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Dementinator
Dec 19th, 2006, 11:07 AM
Well its offcial ,I am bored ,and when I am bored it gets dangerous...soooo..
With Windows Vista due for launch I Got to thinking what if Versions of Bills famous software were named after Players..
so here we have some ,bound to cause some offence to some fans ,but its all meant as harmless fun is all..

Windows Serena

Wont fit on your hard drive.
Uses all your Ram.
Says it will boot but 10 secs before the desktop appears ,generates a Run Time Error and shuts off.

Windows Myskina

Pretty much standard Windows but with custom error messages ,such as ...
Fucking Windows has Encountered a fucking error ,and the pissing thing will have to fucking restart ,so sit down and shut the fuck up and wait!

Windows Dementieva

Great Looking
Fast and very powerful
Hopeless for Servers however

Windows Henin-Hardenne

small and compact
efficient
Installs spyware , tracking bots ,key loggers and other sneaky programs that the user is unaware of

Windows Sharapova

Launched among much hype and fanfare
Very Glossy and polished
Slightly one dimensional ,no multi threading here.
Very irratating Start Up sound.

Windows Kuznetsova

Useful OS , quite powerful.
Dated code
No GUI at all ,just a dour looking DOS Prompt



there are a few ,feel free to add more ,please dont get offended by anything ,its tongue in cheek

rockstar
Dec 19th, 2006, 11:12 AM
i liked the one about dementieva and servers :lol:

frenchie
Dec 19th, 2006, 11:15 AM
:lol: :lol: @ Serena and Maria

:worship:

ZeroSOFInfinity
Dec 19th, 2006, 11:19 AM
Windows Navratilova
Classic version, needs constant upgrades.
Uninstallation not included - needs reformatting of computer to "retire" the system.
Suitable for Grandpa and Grandma. Will be confusing for the "X-Generation".

Sharapova's_Boy
Dec 19th, 2006, 11:20 AM
Windows Myskina

Pretty much standard Windows but with custom error messages ,such as ...
Fucking Windows has Encountered a fucking error ,and the pissing thing will have to fucking restart ,so sit down and shut the fuck up and wait!

:haha:

Dutglish
Dec 19th, 2006, 11:26 AM
Windows Kournikova

Looks great, very popular with males off all ages, makes a blue screen look good, but tends to get distracted by the mention of other operating systems like Enrique Linux and Gucci O/S. Downgraded from full version to add-on.

Dementinator
Dec 19th, 2006, 12:30 PM
Windows Petrova

Umm errr , forgot what I was gonna say
Well it works ,gets the job done ,no other info on it at all.

Windows Karatantcheva

Much Heralded and eagerly awaited ,sadly withdrawn from sale due to an infected Kernel and stolen code.
Will return in 2008 with the "Thunderous Edition"

lilimi
Dec 19th, 2006, 12:35 PM
good thread, dementinator;) i like windows myskina...

Dementieva Serve
Dec 19th, 2006, 12:37 PM
Dementieva :sobbing:

Ben.
Dec 19th, 2006, 12:38 PM
:lol: all of these are extremely hilliarious. great thread dementinator :yeah: got anymore?

Dementinator
Dec 19th, 2006, 12:46 PM
Windows Davenport

Much Loved OS ,seen the introduction of many new technologies
Slightly unstable at times and prone to VXD and DLL breakdowns
Been Patched many many times
Sadly it has now been retired and despite its failings will be missed

Windows Dokic

Burned brightly for a while ,showed great promise
Dissapeared without a trace
OS/2 warp Anybody?

Ben.
Dec 19th, 2006, 12:50 PM
wonderful descriptions of windows davenport & dokic there :yeah: just like them ;)

.Andrew.
Dec 19th, 2006, 12:51 PM
:lol: Great thread! :p

Viktymise
Dec 19th, 2006, 01:52 PM
:lol: :worship: the captain :yeah: do a Venus and Sprem one :bounce:

Dementinator
Dec 19th, 2006, 02:01 PM
Windows Sprem

Another Version that hasnt quite reached expectations.
Briefly Eclipsed some other more popular versions ,but then failed to make big inroads into the market.
Never fails to cause much Hilarity with its name.

Windows Venus.

Bit hit and miss this one, some times it loads fast and zips along making all other versions seem slow and obsolete.
Other times it fails to boot at all and creates so many errors as to be unsusable.
Still one of the fastest systems for servers and Ideal for fashion Concious Desktop fans.
Often in Rivalry with its sister system Windows Serena ,both products were sponsored by other organisations although Windows Venus came out on top ,being sponsored by a Planet ,whereas Windows Serena was sponsored by a Mini Van built by the Nissan Motor Corp.

Viktymise
Dec 19th, 2006, 02:04 PM
Windows Sprem

Another Version that hasnt quite reached expectations.
Briefly Eclipsed some other more popular versions ,but then failed to make big inroads into the market.
Never fails to cause much Hilarity with its name.

Windows Venus.

Bit hit and miss this one, some times it loads fast and zips along making all other versions seem slow and obsolete.
Other times it fails to boot at all and creates so many errors as to be unsusable.
Still one of the fastest systems for servers and Ideal for fashion Concious Desktop fans.
Often in Rivalry with its sister system Windows Serena ,both products were sponsored by other organisations although Windows Venus came out on top ,being sponsored by a Planet ,whereas Windows Serena was sponsored by a Mini Van built by the Nissan Motor Corp.

:yeah:

Dutglish
Dec 19th, 2006, 02:14 PM
Windows Zvonareva

Charming operating system that loses track of what it's trying to do every now and again. Has been known to frustrate itself more than it's fanbase, at times resulting in mid-session meltdowns. Could do with some serious defragmentation and upgrades to it's DirectX.

Slampova
Dec 19th, 2006, 02:20 PM
Windows Karatantcheva

Much Heralded and eagerly awaited ,sadly withdrawn from sale due to an infected Kernel and stolen code.
Will return in 2008 with the "Thunderous Edition"

:tape:

Poor Sesil :p

Dementinator
Dec 19th, 2006, 05:12 PM
Windows Navratilova
Classic version, needs constant upgrades.
Uninstallation not included - needs reformatting of computer to "retire" the system.
Suitable for Grandpa and Grandma. Will be confusing for the "X-Generation".

Classic! :lol:

thomas.chung
Dec 19th, 2006, 07:32 PM
Little off topic:

Mac OS X Serena/Puma

"It just works. Well sort of."

Lefty.
Dec 19th, 2006, 07:35 PM
Awesome thread Cap'n! :worship: :yeah:

Craigy
Dec 19th, 2006, 07:41 PM
:haha:
Please do a Golovin and Mattek one :p

Lindsayfan32
Dec 19th, 2006, 07:48 PM
[quote=Dementinator;9652059]Windows Davenport

Much Loved OS ,seen the introduction of many new technologies
Slightly unstable at times and prone to VXD and DLL breakdowns
Been Patched many many times
Sadly it has now been retired and despite its failings will be missed[quote]

This whole thread is clever and funny I think you've hit the Davenport one right on the head. Come to think of it this sounds like my real computer. Maybe my computer loves Lindsay too.

Dementinator
Dec 19th, 2006, 08:54 PM
Windows Cjlisters

Popular OS ,integrates with most of the other available systems flawlessly.
Suffers inumerable broken links and failed sys files
sometimes known as "Windows Fiona"

Windows Mattek

Strange one this ,very much a specialised OS for those who are more concerned with athsteics
Comes with the largest and most bizzare array of desktop themes and wallpapers
Has some good properties for servers but otherwise not as sucessful as other systems

Windows Golovin

Another interesting choice ,coded in Russia but then assembled in France.
has extremely low running requirements and short load times
A good choice for the more fashionable out there






heck I am starting to struggle now ,any more ideas ,please feel free to add them..

Para
Dec 19th, 2006, 09:23 PM
Windows Mauresmo
Version 1 gave a consistent performance. It could be trusted but was not among the top notch. It also had a tendency to break down right before you planned to save that extremely important document.

In version 2 the break downs was corrected but the consistent performance suffered.

Windows Hingis

With this OS you can do just about anything. It's not very powerful but very versatile. Earlier versions could have problems interacting with other computers.

selyoink
Dec 19th, 2006, 09:32 PM
This is a great thread.

miffedmax
Dec 19th, 2006, 09:43 PM
Great thread, Cap'n.

Here are a few more:

Windows Frazier

Older system, best remembered for being released on pure white 3.5" floppies back in the day. Never the fastest or most powerful system, but utterly reliable in daily performance, ensuring many loyal fans.

Windows Glatch

Once promising system is suffering some development problems. Expect some delay before full-blown production begins.

Windows Kirilenko
Outstanding packaging earned Clio, One Show and British Art Director's show gold medals. So-so results.


