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OZTENNIS
May 11th, 2008, 12:08 PM
HI ALL...

As I'm sure you're already aware, my name is Jessica Moore and I have recently been comissioned by the OWTT (for a six figure sum) to provide weekly gossip updates on the players and coaching staff. I have taken this opportunity and will thus write some in-depth gossip for fans of the OWTT to enjoy each and every week.


Well to start off my first session, France recently held the ''World's Ugliest Sportswoman of the Year Award Ceremony.'' Needless to say, the competition was quite tough, and unfortunately for many invited guests, they were put off their meals just looking at some of the women...

Let's take a look at the Top 5 ugliest sportswomen for 2008...
5) Michelle Stephens (USA)
http://www.grimmemennesker.dk/data/media/2/1ug.jpg
Stephens tried to bribe her way out of trouble by providing the judges with some upclose kinky clothing, but unfortunately for her, they were not impressed...The American sumo-wrestler is said to be reconsidering her entrance in Miss Bikini 2008

4) Olivia Marrero-Sanchez (ESP)
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/15/Matsys_Ugly_Duchess.jpg/180px-Matsys_Ugly_Duchess.jpg
Luckily, fencing requires its athletes to cover up from head to toe for protection. But when Marrero-Sanchez appeared with this horror at the awards, it's no surprise that the judges fell off the fence in horror and dismay...

3) Maria Jdkeuova (RUS)
http://bestuff.com/images/images_of_stuff/210x600/ugly-woman-12424.jpg
The Russian hammer thrower has obviously had a couple thrown in her direction on the field. Despite being 18 years of age, Jdkeuova has the looks to scare not just trolls, but even the hardiest of ugly competition judges

2) Jennifer Wartmeup (GBR)
http://www.animateclay.com/videos/uglygirl.jpg
Somebody obviously forgot to tell the British skirmish athlete to wear some make up to cover those hideous bruises. The judges recommended that she get braces and have a tongue operation. Wartmeup has now decided to wear a mask for future skirmish competitions.

1) Tatiana Golovin (FRA)
http://cornedbeefhash.files.wordpress.com/2007/07/tattoo-golovin-another-look.jpg
The French tennis player obviously didn't warm to this year's judges as she was unanimously voted 2008's Ugliest Sportswoman of the Year. The judges commented on Golovin's ''poor sense of clothing, overweight condition and ridiculously coloured hair. Poor Tatiana, she can't even play a decent game of tennis and now this...

Oh well, at least she won a prize...


http://www.pepperspalace.com/cart/images/sack.jpg
A sack with a cat that specialises in preparing the winner for the 2009 World's Ugliest Sportswoman of the Year Competition!!

__________________________________________________ _______________________________________________
Well that's my main news for the week...
Apart from that, I also saw Serena Williams getting it off with her sister's fiancee (you'd think she'd at least spare us all that flab) and Lindsay Davenport putting her baby in a garbage bin. She apparently came back 30 minutes later, took out her unfinished Big Mac, ate the rest of it then dug Jagger out...she makes Britney look like Mother of the Year!!

That's it :wavey:

Til next time :devil:

Daniela-Is-Mine
May 11th, 2008, 01:25 PM
:lol:

champion88
May 11th, 2008, 03:49 PM
Jess :hearts:

Slutati
May 12th, 2008, 12:08 PM
YAY! Thanks so much. Tati:woohoo::hatoff:

OZTENNIS
May 31st, 2008, 05:38 AM
Moore Contemplates Future
http://www.theage.com.au/ffximage/2008/01/16/tennis19_gallery__600x358.jpg
A despondant Jessica Moore's future is in doubt

Stanford, USA - After a disappointing run of pre-quarter final loses over the past few weeks, Jessica Moore is known to be waying up her future on the OWTT Circuit. The top ranked Aussie started the season well, reaching a host of quarter and semi finals in Asia and the Middle East before suffering a sudden downward spiral in form and confidence on the European claycourts. Unfortunately, she has not been able to regain her form of earlier in the season and is thus quite despondant.

'You know, I am really disappointed with my recent results. I really expected that I would be firmly entrenched in the top 10 by now, but instead I am struggling to maintain my top 15 ranking. I know I have been playing poorly in recent times, but maybe I have underestimated the potential and the ability of many girls in the top 10. Players like Dementieva, Vaidisova and Peer are relentless and rarely suffer a spate of early round losses. Even other players, who shall remain nameless, have done better than me. It's quite disheartening, especially when I know I have sunk about as low as Golovin in terms of form.'

'But life goes on. I'm still only 17 and this is my first serious downturn in form and confidence? What should I do? Hang tough and play through the bad patch? Sack my coach and agree to work with Borna Bikic? Have a break from the game? Or retire? I honestly don't know. But if my form doesn't improve in the next few weeks, then maybe I should take Golovin's advice and retire from the game.'

The always honest, ever frank Moore then left the interview room abuzz with looks and conversations of confusion and despair. Imagine the OWTT Circuit without Moore. As she herself has put it, she is the original bitch on tour, the biggest and the best. She came up with the craziest and most ingenious quotes which filled gossip magazines and helped make the jobs of journalists so much easier. This made her a poster girl for today's rebellious teenagers and she thus became the face of Coca-Cola's recent advertising campaign. If the results failed to improve, such endorsements would no doubt dry up and many would see Moore as a spoiled brat rather than the wonderful and quick witted media talent that she is. Or worse, she could retire, joining a long line of stars to vacate the circuit.

Leading officials within the OWTT were asked to comment on Moore's current predicament, but refused. Later, they decided to release a media statement which said, 'We understand that Moore is weighing up her future. We strongly hope that she finds her way again and continues playing on the tour. If she did leave the circuit, she would be greatly missed by fans, players and officials all around the world.'

http://www.abc.net.au/reslib/200801/r219350_859719.jpg
What does the future hold?

:sad: :sad:

young_gunner913
May 31st, 2008, 08:27 AM
Shahar rarely suffers a spat of early round losses? :o

She's had plently lately. :tape:

champion88
May 31st, 2008, 08:56 AM
Nice article Jess,but don't you dare retire :ras:

OZTENNIS
May 31st, 2008, 08:58 AM
Is the OWTT director offering Jess some under-the-table money to stay in the game :p
Because Jessica will take all options into consideration