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pla
Oct 2nd, 2005, 02:40 AM
Phew, yesterday was one of the worst days of the year for me. I am glad it ended. Gosh, it hurts so much that I must say something, somewhere.. I just think it will never end :sad: :sad: I am horrified of the thought it will never end.

Well, I don't feel better :o Maybe I need to find another place to tell the story and try to find comfortation in telling it.

~ The Leopard ~
Oct 2nd, 2005, 02:44 AM
What's wrong, sweetie?

Barrie_Dude
Oct 2nd, 2005, 02:47 AM
Please, share it with us and we will make you feel better!

pla
Oct 2nd, 2005, 02:50 AM
What's wrong, sweetie?

Sometimes I think everything's wrong. But it's just my depression that comes out. I don't know if I am courageous enough to really tell what's wrong. If I find the strenght, I'll tell my story, just to "get it out" of my system.

~ The Leopard ~, do you believe it's worth telling something in a forum in order to feel better about it?

pla
Oct 2nd, 2005, 02:52 AM
Please, share it with us and we will make you feel better!

I am affraid of the judgement as it conserns other people too. You know, Luxembourg and the World in general is a very small place.

Thanks for your words.

~ The Leopard ~
Oct 2nd, 2005, 02:52 AM
^It depends on how embarrassing it is. Don't put it out there if you might regret doing so later.

~ The Leopard ~
Oct 2nd, 2005, 02:53 AM
Whoops. That was meant to point to your previous post.

pla
Oct 2nd, 2005, 02:57 AM
^It depends on how embarrassing it is. Don't put it out there if you might regret doing so later.

I rarely regret something, if I decide to talk here, it will be ok. It's just that the problem conserns a very special person for me and it may hurt his life if someone knowing him finds this.

Barrie_Dude
Oct 2nd, 2005, 02:59 AM
Uhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I suffer from a bit of depression as well. I am finding that the circus in my head tends to make things much worse, much more diffucult than they have to be or actually are. I suggest that you find someone to talk to, preferably someone that knows what they are doing.

pla
Oct 2nd, 2005, 03:03 AM
Uhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I suffer from a bit of depression as well. I am finding that the circus in my head tends to make things much worse, much more diffucult than they have to be or actually are. I suggest that you find someone to talk to, preferably someone that knows what they are doing.

I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression in the beggining of the year. I was talking to a professional about all the problems I had to face in my short life but it doesn't help a lot. I mean, it just got worse. Talking about everything was making it even more live in my head and it hurt so much.. :sad: I got medication too but it makes me sleepy and I reduced the dose in order to try to resume my life.

It's really strange as I am someone with a very easy smile, always trying to get the positive from everything. But maybe I got a little bit too much from the life :) (there's no "acid-smile" smiley?!)

Barrie_Dude
Oct 2nd, 2005, 03:05 AM
Well, keep trying....................... My depression is perhaps not as severe as yours. But therapy does help me...

pla
Oct 2nd, 2005, 03:07 AM
Well, keep trying....................... My depression is perhaps not as severe as yours. But therapy does help me...

I will keep trying :). Maybe the last couple of days it's just a temporary retour of the depression and it will pass as I was feeling better for the last couple of months.

Thanks to both of you :wavey:

~ The Leopard ~
Oct 2nd, 2005, 03:07 AM
I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression in the beggining of the year. I was talking to a professional about all the problems I had to face in my short life but it doesn't help a lot. I mean, it just got worse. Talking about everything was making it even more live in my head and it hurt so much.. :sad: I got medication too but it makes me sleepy and I reduced the dose in order to try to resume my life.

It's really strange as I am someone with a very easy smile, always trying to get the positive from everything. But maybe I got a little bit too much from the life :) (there's no "acid-smile" smiley?!)

Damn! From our limited interaction, you seem really nice. You don't deserve this shit.

Barrie_Dude
Oct 2nd, 2005, 03:08 AM
:hug: :smooch: Wishing you well!

Barrie_Dude
Oct 2nd, 2005, 03:09 AM
Damn! From our limited interaction, you seem really nice. You don't deserve this shit.I know what she is going through and no one deserves it!

pla
Oct 2nd, 2005, 03:14 AM
Damn! From our limited interaction, you seem really nice. You don't deserve this shit.

I adore one English sentence.. Shit happens. One of the things that happened to me, and I was pretty young at the time is something NO ONE deserves. Even our greatest enemies.

~ The Leopard ~
Oct 2nd, 2005, 03:16 AM
:hug:

pla
Oct 2nd, 2005, 03:28 AM
Ok, I after couple of cigarettes I got the courage to talk about one of the things. Maybe if I say something about the smallest problems, I'll have more strenght for the others, who knows :shrug:

So, when I was 16 I got raped by the person I was just starting to date- one of the first meetings. During years I thought I got over this but maybe we never go over something like that. I mean, it was the only person I've ever hated (except the communists in my country). But I realized that if I continue to hate I still give a part of my life under his control. What hearts most, outside the humiliation of course, is that my life is forever connected to the life of such a disgusting human being. I will never, ever get over this fact I believe. I am sure at this forum there are other persons who came through something like that and they know that we still ask questions, did I do something wrong? How did I provoke that? Was it my fault? My logic "knows" it wasn't my fault but my heart still asks questions. Why I got scared and didn't sue the guys' ass out? Would he really make something very bad to my younger brother (still a very small child at the time) if I complained to the police? Would the police do something?

I don't know.. I just know, that after seeking professional help for the other problems I had during my life, I realized I am not over this and it hurts a lot, even if I am married and I have a normal personal life- which is not the case of every victim.

pla
Oct 2nd, 2005, 03:52 AM
Heheh, I killed the conversation. Anyways, at least something positive from that night, I updated one router and one switch while writing here :D

AjdeNate!
Oct 2nd, 2005, 04:00 AM
i can relate to a lot of what you've been thru.
unfortunately, i'm equally as depressive and can't possibly offer any viable solution or fix.

:hug:

pla
Oct 2nd, 2005, 04:20 AM
i can relate to a lot of what you've been thru.
unfortunately, i'm equally as depressive and can't possibly offer any viable solution or fix.

:hug:

:hug: to you too (and everyone here)

Maybe there's no viable solution? Who knows, maybe it exists, maybe not.

I was told once by someone who was supposed to help me about that minorer problem of my life. My therapy was it, try to solve everything one after the other and starting from the easyest. So I was told "Accept it!". But I DID accept it, nothing changed though. None of my questions was answered and nothing from my feelings disappeared.

I have one more question, it's addressed to everyone and maybe nobody. How do we find the force to forgive?

AjdeNate!
Oct 2nd, 2005, 04:22 AM
for me, i've given up looking for a solution or something to rectify the way i am. this is it, as far as i can ever see. in terms of your question as being able to forgive.... i'd be interested in finding an answer to that. i admittedly am proud of my resolve to hold a grudge.

pla
Oct 2nd, 2005, 04:29 AM
for me, i've given up looking for a solution or something to rectify the way i am. this is it, as far as i can ever see. in terms of your question as being able to forgive.... i'd be interested in finding an answer to that. i admittedly am proud of my resolve to hold a grudge.

But don't you feel bad about being angry with something you're not responsible for? I mean, all those negative sentiments, isn't it too much when we consider the life itself is full with shit?

AjdeNate!
Oct 2nd, 2005, 04:31 AM
But don't you feel bad about being angry with something you're not responsible for? I mean, all those negative sentiments, isn't it too much when we consider the life itself is full with shit?
i've moved beyond anger - well anger directed outward. i'm mostly just mad at myself for turning out the way i did. there's a saying 'life's a bitch, then you die'. i'm just waiting for the second part of that to hold true and come to be. i clearly have no relevancy here nor any cause. i'm just going thru the motions. i don't even try anymore. and i'm strangely ok with that.

~ The Leopard ~
Oct 2nd, 2005, 04:35 AM
I have one more question, it's addressed to everyone and maybe nobody. How do we find the force to forgive?

I'm not sure why you should forgive something like that. I don't think anyone can blame you for declining to get involved in litigation, which is hell. But as for forgiving this, I can't imagine how anyone could do that to somebody. You only have to think for one minute to realise that if you rape a teenage girl (and similar things apply in other cases, but I'll stick with that of a teenage girl, since it's the case we are talking about) you are going to put her through something that could wreck her whole life, and will certainly harm it. Someone who is that lacking in human sympathy doesn't deserve forgiveness. I think they have forfeited even being treated like a fellow human being. Obviously it's better not to think about it all the time and to realise that not all men are like that (I guess you do realise that, since you're married), but I don't see why you should forgive this individual.

This idea that we should go around forgiving people whose actions toward us have taken them right outside the network of mutual sympathy among human beings .... well, I don't understand it. Fuck forgiveness.

If you can't forgive something like that, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

pla
Oct 2nd, 2005, 04:37 AM
i've moved beyond anger - well anger directed outward. i'm mostly just mad at myself for turning out the way i did. there's a saying 'life's a bitch, then you die'. i'm just waiting for the second part of that to hold true and come to be. i clearly have no relevancy here nor any cause. i'm just going thru the motions. i don't even try anymore. and i'm strangely ok with that.

You're well depressed too :) (it's not a happy smile). I almost hear myself one year ago. I was then praying to God (how strange, I normally don't believe in his existance) to send me something fast and painless. But at least I have a familly I adore and that gave me the motivation to try to heal my soul.

~ The Leopard ~
Oct 2nd, 2005, 04:39 AM
Ha! It took me a while to write that. Yes, it's better not to go around feeling angry all the time. But it's perfectly natural to feel angry when you think about it. There's nothing wrong with anger at those who have harmed us in such a way. Anger is a perfectly healthy emotion as long as it doesn't take over all your time and drive out other emotions such as joy.

~ The Leopard ~
Oct 2nd, 2005, 04:42 AM
Just never direct the anger inwards. Healthy anger is always directed outwards at those who have immorally harmed you. Take the attitude: "I was harmed in a way that was wrong and which I did not deserve. I may not be able to do much more about it, but I don't accept it was okay for someone to do that to me. As a human being, I deserved better from a fellow human being. I'm going to keep my head high and not blame myself."

pla
Oct 2nd, 2005, 04:46 AM
I'm not sure why you should forgive something like that. I don't think anyone can blame you for declining to get involved in litigation, which is hell. But as for forgiving this, I can't imagine how anyone could do that to somebody. You only have to think for one minute to realise that if you rape a teenage girl (and similar things apply in other cases, but I'll stick with that of a teenage girl, since it's the case we are talking about) you are going to put her through something that could wreck her whole life, and will certainly harm it. Someone who is that lacking in human sympathy doesn't deserve forgiveness. I think they have forfeited even being treated like a fellow human being. Obviously it's better not to think about it all the time and to realise that not all men are like that (I guess you do realise that, since you're married), but I don't see why you should forgive this individual.

This idea that we should go around forgiving people whose actions toward us have taken them right outside the network of mutual sympathy among human beings .... well, I don't understand it. Fuck forgiveness.

If you can't forgive something like that, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

I always thought forgiving is not about the forgiveness itself but to find the peace in yourself. That's why I am asking this. I don't know if it works, because I only hated once and never tryed to really forgive. It's impossible to forget that humiliation but is it possible to live in peace? If I don't forgive am I sentenced to hate until the end or at least to be always in anger against this injustice ( I see it as a supreme injustice)?

pla
Oct 2nd, 2005, 04:48 AM
Just never direct the anger inwards. Healthy anger is always directed outwards at those who have immorally harmed you. Take the attitude: "I was harmed in a way that was wrong and which I did not deserve. I may not be able to do much more about it, but I don't accept it was okay for someone to do that to me. As a human being, I deserved better from a fellow human being. I'm going to keep my head high and not blame myself."

:worship: I DO try to be like this, really. But you give me an idea, maybe I can get my anger onwards, as you say, in a more like.. physical way? Maybe I should practice a sport again. It may sound foolish but it's just an idea I got now, the sport can help exteriorize everything without harming anybody, not even me.

~ The Leopard ~
Oct 2nd, 2005, 08:50 AM
^Maybe. Go and try it.

I really don't know if it'll work. I suppose people tell you to forgive partly because it's a way of stopping those angry emotions. Anger is a bodily response to give you the energy to beat away contraints or dangers. It doesn't do a lot of actual good once the danger is in the past. So people say you should stop feeling it and forgiveness is one way.

I see the point of that, but I think that it is natural to feel anger whenever you think about the event and no one should be criticised for feeling it. Nor does this guy deserve to have you cease to be angry with him. Admittedly, you can't go through life feeling angry all round the clock when there's really no good to be done by fighting. I say, accept and embrace your anger, and don't feel guilty about having it. But only have it when you actually think about the event. Don't dwell on it more than you must.

If a sport enables you to use up some of that fighting energy or just gives you an interest and takes your mind off it, that's great. I don't see what harm it could do.

PaulieM
Oct 2nd, 2005, 09:10 AM
forgiveness is not something i'm good at. sometimes i'll say the words but i don't think i every truly mean them, i still remember what it is i'm angry about and continue to hold onto it. forgiveness is a very tricky thing, especially when it comes to forgiving yourself. i haven't really figured out how to do either yet.

Joana
Oct 2nd, 2005, 09:34 AM
I have one more question, it's addressed to everyone and maybe nobody. How do we find the force to forgive?

I can't. And I'm not looking for it, to be honest.
You know how many people say it was love that helped them survive. In my case it wasn't love, but hatred. It made me go on with my life and not just resign and give in. That intense emotion is now mostly gone but it's still lingering out there. And I still don't want to forgive.

Pla :hug:
I really can't give you any meaningful advice. I just really hope that some day everything will pass and you'll feel in peace with yourself.

pla
Oct 2nd, 2005, 03:29 PM
Ok, I updated all the routers, some positive emotions to make me continue. :D Joana, thank you. I don't know if a seek an advice or just to throw up (sorry for the word) my bad feelings here, where no body knows me really and I don't risk to hurt anyone.

The strange thing is I am ashamed of the fact I shared that problem with all of you. :o :confused: :retard:

Maryamator
Oct 2nd, 2005, 04:40 PM
pla:hug:
i hope ur feeling better:hug:

Craigy
Oct 2nd, 2005, 04:45 PM
:wavey:

pla
Oct 2nd, 2005, 04:47 PM
pla:hug:
i hope ur feeling better:hug:

I do now, thanks to all of you :wavey:

Epigone
Oct 2nd, 2005, 04:48 PM
The strange thing is I am ashamed of the fact I shared that problem with all of you. :o :confused: :retard:Thanks for your PM :wavey:

IMO, you shouldn't feel ashamed for sharing your problem. It's not a good idea to keep negative emotions bottled up inside because they will eat away at you. I think that it's easier to express your your problems online than to a real-life friend because you can maintain some degree of anonimity, so it was a good idea for you to vent your problems here.

I've found that everyday people can often be of much greater help than mental health "experts". I've been to see lots of different psychiatrists/psychologists since I was young, and they have tried to prescribe me medication and talk me through my problems and stuff, but they have still failed to get to the root of the problem. On the other hand, talking through my problems with my online friends often helps much more.

It's probably hard for most of us here to have an understanding of way you are suffering, so maybe it would be a good idea to find a support group for people who have been victims of sexual assault. You should be able to find some forums dealing with the issue. I think that they would be able to address the questions that you have (especially about forgiveness) and help you to make some sense of the feelings that you are experiencing.

In terms of dealing with general feelings of depression, I think that just discussing how you feel on a forum or in a PM or by instant messenger can really help. However, if things get really bad, you should see an expert so that you can be monitored. In term of other ideas...exercise is also supposed to be beneficial, and perhaps reading a book on cognitive behavioural therapy would also help.

Maryamator
Oct 2nd, 2005, 04:51 PM
I do now, thanks to all of you :wavey:
:):cool:

pla
Oct 2nd, 2005, 05:10 PM
Thanks for your PM :wavey:

IMO, you shouldn't feel ashamed for sharing your problem. It's not a good idea to keep negative emotions bottled up inside because they will eat away at you. I think that it's easier to express your your problems online than to a real-life friend because you can maintain some degree of anonimity, so it was a good idea for you to vent your problems here.

I've found that everyday people can often be of much greater help than mental health "experts". I've been to see lots of different psychiatrists/psychologists since I was young, and they have tried to prescribe me medication and talk me through my problems and stuff, but they have still failed to get to the root of the problem. On the other hand, talking through my problems with my online friends often helps much more.

It's probably hard for most of us here to have an understanding of way you are suffering, so maybe it would be a good idea to find a support group for people who have been victims of sexual assault. You should be able to find some forums dealing with the issue. I think that they would be able to address the questions that you have (especially about forgiveness) and help you to make some sense of the feelings that you are experiencing.

In terms of dealing with general feelings of depression, I think that just discussing how you feel on a forum or in a PM or by instant messenger can really help. However, if things get really bad, you should see an expert so that you can be monitored. In term of other ideas...exercise is also supposed to be beneficial, and perhaps reading a book on cognitive behavioural therapy would also help.

I tryed to deal with all the problems (as I said, this one is just one minor problem I had to face) and I consulted a specialist. But maybe the therapy was not the correct one, it just had a limited effect. I have a friend who is psychiatrist and after hearing the basics of everything, he said that maybe I should change my doctor. I will try it, because I was much better during all the summer and now, since the midle of August- beginning of September I feel I go down. I have to react now, before I start to feel once again as I was last year.

But the idea being part of a support groups, especially for the other things, is great. I hope they exist here. I'll start looking about a group like that.

If it's here it will be in French and not in English, because if I try to talk in English my problems with the language appear very rapidly.

Thanks again.

King Aaron
Oct 2nd, 2005, 06:47 PM
pla :hug:

drake3781
Oct 3rd, 2005, 04:03 AM
http://www.time.com/time/2005/happiness/

Scientific studies of what makes people happy... they learned that one simple thing that is proven to increase happiness after a few weeks, is to - every night - write down (has to be written) what you accomplished that day and how it fits with your personal goals.

I understand clinical depression - runs in my family - love knowing that there is something that is a proven method. And the link above... it's not just an article but an entire collection of great articles. Unfortunately you'll have to subscribe to read most of it, but you can browse for free. Best to you...