bumps into Venus who was getting dressed because she had taken a shower and overheard their entire conversation in the process. Jelena's eyes almost pop out seeing Venus and she turns back to look at Maria whose eyes are about to pop out as well. Ana feels the awkwardness in the room and turns away from the mirror to see what is going on and when she see's Venus her eyes almost pop out as well. You can hear their hearts beating fast at the sight of Venus
Venus: I have listened to this foolishness long enough. Everyone knows that no match is the same you have to take each match one at a time. I am trying to keep my cool though I seriously want to kick each one of your asses.
Jelena: Excuse me Venus. (Jelena says trying to get past her from embarrassment and fear)
Venus: Sit your ass back down in that chair, I am not finish with you yet.
Jelena immediately runs back to sit down in the chair she was sitting in before.
Venus: All of you are seriously lacking. Jelena you haven't even made it to a slam final and Bartoli beat you last year at Wimbledon and you think that you stand a chance on the other side of the net if you even make it far enough to play me? Maria you beat my little sister in 2004 but you have no answers for me on grass. If I wouldn't have been having those stupid issues that year you never would have made it to the final. Ana my thigh was taped like the mummy and I still almost kicked your as at the Australian Open. I am the Queen and you are my subjects. And Maria I really wish that you would stop copying off of me. First the hairstyle and now you are wearing shorts.
Maria: But Venus I just wanted to try something different.
Venus: Next time try something different from me. Now who is the Queen of Grass?
They all look at each other before turning back to face Venus.
Ana, Maria & Jelena: You are (they say in unison).
Venus: Now I want each one of you to get down on your knees and say all hail the Queen while bowing down to me.
They all slowly get down on the ground and start chanting all hail the queen.
Venus: Louder! (she orders as she looks down at them with her arms crossed)

They start chanting louder and the sound coming from the locker room catches the attention of other players nearby. Kuzzy & Bartoli come running through the door to see what is going on and when they enter Venus gives them a cold stare and they both drop down to the ground and join in with Maria, Jelena & Ana chanting all hail the Queen. Serena enters the room and wonders what the hell is going on.
Serena: Venus what are you doing? We are suppose to be practicing now.
Venus: Oh yeah what time is it? Ana give me your watch.
Ana: But this is from my sponsor, I have to wear it.
Venus: Give me the damn watch!
Ana quickly takes the watch off and gives it to Venus. Venus looks to see what time it is and then throws the watch hard against Maria's forehead.
Maria: Ouch!!!
Venus: Now that's a power shot bitch. And the next time you wannabes think that you are ready to step up to my table remember this.

Venus then knocks Jelena, Maria & Ana's heads together like the three stooges and leaves the room with Serena. Bartoli and Kuzzy are laughing so hard at Maria, Jelena & Ana that they pee on theirselves. Ana & Jelena are both crying because they are afraid that by touching Maria's face that they will now get bad skin.
Maria: Maria just remains still and thought to herself: I thought that Larry Scott was the only one who could get me on my knees like this.:eek::lol:

it-girl
Jun 22nd, 2008, 05:05 PM
Maria & Jelena are sitting in chairs in front of the mirror and brushing their hair. They are the only ones in the locker room at the moment

Jelena: Maria can I talk to you about something that's been on my mind lately?
Maria: Sure, you can talk to me about anything (just as long as you make it quick. Because I am looking in the mirror now...Duh-Maria thinks to herself while still looking in the mirror)
Jelena: Thank you so much Maria. But remember this has to stay strictly between us.
Maria: No problem. (Maria said as she continues to look at herself in the mirror).
Jelena: I really believe that for the first time ever I really have a chance to win Wimbledon this year (she says with her voice full of excitement)
Maria: Based on what? (Maria asks turning away from the mirror for the first time to look at Jelena)
Jelena: Because I beat Venus the last time I played her in Rome and remember last year I beat you in the final of a grass court tournament.
Maria: You need to wake up and stop dreaming. You are in my half of the draw and even more so importantly Venus is going to kick your ass all over the court.
Jelena: But I have a winning record on Venus.
Maria: So do I but that didn't stop her from kicking my ass twice on the grass. Besides everyone knows that all of your victories came on clay the surface that Venus hates the most. And the only reason you beat me was because I was tired.
Jelena: You've been having shoulder problems lately and your serve is about as slow as mine now so you are very vulnerable now. And I really believe that I can beat Venus...I just really believe it.
Maria: This coming from a person who cannot even hit one power shot? My serve may be weak but at least I can hit a solid ball which is more than I can say for you. Not to mention the fact that R. Kelly believes that he can fly but his ass is still on the ground.


Ana Ivanovic slowly enters the locker room over hearing a lot of the conversation between Jelena and Maria. She goes to sit by them in another chair facing the mirror. They immediately stop talking and just look at her.
Ana: Hello ladies isn't it a beautiful day? (Ana says as she looks at herself in the mirror?
Maria: (Maria tries to look at herself in the mirror but she doesn't like what she see's looking back at her compared to Ana so she just turns away from the mirror completely).
Jelana: Hello. (she responds dryly to Ana wishing that she were from another country so she wouldn't have to keep hearing everyone say the beautiful Serbian and the Serbian & world #1. The site of Ana made her sick to her stomach).
Ana: Jelena, everyone knows that I will be the 1st one to really beat Venus on grass not you.

Jelena's mouth drops to the ground realizing that Ana overheard their conversation.
Ana: Besides I actually did beat Venus in a slam. While your victories came in smaller tournaments and also the year that you won at Wimbledon was because Venus was having wrist problems. You have been very lucky because though I may hate to hear Sharapova screaming on the court I do have to agree with her. You cannot hit a power shot.
Jelena: Both of you can kiss my tight Serbian ass. Just because you are perfect Ana doesn't mean that you have the right to pick on people less fourtunate than you and Maria I may not be able to hit a "power shot" but at least I know that I am not pretty while you constantly try to make yourself believe that you are even with all of that bad skin. Even you said that R.Kelly can't fly you ugly overhyped Bitch!!!

Jelena then jumps out of her chair and runs towards the exit of the locker room and bumps into Venus who was getting dressed because she had taken a shower and overheard their entire conversation in the process. Jelena's eyes almost pop out seeing Venus and she turns back to look at Maria who's eyes are about to pop out as well. Ana feels the awkwardness in the room and turns away from the mirror to see what is going on and when she see's Venus her eyes almost pop out as well. You can hear their hearts beating fast at the sight of Venus
Venus: I have listened to this foolishness long enough. Everyone knows that no match is the same you have to take each match one at a time. I am trying to keep my cool though I seriously want to kick each one of your asses.
Jelena: Excuse me Venus. (Jelena says trying to get past her from embarassment and fear)
Venus: Sit your ass back down in that chair, I am not fininsh with you yet.
Jelena immediately runs back to sit down in the chair she was sitting in before.
Venus: All of you are seriously lacking. Jelena you haven't even made it to a slam final and Bartoli beat you last year at Wimbledon and you think that you stand a chance on the other side of the net if you even make it far enough to play me? Maria you beat my little sister in 2004 but you have no answers for me on grass. If I wouldn't have been having those stupid issues that year you never would have made it to the final. Ana my thigh was taped like the mummy and I still almost kicked your as at the Australian Open. I am the Queen and you are my subjects. And Maria I really wish that you would stop copying off of me. First the hairstyle and now you are wearing shorts.
Maria: But Venus I just wanted to try something different.
Venus: Next time try something different from me. Now who is the Queen of Grass?
They all look at each other before turning back to face Venus.
Ana, Maria & Jelena: You are (they say in unison).
Venus: Now I want each one of you to get down on your knees and say all hail the Queen while bowing down to me.
They all slowly get down on the ground and start chanting all hail the queen.
Venus: Louder! (she orders as she looks down at them with her arms crossed)

