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¤CharlDa¤
Feb 18th, 2006, 10:36 PM
Hey guys!

We'll in the past few months, I've been building a relationship with a guy i really love. We are very similar, share the same passion and really were great together. Only thing is, we weren't at the same level of acception with our sexual orientation, or completely not on the same track, which created problems. I was fully ready to get in a relationship with a guy, and he was the perfect one for me.

Yesterday, he told me that he got in a relationship with a girl. I'm not really that shocked, I saw it coming, but it still hurts me a lot. He was very sensitive about it and really looked upset at how affected I was. In those 9 months we've been talking, I really started being attached to him.

I don't think I'm reacting how I should to what is happening. Instead of being pissed at him, I discovered even more why i loved him, his sensibility, his attention to others and our ressemblance. I can't push him out of my life, for the moment I need him. I know I might have to switch my love to friendship, and I'm wondering if I'll be strong enough to do so.

So my question is, how should I deal with it? Should I forget him completely, get him out of my life, as hard as it may be. Or should I try to be stronger, keep on talking to him and try to build on a strong friendship, or should I keep on waiting for him, cause I know deep down inside he has doubts about what he is doing?

And cutie, if you read this, I hope you won't feel offended. I strongly need help from others right now. And don't feel like it is your fault either, I'm sure you are doing what is best for you :kiss:

Thanks y'all :wavey: :sad:

KindaNice
Feb 18th, 2006, 10:57 PM
Wow....sorry to hear about that. That's a tough one for you. Right now I would that one of the most important things is to keep that connection going, as it seems as if you two had a great relationship. I am just ending a 10 year relationship myself, and the most important thing to me is keeping our friendship, as we both care for each other. I am leaving to dinner now, but I will respond more to this later. I certainly relate to your feelings right now....

¤CharlDa¤
Feb 18th, 2006, 11:30 PM
Thanks, that was kinda nice :p ;) Being cheesy helps me getting through it, sorry ;)

¤CharlDa¤
Feb 19th, 2006, 05:03 AM
Thanks for the support guys :tape: ;)

Sally Struthers
Feb 19th, 2006, 07:20 AM
If the guy does not want you, hanging around him and hoping that he'll change his mind is a waste of time. And further more it makes you look pathetic :( . You need to move on with your life to bigger and better things! Just accept that it's over for now and if he does change his mind in the future and wants to get back with you and you do as well count it as a bonus. Clearly he is not ready yet. You have violated one of Sally's Top 10 Rules of Attraction and Relationships: You are not a bellhop so don't pick up people with baggage. :o What is waiting for him going to do besides cause you more anxiety and frustration over a longer period? Uncertainty is not good. You need closure. This does not necessarily mean that you have to shut him out of your life completely (although it might well be easier), but you do need to close the door in your head about the possiblity of an intimate relationship with him.

tennisIlove09
Feb 19th, 2006, 10:14 AM
Dont hang around. Get him completely out of your life. in your own private moments let yourself mourn and cry...but if you see him, be your happy self.

I went through a heartbreak last year. The only man I ever loved really hurt me. I broke up with him, and I was so devastated. It is still weird today to see him. Like, Im a super hardcore bitch to him. I say hi, and fake a smile and that's it. Like...Im not saying to do that, but you need to move on and just allow yourself time to heal. If after you are okay, you want to speak to him you can...but it will be hard for a long time.

:hug:

Brett.
Feb 19th, 2006, 10:33 AM
I agreed with everyone on what they are saying!
If there anything you don't understand of what they are saying, maybe a counsellor might help you out and make you understand, and also will make your life alots better too. Thats what i did when i was younger around 15 or 16 and its really helped!

I really hope (my fingers crossed) that you are still in a good friendship with that guy! Other things is - If you really want to talk to your ex-boyfriend, don't talk about relationship or between both of you and him. Just talk about something about like sports, musics, cars or scenic tours, etc! <---thats the best thing to hold your friendship for longer more than 10 years!

thalle
Feb 19th, 2006, 11:10 AM
I am going through the same. My boyfriend broke up to days ago after 6-7 months. I can't eat really and when I think of the good times, I cry because it's over.

If he was a good friend of you, you shall use him as a friend. You are going through a bad time and I think he can support you.
This is just what I feel, it's the first time I go through it, but this is how I am gonna do it. Use him as that best friend he still is. If he cares for you, he will be there!

I hope you get through it:hug:

creep
Feb 19th, 2006, 12:43 PM
Hey guys!

We'll in the past few months, I've been building a relationship with a guy i really love. We are very similar, share the same passion and really were great together. Only thing is, we weren't at the same level of acception with our sexual orientation, or completely not on the same track, which created problems. I was fully ready to get in a relationship with a guy, and he was the perfect one for me.

Yesterday, he told me that he got in a relationship with a girl. I'm not really that shocked, I saw it coming, but it still hurts me a lot. He was very sensitive about it and really looked upset at how affected I was. In those 9 months we've been talking, I really started being attached to him.

I don't think I'm reacting how I should to what is happening. Instead of being pissed at him, I discovered even more why i loved him, his sensibility, his attention to others and our ressemblance. I can't push him out of my life, for the moment I need him. I know I might have to switch my love to friendship, and I'm wondering if I'll be strong enough to do so.

So my question is, how should I deal with it? Should I forget him completely, get him out of my life, as hard as it may be. Or should I try to be stronger, keep on talking to him and try to build on a strong friendship, or should I keep on waiting for him, cause I know deep down inside he has doubts about what he is doing?

And cutie, if you read this, I hope you won't feel offended. I strongly need help from others right now. And don't feel like it is your fault either, I'm sure you are doing what is best for you :kiss:

Thanks y'all :wavey: :sad:

Nope not offended at all.

MisterQ
Feb 19th, 2006, 06:26 PM
Hey guys!

We'll in the past few months, I've been building a relationship with a guy i really love. We are very similar, share the same passion and really were great together. Only thing is, we weren't at the same level of acception with our sexual orientation, or completely not on the same track, which created problems. I was fully ready to get in a relationship with a guy, and he was the perfect one for me.

Yesterday, he told me that he got in a relationship with a girl. I'm not really that shocked, I saw it coming, but it still hurts me a lot. He was very sensitive about it and really looked upset at how affected I was. In those 9 months we've been talking, I really started being attached to him.

I don't think I'm reacting how I should to what is happening. Instead of being pissed at him, I discovered even more why i loved him, his sensibility, his attention to others and our ressemblance. I can't push him out of my life, for the moment I need him. I know I might have to switch my love to friendship, and I'm wondering if I'll be strong enough to do so.

So my question is, how should I deal with it? Should I forget him completely, get him out of my life, as hard as it may be. Or should I try to be stronger, keep on talking to him and try to build on a strong friendship, or should I keep on waiting for him, cause I know deep down inside he has doubts about what he is doing?

And cutie, if you read this, I hope you won't feel offended. I strongly need help from others right now. And don't feel like it is your fault either, I'm sure you are doing what is best for you :kiss:

Thanks y'all :wavey: :sad:

This sort of situation is really tough (on both sides, but especially yours). :hug: Since you aren't angry at him and he's being sensitive, it might be extreme to cut him out of your life completely. It sounds like you connect on many levels. However, you may find that some time apart, or at least less frequent contact, will help you to stop thinking about him constantly, and move on. I have exes and ex-crushes that I have become friends with again, but usually this was only after a period of time apart. You may always have feelings for him, but after time they can become "manageable" and hopefully won't get in the way of friendship. ;) Good luck.

Dana Marcy
Feb 19th, 2006, 06:28 PM
If you KNOW you can COMPLETELY see him as a friend and ONLY a friend, then stay in contact with him.

If you CAN'T, then don't have him in your life for awhile. Time and distance DOES heal these kinds of wounds. Maybe after a certain amount of time apart, you CAN be friends again.

Good luck!

Kart
Feb 19th, 2006, 07:07 PM
Seeing that he only broke the news to you yesterday it might be wise to spend some time absorbing it before making any rash decisions about forgetting him altogether.

Don't waste any time waiting for him to come out of his bicurious stage though - you could die of old age long before then.

Gonzo Hates Me!
Feb 19th, 2006, 07:20 PM
wow, everyone has given such good advice and i agree with everyone! I don't know if you can be his friend? That abilitity to be friends after a relationship varies from person to person.

So for right now, in a romantic sense, move on. It's gonna be hard. It's gonna hurt like hell. You're gonna cry. You're gonna wanna know more answers. You're gonna wanna call him. Blah blah. But you have to fight it. You *DON'T* NEED him! You will be surprised how much you can live without *needing* someone else you have strong feelings for. You'd be surprised how well you can get over someone if you force yourself to accept that it's over, because he has obviously accepted it by moving on. And his moving on is why you have to move on. This is a growing experience. If you allow yourself to hurt, but allow yourself to fight the hurt and resist the temptation of wanting to be romantic with him again, then you will come out of this such a stronger person, and when you come out of it, it will feel sooooooo good. It's almost feels as good as coming out of a psychological illness, something you had to really mentally fight to climb out of.

Oh yeah, and one last thing that will help--WATCH OPRAH!

Rocketta
Feb 19th, 2006, 07:30 PM
I'm so sorry, CD! :hug:

My advise would be break free for a little while until you get your feelings in check and when you know that you can be around him without it hurting to much then pursue having a friendship again. :hug: :hug:

meyerpl
Feb 19th, 2006, 08:26 PM
In my experience, it will take a lot longer to get over your loss if you try to remain friends.....a LOT longer. It may be worth it, it may not. That's a value judgment.

In the meantime: sleep around, get the shit pounded out of you, drive recklessly, get arrested, get fired from your job, get evicted, start smoking and get a tattoo....all while drunk.

¤CharlDa¤
Feb 19th, 2006, 08:45 PM
Thanks y'all :wavey:

I'm already better today, I didn't talk to him though, each time I did see him so far it was tough. I've been pretty open about how I felt with him and how I felt about what is happening, so that's a plus i think. We both know how the other one feels and I think that is necessary. Few things I still want to know though. and be sure about few things. If we wanna build a strong friendship like I know we can, IO think we both have to be completely honest with each other to at least have a good basis.

When me and him talked few weeks ago, he told me that I made him realised how loved he was around him, he was not very confident and I made him realise how great and beautiful he is. But it seemed that when he chose not to make our relationship keep on going or evolve, like my confidence went down, and I realised no-one was loving me in that way, and it was pretty tough. But now i talked with incredible friends, they are so supportive, and also my family who are so great, and I realised that I was loved more than i thought also, maybe not that way, but still in a great and perfect way :)

CharlDa :hug:

Sally Struthers
Feb 20th, 2006, 05:51 AM
Whatever you do, don't become this!

http://www.dumpstermonkey.com/media/psycho_ex/ :o

martinailuv
Feb 20th, 2006, 01:45 PM
Thanks y'all :wavey:

I'm already better today, I didn't talk to him though, each time I did see him so far it was tough. I've been pretty open about how I felt with him and how I felt about what is happening, so that's a plus i think. We both know how the other one feels and I think that is necessary. Few things I still want to know though. and be sure about few things. If we wanna build a strong friendship like I know we can, IO think we both have to be completely honest with each other to at least have a good basis.

When me and him talked few weeks ago, he told me that I made him realised how loved he was around him, he was not very confident and I made him realise how great and beautiful he is. But it seemed that when he chose not to make our relationship keep on going or evolve, like my confidence went down, and I realised no-one was loving me in that way, and it was pretty tough. But now i talked with incredible friends, they are so supportive, and also my family who are so great, and I realised that I was loved more than i thought also, maybe not that way, but still in a great and perfect way :)

CharlDa :hug:

:D

thalle
Feb 21st, 2006, 08:01 PM
I will refresh my advice!

If you feel strong, then you should definately stay friends and keep him close to you.
I saw my boyfriend today, only four days after we (well he) broke up, but we really enjoyed our time together, it was good! Of course I did think about kissing and I wish we were still together, but I am just happy that we are still good friends. You should try the same, if you feel strong enough!!!

And it is possible to get over a heartbreak!

smiler
Feb 21st, 2006, 11:13 PM
Hey
I hope you're feeling better, I remember how broken I was the last time. It's up to you wether you chan be friends or not, some can and some can't, I'm sure you'll figure that out in time. Wether you feel you can be friends or not, my advice is, don't waste your time hung up on someone who isn't yet comfortable with their sexuality, in my experience you'll only get used by them to try to work it out, this will only ever leave you heartbroken. You need to write this off in terms of a relationship completely & get some distance from that person at least for a while.

new-york
Feb 21st, 2006, 11:55 PM
yeah, i think that would be cool if you could stay friends but don't stay around if it's just because you hope. Live your life, without him if you can't with.

!!!--Duiz™--!!!
Feb 22nd, 2006, 12:11 AM
I believe that highly effective humans do have a goal in life. Most of us do. My philosophy is that life partners are just mutual companions on these quests. If this guy doesn't like you is because he just doesn't, and if you were "both meant for each other" he wouldn't have done what he has done. I believe that what you must do is reset your love life. Start in the beginning, seeking for a companion. It will be tough, but part for you to succeed in the future with anyone is to forgive yourself and others for what has happened and clear it out of your mind. Give yourself a chance, and live for what you dream, don't let one person carry you away, or you will be very unhappy.