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miffedmax
Jan 7th, 2007, 02:19 PM
Is it too early? I hope not. Just a week.

OPEN ON LOCKER ROOM. SERENA SITS WITH ORACENE. ENTER SVETA WITH HEADPHONES.

SERENA:
And that’s how I’m going to get back to number one, Mom.

SVETA (rapping with Ipod):
“You be illin. . .
Cough, cough, cough—Oh, wow! Run-DMC is right! I AM ill!”

SVETA DISSOLVES INTO ANOTHER COUGHING FIT.

SUDDENLY, LENA D., CRYING LIKE HER BEST FRIEND JUST DIED COMES RUNNING INTO THE ROOM, CHASED BY A HUGE PITBULL

LENA D:
Mommy Oracene! Mommy Oracene! Serena’s dog just ate Patrick!”

SERENA:
That’s not my dog.

DOG IS LICKING SERENA’S HAND AND WAGGING TAIL MADLY).

LENA D:
Poor Patrick . . ouch!

SVETA HAS JUST PINCHED LENA D.

SVETA:
It will be okay.

ENTER KIM WITH ANA.

KIM:
Well, with me retiring, somebody has to take over as the sweetest, kindest, most lovable girl on the tour.

ANA:
And you picked me? That’s so nice!

KIM:
No, you’re so nice.

ANA:
No, you’re the nice one.

KIM:
It’s so nice of you to say that.

ANA:
Oh, aren’t you sweet . . .

AT THIS POINT, SERENA’S DOG CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE AND VOMITS UP PATRICK, WHOLE AND UNHARMED. HE RUNS AND JUMPS INTO LENA’S ARMS.

LENA:
What happened?

SERENA:

Those two were being so nauseatingly sweet it made my poor dog throw up. Frankly, I’m about to puke, too.

SUDDENLY, A TINY MARTINA HINGIS APPEARS ON ANA’S SHOULDER.

MARTINA:
“Don’t be sweet! Be a bitch! Sweet girls are so boring. You’ll be as boring as Clijsters. Lord knows your tennis isn’t going to interest anybody.

LENA D:
How can you be so small?

MARTINA:
I’m Martina HIngis, and I can do whatever I want. Okay, I can do whatever I want, except win the French Open. But other than that. . .

TRUMPETS SOUND IN THE HALL. DOORS OPEN. NICK BOLLITERI ENTERS, SPREADING CONTRACTS ON THE FLOOR. ENTER QUEEN MASHA, ACCOMPANIED BY MASHA THE LESSER. MASHA’S CROWN IS BIGGER AND MORE JEWEL ENCRUSTED THAN EVER BEFORE.

MAKIRI:
Queen Masha commands me to inform you that she is not speaking to any of you! Also, be sure to pick up Queen Masha’s towels when she is done, not leave them lying on the floor like that pile over there . . .

KIM:
Uh, I think that’s Mary, actually.

STUBBS POPS UP OUT OF A TOWEL BIN:
STUBBS:
“Hey, bitch, who died and made you Towel Monitor?

ENTER MOMO:

“How is everyone! Well, with Justine out of the tournament, and Lindsey about to have a baby . . .

A LOCKER OPENS AND SESIL’S HEAD POPS OUT.

SESIL:
See? See? I told you it could happen!”

MOMMY VERA’S HANDS APPEAR FROM INSIDE THE LOCKER AND PULLS SESIL BACK IN.

MOMMY VERA:
Shhh! Is not yet time for thunderour return!

MOMO:
Well, like I said, with Justine and Vee and LInds out, I’d hate to see anyone else drop out of the tournament. Say, Sveta, that cough sounds really bad . . .oh, I have some mail for you.

SVETA TAKES LETTER AND RIPS IT OPEN, TO BE ENGULFED IN WHITE POWDER THAT SETS OFF ANOTHER SNEEZING AND COUGHING FIT.

MOMO:
Good to see you Kim, how are you? How’s the wrist?

YANKS AND TWISTS KIM’S WRIST AS THEY SHAKE HANDS.

LENA D:
Linds is having a baby? How exciting. I know all about that! Don’t you?

MARTINA:
No, I don’t know.

KIM LOOKS AT MARTINA QUIZZICALLY.

MARTINA (whispers)
Of course I know where babies come from. I want to hear where she thinks babies come from.

LENA D:

Well, the Mommy and the Daddy decided they want to have a baby. So they go to bed and pray. And an angel comes down and gives them directions to the magic cabbage patch. And they go there, and the daddy plants magic cabbage seeds. And the poor mommy has to do all the work—weeding, watering, hoeing, and that’s why they say the mommy has labor. And after a few hours—it’s magic, you know—a big fat cabbage grows. And you open it up, and there’s a baby inside!”

SESIL’S HEAD POPS OUT AGAIN:

‘WRONG! WRONG!

MOMMY VERA PULLS SESILS HEAD BACK INTO THE LOCKER.

TO BE CONINTUED????

Nicjac
Jan 7th, 2007, 02:36 PM
LENA D:
Mommy Oracene! Mommy Oracene! Serena’s dog just ate Patrick!”

SERENA:
That’s not my dog.

DOG IS LICKING SERENA’S HAND AND WAGGING TAIL MADLY).




AT THIS POINT, SERENA’S DOG CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE AND VOMITS UP PATRICK, WHOLE AND UNHARMED. HE RUNS AND JUMPS INTO LENA’S ARMS.

LENA:
What happened?

SERENA:

Those two were being so nauseatingly sweet it made my poor dog throw up. Frankly, I’m about to puke, too.




MARTINA:
I’m Martina HIngis, and I can do whatever I want. Okay, I can do whatever I want, except win the French Open. But other than that. . .





MAKIRI:
Queen Masha commands me to inform you that she is not speaking to any of you! Also, be sure to pick up Queen Masha’s towels when she is done, not leave them lying on the floor like that pile over there . . .

KIM:
Uh, I think that’s Mary, actually.

STUBBS POPS UP OUT OF A TOWEL BIN:
STUBBS:
“Hey, bitch, who died and made you Towel Monitor?



:rolls: :rolls: :rolls:

PLEASE continue, Max :worship:

jazar
Jan 7th, 2007, 03:23 PM
i can't wait to hear how it ends :p

Sund7101
Jan 7th, 2007, 04:00 PM
Great stuff :lol:

Tennace
Jan 7th, 2007, 04:06 PM
LENA D:

Well, the Mommy and the Daddy decided they want to have a baby. So they go to bed and pray. And an angel comes down and gives them directions to the magic cabbage patch. And they go there, and the daddy plants magic cabbage seeds. And the poor mommy has to do all the work—weeding, watering, hoeing, and that’s why they say the mommy has labor. And after a few hours—it’s magic, you know—a big fat cabbage grows. And you open it up, and there’s a baby inside!”

SESIL’S HEAD POPS OUT AGAIN:

‘WRONG! WRONG!


:spit:

:haha: :haha: :haha: :haha:

Sesil would know where the baby comes from :tape:

Craigy
Jan 7th, 2007, 04:08 PM
There are the best threads ever :lol:

stevos
Jan 7th, 2007, 04:14 PM
Max, this is by far my favourite one ever, amazing stuff!

:haha:

Your comedic timing, and punch lines are perfection.
Keep it up! :worship:

Lefty.
Jan 7th, 2007, 04:26 PM
Lena D's line about labor is so ROTFLMAO!! :haha: :haha: :haha:

hingis-seles
Jan 7th, 2007, 05:00 PM
Hehehehe! :spit:

What a great confrontation to kick off 2007! :worship:

#1Davenport
Jan 7th, 2007, 05:36 PM
Thats priceless!!!! Keep going!

-sugi-
Jan 7th, 2007, 05:51 PM
:haha:

Cat's Pajamas
Jan 7th, 2007, 06:36 PM
Petrova & Dementieva enter locker-room.

Nadia: So Lena did you hear about Justine, how shocking!
Elena: Nadia this is old news, I know you were to busy licking Dima's chest at Perth but honestly it was all over the news.
Nadia: Well excuse me, and I did not lick his chest :rolleyes: He was too busy awwing over Tatiana :sobbing:
Elena: :hug: Anyways just look at it this way. Its gives us a much better chance of winning a grandslam!
Nadia: Great point, I will finally have this monkey off my back!
Monkey: Bitch please! I ain't ever leaving you! *picks through Nadia's hair for bugs*
Nadia: Ugh!
Elena: Who said you were going to win! Mommy Vera and I have worked on my serve all off-season. Now as long as I don't face Sharapova I will win!
*Enters Kim*
Kim: Hey girls! I just came off my victory in Hong Kong!
Elena: I noticed *grumbles* But with that serve you've got there is no way you will win the Australian Open!
Nadia: *death* At Lena saying Kim has a bad serve. So Kim I assume you've heard about Justine.
Kim: Oh yes, isn't that so sad. Pierre and her always seemed like a happy couple. ----Oh my gooddd what just happened. The floor is shaking!
Elena: *begins crying and clenches onto Kim*
*Enters Serena ALG*
Anna-Lena: Hey guys! *stuffs bratwurst in mouth*
Kim: :unsure: Hey Anna-Lena. How's it going
Anna-Lena: Terrible!!!! I'm fat and I can't win a match! *runs off bawling*
Nadia: :scratch:
Kim: Poor girl. So young yet soo--- What is that obnoxious music? :o
*Svetlana enters with headphones bursting with sound, and rapping*
Sveta: Booty Booty Booty Booty rockin everywhere! :rocker:
Kim, Elena, Nadia: :o
Sveta: What's up my gangstress bitches!!!! *pinches everyone*
Elena: Ow! *smacks Sveta*
Sveta: Girllllll why you trippin?!? I'm finna bust yo ass if you play that shit again!
Elena *glances at Nadia* : You can tell she's from St. Petersburg...
Sveta: *walks off* I'm bossy! I'm the chick yall love to hate! :rocker2:
*Enters Martina*
Martina: Hey girls! Have you heard the news!"
Nadia: Yes I feel so bad for Justine!
Martina: *slaps Nadia* No you insignificant wretch! Radek and I are getting married!
Elena *in a low voice to Kim*: Isn't that old news? :unsure:
Kim: Yes, but just say congratulations so she she'll shut up and go away.
Elena & Kim: Congratulations!!!
Nadia: I want a husband! *sniffsniff*
Monkey: *smacks Nadia on the head* That's not what you said last night! *continues picking through Nadia's hair*
Kim: So when's the wedding Martina?
Martina: Oh I don't know yet, probably after Radek retires. *a black widos crawls until Martina's lips*
Elena: *faints*
Martina: Oh Elena, he's not thattttttt gorgeous!
Sveta: Hi Martina! :hearts: *coughs up flim*
Anyways :unsure: I've gotta run. I have practice to attend. Oh and by the way. I'm having a party for when I make the finals. You three will already be out so I'm sure you can come! Tootles! :kiss:
Sveta: Oh no that bitch did not! Naida hold mah jewelry while I knock the shit out of her!
Martina: :bolt:
Sveta: Hmmm..*looks over at Kim* Hey Kim, we really hit it off at Hong Kong, wanna play doubles with me!
Kim: :unsure: Oh my goodness look at the time! Its time for our practice session Elena!
Elena: We had a prac--:scratch:
*Kim grabs Elena and bolts off*
Sveta: *looks at Nadia* :o Bye Nadia! *walks off*
Nadia: Not even Sveta would go for me. Its all your fault you damn monkey! :fiery:
Monkey: Now you listen here you pidgeon-toed lezzy bitch. I am the only reason !!--
*Nadia grabs monkey and throws him into a locker*
Nadia: That will be the end of you :ras:
*Monkey works his way out of the locker-room and looks towards Nadia as she leaves.... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNeblQ_vQkM)*


To be continued...

Cat's Pajamas
Jan 7th, 2007, 06:50 PM
I know I'm not as good at it as Max. But I decided to try :o

Derek.
Jan 7th, 2007, 06:54 PM
Both are good! :lol:

I think Nicole needs to be thrown into the mix. :angel:

dinhd82
Jan 7th, 2007, 07:01 PM
LMAO! That martina bit was hilarious!!!

AJZ.
Jan 7th, 2007, 07:07 PM
lmao!! great stuff
love the monkey xD

Tennace
Jan 7th, 2007, 07:14 PM
I might to write one, but it will suck :tape:

Just Do It
Jan 7th, 2007, 07:20 PM
MARTINA:
I’m Martina HIngis, and I can do whatever I want. Okay, I can do whatever I want, except win the French Open. But other than that. . .

:haha:

I'd like to see Jelena Jankovic in the 2nd part :)

¤CharlDa¤
Jan 7th, 2007, 08:45 PM
OMG, what a great way to use Rennae's article max! Brilliant!

égalité
Jan 7th, 2007, 08:45 PM
"MAKIRI:
Queen Masha commands me to inform you that she is not speaking to any of you! Also, be sure to pick up Queen Masha’s towels when she is done, not leave them lying on the floor like that pile over there . . .

KIM:
Uh, I think that’s Mary, actually."

:spit:

LudwigDvorak
Jan 7th, 2007, 09:10 PM
Petrova & Dementieva enter locker-room.

*Enters Serena ALG*
Anna-Lena: Hey guys! *stuffs bratwurst in mouth*
Kim: :unsure: Hey Anna-Lena. How's it going
Anna-Lena: Terrible!!!! I'm fat and I can't win a match!

I loved this the most.

miffedmax
Jan 10th, 2007, 03:26 PM
CONTINUATION--

ANA LOOKS AT ELENA.

ANA:
Wow! You are so smart to know all these things. How did you get so smart?"

LENA D. (BLUSHING)
I read lots of books. (pulls a biography of Roland Garros out of racket bag). Like this book here. It is all about this man who was famous for his aces and has the tennis stadium named for him. I thought it would help my serve, but mostly it's about airplanes. I am so confused.

PILE OF TOWELS THAT MIGHT BE MARY

Airplanes? My fiance flys airplanes. One of these days he's going to fly me to America for some store-bought teeth!" (PILE OF TOWELS STARTS TO SNORE).

SVETA: (PINCHING)
Don't worry, Lena dear. You'll get it sorted out!

LENA:
Hey, that wasn't my arm you pinched! Watch it!

SVETA:
Oooops. Arm, ass, I get them confused sometime. It's the fever. I must be delirious. (STARTS TO COUGH AGAIN).

