View Full Version : Nursery Rhyme Contest, Take 2

Nov 6th, 2001, 05:55 PM
In theory, this was supposed to be over when Munich was over, but a) I haven’t been paying attention b) I can’t seem to find closure with a tournament that ends with a walkover (this is disappointment, not criticism) c) Ye Olde Powers That Be had to delete the original when they moved us to our new home and finally c) two of the babies that insprired this haven’t arrived yet. So we’re having another go at:

The “Babies Poppin’ Up Everywhere” Nursery Rhyme Contest

Welcome to the Second Edition of the Amézon Slam! I was going to wait for <s>hell to freeze over</s> the Sanex boards to reappear to begin this event, but I have grown <s>bored and wish to be entertained</s> impatient.

The theme this time around, in honor of all the friends and colleagues who have chosen this moment in time to get pregnant/give birth, is nursery rhymes: they can be for or about the player of your choice - or for/about the player’s baby of your choice (hello Graf, JHD and Mandlikova fans). They can be original works or reinterpretations of the classics (although you might wish to let the Judges know which ones you’re rewriting just in case we’re feeling dense).

The prize has yet to be determined, but will most likely include a bag of Jelly Tots.

Rules:<br />- You have until December 31, 2001<br />- You can enter as many times as you’d like<br />- You can post your entries either on the [URL= <a href="http://speed.ewave.at/mauresmo/ubb/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=2&t=000207" target="_blank">Gerd’s Amélie board</a> or here<br />-You can write something along the lines of a bedtime story if the rhyming bit throws you<br />- Your cannot, however, be mean towards players or posters. God don’t like ugly and neither do I<br />- This time around, you can write about Amélie Mauresmo, or you can write about someone <s>less worthy</s> else. The Judges promise to try to be fair and judge all entries on their merits but they cannot promise that they will pull that off <img src="wink.gif" border="0"> <br />- You cannot argue with the Judges, the Judges’ decisions are final. <br />- If you do argue with the Judges, you will be mocked excessively and for a good long time

Good luck and have fun!

I’m trying to find and repost the earlier entries, in the mean time:<br /><br />Eliot, Mary’s twins, Jaden Gil,<br />‘Round you, your loved ones are fawning!<br />Don’t worry your heads,<br />but as you sleep in your beds,<br />You breathe hope in our millennium dawning!<br />

[ November 06, 2001: Message edited by: griffin ]</p>

Nov 6th, 2001, 06:02 PM
Don't appologize, WRITE <img src="tongue.gif" border="0">

(no problem, Poevert)

Nov 6th, 2001, 06:09 PM
[quote]Originally posted by jabberwocky:<br /><strong>Okay, here's my first feeble entry. It's my take on the ever-popular "Little Miss Muffett" nursery rhyme... except I call this one "Little Miss Momo". <img src="smile.gif" border="0">

**steps up to the microphone and clears her throat**

Little Miss Momo Came out as a homo <img src="graemlins/hearts.gif" border="0" alt="[Hearts]" /> <br />And Hingis called her 'half man' <img src="mad.gif" border="0"> <br />The Amezons are still pissed <img src="graemlins/firey.gif" border="0" alt="[Fiery]" /> <br /> At how Momo was dissed <br />And hate Fungus as only they can. <img src="eek.gif" border="0">

Thank you. **curtsies to the audience**<br /> <IMG SRC="icons/tongue.gif" border="0"></strong>

Originally posted by tia clara:<br /><strong>I have here some beginning entries for griffin's new Amezon Slam.

<font size=1>Toblerone, maybe? </font> <img src="wink.gif" border="0">

Based on The House That Jack Built

This is the Derriere Magnifique of Amelie Mauresmo.<br />These are the muscles that make the derriereMagnifique<br />These are the legs (sigh) on which Amelie runs to develop the muscles of the Derriere Magnifique.<br />This is the torso (long sigh) which bends and turns and twists on the courts to show off the Derriere Magnifique.<br />This is the seamstress who stitched up the shorts which Amelie wears in The Photo Of Fame which so wonderfully displays the Derriere Magnifique.<br />These are the Amezons who are all truly fans, mauresmorized by her skills on the court, her wide charming smile, and the total perfection of sweet Amelie's Derriere Magnifique.


Rated PG-13

Hey diddle, diddle,<br />How I'd like to fiddle<br />With Momo from dusk until dawn.

I know it would be<br />Really great sport for me<br />All night long 'til my energy's gone.

<br /> <img src="graemlins/hearts.gif" border="0" alt="[Hearts]" />

A young tennis player from France<br />When she played made our pulse do a dance.<br />Our hearts went ker-thump<br />At the sight of her rump<br />In those ever so chic tight black pants.

<br /> <img src="biggrin.gif" border="0">

Ride a new Porsche<br />To Wimbie, by gorsh<br />To see our sweet Venus get on her high horse.<br />With rings on her fingers and bells on her toes,<br />She shall win tournies where ever she goes!

<font size=1>tia's totally tired


[ November 06, 2001: Message edited by: griffin ]</p>

Brian Stewart
Nov 6th, 2001, 07:37 PM
'Twas a lady from France,<br />Who dressed in short pants,<br />As she frollicked across the grass.

They clung to her form,<br />And kept her quite warm,<br />And really helped show off her class.

With her style and flair,<br />And winners everywhere,<br />Her fanbase gained many recruits.

From determination,<br />And much perspiration,<br />Her efforts were bearing great fruits.

With lots of success,<br />That did much to impress,<br />Although some would claim it was luck.<br /><font size=1>(Don't get ahead of me here.)</font> <img src="smile.gif" border="0">

If they think that way, <br />Then Momo would say,<br />That she really doesn't give... half a buck.

What's her future hold?<br />Can it be foretold?<br />Well the story ends here, alas.

But the posters, you see,<br />Can be proud of me,<br />For I did not once mention her ass.


Valda Lake
Nov 8th, 2001, 05:56 AM
Good stuff so far!!! BTW...griff did say (in the email) that we could do any player we chose...so the kiss-ups will talk ass while I talk sass...big smooches to all you crazy azzes!!!!!!

<img src="graemlins/wavey.gif" border="0" alt="[Wavey]" />


Nov 8th, 2001, 06:14 PM
Hey great idea <img src="biggrin.gif" border="0"> <img src="biggrin.gif" border="0"> <br />Here's my humble entry <img src="biggrin.gif" border="0"> <img src="biggrin.gif" border="0">

It's a biography of sorts,upto to you to guess, which player..<br /><br />The 30th of September,<br />Indeed a day to remember,<br />For on this day in 1980,<br />A woman named Melanie was sitting pretty,<br />There was no place for gleam,<br />It was finally the birth of her dream.

Ofcorse she knew that a "dream" would not suffice,<br />For a dream wouldnt produce results before people'e eyes,<br />It took work ,work and even more work,<br />And with the money she had, what lay ahead was lurch,lurch and even more lurch.

The resources she had were minute,<br />she got some space in the local institute,<br />The journey started at the age of three,<br />That was the start of the dream's glee.

Days come ,and days go,<br />soon it was time for the 1st big test of the small dream laying below,<br />The 1st match was what was coming as you may know,<br />But that day was a fateful blow.

It was an easy loss,believe it or not,<br />For god felt there was a lesson to be taught,<br />Melanie realised, there was no point in being fiery,<br />her daughter's game was too ordinary.

It was time of deep self doubt,<br />after all,was her small dream ,meant to be drought?

More days come,and more days go,<br />But hope comes ,and never goes,

Soon her dream was of age fourteen,<br />Her game though was worth to be seen,<br />People said she was the next superstar,<br />Melanie blushed ,but inside it was a different story,<br />"Oh my god" she thought,is my small dream ,now a <br />true reality??

Soon her daugther had tournaments won,<br />what followed was the Australian Open other than none,<br />Boy ,it was a lot of fun, <br />This was a dream coming true of someone.

Alas,every coin has it's flip side,<br />Here an uneducated girl,ignorant about the realities of the world, lay,<br />the press,god bless, decided to make her their<br />prey,<br />She said a woman looked like a man,<br />and she was slotted as a "homophobic",<br />the press and haters, god bless, <br />wow, great logic at that.

But the Swiss Miss knows to tolerate,<br />her mother has justified to her this hate,<br />You see every person has shades of grey,<br />finding faults in others ,makes him endearing in his own way,

She used to be shy and demure,<br />but is now known to sly and rude.<br />But Melanie's little dream is learning to cope,<br />as she is an embodiment of hope.

A world in which reality and practicality play a big part,<br />This unusual degree of hope is what sets her apart.<br /> <br />The Swiss Miss is an amazing gamut of talent,<br />looking back at the small dream that created it ,<br />all I can say is,<br />Thank you Melanie , Thank you !<br />

[ November 08, 2001: Message edited by: deftman ]</p>

Nov 12th, 2001, 02:56 PM
from the lovely and talented tia clara:<br />

I see London, I see France! <br />I'd love to see Momo's underpants!

with her in them of course....

Jennifer Cap <br />Should eat no fat <br />She needs to stay trim and lean. <br />And Lindsay D. <br />should try to be <br />Aggressive and kind of mean. <br />And so, between the two of them, <br />Next year should be quite a scene.