Windows Vaidisova

Powerful, exciting system. Has bad habit of shutting self off and refusing to restart. Error messages similar to Windows Myskina. Works very well with servers, and enterprising users have patched together with Windows Dementieva to achieve surprisingly good results.

hurricanejeanne
Dec 19th, 2006, 09:53 PM
[quote=Dementinator;9652059]Windows Davenport

Much Loved OS ,seen the introduction of many new technologies
Slightly unstable at times and prone to VXD and DLL breakdowns
Been Patched many many times
Sadly it has now been retired and despite its failings will be missed[quote]

This whole thread is clever and funny I think you've hit the Davenport one right on the head. Come to think of it this sounds like my real computer. Maybe my computer loves Lindsay too.
That's exactly what I was thinking too!
It sounds just like my old desktop. It was slower than hell and had a habit of crashing but it was very reliable and lasted a long time. I loved that thing though.
Yeah, my old computer is a Lindsay fan and like to impersonate her. ;)

Viktymise
Dec 19th, 2006, 11:32 PM
Someone try Kutuzova, i would be crap at doing them which is why am not going to :lol:

Ben.
Dec 19th, 2006, 11:48 PM
so far so good. all of these have impressed me :yeah:

rockstar
Dec 19th, 2006, 11:53 PM
someone do hantuchova, and please don't say she's the wire :tape:

Dementinator
Dec 20th, 2006, 09:17 AM
Windows Hantuchova

An Extremely Lightweight and cut down OS ,can be run from a live CD.
Always been hugely popular and has a big following.
Very attractive front end and has many great desktop themes.
Can be prone to unexplained and sudden crashes ,generating Stop Errors at random.
Capable of producing excelent results but does require a lot of patience.

Ben.
Dec 20th, 2006, 09:27 AM
Windows Hantuchova :tape: :tape:

TheBoiledEgg
Dec 20th, 2006, 09:32 AM
Windows Mauresmo
Version 1 gave a consistent performance. It could be trusted but was not among the top notch. It also had a tendency to break down right before you planned to save that extremely important document.

In version 2 the break downs was corrected but the consistent performance suffered.



Windows Mauresmo
not suitable to use at home :o :o

Martian Stacey
Dec 20th, 2006, 09:56 AM
:lol: great thread :yeah:

Rix643
Dec 20th, 2006, 10:46 AM
Great thread !! :yeah:

IŽll try one:

Windows Vesnina

Powerful OS with pleasant looking GUI. Strong in back-end processing, usable on servers.
Promising performances in combination with other OS, i.e. Windows Chakvetadze.
Some problems with error-handling and tendency to break down after a number of tasks requires further development.

Dementieva Serve
Dec 20th, 2006, 11:25 AM
Great thread Dementinator :lol:

Lemonskin.
Dec 20th, 2006, 11:34 AM
Windows Molik

Starts slow, but once you boot it up it can really get a roll on. Was once ranked in the top-10. Excellent server. Unfortunately, prone to viruses, and can take a long time to recover from them.


Windows Stosur

Promising server that is OK on its own but when combined with another OS, it's #1.

A'DAM
Dec 20th, 2006, 11:51 AM
One of the best threads of the 2006!!!

Maybe one version about Domachowska or Radwanska (sisters) :lol:

Viktymise
Dec 20th, 2006, 11:58 AM
Windows Pironkova

Unconventional but powerfull server. Solid in most areas of its hardware. Relatively fast and powerfull but very unpredictable. Has been giving some of the top brands on the market a run for their money this year at times even outselling Windows Venus briefly and Windows Groenefeld and has a shot next year to break into some of the bestseller lists

Windows Kutuzova

Although still a young prototype it was developed many years ago and looked set to be the next big thing after being developed in Chris Evert's Eutectics but the system has been known to stall and still has some flaws that need to be worked out although has shown signs of improvement and could yet be one of the best systems out there in the years to come

Windows Sprem

Its hard to think of another operating system which is as powerfull as this machine. Huge server and has pretty much got all of the components required but after being infected with the deadly virus Borna Bikic has completley stalled and crashed, luckily this OS has removed the Borna Bikic virus from its system and is being worked on extensively again, unfortunatley the virus Borna Bikic has spread to Windows Dokic just after its was removed from Windows Sprem

Theres my one, sorry if there bad :p

Rix643
Dec 20th, 2006, 11:59 AM
Another one (it is rather quiet at work).

Windows Krajicek v.2.0

Released a couple of years after discontinuation of version1.0, which can still be found on some older systems.
Similar specifications, although smaller in size and with a radical redesigned GUI. Powerful OS, works well on servers.
Sluggishness during prolonged tasks causes system failure too frequently though.
Major upgrade expected.

LoveFifteen
Dec 20th, 2006, 12:28 PM
Windows Capriati

*Very popular with teenagers, frequently shoplifted

*Causes mechanical problems that can lead the computer to emit smoke

*Frequently gets fatal errors on purpose so it can get reinstalled ... it just loves it when you have to slip the dick disk back in.

Vamos.
Dec 20th, 2006, 05:02 PM
Windows Mauresmo
Version 1 gave a consistent performance. It could be trusted but was not among the top notch. It also had a tendency to break down right before you planned to save that extremely important document.

In version 2 the break downs was corrected but the consistent performance suffered.

Windows Hingis

With this OS you can do just about anything. It's not very powerful but very versatile. Earlier versions could have problems interacting with other computers.

Haha! Very good, Mauresmo one is extremely accurate.

Particularly liked the Myskina and Henin ones too: installs spyware and such that you are not aware of...immense analogy!:worship:

Craigy
Dec 20th, 2006, 05:15 PM
Windows Vaidisova

Powerful, exciting system. Has bad habit of shutting self off and refusing to restart.

:haha: :haha:

Sally Struthers
Dec 20th, 2006, 05:35 PM
Windows Kournikova:
Sleek with lots of bells and whistles to look at
Performs best working in parallel with another computer
Poor for server applications

Windows Zvonereva
Highly sensitive. Sets off blue screens, GPFs, runtime errors, etc. at the push of any wrong button

Windows Williams (Serena edition)
Robust and powerful, however spends too many resources on background applications such as designing its own software, surfing the internet to make all the big web events, and playing with photoshop.

Windows Dokic
An old and tired, has been OS that conflicts with older operating systems.
Only good for assigning draws at tennis tournaments

Windows Pierre-Yves
Does it run software for the PC or Mac? We don't know :shrug: It says it runs programs for PC but all appearances make it seem Mac compliant. :shrug:

Windows Justine
Turns off at the drop of a hat no matter what program you're running if it feels like it
Has a problem with the pointer turning into a hand at random times.

Windows Hantuchova
Keeps purging memory.

Windows Mauresmo
According to one reviewer, it's like "half a Mac"

LoveFifteen
Dec 20th, 2006, 06:36 PM
Windows Pierre-Yves
Does it run software for the PC or Mac? We don't know :shrug: It says it runs programs for PC but all appearances make it seem Mac compliant. :shrug:

Windows Justine
Turns off at the drop of a hat no matter what program you're running if it feels like it
Has a problem with the pointer turning into a hand at random times.

Windows Hantuchova
Keeps purging memory.

Windows Mauresmo
According to one reviewer, it's like "half a Mac"

*DEATH*

These four killed me, Sally! :haha:

"You must spread around ... "

Ceze
Dec 20th, 2006, 06:56 PM
good thread :lol: Windows Mauresmo
not suitable to use at home :o :ounfortunately :sad:

darrinbaker00
Dec 20th, 2006, 08:38 PM
Windows Justine
Turns off at the drop of a hat no matter what program you're running if it feels like it
Has a problem with the pointer turning into a hand at random times.
Windows Justine is also very, VERY susceptible to viruses..... :tape:

Windows Williams (Venus Edition)
Inconsistent server, breaks down frequently.

Windows Alexus Jones
Not scheduled to launch for another 10-12 years, but already WAY overhyped.

miffedmax
Dec 20th, 2006, 09:02 PM
Windows Schynder

Bizarre, independent system that will only work with one computer, yet insists that it is the only correct system (shades of being a Mac?). Is only system on earth that is powered solely by orange juice. Also features left hand drives.

Windows Jankovic

System works great for 10 weeks, then shuts down and will not reboot for 10 weeks. Then it works great again for about 10 weeks . . .

And, of course, for those of you who may be running and experience trouble with you Windows Sprem system, we are proud to introduce our new Watts Patch. This powerful disk repair system will upgrade your Sprem system to perform at Venus-like levels, but only for a day or two. We are hoping to fix that small problem in the near future.

Dementinator
Dec 20th, 2006, 09:12 PM
some really good ones here

glad you all liked the thread......

Martian Stacey
Dec 20th, 2006, 10:59 PM
Windows Kournikova:
Sleek with lots of bells and whistles to look at
Performs best working in parallel with another computer
Poor for server applications

Windows Zvonereva
Highly sensitive. Sets off blue screens, GPFs, runtime errors, etc. at the push of any wrong button

Windows Williams (Serena edition)
Robust and powerful, however spends too many resources on background applications such as designing its own software, surfing the internet to make all the big web events, and playing with photoshop.

Windows Dokic
An old and tired, has been OS that conflicts with older operating systems.
Only good for assigning draws at tennis tournaments

Windows Pierre-Yves
Does it run software for the PC or Mac? We don't know :shrug: It says it runs programs for PC but all appearances make it seem Mac compliant. :shrug:

Windows Justine
Turns off at the drop of a hat no matter what program you're running if it feels like it
Has a problem with the pointer turning into a hand at random times.

Windows Hantuchova
Keeps purging memory.

Windows Mauresmo
According to one reviewer, it's like "half a Mac"
omg :haha: these are brilliant!

darrinbaker00
Dec 20th, 2006, 11:06 PM
Windows Billie Jean King
Started out as a PC application, despite rumors that it was a Mac masquerading as a PC. When Windows BJK switched over to Mac, it insisted it was a "Mac trapped in a PC tower." Is now a leading proponent of Mac applications worldwide.

Dutglish
Dec 21st, 2006, 08:42 PM
Windows Sanchez-Vicario Pro

It runs for seventeen years. Then it quits.

Dementinator
Dec 21st, 2006, 08:49 PM
Windows Raymond

This one has been about for ever ,its sometimes known as "Windows for Luddites"
The only OS still to arrive on Floppies.
Unattractive front end ,but can still be useful.
Usually works best as part of a "Multicore" system.

darrinbaker00
Dec 21st, 2006, 09:22 PM
Windows Alexandra Stevenson

SERIOUS motherboard issues.

*JR*
Dec 22nd, 2006, 12:28 AM
Windows Mirza

First major release from India's Silicon Valley in Bangalore packs plenty of power. But the editors advise waiting for the upgraded version, as the Beta is riddled with errors. However, huge licensing revenues have thus far precluded the developers making major changes.

Dementieva Serve
Dec 22nd, 2006, 02:48 AM
Windows Navratilova

Old fashioned looking, slow, been around for ages, won lots of awards.

(Sorry I'm not very good at this!)

darrinbaker00
Dec 22nd, 2006, 08:03 AM
Windows Navratilova

Old fashioned looking, slow, been around for ages, won lots of awards.

(Sorry I'm not very good at this!)
I think Navratilova would be a Commodore 64 application, not Windows.

Sharapova's_Boy
Dec 22nd, 2006, 09:07 AM
Windows Kournikova:
Sleek with lots of bells and whistles to look at
Performs best working in parallel with another computer
Poor for server applications

Windows Zvonereva
Highly sensitive. Sets off blue screens, GPFs, runtime errors, etc. at the push of any wrong button

Windows Williams (Serena edition)
Robust and powerful, however spends too many resources on background applications such as designing its own software, surfing the internet to make all the big web events, and playing with photoshop.

Windows Dokic
An old and tired, has been OS that conflicts with older operating systems.
Only good for assigning draws at tennis tournaments

Windows Pierre-Yves
Does it run software for the PC or Mac? We don't know :shrug: It says it runs programs for PC but all appearances make it seem Mac compliant. :shrug:

Windows Justine
Turns off at the drop of a hat no matter what program you're running if it feels like it
Has a problem with the pointer turning into a hand at random times.

Windows Hantuchova
Keeps purging memory.

Windows Mauresmo
According to one reviewer, it's like "half a Mac"

:haha:

Sharapova's_Boy
Dec 22nd, 2006, 09:08 AM
Windows Vaidisova

Powerful, exciting system. Has bad habit of shutting self off and refusing to restart. Error messages similar to Windows Myskina. Works very well with servers, and enterprising users have patched together with Windows Dementieva to achieve surprisingly good results.

You forgot to mention that it doesn't work well with children. :tape:

Ben.
Dec 22nd, 2006, 09:16 AM
keep them coming guys :yeah: they're all good!

Apoorv
Dec 22nd, 2006, 10:30 AM
Windows Navratilova

It was the fastest and most powerful OS of its time. Ruled the market for several years. Worked nicely on 8086 platform. After retiring it from stand alone systems, people refused to give it up and it came back and got used for parallel processing systems. No major upgradation were done and it became less powerful compared to newer systems but the developers blame the lack of backward compatibility of the newer platforms for its lack of performance. A few months back this great OS was retired from parallel processing units also but history suggests it may come back.