ENTER NIKKI.

ANA:
Hi, Nikki. I'm going to be the nicest, most popular girl on the tour now, even if I have to be nice to you.

NIKKI:
Whatever, skank. I'll kick your ass just like in Sydney.

MARTINA:
I like her. The kid's got spunk.

NIKKI:
Whatever, old lady.

MAKIRI:

Queen Masha commands me to inform you she still isn't speaking to anyone!"

SVETA IS NOW COUGHING UP BLOOD.
SVETA:
Oh, this may be more serious than I thought.

MOMO:
Oh, my, I would certainly be disappointed if all the top players had to drop out or retire again, like last year. By the way, is anyone else here married?

ENTER DULKO.

DULKO:

Okay, Amelie. I've done as you asked. Batgirl is out of the tournament. Where's my 20 francs?

MOMO:
Heh heh heh. I've no idea what you're on about. Heh heh heh.

DULKO:
You know, the 20 francs you offered me to step on Myskina's bad foot?

MOMO MOTIONS VIOLENTLY AT DULKO TO SHUT UP.

Here's 100 francs. Now why don't you take Serena over there to McDonalds?

DULKO:
Don't want to.

SERENA:
Yeah, I'm thinkin' maybe I'm going to start hanging out at Subway.

MOMO:
Or maybe Taco Bell? A nice, yummy, healthy salad with lots of lettuce . . .

SERENA:

Mmmmm. That does sound good.

LENA D:
Hmmmm. Maybe if I mounted a machine gun on my racket . . .

<Sven>
Jan 12th, 2007, 02:46 PM
DULKO:

Okay, Amelie. I've done as you asked. Batgirl is out of the tournament. Where's my 20 francs?

MOMO:
Heh heh heh. I've no idea what you're on about. Heh heh heh.

DULKO:
You know, the 20 francs you offered me to step on Myskina's bad foot?

MOMO MOTIONS VIOLENTLY AT DULKO TO SHUT UP.

Here's 100 francs. Now why don't you take Serena over there to McDonalds?



Great thread!
Loving the Momo intrigue ;)

miffedmax
Jan 13th, 2007, 02:59 PM
(Okay. I can't help myself. Somebody else write one. But I'll continue to spew drivel).

JANKOVIC ENTERS THROUGH ONE DOOR. ANNA C. ENTERS THROUGH ANOTHER.

MOMO:

Why look! It's the hottest young player on the tour!

ANNA AND JANKO STOP AND STARE DAGGERS AT EACH OTHER.

JANKO:
She must be talking about me. I am the new hot young thing. You're just another boring Russian.

LENA D. AND SVETA LOOK UP FROM THEIR NEEDLEPOINT.
We are not boring!

ANNA C:
Listen Trigger, I'm cuter. I'm better. I actually won my damn tournament, so back off Silver. Or whatever your name is.

JANKO:
My name is Jelena, and everybody's going to know it after I win this tournament!

ANNA C:
Oh, I see, you're Mr. Ed cause you're a talking horse!

NIKKI:
"You're both stupid. I'm the next hot young thing on the tour!

ANA:
Please, I am not only talented, but adorable. It has to be me!

ELENA:
I was a hot young thing once. Now I'm getting older and I haven't won a slam. It's all I think about. It's very sad.

SVETA:
There, there. (Pinches Elena, then starts coughing).

DURING THE ABOVE ARGUEMENT, MASHA HAS BEEN BUILDING TO A SLOW BOIL.

MASHA:

Ooohhh! We cannot take it any more!! WE are the STILL the hot young thing and you are all base, peasant pretenders!"

MASHA CHARGES NICOLE, WHO IS IN THE PROCESS OF THROWING A RACKET AT ANNA C., WHO HAS JUST FIRED A TENNIS BALL AT JANKO'S HEAD, JUST AS ANA, WHO HAS APPARENTLY DECIDED SHE NO LONGER WANTS TO BE THE TOUR'S SWEETEST PLAYER , AIMS A WET TOWEL AT MASHA AND JANKO SENDS A TENNIS BALL CAN LID AT ANA.

MOMO:
Oooh, le catfight! My, I hope no one is injured as has to withdraw!

HEEDLESS, THE YOUNGER PLAYERS CONTINUE TO POUND ON EACH OTHER, PLAYING INTO MOMO'S HANDS.

MEANWHILE, ELENA HAS TAKEN A BIGGLES COMIC BOOK OUT OF HER RACKET BAG AND STARTED TO READ IT.

LENA D:
Hmmm. This book is supposed to be about aces too, but all it has is MORE airplanes. Oh well, maybe this well help me for the last flight out of Melbourne.

Pengwin
Jan 13th, 2007, 03:07 PM
ANNA C:
Oh, I see, you're Mr. Ed cause you're a talking horse!


ouch :tape: :tape: :o :haha:

Bumsby
Jan 14th, 2007, 01:58 PM
PILE OF TOWELS THAT MIGHT BE MARY
--------------
MOMO:
Oh, my, I would certainly be disappointed if all the top players had to drop out or retire again, like last year. By the way, is anyone else here married?
--------------
SERENA:
Yeah, I'm thinkin' maybe I'm going to start hanging out at Subway.
--------------
MOMO:
Oooh, le catfight! My, I hope no one is injured as has to withdraw!
:haha: OMG
please Max, continue.... how do you do that?

We should come up with a book with all Max's confrontations :lol: ;)

Jogi
Jan 14th, 2007, 02:21 PM
lol, loving the Makiri- and Sesil-parts

Hashim.
Jan 14th, 2007, 02:38 PM
m lovin it plzzzzzzzzzzzzz continue.....:lol: :bounce:

stevos
Jan 14th, 2007, 03:52 PM
How do you do it? :bowdown:

:haha:

"SVETA IS NOW COUGHING UP BLOOD.
SVETA:
Oh, this may be more serious than I thought."

That part made me laugh so hard for some reason? :lol:

:inlove:
Jan 14th, 2007, 06:35 PM
I am loving the Mauresmo and Serena parts. :lol:
Gold. :worship:

Brooklyn90
Jan 14th, 2007, 06:37 PM
:lol: funny

hurricanejeanne
Jan 14th, 2007, 07:35 PM
:haha: :haha:

Max is brillant as always. It's officially time for a slam. :worship:

muniu
Jan 14th, 2007, 07:38 PM
Petrova & Dementieva enter locker-room.

Nadia: So Lena did you hear about Justine, how shocking!
Elena: Nadia this is old news, I know you were to busy licking Dima's chest at Perth but honestly it was all over the news.
Nadia: Well excuse me, and I did not lick his chest :rolleyes: He was too busy awwing over Tatiana :sobbing:
Elena: :hug: Anyways just look at it this way. Its gives us a much better chance of winning a grandslam!
Nadia: Great point, I will finally have this monkey off my back!
Monkey: Bitch please! I ain't ever leaving you! *picks through Nadia's hair for bugs*
Nadia: Ugh!
Elena: Who said you were going to win! Mommy Vera and I have worked on my serve all off-season. Now as long as I don't face Sharapova I will win!
*Enters Kim*
Kim: Hey girls! I just came off my victory in Hong Kong!
Elena: I noticed *grumbles* But with that serve you've got there is no way you will win the Australian Open!
Nadia: *death* At Lena saying Kim has a bad serve. So Kim I assume you've heard about Justine.
Kim: Oh yes, isn't that so sad. Pierre and her always seemed like a happy couple. ----Oh my gooddd what just happened. The floor is shaking!
Elena: *begins crying and clenches onto Kim*
*Enters Serena ALG*
Anna-Lena: Hey guys! *stuffs bratwurst in mouth*
Kim: :unsure: Hey Anna-Lena. How's it going
Anna-Lena: Terrible!!!! I'm fat and I can't win a match! *runs off bawling*
Nadia: :scratch:
Kim: Poor girl. So young yet soo--- What is that obnoxious music? :o
*Svetlana enters with headphones bursting with sound, and rapping*
Sveta: Booty Booty Booty Booty rockin everywhere! :rocker:
Kim, Elena, Nadia: :o
Sveta: What's up my gangstress bitches!!!! *pinches everyone*
Elena: Ow! *smacks Sveta*
Sveta: Girllllll why you trippin?!? I'm finna bust yo ass if you play that shit again!
Elena *glances at Nadia* : You can tell she's from St. Petersburg...
Sveta: *walks off* I'm bossy! I'm the chick yall love to hate! :rocker2:
*Enters Martina*
Martina: Hey girls! Have you heard the news!"
Nadia: Yes I feel so bad for Justine!
Martina: *slaps Nadia* No you insignificant wretch! Radek and I are getting married!
Elena *in a low voice to Kim*: Isn't that old news? :unsure:
Kim: Yes, but just say congratulations so she she'll shut up and go away.
Elena & Kim: Congratulations!!!
Nadia: I want a husband! *sniffsniff*
Monkey: *smacks Nadia on the head* That's not what you said last night! *continues picking through Nadia's hair*
Kim: So when's the wedding Martina?
Martina: Oh I don't know yet, probably after Radek retires. *a black widos crawls until Martina's lips*
Elena: *faints*
Martina: Oh Elena, he's not thattttttt gorgeous!


Sveta: Hi Martina! :hearts: *coughs up flim*
Anyways :unsure: I've gotta run. I have practice to attend. Oh and by the way. I'm having a party for when I make the finals. You three will already be out so I'm sure you can come! Tootles! :kiss:
Sveta: Oh no that bitch did not! Naida hold mah jewelry while I knock the shit out of her!
Martina: :bolt:
Sveta: Hmmm..*looks over at Kim* Hey Kim, we really hit it off at Hong Kong, wanna play doubles with me!
Kim: :unsure: Oh my goodness look at the time! Its time for our practice session Elena!
Elena: We had a prac--:scratch:
*Kim grabs Elena and bolts off*
Sveta: *looks at Nadia* :o Bye Nadia! *walks off*
Nadia: Not even Sveta would go for me. Its all your fault you damn monkey! :fiery:
Monkey: Now you listen here you pidgeon-toed lezzy bitch. I am the only reason !!--
*Nadia grabs monkey and throws him into a locker*
Nadia: That will be the end of you :ras:
*Monkey works his way out of the locker-room and looks towards Nadia as she leaves.... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNeblQ_vQkM)*


To be continued...

:haha: nice thnx guys!

Maria Croft
Jan 14th, 2007, 07:53 PM
Your stories are always so damn funny Max :lol:

I look forward to reading them every time :yeah:

Jogi
Jan 14th, 2007, 08:14 PM
the Anna-Lena part is SO mean... I had to laugh though :lol:

-SheLL-
Jan 14th, 2007, 09:42 PM
OMG...everyones confrontations are sooo funny...great job...u guys own..!!

darrinbaker00
Jan 18th, 2007, 11:01 PM
It's Friday morning in Melbourne, and there's an unexpected visitor in the locker room.....

"Hey, b****es! Miss me yet?"

Kim Clijsters :hug: "LINDSAY! It's so good to see you!"

Lindsay: "It's nice to see you too, Kimmie."

Corina Morariu: "You look FABULOUS, girl. Pregnant women really do glow."

Lindsay: "You look fabulous too, Corina. Kim, you can let go now."

Kim :hug: "No, I can't. I'm just so excited to see you!"

Lindsay :rolleyes: "Same old Kimmie....."

Corina: "You pick out any names yet, Linds?"

Lindsay: "We haven't picked out a girl's name yet, but if it's a boy, he'll be named after his father."

Corina: "James Blake Leach?"

Lindsay: "No, Corina."

Corina: "Michael Bryan Leach?"

Lindsay :mad: "No!"

Corina: "Olivier Rochus Leach?"

Kim (finally lets go): "Patrick McEnroe Leach?"

Lindsay :fiery: "NO!! Wait a minute.....Kim, how did you find out about me and Patrick McEnroe?

Corina: :bolt:

As Corina makes her exit, the Dueling Nike Divas enter (with their respective womanservants walking two paces behind, of course).....

Maria Sharapova: "Queen Masha overcame inhuman conditions to win her first-round match, and she served up a bagel yesterday. They may as well hand the title to Queen Masha right now. LACKEY!"

Maria Kirilenko: "ALL HAIL QUEEN MASHA!"

Serena Williams: "B****, please! Queen Masha needed three sets to beat someone Miss Serena beat in 46 minutes last year. In a few minutes, Miss Serena's about to open up a can of Whoop-Ass™ on the #5 seed. Miss Serena is BACK! JEEVES!!"

Alexandra Stevenson (she needs the gig): "Yes, Miss Serena?"

Serena: "Carry Miss Serena's bags out to the court for her. Miss Serena would like to talk to Lindsay for a few minutes."

Alex: "Yes, Miss Serena."

Maria S: "LACKEY!"

Maria K: "Yes, Your Highness?"

Maria S: "Fetch Queen Masha a Gatorade. Queen Masha is thirsty."

Maria K: "Right away, Your Highness."

The womanservants make their leave.....

Serena: "Miss Serena is happy to see you, Lindsay."

Maria S: "Queen Masha is pleased also, even though didn't you bow down to Queen Masha."

Serena :lol: "Don't forget the DOUBLE-BAGEL she dropped on Queen Masha at Indian Wells."

Maria S: "Speaking of dropping, what is Miss Serena's ranking these days?"

Serena: "That's OK. Even if Queen Masha gets lucky and wins this tournament, Queen Masha will only have three majors. Miss Serena has seven, 15 if you count doubles."

Maria S :confused: "Doubles? What's that?"

Serena: "It's--never mind. The point is, Queen Masha will never match Miss Serena's on-court accomplishments."

Maria S: "First of all, Queen Masha has plenty of time to catch up to Miss Serena. Secondly, Queen Masha has already passed Miss Serena in endorsements. Queen Masha is the face of women's tennis, and Miss Serena is yesterday's news."

Lindsay: "Kim, may I please borrow one of your racquets?"

Kim :) "Sure, Linds."

Lindsay: "KABONG!"

POW! BAM!

Serena and Maria S: :zzz: :zzz:

Lindsay :D "I'm so glad I'm retired!"

piercerocks
Jan 18th, 2007, 11:12 PM
i'm so glad you threw mary in this.. lool
i hope to see dinara

P_Fer
Jan 18th, 2007, 11:22 PM
:lol: amazing Max

Lefty.
Jan 19th, 2007, 12:25 AM
Great one Darrin :yeah:. :haha:

Natash.
Jan 19th, 2007, 12:52 AM
:lol: That's hilarious!

Excellent stuff there.

gorecki
Jan 19th, 2007, 02:10 AM
Nadia=>:boxing:<=Monkey
Nadia can't get the monkey off her back :sad::fiery:
:haha:

Cat's Pajamas
Jan 19th, 2007, 02:33 AM
yes it appears the monkey got his revenge :tape: :devil: :haha:

Brett.
Jan 19th, 2007, 02:45 AM
Serena Williams: "B****, please! Queen Masha needed three sets to beat someone Miss Serena beat in 46 minutes last year. In a few minutes, Miss Serena's about to open up a can of Whoop-Ass™ on the #5 seed. Miss Serena is BACK! JEEVES!!"

:haha:

medusamedulla
Jan 19th, 2007, 10:35 AM
OMG :haha: you ppl have wonderful creative imagination! :haha:

Craigy
Jan 19th, 2007, 10:43 AM
Maria S: "Doubles? What's that?"
:rolls:

Andy.
Jan 19th, 2007, 10:46 AM
It's Friday morning in Melbourne, and their's an unexpected visitor in the locker room.....

"Hey, b****es! Miss me yet?"

Kim Clijsters :hug: "LINDSAY! It's so good to see you!"

Lindsay: "It's nice to see you too, Kimmie."

Corina Morariu: "You look FABULOUS, girl. Pregnant women really do glow."

Lindsay: "You look fabulous too, Corina. Kim, you can let go now."

Kim :hug: "No, I can't. I'm just so excited to see you!"

Lindsay :rolleyes: "Same old Kimmie....."

Corina: "You pick out any names yet, Linds?"

Lindsay: "We haven't picked out a girl's name yet, but if it's a boy, he'll be named after his father."

Corina: "James Blake Leach?"

Lindsay: "No, Corina."

Corina: "Michael Bryan Leach?"

Lindsay :mad: "No!"

Corina: "Olivier Rochus Leach?"

Kim (finally lets go): "Patrick McEnroe Leach?"

Lindsay :fiery: "NO!! Wait a minute.....Kim, how did you find out about me and Patrick McEnroe?

Corina: :bolt:

As Corina makes her exit, the Dueling Nike Divas enter (with their respective womanservants walking two paces behind, of course).....

Maria Sharapova: "Queen Masha overcame inhuman conditions to win her first-round match, and she served up a bagel yesterday. They may as well hand the title to Queen Masha right now. LACKEY!"

Maria Kirilenko: "ALL HAIL QUEEN MASHA!"

Serena Williams: "B****, please! Queen Masha needed three sets to beat someone Miss Serena beat in 46 minutes last year. In a few minutes, Miss Serena's about to open up a can of Whoop-Ass™ on the #5 seed. Miss Serena is BACK! JEEVES!!"

Alexandra Stevenson (she needs the gig): "Yes, Miss Serena?"

Serena: "Carry Miss Serena's bags out to the court for her. Miss Serena would like to talk to Lindsay for a few minutes."

Alex: "Yes, Miss Serena."

Maria S: "LACKEY!"

Maria K: "Yes, Your Highness?"

Maria S: "Fetch Queen Masha a Gatorade. Queen Masha is thirsty."

Maria K: "Right away, Your Highness."

The womanservants make their leave.....

Serena: "Miss Serena is happy to see you, Lindsay."

Maria S: "Queen Masha is pleased also, even though didn't you bow down to Queen Masha."

Serena :lol: "Don't forget the DOUBLE-BAGEL she dropped on Queen Masha at Indian Wells."

Maria S: "Speaking of dropping, what is Miss Serena's ranking these days?"

Serena: "That's OK. Even if Queen Masha gets lucky and wins this tournament, Queen Masha will only have three majors. Miss Serena has seven, 15 if you count doubles."

Maria S :confused: "Doubles? What's that?"

Serena: "It's--never mind. The point is, Queen Masha will never match Miss Serena's on-court accomplishments."

Maria S: "First of all, Queen Masha has plenty of time to catch up to Miss Serena. Secondly, Queen Masha has already passed Miss Serena in endorsements. Queen Masha is the face of women's tennis, and Miss Serena is yesterday's news."

Lindsay: "Kim, may I please borrow one of your racquets?"

Kim :) "Sure, Linds."

Lindsay: "KABONG!"

POW! BAM!

Serena and Maria S: :zzz: :zzz:

Lindsay :D "I'm so glad I'm retired!"

:haha: I love how Masha is portrayed its too funny :lol:

miffedmax
Jan 19th, 2007, 04:44 PM
DAYS LATER, OUR STORY RESUMES.

ELENA D. SITS IN THE DESERTED LOCKER ROOM. SHE IS READING A BIGGLES BOOK.

LENA (CRYING):
Damn those rotten Nazi Hun bastards! Killing Harry's pet pig like that! And to think I was wasting my time reading Tolstoy and Dostoevsky when I could have been reading Biggles all these years!

SERENA ENTERS.

Oh, not only have I got back, baby I am back!

(SERENA SPOTS LENA).
RENA:
Damn, you still here. Must be for the doubles, right?

LENA:
What?

RENA:
This is Australia, girl. Usually you're on a plane for Tokyo by now.

ENTER JELENA:
Hi Serena. Hi Elen--what the hell are you doing here? Don't you know this is the Aussie Open?

ELENA:
Stop it!

HINGIS ENTERS:
Hello pig. Hello horse. Hell--what are you doing here? Don't you know this is Australia?

ELENA:
Why does everybody keep saying that?

'RENA:
Please. How many double faults you got?

LENA:
25.

HINGIS:
She didn't say in your last match. She meant in the whole tournament.

LENA:
25! My serve is so much better now. I even hit an ace. I think it's because I'm reading these books . . .

ENTER NIKKI:
Man, I can't believe I have to play Dementieva next!

HINGIS:
Why? Because you've never beaten her?

NIKKI:
No, because we're in Australia!

ALL EXCEPT LENA LAUGH.

HINGIS:
Damn, that was so bitchy I wish I'd said it.

ENTER MASHA:
This place is too hot, and not in the sense that we are too hawt. Queen Masha wants to play in the shade. In fact, we don't want to play at all. The peasants should simply forfeit their matches to us automatically so that we can deliver our deserved Grand Slam to the masses who adore us.

RENA:
Anybody got a banana? 'cause I got an idea . . .

SVETA ENTERS COUGHING.
Forget bananas. How about a nice peach instead?

LENA:
I already told you. It's not peaches or bananas, it's cabbages. Duh!

ENTER MOMO:
What's this? You are all still in le good health? Oh dear! My conspiracy, she is not working. How will I ever win without ze walkovers and withdrawals . . . unless . . . yes.

MOMO turns to stare at LENA.

MOMO:
The solution is so simple--I must be sure to play her. In Australia. Hmmmm.

MOMO SMILES DIABOLICALLY.
Oh Nikki . . .

(TO BE CONTINUED)

Maria Croft
Jan 19th, 2007, 05:07 PM
:lol: really funny :yeah:

Craigy
Jan 19th, 2007, 05:10 PM
ENTER NIKKI:
Man, I can't believe I have to play Dementieva next!

HINGIS:
Why? Because you've never beaten her?

NIKKI:
No, because we're in Australia!

ALL EXCEPT LENA LAUGH.


:spit: :haha:

darrinbaker00
Jan 19th, 2007, 05:32 PM
Undisclosed Melbourne hotel meeting room, early Saturday morning.....

Rainer Hofmann: "Hear ye, hear ye! This monthly meeting of the WTA Tour Henpecked Husbands Club will now come to order. As you all know, gentlemen, our membership is dwindling. We lost Alex Bogomolov to divorce last year, we lost Jon Leach to retirement this year, and it appears as if Pierre-Yves Hardenne will be leaving us."

Michael Baranov (Elena Likhovtseva's husband): "Justine's gaydar finally went off, da?"

Rainer: "Da. Mr. Bremond, how is the recruiting coming along?"

Eric Bremond (Severine Bremond's husband): "Good and bad, Mr. President. Since Kim Clijsters is adamant about retiring after this season, we can forget about Brian Lynch."

Rainer: "Have you talked to Radek Stepanek?"

Eric: "Oui. He's interested, and given Hingis' track record with men, he'll be too injured to keep playing much longer. If they don't break up, I think we'll get him."

Rainer: "Very good, Eric. Now, gentlemen, let's recite the HHC's motto together."

All: "YES, DEAR!"

Rainer: "Very good. Next month, we will have a very special guest speaker: HHC co-founder, Mr. Barry Court. Meeting adjourned!"

miffedmax
Jan 19th, 2007, 06:21 PM
Undisclosed Melbourne hotel meeting room, early Saturday morning.....

Rainer Hofmann: "Hear ye, hear ye! This monthly meeting of the WTA Tour Henpecked Husbands Club will now come to order. As you all know, gentlemen, our membership is dwindling. We lost Alex Bogomolov to divorce last year, we lost Jon Leach to retirement this year, and it appears as if Pierre-Yves Hardenne will be leaving us."

Michael Baranov (Elena Likhovtseva's husband): "Justine's gaydar finally went off, da?"

Rainer: "Da. Mr. Bremond, how is the recruiting coming along?"

Eric Bremond (Severine Bremond's husband): "Good and bad, Mr. President. Since Kim Clijsters is adamant about retiring after this season, we can forget about Brian Lynch."

Rainer: "Have you talked to Radek Stepanek?"

Eric: "Oui. He's interested, and given Hingis' track record with men, he'll be too injured to keep playing much longer. If they don't break up, I think we'll get him."

Rainer: "Very good, Eric. Now, gentlemen, let's recite the HHC's motto together."

All: "YES, DEAR!"

Rainer: "Very good. Next month, we will have a very special guest speaker: HHC co-founder, Mr. Barry Court. Meeting adjourned!"

Man, the ranks of the HHC have been decimated!
:lol:

darrinbaker00
Jan 19th, 2007, 06:23 PM
Man, the ranks of the HHC have been decimated!
:lol:
Tell me about it. Jon and Pierre were definitely the most entertaining members. ;)

Hashim.
Jan 19th, 2007, 06:39 PM
RENA:
This is Australia, girl. Usually you're on a plane for Tokyo by now.


HINGIS:
She didn't say in your last match. She meant in the whole tournament.


HAHAHAHAHA:lol: :bigclap: :clap2: :haha:

morningglory
Jan 19th, 2007, 06:42 PM
Undisclosed Melbourne hotel meeting room, early Saturday morning.....

Rainer Hofmann: "Hear ye, hear ye! This monthly meeting of the WTA Tour Henpecked Husbands Club will now come to order. As you all know, gentlemen, our membership is dwindling. We lost Alex Bogomolov to divorce last year, we lost Jon Leach to retirement this year, and it appears as if Pierre-Yves Hardenne will be leaving us."

Michael Baranov (Elena Likhovtseva's husband): "Justine's gaydar finally went off, da?"

Rainer: "Da. Mr. Bremond, how is the recruiting coming along?"

Eric Bremond (Severine Bremond's husband): "Good and bad, Mr. President. Since Kim Clijsters is adamant about retiring after this season, we can forget about Brian Lynch."

Rainer: "Have you talked to Radek Stepanek?"

Eric: "Oui. He's interested, and given Hingis' track record with men, he'll be too injured to keep playing much longer. If they don't break up, I think we'll get him."

Rainer: "Very good, Eric. Now, gentlemen, let's recite the HHC's motto together."

All: "YES, DEAR!"

Rainer: "Very good. Next month, we will have a very special guest speaker: HHC co-founder, Mr. Barry Court. Meeting adjourned!"

:haha: x 21237218731923472148192748219742184712874172487214 89721!!!
The club motto was priceless!

#1Davenport
Jan 19th, 2007, 06:58 PM
These are sooooo hilarious!!! *dies of laughter*

darrinbaker00
Jan 21st, 2007, 04:30 PM
Melbourne Park player's lounge, Sunday evening.....

Maria Sharapova: Since the Frenchman lost today to Lucie Safarova, it is now official. Queen Masha will be Number.....um, Number.....(looks to her left)

Michael Joyce: :yeah:

Maria S: "ONE! Queen Masha will be Number One when this tournament is over."

Maria Kirilenko: "ALL HAIL QUEEN MASHA!"

Serena Williams: "Queen Masha is only keeping the throne warm for Miss Serena. Did Queen Masha see Miss Serena's match today? If Miss Serena can be that dominant with 20 extra pounds AND a cold, how dominant do you think Miss Serena will be once Miss Serena gets back in shape? Y'all b****es are in trouble!"

Maria S: "Oh, please. The last two matches Miss Serena played were against the two biggest head cases on tour. Our womanservants could have beaten them."

Michael Joyce: :banana:

Maria S: "Now if you'll excuse Queen Masha, she has to take a snack break. LACKEY!"

Maria K: "QUEEN MASHA HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!"

Sixty seconds later.....

Maria K: "QUEEN MASHA'S EGO HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!"

Meanwhile.....

Serena: "You! Quarterfinal opponent! Do you not know whose presence you're in? Why are you not cowering in fear?"

Shahar Peer: "I'm an Israeli Army soldier, honey, so unless you have a bomb strapped around your waist, I'm not worried one bit."

Serena: "Miss Serena has ways of making people afraid, kid. JEEVES!"

Alex Stevenson: "MISS SERENA HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!"

Sixty seconds later.....

Alex: "MISS SERENA'S BOOTY HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!"

stevos
Jan 21st, 2007, 04:35 PM
You two are both amazing at this in your own ways, thank you so much for these :worship:

" Sixty seconds later.....

Alex: "MISS SERENA'S BOOTY HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!" "

:haha:

Sara81
Jan 21st, 2007, 04:45 PM
:lol: more please

Bumsby
Jan 21st, 2007, 04:51 PM
Lindsay: "Kim, you can let go now."

------------------------------------------

Alexandra Stevenson (she needs the gig)

------------------------------------------

Maria S: "Fetch Queen Masha a Gatorade"
OMG :haha:

HINGIS ENTERS:
Hello pig. Hello horse.

-------------------------------------

LENA:
25! My serve is so much better now. I even hit an ace. I think it's because I'm reading these books . . .

-------------------------------------

HINGIS:
Damn, that was so bitchy I wish I'd said it.

ENTER MASHA:
In fact, we don't want to play at all. The peasants should simply forfeit their matches to us automatically so that we can deliver our deserved Grand Slam to the masses who adore us.

:rolls: please continue.... :rolls:


Rainer: "Very good, Eric. Now, gentlemen, let's recite the HHC's motto together."

All: "YES, DEAR!"
:bigclap: :clap2:

mike/topgun
Jan 21st, 2007, 05:22 PM
Serena: "It's--never mind. The point is, Queen Masha will never match Miss Serena's on-court accomplishments."

Maria S: "First of all, Queen Masha has plenty of time to catch up to Miss Serena. Secondly, Queen Masha has already passed Miss Serena in endorsements. Queen Masha is the face of women's tennis, and Miss Serena is yesterday's news."

Lindsay: "Kim, may I please borrow one of your racquets?"

Kim "Sure, Linds."

Lindsay: "KABONG!"

POW! BAM!

Serena and Maria S:

Lindsay "I'm so glad I'm retired!"
:lol:
ENTER NIKKI:
Man, I can't believe I have to play Dementieva next!

HINGIS:
Why? Because you've never beaten her?

NIKKI:
No, because we're in Australia!

ALL EXCEPT LENA LAUGH.
:haha: so true:spit:
ENTER MOMO:
What's this? You are all still in le good health? Oh dear! My conspiracy, she is not working. How will I ever win without ze walkovers and withdrawals . . . unless . . . yes.

MOMO turns to stare at LENA.

MOMO:
The solution is so simple--I must be sure to play her. In Australia. Hmmmm.

MOMO SMILES DIABOLICALLY.
Oh Nikki . . .
:devil: it is so true:p
Maria S: "Now if you'll excuse Queen Masha, she has to take a snack break. LACKEY!"

Maria K: "QUEEN MASHA HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!"

Sixty seconds later.....

Maria K: "QUEEN MASHA'S EGO HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!"

Meanwhile.....

Serena: "You! Quarterfinal opponent! Do you not know whose presence you're in? Why are you not cowering in fear?"

Shahar Peer: "I'm an Israeli Army soldier, honey, so unless you have a bomb strapped around your waist, I'm not worried one bit."

Serena: "Miss Serena has ways of making people afraid, kid. JEEVES!"

Alex Stevenson: "MISS SERENA HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!"

Sixty seconds later.....

Alex: "MISS SERENA'S BOOTY HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!"
oh sweet irony:haha:

medusamedulla
Jan 21st, 2007, 06:22 PM
:haha:

barmaid
Jan 21st, 2007, 06:38 PM
Melbourne Park player's lounge, Sunday evening.....

Maria Sharapova: Since the Frenchman lost today to Lucie Safarova, it is now official. Queen Masha will be Number.....um, Number.....(looks to her left)

Michael Joyce: :yeah:

Maria S: "ONE! Queen Masha will be Number One when this tournament is over."

Maria Kirilenko: "ALL HAIL QUEEN MASHA!"

Serena Williams: "Queen Masha is only keeping the throne warm for Miss Serena. Did Queen Masha see Miss Serena's match today? If Miss Serena can be that dominant with 20 extra pounds AND a cold, how dominant do you think Miss Serena will be once Miss Serena gets back in shape? Y'all b****es are in trouble!"

Maria S: "Oh, please. The last two matches Miss Serena played were against the two biggest head cases on tour. Our womanservants could have beaten them."

Michael Joyce: :banana:

Maria S: "Now if you'll excuse Queen Masha, she has to take a snack break. LACKEY!"

Maria K: "QUEEN MASHA HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!"

Sixty seconds later.....

Maria K: "QUEEN MASHA'S EGO HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!"

Meanwhile.....

Serena: "You! Quarterfinal opponent! Do you not know whose presence you're in? Why are you not cowering in fear?"

Shahar Peer: "I'm an Israeli Army soldier, honey, so unless you have a bomb strapped around your waist, I'm not worried one bit."

Serena: "Miss Serena has ways of making people afraid, kid. JEEVES!"

Alex Stevenson: "MISS SERENA HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!"

Sixty seconds later.....

Alex: "MISS SERENA'S BOOTY HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!"

Good job Darrin!:lol: :lol:


barmaid:wavey:

darrinbaker00
Jan 23rd, 2007, 10:41 PM
Williams/Price hotel room, Wednesday morning.....

Serena: "Mother, would you like the honor of Miss Serena's presence when you go shopping later today?"

Oracene (takes off her belt): "Girl, what did I tell you about that third-person s*** in front of me? I don't care how old you are, you ain't too grown for a whuppin'!"

Serena :scared: "Sorry, Mom. May I please go shopping with you today?"

Oracene: "No, Serena. You have the biggest match of your career tomorrow. This Vaidisova girl ain't no punk, so you have a lot of work to do between now and then."

Serena: "I know, Mom, but I don't have any motivation to win this one. I've already gone two rounds farther than anyone thought I would, and besides, I like Nicole. She said Venus and I were her idols growing up."

Oracene: "Yeah, right. She idolizes Venus so much, she took Venus' spot at Reebok. She gets to wear all the new stuff and cash the fat checks, while your poor sister is wearing three-year-old outfits and borrowing money from you."

Serena :fiery: "The b**** is dead."

Oracene: "That's my girl. Now go practice."

ceiling_fan
Jan 24th, 2007, 12:37 AM
Oracene: "Yeah, right. She idolizes Venus so much, she took Venus' spot at Reebok. She gets to wear all the new stuff and cash the fat checks, while your poor sister is wearing three-year-old outfits and borrowing money from you."

Serena :fiery: "The b**** is dead."

Oracene: "That's my girl. Now go practice."

now i'm anticipating this match! :devil:

miffedmax
Jan 24th, 2007, 12:58 AM
DB shoots . . . he SCORES! Hat trick.

Tennace
Jan 24th, 2007, 01:31 AM
This thread is hilarious :haha: :haha:

So many good lines :spit: :haha:

darrinbaker00
Jan 24th, 2007, 10:21 PM
It's semifinal day, and the competition isn't just on the court.....

Serena Williams (wearing an "R.I.P. NICOLE VAIDISOVA" T-shirt): "Good morning, Kimmie. Good morning, Queen Bee--I mean, Masha. Which one of you b****es will have the privilege of losing to Miss Serena in the final?"

Nicole (wearing a "SERENA'S PIMP" T-shirt): "Not so fast, Basketball Butt. I turned your sister out at Roland Garros last year, and I'm going to do the same thing to you today. Two days from now, one of you (pointing to Kim and Maria) will be turning tricks for me. By the way, tell Venus I really love wearing her Reebok dresses."

Serena :secret: "Well, you do look better in them than she ever did...."

Kim :D (wearing an "I LOVE MARIA" T-shirt): "You two aren't being very nice. This is supposed to be a happy time. We're in the semis of a major. GROUP HUG!"

Maria (wearing, you guessed it, an "I LOVE MARIA" T-shirt): "Give it a rest, Mary Poppins. Queen Masha can't stand you b****es, and Queen Masha knows you b****es can't stand her. Queen Masha is going to be #1 win or lose, but since Queen Masha will make more money by winning, she's going to do just that. Since Queen Masha's lackey isn't here, she'll have to say it herself: ALL HAIL QUEEN MASHA!"

Kim: "I can't take it anymore. The name calling, the self-centeredness.....in fact, for the first time in my life, I'm--ANGRY! :fiery: (reaches into her racquet bag)

SMACK! POW! BAM!

Serena, Nicole and Masha: :zzz: :zzz: :zzz:

Kim: "Ladies and gentlemen, your 2007 Australian Open Women's Singles Champion.....KIM CLIJSTERS!"

John.
Jan 24th, 2007, 10:48 PM
:haha: This thread is hilarious

random fan
Jan 24th, 2007, 10:54 PM
It's semifinal day, and the competition isn't just on the court.....

Serena Williams (wearing an "R.I.P. NICOLE VAIDISOVA" T-shirt): "Good morning, Kimmie. Good morning, Queen Bee--I mean, Masha. Which one of you b****es will have the privilege of losing to Miss Serena in the final?"

Nicole (wearing a "SERENA'S PIMP" T-shirt): "Not so fast, Basketball Butt. I turned your sister out at Roland Garros last year, and I'm going to do the same thing to you today. Two days from now, one of you (pointing to Kim and Maria) will be turning tricks for me. By the way, tell Venus I really love wearing her Reebok dresses."

Serena :secret: "Well, you do look better in them than she ever did...."



Kim :D (wearing an "I LOVE MARIA" T-shirt): "You two aren't being very nice. This is supposed to be a happy time. We're in the semis of a major. GROUP HUG!"

Maria (wearing, you guessed it, an "I LOVE MARIA" T-shirt): "Give it a rest, Mary Poppins. Queen Masha can't stand you b****es, and Queen Masha knows you b****es can't stand her. Queen Masha is going to be #1 win or lose, but since Queen Masha will make more money by winning, she's going to do just that. Since Queen Masha's lackey isn't here, she'll have to say it herself: ALL HAIL QUEEN MASHA!"

Kim: "I can't take it anymore. The name calling, the self-centeredness.....in fact, for the first time in my life, I'm--ANGRY! :fiery: (reaches into her racquet bag)

SMACK! POW! BAM!

Serena, Nicole and Masha: :zzz: :zzz: :zzz:

Kim: "Ladies and gentlemen, your 2007 Australian Open Women's Singles Champion.....KIM CLIJSTERS!"

Lol darrinbaker everytime you produce something like this I forget all the stupid remarks you sometimes spit out :haha:

Josh.
Jan 24th, 2007, 11:22 PM
lena is precived to be so nieve (spelling?).. i love it :lol:

random fan
Jan 24th, 2007, 11:33 PM
Team Sharapova Head Quarters before semifinal:

Yuri: Ok, girl, listen to me carefully, I am not going to repeat myself - when i show you three fingers that means you have to change your racket.

Maria: Uhm, Dad, wasn't it Michael's duty to show me when to change the racket?

Yuri: Well yes, but when you play Serena in the final he will spent half the match staring at her ass so he is not reliable. We must practice new hand code

Michael Joyce: Hey!..

Yuri: Shut up, boy, I am the real coach here and all that Maria needs from you is to hit the balls back at her

Michael (mutters to himself): well you would be surprised..

(after an hour of practice)

Maria: okay so one finger means - drink water, two fingers means - eat banana, three fingers means - change your racket, four fingers - ??... damn I am so forgetful. Ah to hell with it. All I need to know is that if Dad is angry everything is normal and if Dad is content something is terribly wrong. ah remembered (jumps excitedly) four fingers - means "finish her" and five fingers - means "go for the kill"... Hmm I wonder what is the difference? Dad?!

(meanwhile Yuri speaks to Maria' agent)

Yuri: I don't get it, they offer us a livetime contact worth 50 mil if Maria comes to Los Angeles on Friday 2 A.M. to sign it in person?

Agent: Well yes, apparently their CEO is huge Serena fan so he will do anything to make Maria underperform in final.

Yuri: hmm, can we make it?

Agent: to sacrifice Maria' chances at final for the crapload of money? Of course!

Yuri: not that, silly, can we make it to L.A. and return for the final in time?

darrinbaker00
Jan 24th, 2007, 11:43 PM
Lol darrinbaker everytime you produce something like this I forget all the stupid remarks you sometimes spit out :haha:
Sometimes? ALL my remarks on this board are stupid, and don't you forget it! :mad:

Hashim.
Jan 25th, 2007, 03:03 PM
u ppl r da best

darrinbaker00
Jan 25th, 2007, 09:23 PM
'Tis the day before the Big One, and our two finalists are making some very important last-minute preparations.....

Maria Sharapova: "Tiara? Check. Royal robe? Check. Musclemen to carry Queen Masha around the court on her throne? Check. Standard 'I'm still only 19' excuse on the slim chance that Queen Masha loses? Check. Aw, who are we kidding? Queen Masha's not going to lose!"

Serena Williams: "Tiara? Check. Royal robe? Check. Musclemen to carry Miss Serena around the court on her throne? Check. Standard 'I made tons of errors' excuse on the slim chance that Miss Serena loses? Check. Aw, who are we kidding? Miss Serena's not going to lose!"

Meanwhile, in Beaverton, Oregon.....

Nike CEO Phil Knight (aka :devil: ): "I love the smell of money in the morning! Smells like.....VICTORY!"

Hashim.
Jan 25th, 2007, 09:29 PM
:lol:

Bumsby
Jan 25th, 2007, 09:35 PM
Team Sharapova Head Quarters before semifinal:

Yuri: Ok, girl, listen to me carefully, I am not going to repeat myself - when i show you three fingers that means you have to change your racket.

Maria: Uhm, Dad, wasn't it Michael's duty to show me when to change the racket?

Yuri: Well yes, but when you play Serena in the final he will spent half the match staring at her ass so he is not reliable. We must practice new hand code

Michael Joyce: Hey!..

Yuri: Shut up, boy, I am the real coach here and all that Maria needs from you is to hit the balls back at her

Michael (mutters to himself): well you would be surprised..

(after an hour of practice)

Maria: okay so one finger means - drink water, two fingers means - eat banana, three fingers means - change your racket, four fingers - ??... damn I am so forgetful. Ah to hell with it. All I need to know is that if Dad is angry everything is normal and if Dad is content something is terribly wrong. ah remembered (jumps excitedly) four fingers - means "finish her" and five fingers - means "go for the kill"... Hmm I wonder what is the difference? Dad?!

(meanwhile Yuri speaks to Maria' agent)

Yuri: I don't get it, they offer us a livetime contact worth 50 mil if Maria comes to Los Angeles on Friday 2 A.M. to sign it in person?

Agent: Well yes, apparently their CEO is huge Serena fan so he will do anything to make Maria underperform in final.

Yuri: hmm, can we make it?

Agent: to sacrifice Maria' chances at final for the crapload of money? Of course!

Yuri: not that, silly, can we make it to L.A. and return for the final in time?
:worship: :worship:

Maria Sharapova: [...] Standard 'I'm still only 19' excuse on the slim chance that Queen Masha loses? Check. [...]

Serena Williams: Standard 'I made tons of errors' excuse on the slim chance that Miss Serena loses? Check. [...]
:rolls:


this thread is priceless :clap2: :bigclap: