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SvetaPleaseWin.
Nov 2nd, 2007, 04:57 AM
This is my first one of these (and probably my last!) it's quite long but I think it's alright

DISCLAIMER: If you are offended by player stereotyping please look away now...

It's the week before the Year Ending Championships begin, the top stars of the WTA are in Madrid to find out who truly is the best of the best.

Open on Jankovic pacing up and down in the locker room when Ivanovic walks in

AI: Jeco, my friend, what is troubling you? Please let me help you?!?
JJ: I can't stand this any longer! I haven't played since Zurich and now they tell me the tournament doesn't start until Tuesday-Tuesday God-damn-it!!! What is a girl supposed to do with no matches to play?!?
AI: Well, if you want, I'll practice with you
JJ: Practice?!? Practice is for losers, I'm a winner. I don't need to practice, I've won more matches than anyone else! You should go and practice, you can't even beat Yan :lol:
AI: I hate to be the one to tell you this, but neither can you...
JJ: That was due to cramps or heat illness, I'm not sure-did I mention I'm tired

In walks Henin

JH: Please, there is no need to stand on my account-I know I am ze best but please you don't need to treat me like the legend I am :angel:
AI: :confused: I'm not standing...

http://blogs.usatoday.com/ondeadline/images/2007/06/18/q1x00147_9.jpg

JH: Huh-those anti-inflammatories must be getting to me again, I must sit down
AI & JJ: Uh-huh :rolleyes:

Enter Chakvetadze

JH: The alternates locker room is the next one over
AC: :bigcry:
AI: Don't cry Anna, you deserve to be here
AC: I don't want to be here but Larry Scott is making me :bigcry: I can't play anymore, Rainer Hoffman sabotaged my game and now I play like Camille Pin, only worse :bigcry:
JH: Wait a minute, you qualified!!!
AC: :bigcry:
JJ: See, I'm telling you-the ranking system needs correcting, I should be #2 and Anna should be, well :tape:
AC: :bigcry:

Suddenly, a puff of smoke wafts into the room

AI: What's that!?!
JJ: It'll just be Martina getting her fix again
AI: Don't be silly! She didn't qualify, she can't be here
JH: Smells like, smells like...AU MCDO!!!
JJ: It must be big a...

Serena enters with a BBQ

SW: What's up my bitches?!?
JH: What is that?!?
SW: Bitch, that's my ass!
JH: No, I mean that (points to the BBQ)
SW: Oh well I've seen how skinny all you bitches are getting so me and Ronald

http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb318/jenh_2007/untitled-5.jpg

thought we would celebrate the YEC with a good 'ol feast-Big Macs all round!
JH: I am not familiar with le Big Mac
SW: Huh, maybe you aren't so lucky after all bitch
AC: :bigcry:
SW: Did Bepa qualify again :eek:
AI: No, that's Anna C
SW: Who :confused:
AC: :bigcry:

THUD, THUD, THUD

JJ: Who's that!?!
JH: Well my first guess is already here so...

Enter Bartoli

MB: FOOD!!! :hearts:

Bartoli devours all the burgers, the BBQ and a bench

SW: Yo ho, what are you doing!?! It's not like I got those for free you know-well actually I did, the perks of a McDonalds sponsorship deal
MB: So you are a God :worship:
JH: Excusez moi mais you don't belong here-only ze best make it here
MB: I'm here in case any of you choose to withdraw (looks at AI and AC) which given your recent form, would be well advised!
AC: :bigcry:
AI: That wasn't very nice
MB: Anyways, I deserve to be here too, I got to the Wimbledon final-none of you can say that :nerner:
JH: I don't want to win Wimbledon anyways...
SW: Only the best win Wimbledon
JH: I am ZE BEST!!!
SW: Say what!!! You're just one lucky midget!

SvetaPleaseWin.
Nov 2nd, 2007, 04:58 AM
In walks Kuznetsova

SK: No fear for the world #2 is here :)
JJ: I am the real #2-you've only won one title this year, I have won 4 :D
AC: Ummm-I've won 4 titles as well, does that mean I am joint world #2???
JJ: Who are you again???
AC: :bigcry:
SK: Let's all play nice together...please :hehehe:
SW: Are you trying it on AGAIN-I've told you before...
SK: No I'm not-unless any of you...

Enter Sharapova

MS: Darlings, it's me-America's, I mean, Russia's finest (looks around) Mini Me, where are you?!?