They start chanting louder and the sound coming from the locker room catches the attention of other players nearby. Kuzzy & Bartoli come running through the door to see what is going on and when they enter Venus gives them a cold stare and they both drop down to the ground and join in with Maria, Jelena & Ana chanting all hail the Queen. Serena enters the room and wonders what the hell is going on.
Serena: Venus what are you doing? We are suppose to be practicing now.
Venus: Oh yeah what time is it? Ana give me your watch.
Ana: But this is from my sponsor, I have to wear it.
Venus: Give me the damn watch!
Ana quickly takes the watch off and gives it to Venus. Venus looks to see what time it is and then throws the watch hard against Maria's forehead.
Maria: Ouch!!!
Venus: Now that's a power shot bitch. And the next time you wannabes think that you are ready to step up to my table remember this.

Venus then knocks Jelena, Maria & Ana's heads together like the three stooges and leaves the room with Serena. Bartoli and Kuzzy are laughing so hard at Maria, Jelena & Ana that they pee on theirselves. Ana & Jelena are both crying because they are afraid that by touching Maria's face that they will now get bad skin.
Maria: Maria just remains still and thought to herself: I thought that Larry Scott was the only one who could get me on my knees like this.:eek::lol:

:lol::haha::haha::haha::haha::lol::rolls:

it-girl
Jun 22nd, 2008, 06:05 PM
SW19 WIMBLEDON LOCKER ROOM

Serena, Ana, Venus, Jelena are all in the locker room preparing to go out for practise

Agnieska enters

Agnieska: Hey girls! I just won a title. Im so happy. Im so looking forward to this tournament and performing well

Ana : Yes ! Im so happy for you. You deserve it. I won the French Open too. Lets have a photo together. This must be really wonderful. The weather looks good today . the sun is shining. Serena do you want to join us taking pictures?

Serena : Shut up. I will win Wimbledon. I just gotta show up and kick the field. I know I can do it. Its my championships to lose.

Ana : I know its going to be exciting for all of us. Definately looking forward to playing my matches.

Serena : Who is this girl anyway. Oh its that mouse i played at Berlin. Cant believe she won a title. Where did you play anyway? ITF?

Agnieska : Oh, I just won Eastbourne kicking Petrova and Bartoli en route to the title. I know it feels awesome to come into a grandslam fresh from a victory.

Ana : Totally, its refreshing and wonderful feeling. Your confidence is high...

Serena : Save those crap for your press conference will you Ana. Well back to you mouse, wins against Petrova and Bartoli who were a losing streak the whole year is not a big deal. Plus the trainers of the girls should teach them a very ancient technique of exercise,it is called SIT UPS

Jelena : Good Serena. I will leave a memo for your trainer too. And Agnieska just hope i wont bump into you in the draw. Winning Istanbul didnt bring you any good in RG.

Serena : Oh you dont want to start the war against the Queen. Lets go outside now for doubles. I can beat you even partnering this mouse here.

Agnieska : The name is Radwanska by the way

Serena : Ride a Car or watever. Lets just beat these two Serbian asses

Ana : Oh its wonderful to have a pleasant training session right before the championships. Its going to put our juices to flow and the competitive spirit to rise rigth before the big tournament.

Jelena : Shut up Ana will you. There is no press here right now. Go get your racket and meet at Court 12.

Venus passed by the discussion

Venus : Whats going on here

Serena : Oh Vee, i am going to kick these two Serbians asses in a minute partering that mouse riding a car. But watever I take you as my partner.

Venus : Ya . That will be awesome

Jelena : Ana! Go take the juice Novak gave us right before our Quarterfinal match at Australian Open this year. I just saw Serena asking Venus to partner her. We need to use that juice.

Agnieska : Serena, you do know that i bagelled Venus once before right?

Serena : Oh...Venus honey
dont u have some press to do being the defending champion and all.

Venus : No I dont

Serena : Oh Yes you do. Just walked pass the hallway and the tournament director will explain all about it. Its tradition. Roger must be down there. Go for it girl.

Serena pushes Venus out of the Door

Serena : Ok Ride a car...lets do it together

Agnieska : Its RADWANKSA

At COURT 12

Ana and Jelena practising while Serena and Agnieska approach them.

Serena : Hey Girls! Wanna let me hold my serve or break one of yours

Ana : I thought you said Venus was going to partner them. That was our last Serbian potion juice.

Jelena : I really thought it was going to be Venus.

Serena : Ready girls. I can single handedly beat the two of you

Agnieska : I've had enough of these crap. You can play the them and single handedly beat them for all I care

Serena indeed lost that match however beat Ana easily in their semifinal match while Jelena lost to Venus in three sets in the quarter before Venus beat Maria to set up an all-Williams final with Venus winning in three sets.

Serena at the press conference

Serena : I beat myself today. It was me against myself

Somethings never change :D

I really like this one also.:)

Wtatennis212
Jun 22nd, 2008, 06:18 PM
I thought these were stupid but some of them are really funny.

esquímaux
Jun 22nd, 2008, 06:38 PM
Women's locker room, Thursday afternoon.....

Jelena Jankovic: "Is draw out yet?"

Ana Ivanovic: "Not until tomorrow, Jelena. Besides, everyone knows you will lose in semifinals, so why should you care about draw?"

Svetlana Kuznetsova: "SVETA NO CARE ABOUT DRAW! SVETA SMASH WHOEVER SVETA PLAY! SVETA WIN WIMBLEDON!!"

Serena Williams: "Win Wimbledon? You? Yeah, right. Miss Serena's sister will date a black man before that happens. (Points to Ana and Jelena) And that goes the same for you two b****es as well."

Ana and Jelena: "That's 'Vitches.'"

Sveta: "WHAT SERENA SAY ABOUT SVETA? SVETA SMASH SERENA!!"

Serena :eek: "SERENA RUN!!" :bolt:

As Wile E. and the Road Runner--I mean, Sveta and Serena leave, a young lady wearing a Stella McCartney-designed servant's outfit walks in.....

Maria Kirilenko: "ALL HAIL QUEEN MASHA!"

Maria Sharapova (looking behind her): "It must be Sveta's feeding time. (Looks at Ana and Jelena) What are you two b****es doing here? You're going to need all the practice you can get if you want to avoid getting double-bageled by Queen Masha."

Ana and Jelena: "VITCHES!"

Maria S: "Vitches, b****es, whatever. After Queen Masha gets through with you, you'll wish you were back in Belgrade dodging bullets. Queen Masha is winning this tournament, and there are two things you can do about it. What are those two things, Lackey?"

Maria K: "Nothing and like it, Your Highness."

Maria S: "Thank you, Lackey. Now go fetch Queen Masha whatever beverage she's endorsing these days. Queen Masha is thirsty."

Maria K: "Right away, Your Highness."

Maria S :) "It's good to be the Queen."

Meanwhile, on one of the practice courts.....

Dinara Safina: "Thank you for hitting with me today, big brother. I really appreciate it."

Marat Safin: "No problem, Dinara. That is what family is for, da?"

Dinara: "Da. I just thought you would be jealous of my recent success."

Marat: "Jealous? Nyet! I may not be in top 10 in rankings anymore, but I still top ATP in.....other categories."


As if on cue, two attractive young women approach Marat and Dinara's court.....

Marat: "See what I mean, Dinara? I am still Mack Daddy of ATP. Excuse me. (Reaches into left pants pocket and pulls out a condom) Whoops! Wrong pocket. (Reaches into right pants pocket and pulls out a pen) Hello, ladies!"

Girl #1: "Pardon me, but aren't you Dinara Safina's brother?"

Marat :mad: "What?"

Girl #2: "She's our favorite player. We don't mean to interrupt her practice session, but could you get her autograph for us?"

Marat: :fiery:

Dinara: "At last, respect for little sister!"
Dinara! :lol:

SzavayFi
Jun 22nd, 2008, 06:59 PM
Wimbledon Locker Room

the scene is Jelena and Serena.....at the moment.

Serena: Gurl Jelena, whys the fuck are you always so damn happy?
Jelena: *with what appears to be a smile* I'm is not happy you sick American pig, I just injected myself with my regular dose of Botox so i can look like this throughout my entire match.
Serena: Shit bitch, you messed up. You want to here a lil' somethin' from momma Rena. My gurl Vee is gonna go and give yo' nasty litte Serb ass a brutal beatin' over in that side of that draw. YOU HEARD BITCH!
Jelena: *still apparently smiling* That is not true! I beeted her the last timed we played here! She is shit, you ere' me. SHIT!
Serena: OH girl you gonna wish you didn't. I'll tell your ugly ass face somethin' else. Momma Rena is taking back her mothafuckin crown, you heard me. And I dont care if my bitch Vee is down, it just means that i'll get to kick yo' fake ass infront of the whole mothafuckin world. YOU HEARD!
Jelena: *STILL apparently smiling* We will just see about that....

*enter Bartoli, who is eating out of a huge box of Krispy Kreame donuts*

Serena: OH SHIT GURL! HOOK A BITCH UP!!!
Marion: Zis' is only fur me! I am on a new diet you see!
Serena: Shit gurl, thats a fuckin crazy diet. I will just add more rolls to your mothafuckin ass. Get all siyyuck and shiiit.
Marion: NO NO! Zis is where you are wrong. You know of Anastasia Myskina? She iz zo skinny! She told me zis is ze best way to loose weight! She promises it vurks!!!

*myskina is in backround out of view*
Anastasia: That is right my little french dumpling, fatten up. I vill surely make quite a fantastic feast out of your flesh. *blood drips from mouth*

*back to scene and enter Karatancheva*
Sesil: Oh guess whose back BETCHESSS!!! It's me, the mutherfucking Sesil!
Serena: Oh gurl, get ova' yo damn self.
Jelena: Yes i know! Go fuck somehing, and get pregnant.....or something!
Sesil: Serena, you shut the mutherfuck up! And Jelena, I will. You know i will because i LOOOVVVE to FUCK!
Serena: get the fuck out before i gone fuck up yo' damn face!
Sesil: FINE! I need to put in a tamp anyway. And you know what that means, it means that I am sexually mature! You know, I think I'm like the fucking sex symbol of womans tennis!

*exit Sesil to a bathroom in the outside halls, she walks in and see's a young boy getting off to a picture of Ana Ivanovic. Right as Sesil enters, the boy blasts his load right on Sesil's neck*

Sesil: *disregards the cum on neck and looks at picture of Ana in pic* You sick little bitch! what is this shit! *she says in reference to Ana's photo, and takes it from him*. WHAT THE FUCK MAKES THIS FAT COW SO FUCKING HOT! She's not fucking sexy, I AM!
Young Boy: Umm, uh....*loss for words*
Sesil: I mean REALLY! It's basic, hard proof that I'm not a motherfucking VIRGIN!!!!!! GAWD!! So everyone knows that I've been fucking laid, so why am I not the fucking sex symbol.
Young Boy: Uh, i don't know Ana is just alot hotter....
Sesil: OH FUCK that! You wanna see hot? I'll give you fucking hot! *she scoops cum off her neck with her fingers and licks it up* NOW DON'T TELL ME THAT THAT's NOT FUCKIN HOT! I define hot, sexy....and scandelous. You wan't do see sexy little boy, do you? I'll rock you're world right now because I am thunderous in bed.
Young Boy: *vomits in toilet and runs out of room*

Renalicious
Jun 23rd, 2008, 09:50 AM
:scared:

InsideOut.
Jun 23rd, 2008, 10:01 AM
*myskina is in backround out of view*
Anastasia: That is right my little french dumpling, fatten up. I vill surely make quite a fantastic feast out of your flesh. *blood drips from mouth*

:lol:

Andreas
Jun 23rd, 2008, 11:30 AM
Wimbledon Locker Room

the scene is Jelena and Serena.....at the moment.

Serena: Gurl Jelena, whys the fuck are you always so damn happy?
Jelena: *with what appears to be a smile* I'm is not happy you sick American pig, I just injected myself with my regular dose of Botox so i can look like this throughout my entire match.
Serena: Shit bitch, you messed up. You want to here a lil' somethin' from momma Rena. My gurl Vee is gonna go and give yo' nasty litte Serb ass a brutal beatin' over in that side of that draw. YOU HEARD BITCH!
Jelena: *still apparently smiling* That is not true! I beeted her the last timed we played here! She is shit, you ere' me. SHIT!
Serena: OH girl you gonna wish you didn't. I'll tell your ugly ass face somethin' else. Momma Rena is taking back her mothafuckin crown, you heard me. And I dont care if my bitch Vee is down, it just means that i'll get to kick yo' fake ass infront of the whole mothafuckin world. YOU HEARD!
Jelena: *STILL apparently smiling* We will just see about that....

*enter Bartoli, who is eating out of a huge box of Krispy Kreame donuts*

Serena: OH SHIT GURL! HOOK A BITCH UP!!!
Marion: Zis' is only fur me! I am on a new diet you see!
Serena: Shit gurl, thats a fuckin crazy diet. I will just add more rolls to your mothafuckin ass. Get all siyyuck and shiiit.
Marion: NO NO! Zis is where you are wrong. You know of Anastasia Myskina? She iz zo skinny! She told me zis is ze best way to loose weight! She promises it vurks!!!

*myskina is in backround out of view*
Anastasia: That is right my little french dumpling, fatten up. I vill surely make quite a fantastic feast out of your flesh. *blood drips from mouth*

*back to scene and enter Karatancheva*
Sesil: Oh guess whose back BETCHESSS!!! It's me, the mutherfucking Sesil!
Serena: Oh gurl, get ova' yo damn self.
Jelena: Yes i know! Go fuck somehing, and get pregnant.....or something!
Sesil: Serena, you shut the mutherfuck up! And Jelena, I will. You know i will because i LOOOVVVE to FUCK!
Serena: get the fuck out before i gone fuck up yo' damn face!
Sesil: FINE! I need to put in a tamp anyway. And you know what that means, it means that I am sexually mature! You know, I think I'm like the fucking sex symbol of womans tennis!

*exit Sesil to a bathroom in the outside halls, she walks in and see's a young boy getting off to a picture of Ana Ivanovic. Right as Sesil enters, the boy blasts his load right on Sesil's neck*

Sesil: *disregards the cum on neck and looks at picture of Ana in pic* You sick little bitch! what is this shit! *she says in reference to Ana's photo, and takes it from him*. WHAT THE FUCK MAKES THIS FAT COW SO FUCKING HOT! She's not fucking sexy, I AM!
Young Boy: Umm, uh....*loss for words*
Sesil: I mean REALLY! It's basic, hard proof that I'm not a motherfucking VIRGIN!!!!!! GAWD!! So everyone knows that I've been fucking laid, so why am I not the fucking sex symbol.
Young Boy: Uh, i don't know Ana is just alot hotter....
Sesil: OH FUCK that! You wanna see hot? I'll give you fucking hot! *she scoops cum off her neck with her fingers and licks it up* NOW DON'T TELL ME THAT THAT's NOT FUCKIN HOT! I define hot, sexy....and scandelous. You wan't do see sexy little boy, do you? I'll rock you're world right now because I am thunderous in bed.
Young Boy: *vomits in toilet and runs out of room*
That is more like an erotic novel :lol:

Whatzup
Jun 23rd, 2008, 01:00 PM
Somewhere in Florida
"Fuck, Fuck, Fuck I have no money anymore. What the fuck am I fucking supposed to do now. Wait I call dad, maybe he know a fucking job for me somewhere."
Calls her dad: "He dad, I have no fucking money anymore, do you know a job for me somewhere to get some money, I can't even get fucking drunk anymore, let go to party's, I have no money anymore. I have to make some fucking money somewhere"
Dad: Honey, I know something. I think I have the perfect job for you".
5 minutes later dad calls back
Dad: I have found a perfect job for you, you can start tomorrow.

Somewhere near Wimbledon, in an old evil castle that is hired by two people for two weeks.
Patty: hmm my career won't last too long anymore and I have to win a slam, without the slam people won't remind how great I was. Rainer, what should I do? The orange juice didn't help either. I really want to win this Wimbledon, everyone will remind me as the great Swiss queen than.
Rainer: Hmm I've heard in the underground scene and a friend of me from the russian maffia that Myskina started a new business. She can help players win a Grand Slam without playing good tennis. Maybe she can help you.
Patty: Perfect! That bitch achieved to win Roland Garros somehow, I still don't know how, but that's perfec! She can help me win this Wimbledon.
Rainer: I will call her immediately!
Patty: Mhuhuhaha were so evil!
Rainer search for the number his friend gave him for Nastya Corporations.
He calls the number immidiatly.
Rainer: Hi do I speak with Nastya corporations.
"With nastya corporations, the best help to win a slam without playing good quality tennis" can I help you?
Rainer: I want to speak Myskina.
Anastasia: Hi Rainer, I was already waiting for your call, you wan't Patty to win wimbledon? I'm here for the help. First I will let you know the price, 50% of the price money.
Rainer: Ok but how I'll know for sure it will work?
Anastasia: I won Roland Garros.
Rainer: Ok, good enough, but how soon can you come to London?
Anastasia: I'm already in London, I knew somebody would to bussines with me.
Anastasia: I've already made a plan, I will come right a way to you and show my plans to you, they are good. It worked for me in Paris.
Myskina goes to Patty and Rainer
Rainer: Hi Nastya, come in.
Myskina: Wow this place is so evil, even more evil than I'm.
Rainer: You're changed Nastya, with you blonde hair.
Myskina: Yes, this is danger business, with my blonde hair nobody sees that I'm Myskina, the Russian tennis queen.
Patty: I saw immediately that it was you Nastya,
Myskina: how?
Patty: You're teeth.
Myskina: Patty you fucking bitch, do you need my help?
Patty: Yes, I need you're help. So what are the plans?
Myskina: I've made a great plan, I will get a job at Wimbledon's racket shop. I will take care of the string of the rackets of all the top players in Wimbledon. I already got the job yesterday, because I knew somebody would hire me. I will string the rackets for your opponents completely wrong, so that you can win the matches easily Patty. That's how I won Roland Garros some years ago.
Patty: Ok good plan, but do more people know of this, and if this isn't gonna work what's plan B?
Myskina: Nobody knows, I work there alone so nobody has to know. The owner of the shop hired someone else yesterday, her dad has searched the job for her. She seemes to be involved in tennis the shop owner said. But she won't give any problems I think. Plan B is more evil. But we first have to stuck to this plan.
Rainer: So when will we start with this plan of stringing the rackets of Patty's opponents completely wrong?
Myskina: For me they started in the 4th round. But for Patty it's better to start immediately in the first round.
Patty: :mad:
Myskina: Ok I go, but before I forget who is your first round opponent?
Patty: I don't know, I always see that when I step on the court, I have no internet connection here.
Myskina: Ewww ok.. I will search for it.
Myskina: I go to Wimbledon to start my job in the racket shop there.

Myskina arrived at the racket shop in Wimbledon
Shopowner: Hi Nastya, you're right on time. You can immidiately begin with stringing the rackets for the women of the WTA who are playing here.
Myskina: Great!

Suddenly Myskina hears some noises from the room behind: "Fuck, Fuck, what the fuck, I hate this fucking job, Fuck, what the fuck, fuck I cut in my fucking finger, I fucking hate stringing the fucking rackets, for those fucking WTA girls. Fuck, Fuck...

Myskina: What's that?
Shop owner: OH that's our new employer, her dad called yesterday for a job. I hired her immediatly, but I told you.
Myskina: hmm who is she?
Shopowner: Uhmm I forgot her name.. let me think. oh right her name is Jennifer, uhh Jennifer Capriati.
Myskina: :eek: Ohh Myyy Godddd..
Myskina walks in the stringing room of the racketshop,
Myskina: Hi Jennifer.
Jennifer looks up and :eek:
Jennifer: Oh my fucking god for a fucking moments I thought that you were that fucking bith that stole my fucking Roland Garros title in 2004. You fucking look like her but your fucking hair is blonde.
Myskina smiles
Jennifer: Oh my fucking god you're fucking Myskina...!!!
Myskina: how do you know?
Jennifer: You're fucking teeth.
Jennifer: I can't work with you here fucking bitch, you stole my fucking Roland Garros title in 2004, if I won I had fucking money know, and I didn't need to work in this fucking racket shop now.
Myskina thinks: oh my god, what to do know, should I tell her?
Myskina: You can work for me?
Jennifer: For you? Piss off fucking bitch.
Myskina: I've started a new business to let people win slams without playing good tennis.
Jennifer: Hmm sounds so familair.. hmmm wasn't that the same company stefano hired for me in 2001? Yeah I think so.
Myskina: You can help me, I will pay you 100000 dollars.
Jennifer: Ok I'm in, it's better than this fucking job.
Myskina: And you don't need any schooling for this job.
Jennifer: Ok perfect job for me than.
Jennifer: Do you already have clients?
Myskina: Yes Patty Schnyder.
Jennifer: That fucking bitch? Tough job, she's going to lose first round, and she will win Wimbledon this year? I even fucking didn't win fucking Wimbledon. And she will?
Myskina: With our help yes.
Jennifer: What's your plan?
Myskina: We string the rackets of Patty's opponents completely wrong, so she will win the matches easily.
Jennifer: So no murdering or kidnapping?
Myskina: Eh no.. maybe later I can use my teeth.
Jennifer: Boring..
Jennifer: What am I supposed to do now?
Myskina: You have to search Patty's opponent for her first round match here.
Jennifer: Ok, but where and how can I find that?
Myskina: This is a joke right?
Jennifer: No fucking joke, Stefano always told who I was playing.
Myskina: Stupid cow, you j...
Nastya can't finish her words and Jennifer starts shouting
Jennifer: You fucking bitch, calm down, you fucking stole my fucking Roland Garros title.
Myskina: That wasn't me that was Dementieva, the other Russian.
Jennifer: What is the fucking difference anyway, it was just.. just ... FUCK by then.
Myskina: Go to the Wimbledon website, open the draw and look the name next to patty's in the draw.
Jennifer: Ok I'll try.
Jennifer starts searching
30 minutes later.
Myskina: Did you finally found it?
Jennifer: Yeah umh yeah fuck. yeah I found it, it's Agnes Szavay or something. Why are those fucking russian names so diffucult.
Myskina: She's from Hungary?
Jennifer: From what? By the way I'm fucking hungry at the moment, I'm going to get some food, you want some?
Myskina: No thanks, but you're sure it's Agnes.
Jennifer: Yeah I'm not stupid, her name was next to Patty's in the draw.
Myskina: Ok, her rackets are already here so I start to screw them. She will lose badly against Patty hehe. And we will be rich, rich Rich RICH!! hehe.
Jennifer is already out for the food
Myskina: That stupid cow won't get any money mhuhaha, all the money is mine Mine MINE!!!
Jennifer just walks in 20 minutes later with 6 hamburgers and some chips. And the phone starts ringing.
Myskina picks up the phone: Patty?
Patty: yeah Patty here, I have to play my match in 5 minutes and I want to know if everyting did go right.
Myskina: yeah I've tatally ruined the rackets from Agnes Zsavay.
Patty: I don't care about that bitch rackets, did you ruin the rackets of that Dell'aqua chick or something, don't know how to prenounce that bitch' name.
Myskina: Della'aqua? What are you talking about Patty, did you and Rainer just smoke some stuff or something?
Patty: Bitch, I have to play here in 5 minutes, but did it go right?
Myskina: You have to play Agnes!
Patty: Fuck off Bitch, is this a bad joke or something, who told you that I play Agnes?
Myskina: Jennifer
Patty: WHO?
Myskina: Patty wait, I'll call you back in 1 minute.
Patty: Bitch, wait!
Nastya hangs up the phone and shouts to Jennifer
Myskina: Jennifer you said Patty played Szavay!
Jennifer: Fuck up bitch I've dinner time.. but yeah her name was above Patty's in the draw, that was what you told me.
Myskina opens the Wimbledon site and looks at the draw very scared
Myskina: Oh my god you're stuped cow, you had to look to name under Patty, that's Dell'aqua. Patty's the 12th seed and Agnes 15th that isn't possible. oh my god, you stupid cow your ruined my plan! Now everything is lost!
Jennifer: You fucking bitch you need to shut up, I'm not that fucking smart everyone can make fucking mistakes, I said it to you, we just had to go with that fucking plan B of kidnapping, fuck fuck fuck. I need that fucking money, what to do know?
Myskina: Get out of here!

Whatzup
Jun 23rd, 2008, 02:32 PM
Up

MinnyGophers
Jun 23rd, 2008, 02:50 PM
Somewhere in Florida
"Fuck, Fuck, Fuck I have no money anymore. What the fuck am I fucking supposed to do now. Wait I call dad, maybe he know a fucking job for me somewhere."
Calls her dad: "He dad, I have no fucking money anymore, do you know a job for me somewhere to get some money, I can't even get fucking drunk anymore, let go to party's, I have no money anymore. I have to make some fucking money somewhere"
Dad: Honey, I know something. I think I have the perfect job for you".
5 minutes later dad calls back
Dad: I have found a perfect job for you, you can start tomorrow.

Somewhere near Wimbledon, in an old evil castle that is hired by two people for two weeks.
Patty: hmm my career won't last too long anymore and I have to win a slam, without the slam people won't remind how great I was. Rainer, what should I do? The orange juice didn't help either. I really want to win this Wimbledon, everyone will remind me as the great Swiss queen than.
Rainer: Hmm I've heard in the underground scene and a friend of me from the russian maffia that Myskina started a new business. She can help players win a Grand Slam without playing good tennis. Maybe she can help you.
Patty: Perfect! That bitch achieved to win Roland Garros somehow, I still don't know how, but that's perfec! She can help me win this Wimbledon.
Rainer: I will call her immediately!
Patty: Mhuhuhaha were so evil!
Rainer search for the number his friend gave him for Nastya Corporations.
He calls the number immidiatly.
Rainer: Hi do I speak with Nastya corporations.
"With nastya corporations, the best help to win a slam without playing good quality tennis" can I help you?
Rainer: I want to speak Myskina.
Anastasia: Hi Rainer, I was already waiting for your call, you wan't Patty to win wimbledon? I'm here for the help. First I will let you know the price, 50% of the price money.
Rainer: Ok but how I'll know for sure it will work?
Anastasia: I won Roland Garros.
Rainer: Ok, good enough, but how soon can you come to London?
Anastasia: I'm already in London, I knew somebody would to bussines with me.
Anastasia: I've already made a plan, I will come right a way to you and show my plans to you, they are good. It worked for me in Paris.
Myskina goes to Patty and Rainer
Rainer: Hi Nastya, come in.
Myskina: Wow this place is so evil, even more evil than I'm.
Rainer: You're changed Nastya, with you blonde hair.
Myskina: Yes, this is danger business, with my blonde hair nobody sees that I'm Myskina, the Russian tennis queen.
Patty: I saw immediately that it was you Nastya,
Myskina: how?
Patty: You're teeth.
Myskina: Patty you fucking bitch, do you need my help?
Patty: Yes, I need you're help. So what are the plans?
Myskina: I've made a great plan, I will get a job at Wimbledon's racket shop. I will take care of the string of the rackets of all the top players in Wimbledon. I already got the job yesterday, because I knew somebody would hire me. I will string the rackets for your opponents completely wrong, so that you can win the matches easily Patty. That's how I won Roland Garros some years ago.
Patty: Ok good plan, but do more people know of this, and if this isn't gonna work what's plan B?
Myskina: Nobody knows, I work there alone so nobody has to know. The owner of the shop hired someone else yesterday, her dad has searched the job for her. She seemes to be involved in tennis the shop owner said. But she won't give any problems I think. Plan B is more evil. But we first have to stuck to this plan.
Rainer: So when will we start with this plan of stringing the rackets of Patty's opponents completely wrong?
Myskina: For me they started in the 4th round. But for Patty it's better to start immediately in the first round.
Patty: :mad:
Myskina: Ok I go, but before I forget who is your first round opponent?
Patty: I don't know, I always see that when I step on the court, I have no internet connection here.
Myskina: Ewww ok.. I will search for it.
Myskina: I go to Wimbledon to start my job in the racket shop there.

Myskina arrived at the racket shop in Wimbledon
Shopowner: Hi Nastya, you're right on time. You can immidiately begin with stringing the rackets for the women of the WTA who are playing here.
Myskina: Great!

Suddenly Myskina hears some noises from the room behind: "Fuck, Fuck, what the fuck, I hate this fucking job, Fuck, what the fuck, fuck I cut in my fucking finger, I fucking hate stringing the fucking rackets, for those fucking WTA girls. Fuck, Fuck...

Myskina: What's that?
Shop owner: OH that's our new employer, her dad called yesterday for a job. I hired her immediatly, but I told you.
Myskina: hmm who is she?
Shopowner: Uhmm I forgot her name.. let me think. oh right her name is Jennifer, uhh Jennifer Capriati.
Myskina: :eek: Ohh Myyy Godddd..
Myskina walks in the stringing room of the racketshop,
Myskina: Hi Jennifer.
Jennifer looks up and :eek:
Jennifer: Oh my fucking god for a fucking moments I thought that you were that fucking bith that stole my fucking Roland Garros title in 2004. You fucking look like her but your fucking hair is blonde.
Myskina smiles
Jennifer: Oh my fucking god you're fucking Myskina...!!!
Myskina: how do you know?
Jennifer: You're fucking teeth.
Jennifer: I can't work with you here fucking bitch, you stole my fucking Roland Garros title in 2004, if I won I had fucking money know, and I didn't need to work in this fucking racket shop now.
Myskina thinks: oh my god, what to do know, should I tell her?
Myskina: You can work for me?
Jennifer: For you? Piss off fucking bitch.
Myskina: I've started a new business to let people win slams without playing good tennis.
Jennifer: Hmm sounds so familair.. hmmm wasn't that the same company stefano hired for me in 2001? Yeah I think so.
Myskina: You can help me, I will pay you 100000 dollars.
Jennifer: Ok I'm in, it's better than this fucking job.
Myskina: And you don't need any schooling for this job.
Jennifer: Ok perfect job for me than.
Jennifer: Do you already have clients?
Myskina: Yes Patty Schnyder.
Jennifer: That fucking bitch? Tough job, she's going to lose first round, and she will win Wimbledon this year? I even fucking didn't win fucking Wimbledon. And she will?
Myskina: With our help yes.
Jennifer: What's your plan?
Myskina: We string the rackets of Patty's opponents completely wrong, so she will win the matches easily.
Jennifer: So no murdering or kidnapping?
Myskina: Eh no.. maybe later I can use my teeth.
Jennifer: Boring..
Jennifer: What am I supposed to do now?
Myskina: You have to search Patty's opponent for her first round match here.
Jennifer: Ok, but where and how can I find that?
Myskina: This is a joke right?
Jennifer: No fucking joke, Stefano always told who I was playing.
Myskina: Stupid cow, you j...
Nastya can't finish her words and Jennifer starts shouting
Jennifer: You fucking bitch, calm down, you fucking stole my fucking Roland Garros title.
Myskina: That wasn't me that was Dementieva, the other Russian.
Jennifer: What is the fucking difference anyway, it was just.. just ... FUCK by then.
Myskina: Go to the Wimbledon website, open the draw and look the name next to patty's in the draw.
Jennifer: Ok I'll try.
Jennifer starts searching
30 minutes later.
Myskina: Did you finally found it?
Jennifer: Yeah umh yeah fuck. yeah I found it, it's Agnes Szavay or something. Why are those fucking russian names so diffucult.
Myskina: She's from Hungary?
Jennifer: From what? By the way I'm fucking hungry at the moment, I'm going to get some food, you want some?
Myskina: No thanks, but you're sure it's Agnes.
Jennifer: Yeah I'm not stupid, her name was next to Patty's in the draw.
Myskina: Ok, her rackets are already here so I start to screw them. She will lose badly against Patty hehe. And we will be rich, rich Rich RICH!! hehe.
Jennifer is already out for the food
Myskina: That stupid cow won't get any money mhuhaha, all the money is mine Mine MINE!!!
Jennifer just walks in 20 minutes later with 6 hamburgers and some chips. And the phone starts ringing.
Myskina picks up the phone: Patty?
Patty: yeah Patty here, I have to play my match in 5 minutes and I want to know if everyting did go right.
Myskina: yeah I've tatally ruined the rackets from Agnes Zsavay.
Patty: I don't care about that bitch rackets, did you ruin the rackets of that Dell'aqua chick or something, don't know how to prenounce that bitch' name.
Myskina: Della'aqua? What are you talking about Patty, did you and Rainer just smoke some stuff or something?
Patty: Bitch, I have to play here in 5 minutes, but did it go right?
Myskina: You have to play Agnes!
Patty: Fuck off Bitch, is this a bad joke or something, who told you that I play Agnes?
Myskina: Jennifer
Patty: WHO?
Myskina: Patty wait, I'll call you back in 1 minute.
Patty: Bitch, wait!
Nastya hangs up the phone and shouts to Jennifer
Myskina: Jennifer you said Patty played Szavay!
Jennifer: Fuck up bitch I've dinner time.. but yeah her name was above Patty's in the draw, that was what you told me.
Myskina opens the Wimbledon site and looks at the draw very scared
Myskina: Oh my god you're stuped cow, you had to look to name under Patty, that's Dell'aqua. Patty's the 12th seed and Agnes 15th that isn't possible. oh my god, you stupid cow your ruined my plan! Now everything is lost!
Jennifer: You fucking bitch you need to shut up, I'm not that fucking smart everyone can make fucking mistakes, I said it to you, we just had to go with that fucking plan B of kidnapping, fuck fuck fuck. I need that fucking money, what to do know?
Myskina: Get out of here!

Holy cow I spewed coffee all over my computer :lol:

mandy7
Jun 24th, 2008, 11:26 AM
bump

Kworb
Jun 24th, 2008, 11:35 AM
Rainer: Hi do I speak with Nastya corporations.
"With nastya corporations, the best help to win a slam without playing good quality tennis" can I help you?
Rainer: I want to speak Myskina.
Anastasia: Hi Rainer, I was already waiting for your call,

Myskina: Yes, this is danger business, with my blonde hair nobody sees that I'm Myskina, the Russian tennis queen.
Patty: I saw immediately that it was you Nastya,
Myskina: how?
Patty: You're teeth.

Rainer: So when will we start with this plan of stringing the rackets of Patty's opponents completely wrong?
Myskina: For me they started in the 4th round. But for Patty it's better to start immediately in the first round.
Patty: :mad:

Myskina: Ok I go, but before I forget who is your first round opponent?
Patty: I don't know, I always see that when I step on the court,


Jennifer starts searching
30 minutes later.
Myskina: Did you finally found it?
Jennifer: Yeah umh yeah fuck. yeah I found it, it's Agnes Szavay or something. Why are those fucking russian names so diffucult.

Patty: I don't care about that bitch rackets, did you ruin the rackets of that Dell'aqua chick or something, don't know how to prenounce that bitch' name.

:worship: :haha: :spit: :spit: :haha: :haha: :lol: :worship: :spit:

Whatzup
Jun 25th, 2008, 04:04 PM
Keep them coming!

Bruno71
Jun 26th, 2008, 07:41 AM
WIMBLEDON LOCKER ROOM, DAY 4, June 26, 2008

The locker room is very calm. Ana enters, apparently
excited.

ANA: I'msoexcitedguys, mycupoverrunnethwithluck.
Ihavelucktospare. Whowantssomeofmyspareluck?

MARION, CHAKY, NICOLE, NATHALIE, NADIA, TATI, DANI,
and AGNES (simultaneously): I do!

ANA: OKfirstthere'smy"drawingChakyinthequarters?"luck. LetmeputyournamesinNathalie'shat, anddrawtoseewhogetsit.

CHAKY: Ey!

NATHALIE: My hat!

ANA: OK! Thewinneris...oh...teehee...me!

MARION, NICOLE, NATHALIE, NADIA, TATI, DANI,
and AGNES (simultaneously): Awwwww.

CHAKY (scrunching up her face to look like a bedevilled monchichi):
Yeah, whatever.

ANA: OK!Nextupismy"netcordjuju"luck.
Andthewinneris...teehee...me! Sorryguysdon'tknowwhy,
butI'msuper-excited!

NICOLE: Huh? What gives? This draw is fucking
rigged. I need a hideous-looking ballboy to punch. Where's
Radek?

Nicole leaves in a huff.

Nathalie glares at Ana.

MARION: Humph! I don't need zee JuJu luck anyway.
What I need eez a disciplinarian father-coach and a
rumblin' bod. Stay zee course, Marion, stay zee
course.

Marion exits, jumping jack-style, to perform her daily
hallway calesthenics ritual.

ANA: OKnextisthe"don'tgetinjured"luck.

Tati starts jumping up and down in excitement.

LINDSAY (holding Jagger, from the other side of the
room): I can't come over there, the kid's got my left one in a vise and won't go down now, but count me in on this one!

ANA: Readyguys?

Tati, unable to keep her balance through all her
excitement, tumbles to the ground, spraining all ten
toes and fingers.

ANA: OKthewinneris...teehee...me!!!!!Ilovethisdraw!

TATI: Zut alors!

DANI: Just my luck!

AGNES (sighing): There goes any shot I had at the top
10.

Nadia smashes her racket.

ANA: OKforthelastone,
theinfamous"superiorityovercountrywoman"luck.

JJ (from the other side of the room, breaking from her
afternoon picnic): Count me in!

ELENA (standing next to JJ, and breaking from her 17th
feeble attempt to stare down a disinterested Maria): Me
too!

CHAKY (turning towards Maria as well): Count me out, I
have no complexes!

Maria notices no one, continuing to play with her
yappy little dog.

ANA: Andthewinneris...

All the players gather together in nervous
anticipation of the final draw.

ANA (fistpumping): Me, again! I'mjustsoluckyIcan'tstandmyself!

The group grumbles and disperses.

JJ smiles, adjusts her mascara, adjusts the
tourniquets on her left arm and right leg, scrawls "I
heart London" on both, and continues her picnic.

stevos
Jun 26th, 2008, 08:02 AM
Wow, so many writers for this one, it's great.

It's too bad though, because I'd say with the exception of egalite's, all these are mainly derivative from Max's genius, and we don't get a new one from him. Sigh.

But they're still (mostly all) very very good.

darrinbaker00
Jul 4th, 2008, 09:03 PM
Williams-Price rental home, The Night Before.....

Serena: "Wanna hear a joke, Isha?"

Isha: "Sure, Serena."

Serena: "What are three things a black man can never get?"

Isha: "I don't know, Serena. What are three things a black man can never get?"

Serena: "A black eye, a fat lip, and a date with Venus Williams."

Isha: :lol:

Venus: :mad:

Lyndrea: "Wait a minute. I got one."

Serena: "Lay it on us, Lyn."

Lyndrea: "What's the difference between Venus Williams and an Oreo cookie?"

Isha: "I don't know, Lyn. What is the difference between Venus Williams and an Oreo cookie?"

Lyndrea: "Nothing."

Serena and Isha: :haha: :haha:

Venus: :fiery: "Y'all got jokes, huh?"

Serena: "Yeah, we got jokes."

Venus: "Well, I got jokes, too. Isha is so fat, her blood type is Heinz 57."

Isha: "That ain't funny, Vee. You know I got a glandular problem."

Lyndrea: :haha:

Venus: "You're laughing? OK. Lyndrea's so dumb, she thought Taco Bell was the Mexican phone company."

Lyndrea :confused: "It's not?"

Serena: "Good one, Vee."

Venus: "Don't even get me started on your no-fashion a**."

Serena: "Girl, please. My Nike shoelaces cost more than your entire EleVen wardrobe."

Venus: "I am so going to smoke you tomorrow....."

Serena: "Tomorrow? We can settle this right now."

Venus: "You want some? Come get some, b****!"

Oracene: "Enough! ENOUGH!! If you four don't get out of my sight right now, I will take off my belt and wear your a**es OUT!"

All four girls (pointing at each other): "She started it."

Oracene :fiery: "OUT!!"

All four girls: "Yes, Mother."

As the front door closes, the closet door opens.....

Yuri Sharapov: "They are gone, da?"

Oracene: "Da. They are gone."

Yuri: "Very good. Let's get freaky, you Nubian princess, you!"

lolas
Jun 19th, 2009, 06:06 PM
Please bring it on guys :bounce:

I suck at this :angel:

Whatzup
Jun 19th, 2009, 06:29 PM
Somewhere in Florida
"Fuck, Fuck, Fuck I have no money anymore. What the fuck am I fucking supposed to do now. Wait I call dad, maybe he know a fucking job for me somewhere."
Calls her dad: "He dad, I have no fucking money anymore, do you know a job for me somewhere to get some money, I can't even get fucking drunk anymore, let go to party's, I have no money anymore. I have to make some fucking money somewhere"
Dad: Honey, I know something. I think I have the perfect job for you".
5 minutes later dad calls back
Dad: I have found a perfect job for you, you can start tomorrow.

Somewhere near Wimbledon, in an old evil castle that is hired by two people for two weeks.
Patty: hmm my career won't last too long anymore and I have to win a slam, without the slam people won't remind how great I was. Rainer, what should I do? The orange juice didn't help either. I really want to win this Wimbledon, everyone will remind me as the great Swiss queen than.
Rainer: Hmm I've heard in the underground scene and a friend of me from the russian maffia that Myskina started a new business. She can help players win a Grand Slam without playing good tennis. Maybe she can help you.
Patty: Perfect! That bitch achieved to win Roland Garros somehow, I still don't know how, but that's perfec! She can help me win this Wimbledon.
Rainer: I will call her immediately!
Patty: Mhuhuhaha were so evil!
Rainer search for the number his friend gave him for Nastya Corporations.
He calls the number immidiatly.
Rainer: Hi do I speak with Nastya corporations.
"With nastya corporations, the best help to win a slam without playing good quality tennis" can I help you?
Rainer: I want to speak Myskina.
Anastasia: Hi Rainer, I was already waiting for your call, you wan't Patty to win wimbledon? I'm here for the help. First I will let you know the price, 50% of the price money.
Rainer: Ok but how I'll know for sure it will work?
Anastasia: I won Roland Garros.
Rainer: Ok, good enough, but how soon can you come to London?
Anastasia: I'm already in London, I knew somebody would to bussines with me.
Anastasia: I've already made a plan, I will come right a way to you and show my plans to you, they are good. It worked for me in Paris.
Myskina goes to Patty and Rainer
Rainer: Hi Nastya, come in.
Myskina: Wow this place is so evil, even more evil than I'm.
Rainer: You're changed Nastya, with you blonde hair.
Myskina: Yes, this is danger business, with my blonde hair nobody sees that I'm Myskina, the Russian tennis queen.
Patty: I saw immediately that it was you Nastya,
Myskina: how?
Patty: You're teeth.
Myskina: Patty you fucking bitch, do you need my help?
Patty: Yes, I need you're help. So what are the plans?
Myskina: I've made a great plan, I will get a job at Wimbledon's racket shop. I will take care of the string of the rackets of all the top players in Wimbledon. I already got the job yesterday, because I knew somebody would hire me. I will string the rackets for your opponents completely wrong, so that you can win the matches easily Patty. That's how I won Roland Garros some years ago.
Patty: Ok good plan, but do more people know of this, and if this isn't gonna work what's plan B?
Myskina: Nobody knows, I work there alone so nobody has to know. The owner of the shop hired someone else yesterday, her dad has searched the job for her. She seemes to be involved in tennis the shop owner said. But she won't give any problems I think. Plan B is more evil. But we first have to stuck to this plan.
Rainer: So when will we start with this plan of stringing the rackets of Patty's opponents completely wrong?
Myskina: For me they started in the 4th round. But for Patty it's better to start immediately in the first round.
Patty: :mad:
Myskina: Ok I go, but before I forget who is your first round opponent?
Patty: I don't know, I always see that when I step on the court, I have no internet connection here.
Myskina: Ewww ok.. I will search for it.
Myskina: I go to Wimbledon to start my job in the racket shop there.

Myskina arrived at the racket shop in Wimbledon
Shopowner: Hi Nastya, you're right on time. You can immidiately begin with stringing the rackets for the women of the WTA who are playing here.
Myskina: Great!

Suddenly Myskina hears some noises from the room behind: "Fuck, Fuck, what the fuck, I hate this fucking job, Fuck, what the fuck, fuck I cut in my fucking finger, I fucking hate stringing the fucking rackets, for those fucking WTA girls. Fuck, Fuck...

Myskina: What's that?
Shop owner: OH that's our new employer, her dad called yesterday for a job. I hired her immediatly, but I told you.
Myskina: hmm who is she?
Shopowner: Uhmm I forgot her name.. let me think. oh right her name is Jennifer, uhh Jennifer Capriati.
Myskina: :eek: Ohh Myyy Godddd..
Myskina walks in the stringing room of the racketshop,
Myskina: Hi Jennifer.
Jennifer looks up and :eek:
Jennifer: Oh my fucking god for a fucking moments I thought that you were that fucking bith that stole my fucking Roland Garros title in 2004. You fucking look like her but your fucking hair is blonde.
Myskina smiles
Jennifer: Oh my fucking god you're fucking Myskina...!!!
Myskina: how do you know?
Jennifer: You're fucking teeth.
Jennifer: I can't work with you here fucking bitch, you stole my fucking Roland Garros title in 2004, if I won I had fucking money know, and I didn't need to work in this fucking racket shop now.
Myskina thinks: oh my god, what to do know, should I tell her?
Myskina: You can work for me?
Jennifer: For you? Piss off fucking bitch.
Myskina: I've started a new business to let people win slams without playing good tennis.
Jennifer: Hmm sounds so familair.. hmmm wasn't that the same company stefano hired for me in 2001? Yeah I think so.
Myskina: You can help me, I will pay you 100000 dollars.
Jennifer: Ok I'm in, it's better than this fucking job.
Myskina: And you don't need any schooling for this job.
Jennifer: Ok perfect job for me than.
Jennifer: Do you already have clients?
Myskina: Yes Patty Schnyder.
Jennifer: That fucking bitch? Tough job, she's going to lose first round, and she will win Wimbledon this year? I even fucking didn't win fucking Wimbledon. And she will?
Myskina: With our help yes.
Jennifer: What's your plan?
Myskina: We string the rackets of Patty's opponents completely wrong, so she will win the matches easily.
Jennifer: So no murdering or kidnapping?
Myskina: Eh no.. maybe later I can use my teeth.
Jennifer: Boring..
Jennifer: What am I supposed to do now?
Myskina: You have to search Patty's opponent for her first round match here.
Jennifer: Ok, but where and how can I find that?
Myskina: This is a joke right?
Jennifer: No fucking joke, Stefano always told who I was playing.
Myskina: Stupid cow, you j...
Nastya can't finish her words and Jennifer starts shouting
Jennifer: You fucking bitch, calm down, you fucking stole my fucking Roland Garros title.
Myskina: That wasn't me that was Dementieva, the other Russian.
Jennifer: What is the fucking difference anyway, it was just.. just ... FUCK by then.
Myskina: Go to the Wimbledon website, open the draw and look the name next to patty's in the draw.
Jennifer: Ok I'll try.
Jennifer starts searching
30 minutes later.
Myskina: Did you finally found it?
Jennifer: Yeah umh yeah fuck. yeah I found it, it's Agnes Szavay or something. Why are those fucking russian names so diffucult.
Myskina: She's from Hungary?
Jennifer: From what? By the way I'm fucking hungry at the moment, I'm going to get some food, you want some?
Myskina: No thanks, but you're sure it's Agnes.
Jennifer: Yeah I'm not stupid, her name was next to Patty's in the draw.
Myskina: Ok, her rackets are already here so I start to screw them. She will lose badly against Patty hehe. And we will be rich, rich Rich RICH!! hehe.
Jennifer is already out for the food
Myskina: That stupid cow won't get any money mhuhaha, all the money is mine Mine MINE!!!
Jennifer just walks in 20 minutes later with 6 hamburgers and some chips. And the phone starts ringing.
Myskina picks up the phone: Patty?
Patty: yeah Patty here, I have to play my match in 5 minutes and I want to know if everyting did go right.
Myskina: yeah I've tatally ruined the rackets from Agnes Zsavay.
Patty: I don't care about that bitch rackets, did you ruin the rackets of that Dell'aqua chick or something, don't know how to prenounce that bitch' name.
Myskina: Della'aqua? What are you talking about Patty, did you and Rainer just smoke some stuff or something?
Patty: Bitch, I have to play here in 5 minutes, but did it go right?
Myskina: You have to play Agnes!
Patty: Fuck off Bitch, is this a bad joke or something, who told you that I play Agnes?
Myskina: Jennifer
Patty: WHO?
Myskina: Patty wait, I'll call you back in 1 minute.
Patty: Bitch, wait!
Nastya hangs up the phone and shouts to Jennifer
Myskina: Jennifer you said Patty played Szavay!
Jennifer: Fuck up bitch I've dinner time.. but yeah her name was above Patty's in the draw, that was what you told me.
Myskina opens the Wimbledon site and looks at the draw very scared
Myskina: Oh my god you're stuped cow, you had to look to name under Patty, that's Dell'aqua. Patty's the 12th seed and Agnes 15th that isn't possible. oh my god, you stupid cow your ruined my plan! Now everything is lost!
Jennifer: You fucking bitch you need to shut up, I'm not that fucking smart everyone can make fucking mistakes, I said it to you, we just had to go with that fucking plan B of kidnapping, fuck fuck fuck. I need that fucking money, what to do know?
Myskina: Get out of here!

Even it's by myself, it's still awesome! ;)