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lakeway11
Oct 23rd, 2007, 07:29 PM
...you were warned :p

Important Warning for those who have been drawn unsuspectingly into the use of bread:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease,
and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:
1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete with celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools

griffin
Oct 23rd, 2007, 07:44 PM
You're off your meds again, aren't you?

(thanks for sharing the laugh, though :lol: )

JAMESYBABY!
Oct 23rd, 2007, 08:04 PM
hehe

well this is silly hehe

cellophane
Oct 23rd, 2007, 08:07 PM
:lol:

Seriously though... I've been trying to keep sodium down... and bread has quite a bit of it...

Helen Lawson
Oct 23rd, 2007, 08:10 PM
I actually convinced someone that if they poured diet Coke on a pork chop, the pork chop would move away, as the unseen maggots found in all pork products don't like diet Coke. Really, she fell for it. I told someone that "X" was so gullible that they could give me any legend they wanted off of snopes and she'd fall for it. He did. She totally believes it. $50!!

The problem, she still believes it. Leave it alone or tell her it's not true?

LCS
Oct 23rd, 2007, 08:18 PM
I guess some people just don't have anything to do...:)

Helen Lawson
Oct 23rd, 2007, 08:31 PM
I guess some people just don't have anything to do...:)

I know it's lame, but even for a rich person like me, $50 is $50. Also, the sheer joy of conning her was why I really did it.

Slutiana
Oct 23rd, 2007, 08:40 PM
:lol::o

Yasmine
Oct 23rd, 2007, 10:35 PM
:haha:

No Name Face
Oct 24th, 2007, 12:36 AM
:lol: !
very witty!

i love bread, especially the dark kinds

dybbuk
Oct 24th, 2007, 12:40 AM
:spit:

CondiLicious
Oct 24th, 2007, 02:17 AM
...you were warned :p

Important Warning for those who have been drawn unsuspectingly into the use of bread:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease,
and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:
1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete with celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools


It's coming up to November sweeps... all the local news channels should run special investigative reports about the dangers of buying bread.

"How the bread in your kitchen could be killing you... Find out more tonight at 11" Winner!

JustineTime
Oct 24th, 2007, 02:45 AM
It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse.

:haha:

"Saccharin has been proven to cause cancer in laboratory animals."

Sure. A large enough dose will kill a baby rhinoceros, too. :lol:

Good thing I don't like saccharin. :)

lakeway11
Oct 24th, 2007, 04:09 PM
:haha:

"Saccharin has been proven to cause cancer in laboratory animals."

Sure. A large enough dose will kill a baby rhinoceros, too. :lol:

Good thing I don't like saccharin. :)

yeah, replaced with something REALLY safe...Nutrasweet
:lol:

Wannabeknowitall
Oct 24th, 2007, 04:34 PM
Although this is funny, I have to admit that I have not had white bread in my house for 1.5 months and I haven't felt like this in years.
I've lost a few pounds. I might be sore after playing tennis but the bone and joint pain is gone.

The bread restrictions are really funny. :lol:
A bread tax? :lol:

This might work for Rachel Ray. With no more toast, she doesn't have to worry about burning it on her show. :lol:

Wigglytuff
Oct 24th, 2007, 06:01 PM
You're off your meds again, aren't you?

(thanks for sharing the laugh, though :lol: )

i think, i hope, he was doing commentary on the fear mongering in todays media.

Forehand_Volley
Oct 24th, 2007, 06:58 PM
Moderation is the key to everyone's diet. The extreme low-carb and no-fat fad diets are not healthy.

There is a lot more emphasis these days being placed upon adding probiotics to diets, whether in pill or yogurt form. With antibiotic therapy killing both good and bad bacteria in our bodies, its important to replace the good bacteria by eating yogurt or taking probiotic supplements.

fufuqifuqishahah
Oct 24th, 2007, 08:46 PM
I think its clever.... well...that is, if he really is trying to criticize other people's viewpoints on other substances. :P

Wannabeknowitall
Oct 24th, 2007, 08:56 PM
There is a lot more emphasis these days being placed upon adding probiotics to diets, whether in pill or yogurt form. With antibiotic therapy killing both good and bad bacteria in our bodies, its important to replace the good bacteria by eating yogurt or taking probiotic supplements.

For those who have compromised immune system, it's advised that the person asks their doctor before adding something like probiotics to their diet.

JustineTime
Oct 24th, 2007, 09:08 PM
yeah, replaced with something REALLY safe...Nutrasweet
:lol:

Hey! :fiery: It only turns to formaldehyde if you heat it over 86 degrees F...so I stopped putting it in my coffee and only drink it in diet cola. :angel:

DutchieGirl
Oct 24th, 2007, 09:22 PM
Yes - bread can make you gay too. :tape: