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New
Aug 6th, 2006, 06:17 PM
My grandma just passed away this morning and I always dreaded this moment. :sad:

I always wanted to die young not because I like to die, but the pain of someone so close to you leaving first is just unbearable and I thought if I left first, I would never feel so bad.:sad:

I'm not hysterical or anything now. My eyes hurt a lot and now I'm like a living rollercoaster. I can be very calm, but when I somehow think about her and all she did in the past, tears would come easily and I can't stop.:sad:

I know she wouldn't want me to feel this way... I'm trying not to, but it's so hard...:sad:

I wish someone could just give me advice on how to move on...I'm not too sure if I can...:sad:

New
Aug 6th, 2006, 06:18 PM
She's a wonderful person :) and I would like to share this blog entry about her... though mere words could never describe all the wonderful things she have done.. but it is the best I could come up with...:sad:

New
Aug 6th, 2006, 06:19 PM
A Tribute to the most remarkable lady in the world. Lim Soo Lan (1931-2006)
Lim Soo Lan is my grandma and she has done so much in her life, much more than I'll ever do. I miss her very much, but with all my intelligence, money and life, tears and heartaches, I could never bring her back into my life.

Born in 1931, she was one of the luckiest ones as her family was rich. She survived the Japanses Occupation in a big house accompanied by a series of tunnels. But who would have thought that her life would be so hard on her when she grew older.

She was not given the chance to study, unlike her younger sister, and amazingly, she could speak all sorts of dialect, Hokkien being one of them, Japanese, English, Chinese and even Malay! It makes me wonder, given that skill, had she had the chance to study, would her life had been better?

She was married to my grandfather who I have not had the chance to see, but I heard he was a drunken man, so life must have been tough. But he died early, and she had to single handedly take care of 7 children (2 boys and 5 girls). She brought them about and to the church where she earned her living by sweeping the floor. She managed to ensure all her children at least get a secondary education and she moved into Commonwealth Crescent, a small apartment with only 2 rooms and one living room.

She also helped to babysit neighbourhood kids, one of whom I know is a lovely girl who graduated from university and already gotten married and have never forgotten my grandmother.

Of course, I can't know much more of what happened in the past, she never said beyond all these, but I know it was never easy on her. I mean I can't even handle a few students now, let alone 7 in the same house and raising them.

Anyway, the next generation arrived and so did I. I was posted to Fairfield Methodist. But my dad bought a house in Bukit Batok which meant I had to get up at a crazy 5am everyday. To prevent that, I moved in with my grandma and stayed with her along with my sister.

She would faithfully wake up every morning, for the next 8 years at 530-6am to prepare breakfast for me. I was never late because of her. She always dote on me and gives me the allowance I needed, giving me extra when I requested for it, never questioning suspiciously if I was trying to ask for more than neccessary.

Her wallet was always full. I admit I did take some notes to buy comics when I was in Primary 2. She would never know the difference cos there was so many notes anyway. Maybe she knew, but she never exposed me.

She rarely get upset with me, only once when I was made to kneel down. The occassion was so rare itself that the kneel incident was all I remembered. I can't even remember the reason for it.

There was always food. I never felt hungry at all. Be it at night, in the day, in the wee hours of the morning, she would make dishes as long as my sister and I would say we are hungry. She never complained about us eating at night. Even when she doesn't cook, she would have stuffed us with money to ask us to buy food from the nearby hawker.

She was encouraging too. I never gotten a scolding for any results for tests and exams. My dad on the contrast was strict and I even got beaten for failing spelling in Primary 2. But my grandma was full of nice words. She would say, "It doesn't matter what results you get, as long as you tried your best, that is good enough for me."

Sometimes I did do my best, but sometimes I was lazy and I felt guilty about my poor grades. But she would never judge me. In fact all the way to university, when I was indulged in fantasies of being a professional tennis player instead of finding a normal job like a teacher. She would be the only one in the world who would say that she would support me in whatever I do. She would tell me that there are many people who are successful in life even if studying is not their forte. So she would fully support me if I refused to study in uni.

I went to university anyway. And became a teacher. But she was also happy with the path I took. To her, it was never about what I do. It was more about if I was happy. When I smiled, she would laugh too. She liked seeing our family being happy and close.

I was always a smart alec and loved to argue at home, she would laugh at my "smart" comments and said I should be a lawyer since no one can win me in arguements. Even then I had to argue back. I told her the law course was tough, so I'm not going to study that and she would laugh.

I really wished that I could have won a tennis tournament and be able to tell the whole world how much credit to her that I could do something I liked and excel in it because of this wonderful grandmother, but now I can't. She's left and I miss her so.

I always did tell her I would die young and it would be good cos I won't have to feel the pain of any of my relatives dying. But she couldn't wait for me to go first and this heartache is hurting me. I'm in pain. I miss her. I really do. I hope that whereever she is, she would be happy and remember me like the way I remember her.

I miss you grandma. I really do.

¤CharlDa¤
Aug 6th, 2006, 06:22 PM
Oh Kit Kat, I'm so sorry :sad: Sadly it's sthing everyone needs to go through, and all I can tell ya is: be strong and always remember her as she wanted to be remembered.

hurricanejeanne
Aug 6th, 2006, 06:52 PM
:hug: So sorry about the loss...
I understand, my grandfather passed suddenly back in March. He went in his sleep. My family is so big word got out fast. The first week or so, until the funeral is over is the worst. I pretty much blocked it out until the funeral then it was hard. What was harder was watching my mom, one of the strongest women I know break down during the military part of the ceremony.
But, the best way to deal with it is to remember the good times and not the bad. The passage of time always helps as well.

:hug: again.

CooCooCachoo
Aug 6th, 2006, 06:54 PM
Kat, that is such a beautiful post :hearts: I am sure you are doing your grandmother justice with it and I think your next of kin would be very moved reading it. I never knew her, of course, but it sketches the image of such a warm, positive woman that would have enrichened everyone's life.

I am so sorry she is gone :sad: I wish you the best of luck in dealing with the loss and mourn not over the fact that she is gone, but be happy of all the wonderful memories she has given you.

:hug:

New
Aug 6th, 2006, 06:57 PM
Oh Kit Kat, I'm so sorry :sad: Sadly it's sthing everyone needs to go through, and all I can tell ya is: be strong and always remember her as she wanted to be remembered.

thank you..:sad:

New
Aug 6th, 2006, 06:57 PM
:hug: So sorry about the loss...
I understand, my grandfather passed suddenly back in March. He went in his sleep. My family is so big word got out fast. The first week or so, until the funeral is over is the worst. I pretty much blocked it out until the funeral then it was hard. What was harder was watching my mom, one of the strongest women I know break down during the military part of the ceremony.
But, the best way to deal with it is to remember the good times and not the bad. The passage of time always helps as well.

:hug: again.

thank you for your advice... i'll try but it is hard... very...:sad:

New
Aug 6th, 2006, 06:58 PM
Kat, that is such a beautiful post :hearts: I am sure you are doing your grandmother justice with it and I think your next of kin would be very moved reading it. I never knew her, of course, but it sketches the image of such a warm, positive woman that would have enrichened everyone's life.

I am so sorry she is gone :sad: I wish you the best of luck in dealing with the loss and mourn not over the fact that she is gone, but be happy of all the wonderful memories she has given you.

:hug:

thank you for your kind words... but it is the wonderful memories that make me cry...:sad: i can't think of anything bad now ..

CondiLicious
Aug 6th, 2006, 07:08 PM
My grandma just passed away this morning and I always dreaded this moment. :sad:

I always wanted to die young not because I like to die, but the pain of someone so close to you leaving first is just unbearable and I thought if I left first, I would never feel so bad.:sad:

I'm not hysterical or anything now. My eyes hurt a lot and now I'm like a living rollercoaster. I can be very calm, but when I somehow think about her and all she did in the past, tears would come easily and I can't stop.:sad:

I know she wouldn't want me to feel this way... I'm trying not to, but it's so hard...:sad:

I wish someone could just give me advice on how to move on...I'm not too sure if I can...:sad:

My grandmother died August 24th last year. When it happened I felt like my own life was over and didn't know how I'd cope living my life without her, as we were very close and I depended on her a lot. But each day got easier to deal with than the day previous. It's a cliche but time does heal. I still think of her every day and miss her immensely but these days I can think about her and not get sad. I just think of all the great memories I have of her.

But I think you need to cry and mourn... so let yourself do it.

Dexter
Aug 6th, 2006, 07:10 PM
I'm so sorry for you :hug: Actually I have never met any of my grandmas cuz both of them died before my birth.
From what you've written you owe so many, and had great time with her. I'm sure those moments will remind in your mind forever. I hope your pain after this terrible loss goes away soon :hug: :hug:

R.I.P. Lim Soo Lan :sad:

tennislover
Aug 6th, 2006, 09:24 PM
:hug:

furrykitten
Aug 6th, 2006, 09:28 PM
:hug: sorry about your loss :sad:

tennislover
Aug 6th, 2006, 09:34 PM
A Tribute to the most remarkable lady in the world. Lim Soo Lan (1931-2006)
Lim Soo Lan is my grandma and she has done so much in her life, much more than I'll ever do. I miss her very much, but with all my intelligence, money and life, tears and heartaches, I could never bring her back into my life.

Born in 1931, she was one of the luckiest ones as her family was rich. She survived the Japanses Occupation in a big house accompanied by a series of tunnels. But who would have thought that her life would be so hard on her when she grew older.

She was not given the chance to study, unlike her younger sister, and amazingly, she could speak all sorts of dialect, Hokkien being one of them, Japanese, English, Chinese and even Malay! It makes me wonder, given that skill, had she had the chance to study, would her life had been better?

She was married to my grandfather who I have not had the chance to see, but I heard he was a drunken man, so life must have been tough. But he died early, and she had to single handedly take care of 7 children (2 boys and 5 girls). She brought them about and to the church where she earned her living by sweeping the floor. She managed to ensure all her children at least get a secondary education and she moved into Commonwealth Crescent, a small apartment with only 2 rooms and one living room.

She also helped to babysit neighbourhood kids, one of whom I know is a lovely girl who graduated from university and already gotten married and have never forgotten my grandmother.

Of course, I can't know much more of what happened in the past, she never said beyond all these, but I know it was never easy on her. I mean I can't even handle a few students now, let alone 7 in the same house and raising them.

Anyway, the next generation arrived and so did I. I was posted to Fairfield Methodist. But my dad bought a house in Bukit Batok which meant I had to get up at a crazy 5am everyday. To prevent that, I moved in with my grandma and stayed with her along with my sister.

She would faithfully wake up every morning, for the next 8 years at 530-6am to prepare breakfast for me. I was never late because of her. She always dote on me and gives me the allowance I needed, giving me extra when I requested for it, never questioning suspiciously if I was trying to ask for more than neccessary.

Her wallet was always full. I admit I did take some notes to buy comics when I was in Primary 2. She would never know the difference cos there was so many notes anyway. Maybe she knew, but she never exposed me.

She rarely get upset with me, only once when I was made to kneel down. The occassion was so rare itself that the kneel incident was all I remembered. I can't even remember the reason for it.

There was always food. I never felt hungry at all. Be it at night, in the day, in the wee hours of the morning, she would make dishes as long as my sister and I would say we are hungry. She never complained about us eating at night. Even when she doesn't cook, she would have stuffed us with money to ask us to buy food from the nearby hawker.

She was encouraging too. I never gotten a scolding for any results for tests and exams. My dad on the contrast was strict and I even got beaten for failing spelling in Primary 2. But my grandma was full of nice words. She would say, "It doesn't matter what results you get, as long as you tried your best, that is good enough for me."

Sometimes I did do my best, but sometimes I was lazy and I felt guilty about my poor grades. But she would never judge me. In fact all the way to university, when I was indulged in fantasies of being a professional tennis player instead of finding a normal job like a teacher. She would be the only one in the world who would say that she would support me in whatever I do. She would tell me that there are many people who are successful in life even if studying is not their forte. So she would fully support me if I refused to study in uni.

I went to university anyway. And became a teacher. But she was also happy with the path I took. To her, it was never about what I do. It was more about if I was happy. When I smiled, she would laugh too. She liked seeing our family being happy and close.

I was always a smart alec and loved to argue at home, she would laugh at my "smart" comments and said I should be a lawyer since no one can win me in arguements. Even then I had to argue back. I told her the law course was tough, so I'm not going to study that and she would laugh.

I really wished that I could have won a tennis tournament and be able to tell the whole world how much credit to her that I could do something I liked and excel in it because of this wonderful grandmother, but now I can't. She's left and I miss her so.

I always did tell her I would die young and it would be good cos I won't have to feel the pain of any of my relatives dying. But she couldn't wait for me to go first and this heartache is hurting me. I'm in pain. I miss her. I really do. I hope that whereever she is, she would be happy and remember me like the way I remember her.

I miss you grandma. I really do.


:worship: :worship: :worship:

drake3781
Aug 6th, 2006, 09:57 PM
I read every word of your tribute and it was beautiful.

I'm very sorry for you and the people who loved her.

What to do when someone you love passes on: write a tribute to him or her! Express all the things you appreciate about the person, and list all of the good memories that you will cherish the rest of your life.

And that is exactly what you did, so you know the answer.

The pain will pass, and what she left you is with you always.

Yasmine
Aug 7th, 2006, 08:35 AM
Gosh i have gone through this before and I wish i could find the right words to make you feel better. Unfortunately all I can do is tell you I'm sorry to hear about your grandma :awww: Only time will help you heal and in a bit of time all you'll remember is the nice memories you have with her.

In that kind of situation I find that the best is to stay close to people who are really important to you, stick up together and never hesitate to let out what you've got on your mind about your loss. There's nothing worse than keeping all to yourself and live in like a bubble, it only hurts more.

Your tribute is wonderful :worship: I don't know if your grandma sees you or not but I hope that somehow she does because she would be proud of you :hug:

James
Aug 7th, 2006, 09:18 AM
I wish you the best in dealing with this loss. The tribute was very well written. I am sure your family appreciated it. :hug:

Prizeidiot
Aug 7th, 2006, 09:38 AM
The only advice I can give you is: give it time.

The first week you'll have the person on your mind all the time, and you'll be a wreck. Then you'll think about them every so often, and cry sometimes. And it'll continue like this, until one day, you'll just stop dwelling on it.

And then it stops feeling so bad when you think about it.

That's how it's worked out for me anyway, but I think it applies to most.

skanky~skanketta
Aug 7th, 2006, 10:44 AM
i'm truly sorry for your loss. my cousin who i was very close to died last year and quite frankly, you cant really move on. i mean, yes, the memories are there but i always feel pangs of sadness when i think about him. the thing is that it will take time. i never thought i'd ever get over i but somehow i managed to stop feeling so depressed. a loss of a loved one just makes you appreciate the others so much more.

my heart goes out to you.

Kirt12255
Aug 7th, 2006, 12:06 PM
New I truely feel for you. Anyone who has had to deal with grief has their stomach turned.

For the first 6 months...you just have to let everything "you are" react how it should. If you need to ball youre eyes out...then let it happen. If you need to break something.

Writing it down is also a very advisable thing as you have done. I respect you for opening up.

I lost my Dad, who was my rock just a few years ago now. The best advice I can offer is to remember them with the conviction they deserve. Learn from them. The reason I bring my father into this is because I remember being so devestated and posting it on this board. Reguardless of any indifferences peeps have on this board, 99% will be there for you in a time like this.

New...they never leave you! Grandma will be watching all of youre achievements with a broad smile I bet in the future. :hug:

Cage
Aug 7th, 2006, 12:24 PM
Be moody more so

King Aaron
Aug 7th, 2006, 05:23 PM
:hug: :hug: Take however much time you need to grief and mourn, but after that you have to move on and just remember the happy times. :kiss:

New
Aug 8th, 2006, 01:48 AM
Thanks guys for being so supportive... I was at the wake, so I wasn't back to read all that you guys typed...

I'll personally read and answer each one cos I feel grateful for each of your help and I want to show my appreciation at least..:)

New
Aug 8th, 2006, 01:51 AM
My grandmother died August 24th last year. When it happened I felt like my own life was over and didn't know how I'd cope living my life without her, as we were very close and I depended on her a lot. But each day got easier to deal with than the day previous. It's a cliche but time does heal. I still think of her every day and miss her immensely but these days I can think about her and not get sad. I just think of all the great memories I have of her.

But I think you need to cry and mourn... so let yourself do it.

I want to keep crying... but right now I reached a stage of no more tears, but just sadness...

For me and my sister, each morning is a torture... we are both teachers and that morning light when we wake up would remind us that she would already be awake and breakfast was ready...:sad:

We just wanted to go back to the past where we used to be so carefree and happy... but we cant... and every morning is so painful...:sad:

Thanks for your advice..:)

New
Aug 8th, 2006, 01:52 AM
I'm so sorry for you :hug: Actually I have never met any of my grandmas cuz both of them died before my birth.
From what you've written you owe so many, and had great time with her. I'm sure those moments will remind in your mind forever. I hope your pain after this terrible loss goes away soon :hug: :hug:

R.I.P. Lim Soo Lan :sad:

yes.. I was very close to her compared with my other grandma...

thanks for your kind words...:)

New
Aug 8th, 2006, 01:52 AM
:hug:

thanks...:)

New
Aug 8th, 2006, 01:53 AM
:hug: sorry about your loss :sad:

thanks...:)

New
Aug 8th, 2006, 01:55 AM
I read every word of your tribute and it was beautiful.

I'm very sorry for you and the people who loved her.

What to do when someone you love passes on: write a tribute to him or her! Express all the things you appreciate about the person, and list all of the good memories that you will cherish the rest of your life.

And that is exactly what you did, so you know the answer.

The pain will pass, and what she left you is with you always.

I'm scared and hurt...

part of me wishes to feel sad forever cos i'm afraid I would forget her... :sad:

yet part of me can't stand the pain...:sad:

seriously, i'm just very confused right now...

thanks for your kind words ...:)

New
Aug 8th, 2006, 01:59 AM
Gosh i have gone through this before and I wish i could find the right words to make you feel better. Unfortunately all I can do is tell you I'm sorry to hear about your grandma :awww: Only time will help you heal and in a bit of time all you'll remember is the nice memories you have with her.

In that kind of situation I find that the best is to stay close to people who are really important to you, stick up together and never hesitate to let out what you've got on your mind about your loss. There's nothing worse than keeping all to yourself and live in like a bubble, it only hurts more.

Your tribute is wonderful :worship: I don't know if your grandma sees you or not but I hope that somehow she does because she would be proud of you :hug:

thanks for your kind words..

gosh... everyone says she woud be proud of me, but i really wonder if it is true..she never got the chance to tell me that as her last words...:sad:

I missed the last chance to see her... my family was 5-10 minutes late and she was already gone...:sad:

we din know she was in the hospital cos some relatives kept it in the dark from us... till it was too late... they din let us know due to some religion thing where they blamed my grandma's condition on my dad...

I'm not too sure if i can forgive them for that...:sad:

New
Aug 8th, 2006, 02:01 AM
I wish you the best in dealing with this loss. The tribute was very well written. I am sure your family appreciated it. :hug:

thanks for your kind words, though i must say this tribute is way too summarised...

but i cant recall anything more... maybe i should have spent more time with her...:sad:

New
Aug 8th, 2006, 02:02 AM
The only advice I can give you is: give it time.

The first week you'll have the person on your mind all the time, and you'll be a wreck. Then you'll think about them every so often, and cry sometimes. And it'll continue like this, until one day, you'll just stop dwelling on it.

And then it stops feeling so bad when you think about it.

That's how it's worked out for me anyway, but I think it applies to most.

thanks a lot for that advice...:)

like i said early... now i'm kinda confused... i want to feel better, but not too sure if feeling better means i'm forgetting her...so part of me wants to feel the pain..... i'm just such a contradictary person..:sad:

New
Aug 8th, 2006, 02:03 AM
i'm truly sorry for your loss. my cousin who i was very close to died last year and quite frankly, you cant really move on. i mean, yes, the memories are there but i always feel pangs of sadness when i think about him. the thing is that it will take time. i never thought i'd ever get over i but somehow i managed to stop feeling so depressed. a loss of a loved one just makes you appreciate the others so much more.

my heart goes out to you.

thanks...:)

New
Aug 8th, 2006, 02:06 AM
New I truely feel for you. Anyone who has had to deal with grief has their stomach turned.

For the first 6 months...you just have to let everything "you are" react how it should. If you need to ball youre eyes out...then let it happen. If you need to break something.

Writing it down is also a very advisable thing as you have done. I respect you for opening up.

I lost my Dad, who was my rock just a few years ago now. The best advice I can offer is to remember them with the conviction they deserve. Learn from them. The reason I bring my father into this is because I remember being so devestated and posting it on this board. Reguardless of any indifferences peeps have on this board, 99% will be there for you in a time like this.

New...they never leave you! Grandma will be watching all of youre achievements with a broad smile I bet in the future. :hug:

i hope so... i dunno why... but when i saw your last sentence... my tears were coming out... i thought i ran out of tears already given the amount i let out for the past two days..:sad:

i guess i was wrong...

i hope to see her smile for real... i dun want to just think of her smiling from somewhere... it is so hard for it to happen?..:sad:

thanks for your advice...

New
Aug 8th, 2006, 02:07 AM
Be moody more so

not too sure if i understand your advice... but thanks for posting...:)

New
Aug 8th, 2006, 02:08 AM
:hug: :hug: Take however much time you need to grief and mourn, but after that you have to move on and just remember the happy times. :kiss:

thanks for that advice...:)

sorry i ran out of good reps...

will give you tomolo...

New
Aug 8th, 2006, 02:09 AM
I would like to thanks everyone who din post , but good rep me with kind messages as well...

you guys are very nice...

thanks...

K-Dog
Aug 8th, 2006, 07:43 AM
well, i may not know u, but I have some advice for you.

my father died on April 2nd of this year. it was unexpected as he was only 48 years old. to get through that tough time I talked about it with friends and family a lot to get out all those emotions I had. i also tried to live my life as I did before and my passion for tennis was kind of my outlet. have an outlet activity is key just from my own personal experience. getting it all out is also important. don't let one thing stay inside. just be honest with yourself and get those thoughts that might be dragging u down out and open to be discussed. i mean i don't know how spiritual you are, but my faith in God helped me a ton. without that, i would've had such a rough time with the whole situation. i think you also need to realize that she is probably in a better place at the moment and to be happy for her that she has reached that euphoric stae of being. i also feel that everyone has a lot in his/her life and when everything that needs to be done has been done, you get to leave this world and go into a better place. again, a lot of what I say comes from my faith, so you may not relate to any of that.

that's how I dealt with my dad's death. hope that helps you some. i'm so sorry for ur loss. i know how tough it is. time will pass and things will slowly get better, but you will still encounter moments of sadness. those are natural and they only happen because you love that person a lot. again, i hope u feel better and find your own way of dealing with your grandmother's loss in a positive manner.

New
Aug 10th, 2006, 01:09 PM
well, i may not know u, but I have some advice for you.

my father died on April 2nd of this year. it was unexpected as he was only 48 years old. to get through that tough time I talked about it with friends and family a lot to get out all those emotions I had. i also tried to live my life as I did before and my passion for tennis was kind of my outlet. have an outlet activity is key just from my own personal experience. getting it all out is also important. don't let one thing stay inside. just be honest with yourself and get those thoughts that might be dragging u down out and open to be discussed. i mean i don't know how spiritual you are, but my faith in God helped me a ton. without that, i would've had such a rough time with the whole situation. i think you also need to realize that she is probably in a better place at the moment and to be happy for her that she has reached that euphoric stae of being. i also feel that everyone has a lot in his/her life and when everything that needs to be done has been done, you get to leave this world and go into a better place. again, a lot of what I say comes from my faith, so you may not relate to any of that.

that's how I dealt with my dad's death. hope that helps you some. i'm so sorry for ur loss. i know how tough it is. time will pass and things will slowly get better, but you will still encounter moments of sadness. those are natural and they only happen because you love that person a lot. again, i hope u feel better and find your own way of dealing with your grandmother's loss in a positive manner.

thanks for shariong your personal experiences...

very generous of you... i think such topics are really sensitive...

New
Aug 10th, 2006, 01:13 PM
I was actually calmer and wondering if I'm such a heartless person since I've gotten calmer...

I question myself.. Have I forgotten? Do I wish to forget? And I get confused...


And today, watching the coffin go into the flames, just made me all worked up and emotional... I was uncontrollable..:sad:

I knew I can't bring her back to life, but I din want to see her go...:sad:


Today, was absolutely the worse day since when i first know she had died..:sad:

K-Dog
Aug 10th, 2006, 04:32 PM
I was actually calmer and wondering if I'm such a heartless person since I've gotten calmer...

I question myself.. Have I forgotten? Do I wish to forget? And I get confused...


And today, watching the coffin go into the flames, just made me all worked up and emotional... I was uncontrollable..:sad:

I knew I can't bring her back to life, but I din want to see her go...:sad:


Today, was absolutely the worse day since when i first know she had died..:sad:

hey, those things happened to me too. i questioned how much I loved him as well. i didn't cry when I first heard that he died (i wasn't home at the time of his death). heck, I barely cried at his funeral. it is normal. we all deal with death differently and there is no right or wrong way to deal with it. i only really cry when I'm alone and usually at night before i sleep or if I see a movie with death as a main theme (ie Philadelphia, Dead Man Walking, and Brokeback Mountain). being calm means that you are slowly accepting her death and beginning to heal. yes you will have bad days in the future (like prob the rest of your life), but it is also okay to be non-emotional as well.

i hope for the best for u and that u find peace with your grandmother's death. it is a rough road, but i'm sure you can get through it.