View Full Version : Pacific Life & Nasdaq Open's - Locker Room Confrontation

Mar 9th, 2006, 01:10 AM
Hey All,

I am looking forward to the US Swinging Volley Tour. Let the games begin in earnest.

Here is my first one. I hope to have another more spicer one done before the end of the Miami tourney.


BACKGROUND: Ana & Yelena are in the locker room changing for a practice session.

Ana: Yelena - I love my country - you know - but - I need a freaking break from zeí Fed Cup. I mean - give me a break already. Iíve played for the last few years. The papers are saying that Maria has pulled out too, but they donĎt know zeĎ truth. She was not asked - because you and Nadia have won tournaments this year, so you two are the top two. WhereĎs hers?

Yelena: Oh - donít worry about it. We beat France last time - and look how well Mary and Amelie were playing - so we can beat Belgium I think. Listen - I finally beat Serena - so I can beat Kim or Justine. Their games are not perfect. They can be off and I can be on, and if my serve was better - I could beat them with them being on and me being on. Things just have to fall into place is all. We donít need Maria.

Ana: Yeah, I know we donít need Maria on the team. First of all - she would lose to Kim or Justine - and just think of the media circus thereíd be because of her. Just like today - all the cameras were on her - and reporters were sticking their microphones in her face. (Maria - Maria - Maria - over here Maria) (Inserts Russian expletive) She is not the face of Russia. She is the face of America.

Yelena: Tell me about it. She makes the SI swimsuit issue. And oh - did you see the easy draw they gave her. They want her to make the semis. They always give her an easy time - but look who we always have in ours. And Lindsay gets a fantastic draw.

Ana: Probably Lindsay gets one because she is from Cali and they want to see her face in the place at least until the semis also. I mean - we know she will beat Martina if she makes it that far. I will pay Martina back next time we play.

Yelena: Donít worry about Martina. You have to play her hard. Hit the ball hard and deep and keep the pressure on her - and she then makes the mistakes because she goes for too much. You can beat her here if you two meet - or Dinara will beat her.

Ana: That is zeí truth. Dinara is a tough and tall little cookie. But she did beat me and Maria since she pranced back on ze' tour. Although, Maria did beat her the next time. But I'm ova my loss to Martina - because I beat her before - and I can beat her again. And this time like a drum.

Yelena: I canít wait to play Maria again. We never seem to end up playing each other. I've been working on my serve - and it is getting better and better. If we were to play in this tourney - I would beat her with my groundies, and her serve is not all that anymore.

Ana: Maria is overhype. She has good game - but not ze' best.

Maria: Hi ladies. Did I hear my name?

Ana: I don't know - can you understand Russian?

Maria: Very well thank you - and I can spell it too - so try spellling this. (Maria starts speaking in Russian) Translation: You are only as good as your last win ova any given opponent - and I've beaten you two the last time we've played.

(Other players start coming into the locker room and someone yells - "Yes - catfight")

Yelena: Get real girl. That was in 2004. We are now in 2006.

Maria: (LsOL) and says - ladies do we realllllllllllllllllllly want to give an account on who won what? Because, I have won my share and made the semis in three slams last year and one this year. How about you two?

Nicole Pratt: Ladies - could you please speak in English.

Maria: No - they want to see if I have Russian heart and I want to prove it. I can give just as good as I get in my native tongue. I love mother Russia and have a Russian heart. Finally here and now, I can prove it.

Ana: Okay - prove it!

Lindsay: Ladies - ladies - that's enough. Now please not here and not now. We have a tournament to play. Take it out on each other on the courts if you play each other. I always let my ball do the talking. And like it talked to you last year Maria. I served you up two doughnuts here - and you paid me back in kind the last time we played.

Ana: Rolls eyes at Maria.

Yelena: Walks away from the confrontation.

Maria: Pulls out makeup bag and mirror and applys lip gloss.

Lindsay: That's more like it girls. Now let's play nice.

Justine: Who made you the Player Representative and Peacemaker for the tour Lindsay?


Mar 9th, 2006, 01:33 AM
Is this true???

I can't tell if this is a joke or not :sad:

Mar 9th, 2006, 01:46 AM
Very good script LOL - love it!

Mar 9th, 2006, 01:48 AM
I love it when Nicole Pratt said something LOL

Mar 9th, 2006, 02:05 AM
I don't think I've ever seen a funny one of these...

Mar 9th, 2006, 03:13 AM
Is this true???

I can't tell if this is a joke or not :sad:

lol no, we do this for big tournaments, it's fun:drool:

Mar 9th, 2006, 04:45 AM
Haha, nice work! :D

Mar 9th, 2006, 04:49 AM
*waits patiently for miffedmax...*

Mar 9th, 2006, 05:26 AM
someone add some more....i'm no good at it lol.