Enter Kirilenko weighed down with tons of bags

MS: What took you so long?
MK: Sorry master, but these bags are so heavy
MS: You know I can't carry anything with my shoulder injury. Anyway, I'm here now-the tour is saved!
JJ: Maria, you didn't even qualify
SW: Yeah, you're only here cos Vee's pregnant, I mean ill :scared: Don't worry though, I'll give you another beat down and you can go back home
MS: No, no-my shoulder is fine now
MK: I thought you said you couldn't serve properly :confused:
MS: No, idiot, I say that after I've been handed another whupping! God, you can't get good followers nowadays :rolleyes:

DH: Hey everyone-I'm so glad to be here :)
All: Who said that?!?
DH: It's me Dani-I qualified :)
SK: Where are you?
DH: Right in front of you!

Sveta reaches out

DH: HEY!!! I've told you before...
SW: Oh, there you are-I thought I'd had too much of Martina's *medicine* for a second there
SK: I'm off to the doubles locker room-they are more friendly there

Kuznetsova leaves with Diana Ross' “I'm Coming Out” blaring out on her iPod

MB: I'm hungry, where's the food I was promised if I agreed to be an alternate?
DH: If you didn't eat maybe you would qualify, like me-did I mention I qualified :)

Bartoli leaves in search of food

DH: I'm so happy :)
MS: So you qualified-get over it, it's not like you're gonna win it anyways
DH: I qualified above you :)
MS: We got the same number of points and you played way more tournaments than me-I've had a shoulder injury you know! You can't even get to a Grand Slam quarter final anymore!
DH: So, I qualified :)

A shriek is heard from the corridor

All: What was that :eek:
AC: :bigcry:

A scary figure appears at the door

http://www.10-67.com/img/the_shape.jpg

Well, more like...

http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb318/jenh_2007/untitled-6.jpg

JH: Mommy Vera, there is no room for crazy parents in here
MV: My Elena should be here-she's played here every year since 2000! This year will be no different!!!
AI: I'm sorry but I'm afraid Elena didn't quite make it this year
JJ: She sucked this year :lol:
JH: She's only 2nd alternate!
MV: Well then, looks like Mommy Vera has some work to do :armed:

To find out if all the ladies make it to the start of the YEC, you'll have to tune in on Tuesday-let's face it, after finding out if there are anymore withdrawals it's gonna be kinda predictable :yawn:

sfselesfan
Nov 2nd, 2007, 05:47 AM
Don't have time to read this yet...going to bed. I'm sure it's hysterical. But someone already started one of these threads...you should add yours to that one.

SF

bestohb
Nov 2nd, 2007, 10:16 AM
:haha: :haha:

Very, very entertaining. That was really a great read! Can't wait for next instalment :yeah:

Ben.
Nov 2nd, 2007, 10:28 AM
:haha: especially mommy vera :lol:

Bolero
Nov 2nd, 2007, 10:34 AM
A shriek is heard from the corridor

A scary figure appears at the door

Well, more like...

http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb318/jenh_2007/untitled-6.jpg
...
JH: She's only 2nd alternate!
MV: Well then, looks like Mommy Vera has some work to do :armed:


LMFO. Watch out for crazy Mommy Vera. :bolt: Also loved the upbeat 'but I'm qualified :)' parts

Demska
Nov 2nd, 2007, 10:34 AM
:spit:

Hashim.
Nov 2nd, 2007, 12:01 PM
:rolls:

roelc
Nov 2nd, 2007, 12:11 PM
THUD, THUD, THUD

JJ: Who's that!?!
JH: Well my first guess is already here so...


this line's the best :lol:

BuTtErFrEnA
Nov 2nd, 2007, 12:57 PM
LOL LOL nice going

Slutiana
Nov 2nd, 2007, 01:06 PM
Suddenly, a puff of smoke wafts into the room

AI: What's that!?!
JJ: It'll just be Martina getting her fix again

:haha:

justine schnyder
Nov 2nd, 2007, 02:45 PM
:lol: :lol:
It was very funny!!!

Wiggly
Nov 2nd, 2007, 02:59 PM
LOL @ Anna C.

Renalicious
Nov 2nd, 2007, 03:10 PM
Lmao!

"Kuznetsova leaves with Diana Ross' “I'm Coming Out” blaring out on her iPod" :lol: