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ceiling_fan
Mar 10th, 2006, 11:16 PM
okay... so i don't actually have an LRC to post. :o well i might... but i wanna read some! so miffedmax, darrinbaker, or any other aspiring writers, get ur ass in here!! :D

msharafan
Mar 10th, 2006, 11:42 PM
in the locker room.
lindsay coming in from double bagelling harklerod, and maria waiting for match beside hingis.

lindsay: hi guys, ive just had a great match!

maria: oh really, hmmm, thats good(gets back to txting roddick)

hingis; oh yeah what was the score? (thinking of potential 4th round)

lindsay: oh 6-0 6-0, i didnt feel like giving the vain brat a game!

hingis(to herself) she wont be getting a game off me when i play her ill make her run from pillar to post, and back again, shell wish shed have retired long ago.

maria: good result lindsay, but if your playing me you wont be getting that result off me.

lindsay: i recall last year beating you love and love.

maria: really i dont remember(gets a message off roddick), anyway i dont care even if you did cause how many times have i beaten you, 3,4? 4 i think it was that day i was sick and you know it.

lindsay: and so what if i do? i still did it.(dav to herself) i better not piss her off i might have to play her if i get past hingis.

maria: yeah yeah whatever ive got more important things to think about, like beating that bitch justine for a start, you girls dot any tips on beating her?

hingis: i played her recently but to no avail could i beat her

lindsay: me too, that bitch is a cheat see what she did to poor momo?

maria: yeah and she had to overdose herself on anti inflamitries to beat me along with some bad line calls!

directer of tournement: miss sharapova im afraid theres been a rain delay, you will ahve to wait, this will effect you too, miss hingis.

sharapova: no bother this one should be a piece of cake but no bagel, im not bitchy enough to do that even to my worst enemies(karatancheva).

hingis: yeah thats fine with me too, thanks for letting us know.

lindsay: im off to the players lounge for somthing to eat and drink, wanna come?

maria: (joking) once you dont give me a bagel to eat im already full with those i got one last year here it wasnt very nice, but it didnt repeat on me and never will.

lindsay: i know i know very funny!

hingis: i cant i have to practice with a man so i can compete with you power players.

lindsay: why not practice with momo then?

sharapova: you are such a bitch all you ever do is give out double bagels and laugh, but youll be the one laughing when youre on your rocking chair while im winning back to back slams.

lindsay storms off crying

hingis: she got what was comig to her for that, and she also will when i play her.

sharapova: werent you the one who said that about amelie?

hingis: yep

sharapova: then sorry but youll have to get whats comung to you too thats if you beat lindsay! gotta go im going to ring roddick we have a lot in common you know, we each have our own perfume, maybe you could use some of it? here (she sprays it in hingis)

hingis: thanks i could use some of that.

sharapova: no probs here you can keep this bottle cause you definitly need to catch up with the times you dont play a tennis match smelling of deoderent, you need to customise your own perfume ill put you in contact with my agent max.

hingis: ok talk to you later.

sharapova: bye

ceiling_fan
Mar 12th, 2006, 12:46 AM
let me see that sexy body go -
bump

bump


bump

Rachel_
Mar 12th, 2006, 01:43 AM
In the locker room are Maria and Juju.
Dementieva enters...

Elena: Phew thats over!

Juju: Did you serve well? (chuckles)

Elena: Today was respectable only 16 DF's.

Maria: Thats shit

Elena: But didnt you like do 31 one time?

Maria: Excuse me...

Elena: Ohhh your Sharapova not Kournikova..silly me its just you know i get confused with you blonde Americans you all look the same.

Maria: Im Russian?

Juju: Whats the capital city of Russia?

Maria: Come on dont insult me...

Elena: I'll give you a clue it starts with the same letter as your name..

Maria: I will not be bullied by you 2. Im proud of my heritage, you are just jealous cos im better than u both and im sleeping with the most desireable guy in the world!

Juju: Stay away from le husband bitch

Maria: Dont worry i will he's not into pretty girls anyway..

Amelie walks in...

Amelie: Did someone say pretty girls?

azmad_88
Mar 12th, 2006, 01:47 AM
:lol: both was good

Brett.
Mar 12th, 2006, 01:50 AM
LOL @ Amelie quote

JoJoCircus
Mar 12th, 2006, 02:21 AM
Maria: Dont worry i will he's not into pretty girls anyway..

Amelie walks in...

Amelie: Did someone say pretty girls?


:rolls: :rolls: :rolls:

Hingis+Krajicek
Mar 12th, 2006, 03:38 AM
LOL funniest thing i've heard in a while!!! Nice work both of u :yeah:

ceiling_fan
Mar 12th, 2006, 03:38 AM
MARIA is the capital of russia bitch! :p

Derek.
Mar 12th, 2006, 03:47 AM
In the locker room are Maria and Juju.
Dementieva enters...

Elena: Phew thats over!

Juju: Did you serve well? (chuckles)

Elena: Today was respectable only 16 DF's.

Maria: Thats shit

Elena: But didnt you like do 31 one time?

Maria: Excuse me...

Elena: Ohhh your Sharapova not Kournikova..silly me its just you know i get confused with you blonde Americans you all look the same.

Maria: Im Russian?

Juju: Whats the capital city of Russia?

Maria: Come on dont insult me...

Elena: I'll give you a clue it starts with the same letter as your name..

Maria: I will not be bullied by you 2. Im proud of my heritage, you are just jealous cos im better than u both and im sleeping with the most desireable guy in the world!

Juju: Stay away from le husband bitch

Maria: Dont worry i will he's not into pretty girls anyway..

Amelie walks in...

Amelie: Did someone say pretty girls?


:haha: :yeah:

drake3781
Mar 12th, 2006, 03:49 AM
sharapova: then sorry but youll have to get whats comung to you too thats if you beat lindsay! gotta go im going to ring roddick we have a lot in common you know, we each have our own perfume, maybe you could use some of it? here (she sprays it in hingis)

hingis: thanks i could use some of that.

sharapova: no probs here you can keep this bottle cause you definitly need to catch up with the times you dont play a tennis match smelling of deoderent, you need to customise your own perfume ill put you in contact with my agent max.

hingis: ok talk to you later.

sharapova: bye


so bizarre :lol:

jas_123
Mar 12th, 2006, 06:09 AM
they were so funny write more please!!!!!!1

ctan88
Mar 12th, 2006, 10:08 AM
hmm u guys r so creative ... i agree ... more plz!

Brett.
Mar 13th, 2006, 05:47 AM
Bump!!

martinailuv
Mar 13th, 2006, 12:11 PM
Martina: Hi Lindsay. We haven't played in 5 years and you have a winning record against me. You should win. You're one of my favourite players to play. Do you feel any pressure? Will I make you and the tour look bad if I beat you?

Lindsay: Erm... :bolt:

:angel:

Corswandt
Mar 13th, 2006, 03:03 PM
im sleeping with the most desireable guy in the world!

Juju: Stay away from le husband bitch

Maria: Dont worry i will he's not into pretty girls anyway..

Amelie walks in...

Amelie: Did someone say pretty girls?

:lol:

Corswandt
Mar 13th, 2006, 03:09 PM
Late at night: Masha is hanging out with Andy Roddick, who is playing poker with the rest of the lads in the men’s locker room. Besides Roddick, Andre Agassi, Ivan Ljubicic, Richard Gasquet, Gael Monfils, Tim Henman and David Nalbandian are there. The room is clouded with smoke from big cigars. Several emptied bottles of liquor lie on the floor. A poster of Roger Federer with a bullseye and several darts sticking out of his face is hanging from the door. On another door, another poster, this time of Vaidisova, with "She’s only 16 you pervs!" scribbled over it.

RODDICK – This slivovica you brought is the shit, Ljubo. I thought it would be impossible to beat Kiefer’s moonshine schnapps, but you did it.
LJUBICIC – Glad the booze is to your liking. David being so lucky and emptying my pockets, on the other hand, isn’t to *my* liking.
HENMAN – David was the lucky loser after all. He’s merely replacing Lleyton.
RODDICK – That man is a bore. Classy guy that he is, he just goes on and on about how bad Kim was in bed.
MASHA – Oh my. (curious) I’m learning so much. Do you have knowledge of, you know, intimate information of this sort about other players?
HENMAN – Well, I’ve heard that "Brahms means business" for a certain piano playing tennis professional.
AGASSI – Justine was mistaken for a boy once and sent to our locker room. Even after she obliviously took off her top, we still thought she was just some kid competing in the juniors.
NALBANDIAN (looking at his cards) – Coño!
AGASSI – Yes, it was only when we saw *that* was missing that we realized the mistake.
Everyone shudders.
MASHA – Do you know anything say…about Hingis?
LJUBICIC – No need to ask us.
HENMAN – Because whereas with Kim, Lleyton alone had the first hand knowledge and insisted on sharing it with us…
ALL THE LADS (together) – With Hingis just ask any adult male which at the time lived within a fifty mile radius of any hotel where she’s stayed.

A phone rings.

LJUBICIC – Fuck! I forgot to turn off my mobile. Pick it up, Gael. If it’s my wife, tell her I’m staying late at night doing emergency physio for that old injury of mine.
MONFILS – It’s your coach, actually, telling you not to forget about your practice session tomorrow morning.
LJUBICIC – Tell him to fuck off.
MONFILS – (to the phone) Euh… Monsieur Ljubicic thanks you for your concern and says he’ll be there as scheduled.
MASHA - (to Ljubicic) You mean your wife doesn’t know you’re here?
LJUBICIC – Honey, do you really expect me to tell her that I’ve been spending my nights in the locker room with Sharapova?

MASHA – There’s a question I’ve been meaning to ask you kids.
MONFILS – Shoot.
MASHA – Roger usually says that he decided to become a tennis player after watching Edberg and Boris Becker playing Wimbledon. What famous tennis player made you love tennis?
MONFILS and GASQUET – Anna Kournikova.
MASHA – Really? Not Pete or Andre here?
MONFILS and GASQUET (together) –That was before we reached puberty.
HENMAN – Too right. The young son of a friend of mine was unsure of devoting himself to tennis. Family asks: "Tim, could you offer him a signed racquet or something of the sort?" Got him the SI special with you on it instead. Kid now talks about tennis in his sleep.

NALBANDIAN – What time is it?
MASHA – Hum…8 AM.
NALBANDIAN – 8 AM? Fuck! I’m playing the in morning session not two hours from now. I drank way too much.
RODDICK – Screw that, David. It’s not like you’re going driving or anything.
NALBANDIAN – Good point. Pour me another one before I leave.
MASHA – I should be going too.
AGASSI – Be careful. Be sure no official spots you.
MASHA – No prob. If I get caught, I know what to give them to buy their silence.
HENMAN – A smile, a snog on the cheek and an autographed copy of the SI special?
MASHA (mortified) – No… They always ask me for Kirilenko’s phone number. Bye now.

Masha takes the trap door and slides into the women’s locker room. Lena and Schnyder walk in the locker room to find Masha there.

SCHNYDER – So you want to stash some of your €€€€ away from Mommy Vera’s rapacious hands? My husband can help you out on that. And be sure to ask Andre for Peter Graf’s phone number.
LENA – Maria! I have no idea how you manage to be here earlier than anybody else.
MASHA (looking determined) – Professionalism oblige.

loppy
Mar 13th, 2006, 04:23 PM
In the locker room are Maria and Juju.
Dementieva enters...

Elena: Phew thats over!

Juju: Did you serve well? (chuckles)

Elena: Today was respectable only 16 DF's.

Maria: Thats shit

Elena: But didnt you like do 31 one time?

Maria: Excuse me...

Elena: Ohhh your Sharapova not Kournikova..silly me its just you know i get confused with you blonde Americans you all look the same.

Maria: Im Russian?

Juju: Whats the capital city of Russia?

Maria: Come on dont insult me...

Elena: I'll give you a clue it starts with the same letter as your name..

Maria: I will not be bullied by you 2. Im proud of my heritage, you are just jealous cos im better than u both and im sleeping with the most desireable guy in the world!

Juju: Stay away from le husband bitch

Maria: Dont worry i will he's not into pretty girls anyway..

Amelie walks in...

Amelie: Did someone say pretty girls?

Good stuff :worship:

Craigy
Mar 13th, 2006, 04:43 PM
AGASSI – Justine was mistaken for a boy once and sent to our locker room. Even after she obliviously took off her top, we still thought she was just some kid competing in the juniors.
NALBANDIAN (looking at his cards) – Coño!
AGASSI – Yes, it was only when we saw *that* was missing that we realized the mistake.
Everyone shudders.

:haha:

tennisrox
Mar 13th, 2006, 05:26 PM
A poster of Roger Federer with a bullseye and several darts sticking out of his face is hanging from the door. On another door, another poster, this time of Vaidisova, with "She’s only 16 you pervs!" scribbled over it.
:lol:

MASHA – Roger usually says that he decided to become a tennis player after watching Edberg and Boris Becker playing Wimbledon. What famous tennis player made you love tennis?
MONFILS and GASQUET – Anna Kournikova.
:haha:

MASHA – I should be going too.
AGASSI – Be careful. Be sure no official spots you.
MASHA – No prob. If I get caught, I know what to give them to buy their silence.
HENMAN – A smile, a snog on the cheek and an autographed copy of the SI special?
MASHA (mortified) – No… They always ask me for Kirilenko’s phone number. Bye now.

:haha:

Rachel_
Mar 13th, 2006, 05:49 PM
AGASSI – Justine was mistaken for a boy once and sent to our locker room. Even after she obliviously took off her top, we still thought she was just some kid competing in the juniors.
NALBANDIAN (looking at his cards) – Coño!
AGASSI – Yes, it was only when we saw *that* was missing that we realized the mistake.
Everyone shudders.


MASHA – Do you know anything say…about Hingis?
LJUBICIC – No need to ask us.
HENMAN – Because whereas with Kim, Lleyton alone had the first hand knowledge and insisted on sharing it with us…
ALL THE LADS (together) – With Hingis just ask any adult male which at the time lived within a fifty mile radius of any hotel where she’s stayed.


:haha: :haha:

Corswandt
Mar 19th, 2006, 09:48 PM
*bump*

Could the experts in confrontation threads pick this up to give us some fun in the slow days before Key Biscayne heats up? Max?

bellascarlett
Mar 19th, 2006, 11:17 PM
good stuff Corswandt! :yeah:

write more...:)

fonsito
Mar 19th, 2006, 11:29 PM
THEY'RE MAKING A PHOTOSHOOT TOGETHER:

Vera: where the hell is serena???
Venus: she's injured
Vera: *SOBs*but i saw her running to McDonalds 1 hour ago
Venus: bitch please, that was Star jones
Vera: :cry:

Maria: McDonalds is so overrated
Ana Ivanovic: Did I hear overrated? were you calling me?
Maria: who are you?
Ana: Ana Ivanovic
Maria: huh? a ball girl?
Ana: Noooooooo I'm the new teen sensation
Maria: :tape:

Myskina arrives

Hingis: Ever since i saw this woman, i knew she'd never archieve anything
Myskina: you were wrong, I won a grand slam
Hingis: you had a bye in the final
Myskina: No, i played dementieva...
Hingis: That was my point




sorry that wasnt very funny...

Cat's Pajamas
Mar 19th, 2006, 11:54 PM
Venus walks into locker room finidng Patty and Maria unpacking

Maria: Hello Venus nice to see you back from your long lay off

Venus: Thank you Maria, it really has been to long

Patty: (to herself) I would take a long layoff too if I lose to another whippersnapper Bulgarian

Venus: What's that Patty?!?

Patty: NOthing....

Maria: Anyways have you been practicing a lot in preperation for Miami

Venus: Sorta I kinda got sidelined with having to keep Serena on her strict diet

Maria: Ya she is finally starting to look better

Venus: Well...We were driving over to Miami for the tournament and we were stopping for gas and stupid me picked the station next to McDonalds' and before I could react Serena was already on the run

Patty: Oh dear....

Maria: What happened next?

Venus: Well I started going after but then she started going to fast and well...

Maria: Go on...

Venus: She tripped over the curb and well she rolled her ankle again and now she's out of another tournament

Patty and Maria : :rolleyes:

Venus: Ya it's been a rollercoaster with her...

Maria (obviously trying to change the subject): Well did you hear that Conchita is back in town?

Patty: What???? Oh gosh I can't believe they late that latino lez into Miami

Venus: I really think you should calm down Patty. As long as you don't cross her you will be fine

Patty: Shuttup Venus! Dont be so calm and collective about this! You know Conchita looks for ways to get under my skin

Maria: Patty are you still bitter about those 8 losses to her

Patty: Shuttup no I'm fine i beat her 3 times!

Venus (whispers to Maria): I think she's a little bitter about those five matchpoints at Stanford

Patty: You know that second serve was in you skank! At least I didn't lose to TWO count em TWO Bulgarian teenagers!

Venus (in a rage): Oh you did not! I wasn't going to do this but you have pushed me too far! *whistles*

(Enters Conchita foaming by the mouth leashed by Elena Dementieva)

(Maria throws Patty into the shower and locks the shower door)

Venus: Thank you Elena for bringing me Conchita!

(Dementieva gives the leash to Venus and immediatly runs off screaming at the top of her lungs)

Patty: You wouldn't! (shudders)

Maria and Venus: We would!

(Maria and Venus lift Conchita over the shower door and a big commotion begins

Patty: (lifting her head and arms over the shower door) I sware I take it all back just let me out! It doesn't matter about Karantancheva she was doping!!! You only lost to one Bulgarian teenager!!!

(Venus and Maria Exit as more growling and screaming sounds from the shower)

The End!

bellascarlett
Mar 20th, 2006, 12:04 AM
THEY'RE MAKING A PHOTOSHOOT TOGETHER:

Vera: where the hell is serena???
Venus: she's injured
Vera: *SOBs*but i saw her running to McDonalds 1 hour ago
Venus: bitch please, that was Star jones
Vera: :cry:

Maria: McDonalds is so overrated
Ana Ivanovic: Did I hear overrated? were you calling me?
Maria: who are you?
Ana: Ana Ivanovic
Maria: huh? a ball girl?
Ana: Noooooooo I'm the new teen sensation
Maria: :tape:

Myskina arrives

Hingis: Ever since i saw this woman, i knew she'd never archieve anything
Myskina: you were wrong, I won a grand slam
Hingis: you had a bye in the final
Myskina: No, i played dementieva...
Hingis: That was my point




:rolls: :rolls: